


The Hardest Part

by finwaytootired, quinngrey



Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bakery, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Sex, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Cousin Incest, Dirty Talk, Hand Jobs, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Incest, Inspired by Roleplay/Roleplay Adaptation, M/M, Maglor/Daeron - Freeform, Multi, Oral Sex, Past Relationship(s), Polyamory, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, S&M, Self-Harm, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-23
Updated: 2019-07-26
Packaged: 2019-09-25 16:01:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 108,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17124416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/finwaytootired/pseuds/finwaytootired, https://archiveofourown.org/users/quinngrey/pseuds/quinngrey
Summary: Maedhros and Fingon's relationship is complicated as is, and things only get more challenging when Maglor is thrown into the mix.





	1. Chapter 1

Thank the gods for warm, sunny days. It had been entirely too long since this little city had a nice day and he was glad it was the one he had the fewest classes to attend. Fingon woke early enough to tend to the frizzed ends of his hair, winding thin gold ribbons through the curls as he plaited it back out of his face. The style hadn’t changed too much since he was a kid, but he liked it too much to change. 

His first class and his second class had a ridiculously long gap between them, and he was already planning his day around when he would see Maitimo, no... he didn’t like that nickname anymore... Mae, during that time. Perhaps he would pick them both up milkshakes before heading to the bakery. A fine idea, Findekano. Very fine idea. 

The first class seemed to drag forever, and he spent most of it finishing his essay for his evening class. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to pay attention, but this professor was so terribly dull! Plus, if he just sat and tried to listen he would find himself counting down the minutes until he could see his favourite cousin and closest friend again. 27 minutes, actually. Too long. 

When the class finally ended, he was the first to spring from his chair, but another student stopped him and he had to entertain the small talk. “Yeah, I’m thinking of trying out for the team, but I don’t know if I have enough free time for all those practises, y’know?” The kid rolled his eyes, but soon enough he let Fingon go on his way. 

Grabbing the milkshakes, he all but ran the rest of the way to the bakery, peeking in the window first before pushing the door open with his backside, announcing his presence even though he knew the other was in the back. 

“I’ve brought you a gift!”

Maedhros was wiping the flour he had spilled off himself when he heard his cousin’s voice in the main portion of the bakery. ”Just a minute!” he called back, as he hurriedly attempted to clean his face of any lingering flour. Futilely brushing off his flour-coated apron, he exited the kitchen with a smile on his face. “Hey, Finno.”

Just seeing Maedhros brightened his day, put a big silly smile on his face. The other was covered in flour, and hot dang, it was a good look. "You've got a bit of, uh..." He gestured first to the other's face, but then just the rest of him, milkshake in hand. "Not sure it's as enjoyable as being covered in flour, but I got you a shake."

“Thank the gods, you’re a lifesaver,” Maedhros sighed gratefully as he bypassed the counter to accept the milkshake. “Lost my grip on the damn bowl...” He took a sip of the shake and scowled down at the stump that marked the end of his right arm.

"You know, they make some pretty good prosthetics now a days," Fingon offered, hopping up onto the counter and crossing his legs. "You could probably get one that you can replace the fingers with a whisk!"

Maedhros laughed warmly at the suggestion. “I suppose I could. It might look a bit silly. Or terrifying, I’m not quite sure which.” The grin slowly faded from his face and he grew more serious. “But if I get a prosthetic, it means I admit I’m broken, and I can’t do that.”

The smile on Fingon's fade quickly fell, his brow tucking in concern at the other's words. He hated, hated, hated when Maedhros thought of himself as broken. It made his heart ache so heavily in his chest that he was sure he might perish. Taking a sip of his milkshake, he couldn't help but sigh. "It doesn't mean shit, Mae. The only thing is means is that you get a hand back."

“You don’t get it, Finno, and I wouldn’t expect you to.” Maedhros quietly sipped his shake, hoping it would be the end of the conversation. He knew Fingon had good intentions, but his cousin’s insistence frustrated him.

Frowning, Fingon struggled to not keep going on the conversation, sucking harder on his straw. He knew Mae didn't want him to keep going, didn't want him to pry, but gods it hurt to be shut out like this. Clearing his throat, he looked out the window toward the street. "It's gonna be nice today...."

Maedhros released a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding, glad that Fingon had dropped the subject. He lifted his head and followed Fingon’s gaze out the window. “Yeah. Heard there’s supposed to be sun all day. Too bad I’m stuck in here.”

"You could close up and spend a couple hours with me before my class," he offered, grey eyes flicking to Mae briefly before looking back out to the street. "We'll come back for the lunch rush... and then close again?"

“True...” He swirled his tongue around the straw in consideration. “Obviously I’m not exactly busy today. I’m sure everyone’s out enjoying the weather, so why shouldn’t I do the same?” Maedhros decisively set down his half empty shake on the counter and moved towards the kitchen. “Alright then. Mind helping me clean off first?”

He hadn't actually expected Maedhros to go along with this idea, but instantly his mood lifted. Hopping off the counter, he took the last sip of his shake before tossing it in the bin. His arms wrapped around Mae's waist, head hitting his very tall cousin's back, stumbling their way through the kitchen doors as he laughed. 

Once through the doors, Finno released Mae a bit begrudgingly. He bounced onto his toes and pressed a kiss to the other's cheek before going off to grab the broom for the floor still on the floor. It was easier for him to get the floors, two hands and all, than it was for Mae. 

"Oh! Someone asked me earlier if I was going to try out for the gymnastics team."

“Are you? I think you’d be quite good with those strong arms and long legs of yours.” He let his fingers casually brush Fingon’s thigh as he walked past to shake the flour from his hair and into the trash can. “And you’d look very graceful doing flips and such,” he said as he pulled his apron over his head and shook it out.

Grinning at the compliment, he seemed to preen a bit more, shoulders back even as he started sweeping up the mess from earlier. "But then I wouldn't have time to see you because I would always be at practise," he countered, glancing back to watch the other over his shoulder. It simply wasn't fair how attractive Mae was, even covered in a fine layer of flour. "Plus, I haven't been on a team in years."

“That’s what practices are for,” Mae argued. “And it’s true we wouldn’t have as much time together, but I’d love to be able to watch you compete.” A smile tugged at the corner of his lips as he turned to face Fingon. “Are the uniforms as flattering as I think they’d be?”

Head snapping up from where he was pushing flour into the dustpan, Fingon bit his lip as the blush spread across his cheeks. The thought of Mae coming to his competitions and cheering him on was so very good, but the thought of every inch of his body being watched in one of those spandex suits? Even. Better. 

"You'll have to be the judge of that," he quipped, not missing more than a beat. "But I bet the uniform is even more flattering when on your floor."

Maedhros flushed, imagining Fingon stripped bare for him, but he quickly tried to banish the fantasy from his mind. It wouldn’t do to get turned on at a time like this. Maedhros cracked a grin and attempted to appear unaffected. “Well we won’t be able to find out unless you join the team.”

Fingon stuck his tongue out like the brat he was, not missing the way the other responded to his comment even if he tried to act as if he wasn't. Scooping the flour into the bin, he set the broom and pan to the side and whited his hands on his jeans. 

"There, clean," he nodded, triumphant in his small task. "Come on, Mae, I need the sun."

Maedhros rolled his eyes at his cousin’s childish behavior but maintained his grin. “Alright, give me a moment.” He walked across the room to hang up his apron, heart beating faster at the thought of spending the afternoon with Fingon. Turning on his heel to face the other, he asked, “Am I flour free?”

He could help but grin, licking his thumb as he approached the other before wiping some flour from Mae’s cheek off. “Mostly, but you’re never flour free so we’ll settle for that,” Fingon laughed. At that, he took his cousin’s hand and tugged him back toward the door.

Maedhros let himself get dragged along, glad to be outside and with Finno. “So do you have anything planned, or will we just go where our fancy takes us?”

“When have I ever planned anything?” The sun was so nice and warm on his skin, and he was glad for it even more because he could spend time with the other. Though it hadn’t been his intention, he went off in the direction of one of the little parks nearby. It was secluded enough that Mae wouldn’t get anxious, but also somewhere they could sit and people watch. “Oh did I tell you about what happened the other day when Atar found out that your mutt of a brother was, and I quote, corrupting my sister? Because apparently that happened. I still think it was Irisse that convinced him, but Atar swears it was Celegorm’s idea to sneak out in the middle of the night.”

Maedhros laughed warmly. “Agreed. I highly doubt anyone could make your sister do anything she didn’t want to, not even Tyelko.”

Fingon leaned against Maedhros as they walked, enjoying being close to him. “No one can tell her what to do,” he agreed. “She’s so headstrong. But now she’s grounded and take a guess how well that’s going to work.”

Mae hummed in response then went quiet, getting wrapped up in his thoughts. He understood Celegorm was a troublemaker and often hard to get along with, but what if Fingolfin’s negative opinions extended to _him_? He decided to voice his concerns to Fingon. “Finno? What’s your dad think of me?”

Pausing, Finno’s brow furrowed in concern at the question, stopping them in their tracks. He rounded in front of the other and took Mae’s face between his hands. “Hey,” he smiled, reassuring, “what he thinks doesn’t matter... You make me happy, and that’s what counts.” It wasn’t a full answer and he knew it, and knew Mae would call him on it too. “He likes you better than your brothers?”

“That’s not exactly confidence-inspiring, Finno.” Mae sighed and brought his left hand up to rest over Fingon’s. “I know you mean well, but my brothers and I aren’t particularly liked by a lot of people. And telling me your dad dislikes me the least...” he trailed off.

“Beautiful, handsome, light of my life,” he listed, hating seeing the other like this. “You know how he is... It isn’t that he doesn’t like you, because he does like you well enough at least, it’s probably just his way of griping he won’t be getting grandchildren out of me.”

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, opening them again as he exhaled. “Alright, I’ll take your word for it.” Maedhros forced a smile and lowered his hand. ”It seems I’m bringing the mood down all over the place today. Why don’t we get something light to eat? It’ll keep me from talking, at least,” he said with a strained, breathy laugh.

Fingon pulled Mae down a bit, his hands still on the other’s cheeks, pressing a chaste kiss to his lips. It wasn’t much, but he hoped it would help ease his mind. “I like hearing you talk, but food would help.”

His smile became genuine after the kiss, and he remained slightly bent over, not wanting to pull away from the living embodiment of comfort that was Fingon. “Well, I’m following you.”

It was so nice to be this close, just enjoying the light breeze and the way Mae’s smile looked just so real for the first time in days. Even though he didn’t want to pull away, the mention of food made his stomach rumble. He lowered his hands reluctantly, looping their arms together and leading the way. Not far off was a café that a lot of his uni friends went to, and he figured that was as good as anything else. “Does this look okay?”

“Sure, seems nice.” Maedhros reluctantly pulled away from Fingon’s hold to open the door for him. “After you,” he said with a grin.

Beaming, Fingon went through first, though it was a challenge to take his eyes off Maedhros even as he passed. What, or rather who, he didn’t expect to see was another thing entirely. Turgon was in his first year of uni, and though the two brothers were close, he also was well aware that his brother would say something to their father about the pair being together. He tried not to falter, even still. So what if Turno said something? Was he not entitled to go out with whomever he wished? It wasn’t like he was a child anymore. Clearing his throat, he wrapped an arm around Mae’s waist all the same. “I hear they have, uh, really good parfaits here?”

Maedhros practically beamed at the contact, but noticed Fingon’s sudden change in mood. He inclined his head to speak with him. “I’m sure,” he said noncommittally. “But is something wrong? You seem a bit jumpy all of a sudden.”

“It’s nothing big,” Fingon smiled, glancing skittishly toward where his brother sat, nose buried in a book. He was glad that Turgon seemed occupied enough, so he looked back to Maedhros. “I’m thinking maybe one of the berry ones, and maybe a latte?”

“Don’t dance around the question like that,” Maedhros said. “You’re looking around like you’re trying to avoid someone. Is there someone at uni giving you a hard time? I’m still trying to relearn kickboxing with one hand, but if you need me to knock someone’s teeth in I have no problem with that.”

He couldn’t even help but laugh at that, grinning widely at that comment. “This is why I love you,” he blurted out, not even remotely noticing that Turgon had looked up when he laughed. Fingon pressed a kiss to Mae’s shoulder. “Come on, let’s order.”

Maedhros blushed furiously, and the urge to further question Fingon’s earlier behavior dissipated. “Alright,” he conceded, “but if someone’s bothering you just let me know.”

At the counter, Finno pointed to the berry parfait and ordered himself a latte. “Which one do you want, Nelyo?” He looked up at the other, but jumped a little when someone tapped his shoulder. Turgon had approached them when he wasn’t paying attention. His brother, just a few inches shorter than Mae, stood just beside them, his expression blank.

Eyeing the pomegranate parfait, Maedhros opened his mouth to respond when he noticed Fingon’s whole body had tensed. He looked up and was met with Turgon’s stare. “Ah, Turgon,” he said, smiling nervously, “how nice to see you.”

Turgon crossed his arms casually, nodding in greeting politely. Tense, Fingon twisted a finger in one of his loose curls. “We were just ordering, Turno.. Need a top up on your tea?” ‘Ah, no. Thank you.’ This was unbearably awkward. “Right...” Finno nudged Mae back toward ordering, not taking his eyes off his brother. ‘Slow day at the bakery, Maedhros?’ Turgon continued as if he couldn’t sense the awkwardness.

“Ah, yeah. Fingon wanted to hang out and there was no one in, so I closed ‘til lunch.” Maedhros shifted his weight from one foot to another in discomfort, hoping the conversation would be over soon.

‘Interesting.’ “Yeah, isn’t it? Well nice to see you, my dear brother. Off to the books, right? Bye,” Fingon all but shoved his brother, trying to shoo him away, eyes wide. Gods only know what Turgon was going to tell Atar... Still, he wanted to _enjoy_ today. Just him and Mae. Alone. No siblings. Thankfully, Turgon went back to his chair without another word. Turning back to the other, he sighed and shook his head. “Sorry... I was hoping he wouldn’t notice we were even here...”

Maedhros placed his hand on Fingon’s shoulder and rubbed circles with his thumb. “It’s not your fault, babe. Besides, that was pretty brief. No harm done, right?”

Relaxing under the touch, he chewed at his lip and tried to give the other a reassuring smile. “No harm done... I’m with you, and honestly that’s all I could ask for.” After ordering, he lead them to wait by the pick up counter. When the attendant brought them back their parfaits and a latte for Fingon, he thanked him. “Wanna eat on the outdoor patio? It’s a bit.. stuffy in here,” he suggested, trying not to look to where he felt his younger brother’s gaze on them.

“Sure. I mean, that’s why we went out in the first place. To enjoy the weather. And each other’s company, of course,” he corrected. Parfait occupying his hand, Maedhros shouldered the door open and pressed his back to it, holding it in place in order to let Fingon pass through.

Finno lead them to one of the tables and plopped down into a chair, pulling the other one closer to him so that Maedhros wouldn’t be all the way across the table. Not that it was particularly far, but he hated having any distance in general. “I can see flecks of powder in your hair still,” he teased, laughing a little.

“Ah fuck,” Mae said, but grinned regardless. “I’m definitely taking a shower tonight. Too bad the stall’s not bigger, or I’d ask you to join me. Though you’re probably busy with uni anyway.” He rubbed Fingon’s thigh, fingers gently brushing the more sensitive inner portion, before retracting his hand to eat the parfait.

It simply wasn’t fair. That little touch was enough to get his mind in all those filthy places they shouldn’t be. Not when they were out in public! His face flushed as he took a spoonful of his parfait, leaning back in the chair so he could put his legs over Mae’s knees comfortably. “I think getting real close is half the fun,” he quipped, licking the spoon as seductively as he could manage.

Maedhros twisted the spoon between his fingers in thought, secretly glad that Fingon was willing to play along. However, he didn’t intend to make it easy on the younger man. “I dunno, Finno, might be a little _too,_ close. You’d probably have to take that shower with your face buried in my chest, or if you face the other way, you might find something buried in _you_. And of course by ‘you’ I mean that glorious backside of yours.”

Fingon's cheekbones tainted red with a blush, biting his lip at the mental image. Shifting slightly in his seat, his arousal was already stirring, and in public no less. The Valar blessed his perfect Maitimo for being so good at getting him hot and bothered. "I fail to see any issues with either of those options," he shrugged, trying to seem nonchalant about it. "Though, I am quite flexible, so I'm sure we could find even more creative choices."

A wide grin spread across Mae’s face, pleased to be having such a visible effect on Fingon. He leaned in close to his cousin’s ear, determined to see how far he could take it. “Mm, you’re right. I bet you’d look beautiful folded in half and getting pounded into the wall. Or maybe you’d like it better if I held you; my hand cupping your ass, your legs around my waist holding on for dear life...”

His hand found Maedhros's thigh, fingers digging into the flesh as the other put all these delicious thoughts into his head. "Fuck," he mumbled, feeling a bit breathless. "Who cares about the sun... we should go back to yours..." His parfait was practically forgotten, placed down on the table now, and his appetite had so quickly shifted from food to cock it was ridiculous.

Mae’s heart pounded in his chest, almost threatening to burst out. In that moment Fingon looked far more delicious than their neglected parfaits, and had Maedhros had any less self-control, he’d have taken Finno right there on the table. As much as he wanted to throw his cousin over his shoulder and sprint back to his apartment, he decided to toy a little bit more. “Are you sure, Finno?” he pressed, in a breathless, cracked voice. “It’s really such a nice day.”

"I know everyone calls me patient," Finno managed, licking his too dry lips, "but Elbereth... not that patient." His fingers trailed up Mae's thigh absently. This was agonizing. "I want to throw my legs over your shoulders and let you fuck me into the mattress," he went on, quiet as he leaned closer toward his cousin, his gaze meeting Mae's. "Want you to come in me while I scream your name..."

Maedhros suddenly choked on his saliva, not expecting his own game to be used against him. “Yes, yes, let’s do that,” he gasped out, the sun suddenly feeling far too hot.

Grinning at the other's reaction, Findekáno brought his other hand up to run through his cousin's red hair. "You okay, Nelyo? Looking a bit warm," he teased, though he no doubt also was flushed. The tightness in his jeans was unbearable, but he wanted Maedhros to make the first move. Ever since his accident, Fingon let the other initiate things because he was never sure when was the right time. If it were up to him, every single second of the day would be the right time.

He bit down hard on his lower lip in frustration: this game had gone on far too long now. “Finno,” he practically growled out, “if we don’t stop this and head to my place immediately, I’m going to fuck you right here on this godsdamn table.”

“I’m not opposed, though I’m sure the other café patrons will find it distasteful,” he laughed, brushing his lips against Mae’s briefly before moving to get up. “Come on, then hot stuff. Off to yours.”

Maedhros nearly knocked his chair over in his haste to stand. He grabbed his parfait to toss in the trash, but stopped to address Fingon. “You good with your parfait or do you want to save it for later?” he asked, partly slurring his words out of eagerness to get Fingon in his bed.

“There is only one thing I’m hungry for now,” he teased with a wave of his hand, adjusting himself as he stood in the most subtle way he could manage. He was sporting quite a visible hardness already, pulling his shirt a bit further down in an attempt to make it less obvious. Fingon did grab his latte though, knowing the caffeine would be important for their activities.

Fingon’s movements did not go unnoticed by Maedhros, and he chose to hazard a glance at the source of his cousin’s self-consciousness. He immediately realized what a poor decision that was. The tent in Fingon’s pants only served to incite desire in his own length, which he suddenly realized was painfully visible. Lacking his cousin’s modesty, he opted to do nothing to conceal it, reasoning it was too late anyway. “Gods, I hope your brother isn’t looking at us right now...” he said. “I might just die of embarrassment...”

The thought of Turukano seeing them like this, all hot and bothered in broad daylight, was mortifying. Fingon’s hand immediately covered his face, eyes wide as it fell to just cover his nose and mouth. “Oh gods,” he mumbled, the sound muffled. If Turno saw, he could only imagine his father would hear about this, and that was not ideal in the slightest. “We better hurry and get going, then,” he reasoned, reaching to take Mae’s hand and tugging him along.

Maedhros quickly deposited the partially eaten parfaits in the trash and allowed himself to be pulled by Fingon, glad that they were finally on their way to do what he — and he hoped Fingon too — had wanted to do nearly all morning.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mae falls apart and Fingon picks up the pieces.

The entire walk to Maedhros’s flat felt entirely too long. Fingon glanced up to the other’s face, smiling slightly. How did he get so lucky? “I cannot wait to get you undressed,” he hummed, knocking their elbows together lightly as they finally came within sight of the other’s place.

Mae’s eyes widened in panic and he almost froze in his tracks, but he forced himself to keep moving in time with Fingon. “Ah, yeah,” he said, as nonchalantly as he could muster. How had he forgotten that Finno would expect him to be naked too? They’d done this before, but that was prior to his accident, and Fingon hadn’t seen his body fully exposed since. The accident had taken his hand, but gave him dozens upon dozens of scars in return, and both were the reason he no longer went by ‘Maitimo.’ He knew though, that as much as he hated the thought of Fingon seeing his marred body, he’d have to get over it sooner than later. He was in too deep, and backing out now would only disappoint Fingon and himself.

Hearing that tone made Fingon’s heart stop. He glanced at Mae, trying not to frown too noticeably. Sure they hadn’t gotten intimate since the accident, but he loved Nelyo with all his heart and hearing that little bit of doubt... hurt. It hurt more than he anticipated it to hurt. Even though he wanted to say something, he kept quiet as they reached the door and he waited for the other to unlock it, leaning against the doorframe.

Pulling the key from the pocket of his jeans, Maedhros steeled his nerves and unlocked the door. He pushed open the door and held it open for Fingon. “After you,” he said with a grin, hoping the other hadn’t noticed the change in his mood.

Bouncing up onto his toes, Fingon stole a quick kiss before wrapping his fingers in the other’s shirt and pulling him inside. “You’re perfect,” he grinned, “and I’m so hot for you right now.” Setting the latte down on the stand just inside the door to free his other hand up, he took Mae’s hand and pressed it against the hardness at the front of his jeans. “Look at what you did to me already...”

Maedhros flushed and groaned softly in response. He wanted this so so badly, he really did, but would Fingon be able to get past how his body looked now? And how was he going to show his Finno a good time if he only hand one hand? He wouldn’t be able to cup Fingon’s gorgeous ass cheeks, or hold him in place by his hips, or savor his perfect nipples, or— All the negative thoughts began to overwhelm Maedhros, and he inadvertently stumbled back away from Fingon and into the door. “Finno, I...” he began, unable to meet the other’s gaze. “Finno, I’m not sure if I can do this... I just...my scars, and... I’m sorry I’m so weak...”

Fingon immediately took a step back to give Maedhros space, brow furrowed in concern. He didn’t try to reach out, worried that touching the other might make this worse. Swallowing audibly, he shook his head, trying to find the right words to be reassuring, to help, but it was difficult. “Hey.. Nelyo, no.. it’s okay, we don’t have to do this.. I,” he paused, verbally grasping for straws. “I just want you to be comfortable..”

“I was the one who initiated this,” Mae said, his voice gravelly with emotion. “I’m just an idiot who somehow forgot that you’d want me to be naked. We haven’t done it in a while, Finno, and I know you wanna do it, and _I_ wanna do it, but I’m just so fucking insecure that I’ve ruined it for both of us.” Tears burned at the corners of his eyes, but he refused to let them spill. He couldn’t make himself look even more pathetic in front of Fingon than he already had.

“Can... can I touch you? Not like that, uh, like can I hug you?” Finno shifted awkwardly on his feet, unsure of how to make this better. “We don’t have to do anything.. or we can, and you can keep your clothes on? It could be kinda hot,” he tried. “Come here, please..”

Maedhros slowly approached Fingon, but stopped just short of making physical contact. “I’m so sorry, Finno... Sorry I can’t be the boyfriend you deserve...”

Hesitantly, Finno reached out to touch his cousin’s shoulder, making sure the other saw his hand, the other coming to cup Mae’s cheek. “You are the boyfriend I want, and the boyfriend I deserve.. Please don’t apologize.. I rushed this, I know..”

“You didn’t rush anything, Finno. _I’m_ the one who initiated and kept pushing it...” Maedhros covered Fingon’s hand with his own and gently rubbed with the pad of his thumb. “Believe me, I wanna do everything that we said. I’ve just got to stop being so weak and get over this stupid irrational fear.”

“You aren’t weak,” he frowned. “You’re the strongest, bravest person I know.” The sincerity was, he hoped, obvious in his voice. “I.. don’t know how to help, but gods, I want to..”

Maedhros worried his lips between his teeth before speaking. “Just... Just take my clothes off,” he said quietly. “It’ll be like ripping off a band-aid, right? I’m sure it’ll suck for a bit, but I’ve got to get over this eventually.” Mae knew his logic was flawed, but he hoped Fingon would be willing to overlook it.

Fingon shook his head, exhaling a sigh. The last thing he wanted was to force Maedhros into this if he wasn’t feeling up to it, even at his own expense. He could handle a lot but he wouldn’t be able to forgive himself if the first time they managed to even get their clothes off post accident involved his cousin having any sort of panic attack. “I don’t want you to regret this...”

“I won’t, I promise.” He leaned down to touch their foreheads together. “There’s no way I’m never going to have sex with you again just because I’m too insecure to take my damn shirt off,” he said with a breathy laugh. “I’ve got to do it eventually, so let’s just go for it.”

“You’re sure?” He didn’t move, foreheads together, so close yet hardly touching all the same. This was different than before, when they would be all over each other, laughing their way through intimacy and sex without a care in the world.

“Yes, but if you keep asking I might change my mind.” Maedhros put on an easy smile, hoping it would convince Fingon.

Tilting his face up, he brushed a careful kiss against the other’s lips. “Fine,” Fingon relented. “But if you need to stop at any time, you just say the word, okay?” Bringing his hands down to the hem of his own jumper, he pulled away just long enough to yank it over his head, tossing it onto the floor beside them. Taking a deep breath, he reached out to the other’s hips, the fabric of Mae’s shirt riding up just barely.

Maedhros flinched slightly but remained otherwise still, giving silent permission for his cousin to continue.

Slowly, keeping his gaze set on Mae’s face, he began pulling the shirt up. Every inch that exposed a little more skin, Fingon was positive that the other would stop him. When at last it came time for his cousin to lift his arms, he paused.

With his chest fully on display, Maedhros began to panic. His breathing turned shallow and ragged, the color drained from his face, and his all his senses felt incredibly overwhelmed. Hoping in vain that ever perceptive Fingon hadn’t noticed an change in his behavior he spoke. “Just go behind me and push it over my head then pull it down from the front...” he rasped.

“Nelyo....” Fingon chewed his lip, noticing the way the other reacted first, his eyes trailing down to the scarred flesh a moment after. He had been braced for the worst, but it was definitely even worse than he had imagined. Fingers twitching, he brought one hand down to caress the marred skin, stroking along the grain of an angry red mark.

Maedhros felt his stomach lurch at the contact and bile rose in his throat. He choked it back, terrified by the thought of dousing Fingon and himself in his sick. Tears pricked at his eyes again and this time he let them flow freely. Gods, how could he be so weak? Fingon deserved better than him... “Finno,” he sobbed, “I can’t do this, I’m so sorry...”

Hands immediately pulling away, shirt falling, he looked up at Maedhros and the guilt flooded through him. Fuck. This is exactly what he didn’t want to happen. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled, shaking his head and pulling his cousin into a tight hug. “Shhh, it’s okay.. we don’t have to do this..”

He returned the embrace and buried his face into Fingon’s hair, breathing his scent in deeply in an effort to calm down and steady his breathing. “Gods, I’m so fucking pathetic...” he said, his words made indistinct by tears and his cousin’s hair.

“No, no, no,” he reassured, his cheek pressed against Mae’s chest. “You’re not pathetic.. don’t say that.” Keeping him close, Fingon rubbed careful circled on the other’s back, murmuring comfort as best as he could. “I still love you with every bit of my heart..”

“But you could do so much better,” Maedhros said in a near whisper. His breathing remained jagged, but it slowed from his efforts to calm himself. It was too late to recover his image, but if he could at least pull himself together quickly the shame would end sooner, he thought.

“I don’t want better,” he frowned, tilting his head up a little to try and see his cousin’s face. “I want you. Only you.” It didn’t matter if Maedhros was scarred, missing a hand, didn’t want to be touched... Fingon was just grateful he was alive, that he could be near him at all. The thought of losing him was unbearable, and he had already come so close.

Maedhros was stubborn, but he knew Fingon easily out-stubborned him, and this was something he clearly wasn’t going to budge on. “I want you too,” he said as he sniffled away the last of his tears. “But I can’t give you everything you deserve, and I’m sorry you’re so adamant about sticking with me.” He pulled back so he could look at Fingon directly. “I guess, though, if you don’t plan on leaving anytime soon, I won’t try to push you away...”

Finno brushed their noses together, pressing a soft kiss to the other’s lips. “No matter how much you try to push me away, you can’t get rid of me,” he reminded. “You’re stuck with me whether you like it or not, got it?”

Mae smiled slightly, still saddened by his pitiful behavior, but glad for Fingon’s persistence. “Got it.”

Putting his cheek back against Mae’s chest, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. This wasn’t exactly how he pictured the afternoon going, but at least now he knew better about trying things. It would be a while. He could live with that, right? Even if it would never be like before, they would be okay. “Can we just.. cuddle a bit then?”

“Yeah,” he sighed. “I’d love that.”

Finno took a moment before pulling away just enough. He bent to grab his discarded shirt before looping their arms and leading Maedhros to the couch. This was probably a safer idea than the bed, considering everything that had happened.

Maedhros settled down comfortably next to Fingon, making sure to keep to his right so he could properly cradle his small boyfriend. “I’m sure this isn’t how you wanted to spend the afternoon...”

“I just wanted to be close to you, cuddling or fucking, I’m just glad I’m with you,” he said, curling up against Mae and leaning his head on the other’s shoulder. “Stop feeling sorry. I’m not upset and you don’t need to be either.”

“Alright, alright,” he said with a small smile. Maedhros leaned his head on Fingon’s and brought his hand up to card it through his boyfriend’s hair. “I love you, Finno...”

Hearing that made him brighten immediately, a grin spreading right away across his face. While he was always expressing his love and affection aloud, Maedhros tended to be more reserved. Each and every time the other said it, no matter what was going on, his heart warmed. “I love you also, so much,” he reminded, leaning into the touch.

Maedhros sighed contentedly. “I _did_ make a mess of things this afternoon, but I am glad this is how it worked out.” He stroked Fingon’s hair in silence for a few moments longer before speaking again. “You know, cuddling with you is a lot better than dumping flour on myself,” he teased.

“Are you sure about that? You look pretty cute covered in flour,” Finno teased back, pressing his hand over Mae’s heart. “Though I guess you do have a point.. this is pretty great. I miss doing this. Just.. being next to you like this. We don’t do it enough lately..”

“Uni and small business owning demand far too much attention...” Mae said. He rotated his face to press a kiss to Fingon’s head, metaphorical cogs in his head turning as he tried to come up with a plan for them to spend more time together. “What if,” he mused, “when you get one of your breaks at uni, I close the bakery down so we can have plenty of time to do this and anything else we want?”

Fingon lifted his head, grinning at the thought. A whole week to just sit with Nelyo, wrapped around him, sharing lazy kisses. He couldn’t think of anything better. “I would adore that. Probably one of the greatest ideas you’ve had.”

Maedhros returned the grin, glad that Finno had liked his idea. “Only next to dating you, of course.”

Resting his head against Mae’s chest again, his finger drawing patterns over the shirt. For a few moments he was quiet, lost in thought. He wondered if they would ever be able to get physically intimate again. One of his favourite things had been to press his cheek against the other’s bare chest, listening to the rhythmic beat of his heart. It was a strange feeling to miss someone you were literally pressed against.

Although Maedhros enjoyed the silence for a time, it soon became more uncomfortable than relaxing as he began to overthink what Fingon might be thinking. Was he regretting going to see Maedhros today? Could he even be regretting his decision to stay with Maedhros after his accident? Before his thoughts could spiral to even worse places, Mae decided he could just ask Fingon directly. “Hey Finno, what’re you thinking about?”

“About your heartbeat,” he murmured, quiet. His eyes were closed, listening carefully. “It’s still the same one... even after everything that happened, you know?”

“Yeah, I guess,” he replied, his fears not fully dissipated by Fingon’s words.

There was something in Maedhros’s tone that made Fingon feel uneasy, as though he was overthinking things again. “Even if we never have do anything physical again, you’re still the same person I fell in love with,” he began, choosing his words carefully. “My fëa will always be linked to yours..”

Maedhros felt tears sting in his eyes at the mention of their fëar. It was such an intimate bond, far deeper than the physical, and it meant so much to him for Fingon to bring it up. “Gods, Finno...” he began. Searching for the right words but coming up blank, Maedhros settled on angling up his cousin’s head to plant a deep kiss on his lips.

Fingon shifted just enough to drape his arms over Mae’s shoulders, kissing him back earnestly in response. Oh blessed Valar, he loved kissing Nelyo so much. He would gladly do this for the rest of eternity. They felt so much more entwined like this.

Maedhros held the kiss for what seemed like ages until he was forced to pull away for air. He panted lightly, having slightly overextended his limit, but it didn’t phase him. The only thing that mattered in that moment was Fingon. _His_ Fingon. “By the Valar, Finno,” he said breathlessly, “I love you so much...”

He never wanted to stop kissing Maedhros, even as the need for air had become apparent, but as the other broke away to breathe, he couldn’t help but smile. “I love you infinitely more,” he murmured, kissing those tender lips once more.

“Ah, no fair,” he smiled back. “That’s cheating.” For emphasis, he gently jabbed Fingon’s side.

The jab made Finno laugh, squirming in his cousin’s arms. “It’s not cheating if you didn’t think of it first,” he teased, scrunching his nose.

Maedhros pouted mockingly. “But Finnooo,” he whined, ”you’re not allowed to love me more, because I love _you_ more.”

“Impossible,” he shrugged, very matters of fact. “I’ve loved you longer, and therefore I win.” Fingon had loved Maedhros since he could remember, from the innocent love of youth to the fiery passion that came from a more adult love. He had been the one to push for a relationship, declared his feelings openly. And to his delight, he hadn’t been rejected outright as he had expected.

“Alright fair, you win,” he conceded with a smile. “You’re always so good to me, and I never feel like I do enough for you in return. You’re just constantly there to support me, like after the accident, and when I decided to open the bakery... Everyone’s always doubted me but you, and I don’t think I could ever truly match your love.”

Fingon touched their foreheads together, smiling even still, eyes closed. “I expect nothing more from you than what you give me already,” he admitted. “I’m just happy to be yours, and for you to me mine in return. Even if the rest of Arda stood against us, I would be glad to have you at my side.”

“Gods, Finno...” he breathed, bringing his hand up to cup Fingon’s cheek. Maedhros felt his heart swell upon hearing the depths of his cousin’s devotion. He decided to make his own vow in return. “I swear to the Valar and to you, Findekáno; I’m going to get over my fear so we can get properly intimate again.”

“I know you will get through it,” Fingon reminded, tilting his head up a bit to brush their lips together again. “We’ll get through this together. It’s just another bump in the road, right? We can go slow..”

Maedhros gave him a lopsided smile. “You know I can never do anything slow.”

Fingon laughed, running his fingers through Mae’s red hair and kissing him on the nose. “I know, I know. But I want to go slow... I worry about you.”

“I do give you a lot to worry about, don’t I?” The smile didn’t leave his face, but he felt a small pang of guilt. When Maedhros thought about it, he really did cause Fingon a lot of heartache, especially since his accident.

“Not intentionally,” he offered, his fingers brushing along Mae’s ears. “But it’s okay. Gives me something to do.”

“But you’re busy with uni,” Maedhros argued. “You don’t need to concern yourself with your schoolwork plus an adult who _should_ be capable of dealing with his problems himself.”

Finno rolled his eyes dramatically at that. It wasn’t that he thought his cousin was incapable, not really. Maedhros was capable of holding his own.. but he also wouldn’t ask for help if he needed it either. That was the worrisome bit. “You are able as anyone, but that doesn’t mean I should never worry. Don’t you worry about me?”

Maedhros flinched slightly, taken aback by the question. “Of course I worry about you. But ninety-nine percent of the time you’ve got your head on straight, so I don’t tend to worry very long.”

“And during the ninety nine percent of the time when I’m doing well, I get to worry about you instead,” he shrugged. “It’s not a bad thing.” Fingon couldn’t understand why Mae put so much guilt on his own shoulders. “I don’t mind worrying over you. It’s because I love you.”

“Of course worrying is part of love, but it’s so unbalanced, I just...” he started, but struggled to find the words to continue. Maedhros quickly decided, though, that it wasn’t worth it to try to argue with his cousin. He was emotionally exhausted and didn’t have enough strength to keep up a fight. “Nevermind,” he sighed in resignation. “I know you’re not going to bend on this — or anything else for that matter — so whatever, you’re right.”

This was definitely not a satisfying success in any way, but Fingon didn’t push further. He shifted back down to press his head against Mae’s chest once again, sighing quietly. “Sorry,” he mumbled after a few moments of quiet. “I know this isn’t exactly the nice afternoon I dragged you out for...”

Maedhros felt another pang of guilt in his chest. What in Arda was Finno apologizing for? Mae was the one who messed everything up. But he knew if he tried to argue that point, Finno would just dismiss it. Maedhros decided to keep his response neutral. “We’re together and that’s what matters,” he said as he rubbed Fingon’s shoulder.

Nodding, Fingon pressed a careful kiss to the other’s chest. “It’s all that matters,” he agreed. “Even though the sun is out, I think this is even more warm.”

“Maybe we could make it a bit warmer...” he said. While Maedhros knew they wouldn’t be able to have sex for a good while, all their talk at the café had left him with a lot of sexual frustration and he was in desperate need of release.

Fingon’s head snapped up at that, his eyes wide and curious. Did Nelyo mean...? No, he couldn’t possibly. But maybe... “In what way?” Damn his body for reacting so quickly, he could already feel his arousal stirring again just at the thought of it. He was at least grateful that the way he was sitting wouldn’t make it obvious.

Mae tilted his head back to stare thoughtfully at the ceiling. “Well,” he mused, “I guess it depends on what you want to do. I’m comfortable with whatever as long as we keep our clothes on.”

It was a challenge, surely, but one they could accomplish. They would just need to be creative. Think, Findekáno, think. Mulling his lip between his teeth, he wondered just how clothes the two had to be. For him, he could be stark nude and he wouldn’t mind it. Mae, likely keeping everything on. “Could I suck you off? Sixty nine? You could keep your clothes on the whole time.”

Maedhros closed his eyes to savor the mental image of his cousin’s gorgeous cock dangling in front of his face. “Mm, sixty nine sounds great,” he groaned, his length twitching with interest.

He had half expected Mae to say no, had braced himself for it, but instead the other responded in the affirmative. Having shed his shirt earlier and not bothered putting it back on, all he needed to do was kick off these stupid jeans. “Brilliant,” he grinned, excited for the opportunity. Pushing his toe into the heel of his shoes, he got those off with little effort, but there was no way to get the pants off so quick. Reluctantly, he moved away from where he was curled against his cousin, fumbling for a moment with the button and zip before finally getting them undone. Once on his feet, the jeans were shoved down his hips in a smooth motion, and he grinned back at Maedhros, a hint of a blush dusting his skin.

Maedhros felt a sudden rush of insecurity at the sight of a nearly bare Fingon. He had hoped his cousin would remained clothed, thus keeping things even. But now that Fingon had stripped, Maedhros felt guilt wash over him again for not being able to do the same. He didn’t want to make Fingon put his clothes back on, though, so he said nothing, and opted to stare back at the ceiling. ”You’re very pretty, Finno.”

Not the reaction he hoped for. Maedhros was hardly even looking at him now... He grabbed the shirt he had been wearing before and pulled it over his head. There. A little more even. “So my pants don’t murder you, is all,” he offered, quickly finding a way to justify his lacking pants. “Don’t want you suffocating, y’know?”

He sighed inwardly watching Fingon pull his shirt back on. Fuck. He must’ve picked up on his thoughts. Maedhros had never really been that good at hiding what he was thinking which was a blessing and a curse. Well, he figured, if Finno was going to put his shirt back on because of Maedhros, why not try to talk him back into his pants too? “I don’t mind suffocating if it’s you doing it,” he replied cheekily.

Trying earnestly not to frown, Finno scrunched his nose and rolled his eyes, sitting back down on the couch and grabbing his pants all the same. He wished Maedhros would just say what was on his mind, sometimes. Even if it hurt to hear it. "Fine, fine," he conceded, pulling the jeans on but leaving them undone. "But if you suffocate, it's your own fault."

Maedhros nodded his assent. “Perfectly fine,” he said. “Honestly I’m ready and willing to die at any given moment, so suffocating on your pants while deep-throating you is probably one of the best ways to go.”

That comment jarred Fingon out of his thoughts, unable to stop the frown and furrowed brow that came with it. Nelyo was ready and willing to die at any given moment? When the accident happened, Finno was sure that Maedhros was dead, and it had destroyed him. Seeing him half-dead after had burned itself into the back of his mind and still haunted his nightmares. "I... uh..."

Noticing Fingon’s swift change in mood, Maedhros rushed to explain himself. “That was supposed to come off as a joke, sorry. I just... After the accident, death hasn’t really been such a big deal for me. I wouldn’t actively seek it out or anything, but if I, I don’t know, slipped and fell off a cliff, I wouldn’t exactly be panicking on the way down, you know?”

“If I see you falling off a cliff, be assured that I’m jumping after you,” he said, not even needing to think of that response. “The thought of losing you is just a lot...”

Maedhros bit his lower lip. Gods he was making such a mess of everything today. Maybe he could just change the topic and Finno wouldn’t say anything. “Let’s just...go to my bed. It’ll be easier to suck each other off there.”

“We don’t have to if you’re not feeling up to it,” he shrugged, even though he was already half hard. It wouldn’t be the first time he took to his hand after the accident, though he would never tell Maedhros that.

“No,” he said firmly. “I wanna do this, you wanna do this, so let’s do it.” Concerned that he came off as too harsh, Maedhros spoke again. “Look, I keep fucking up the mood, so it’ll be good for me to have your dick in my mouth so I can’t talk,” he smiled.

Snorting at the way his cousin framed it, oh so eloquently, Fingon lifted his hands in surrender. “Fine, fine. Bedroom it is.” Getting to his feet, he looped two fingers into the band of his jeans to keep them from falling down his hips, and started off in the direction of the bedroom.

Maedhros followed gladly, excited to get intimate with Fingon after what felt like ages.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maedhros and Fingon finally get what they want, Maglor makes a brief, awkward appearance, and Mae reflects on his love life.

Throwing himself on the bed, Fingon’s hand dipped into his boxer briefs and pulled his cock out, stroking it slowly. Even though he wanted this, and Valar, he wanted this so badly.. he still felt hesitant. Yet, the feeling of his hand was really nice all the same. “I can’t wait to taste you...”

The sight before him caused Maedhros to utter a low “fuck” and palm his ever hardening length through his pants. “Is it alright to swallow or did you want to pull out before?” he asked, his voice thick with desire.

“Swallow,” he exhaled, almost a moan as his wrist flicked and his length hardened in his palm. Waiting for the other to lay on the bed, he licked his lips. It had been entirely too long.

Maedhros groaned his assent as he worked to free his cock. After making his way through the button and zipper of his jeans with some difficulty, he pulled down the waistband of his briefs and his half hard cock sprung out. “You know, it’s been real hard learning to jerk one out with my left hand...”

Fingon laughed breathlessly at that, shaking his head. “You can always ask me for help. I’m more than willing to drop everything and come help you with that,” he teased, reaching for Mae then and pulling him onto the bed. “Here, I’ll show you,” he smirked, giving his cousin a playful wink.

Maedhros grinned as he licked his lips and approached Fingon. “Don’t go _too_ hard. I doubt I’ll be able to last very long.”

It didn’t have to take long. All Finno had wanted to do for months now had been taste Mae on his tongue, worship and lavish and fill the other with pleasure. He pressed the other back until Maedhros was laying down, kissing him as his hand sought the half hard arousal between his cousin’s legs. While he knew that the plan had been to suck each other off, he couldn’t help take a few moments to explore his lover’s mouth with his tongue.

After being so neglected for so long, Mae’s cock quickly hardened under Fingon’s touch. Maedhros groaned into the kiss, unsure if his cousin’s hand or his tongue was better.

Finno had missed this so much. Pliant to his touch, Mae seemed content to let the younger take the lead. It was easier that way, after all. After a few solid minutes of messy kisses, Fingon broke the kiss and moved down the length of his cousin’s body until he found the now hard cock waiting for him. Merciful Valar, the sight left him breathless. His tongue ran a hot stripe along the underside, moaning softly as he took the head into his mouth. Even if his own cock was neglected a few more moments, he was content.

Maedhros was absolutely lost in bliss. When was the last time he’d felt this good? He gladly let Fingon control the situation, happy to be the focus of his attention.

It was so, so, so very good to be able to do this. He loved the taste, the weight, the way the other gave in so readily. Fingon debated as he swirled his tongue around the tip, lips sliding down the shaft, on whether he should just stick to this. Did he really need to straddle Mae’s face? Of course the second it crossed his mind, his own cock reacted. Yes. He did. He needed it. Pulling off the cock with a pop, Fingon moved to get into the position, his own length already leaking at the tip as he arranged himself above his cousin before getting back to his task. It was so easy to fall back into the routine, lavishing Nelyo with his lips and tongue.

As soon as Fingon’s cock came with in reach, Maedhros took it in his mouth. He had no interest in being slow or gentle. It had been too long since he and Fingon had even remotely been so intimate, and Mae’s patience was nonexistent. He swallowed as much as he could take in one go and swirled his tongue around the shaft.

“Fuuuuuck,” he groaned, his head falling so that his forehead touched Mae’s thigh. That beautiful, perfect, wonderful lover of his didn’t waste any time. Another reminder of why Fingon loved him. His mouth sought the other’s cock once more, his hand working the base as his lips sucked at the tip.

Fingon’s ministrations caused him to moan, lips still wrapped around his cousin’s length. After having accustomed himself to the welcome intrusion, Maedhros lifted his head slightly to swallow the remainder, his nose grazing Finno’s sack.

There was just something so satisfying about this position, be it that he really liked giving blow jobs or that he also really enjoyed receiving them. Finno struggled to keep at his task, though there was no doubt in his enthusiasm for it. His head bobbed for a few moments before he forced the rest of Mae’s cock down his throat, swallowing around the thick intrusion as best as he could.

Suddenly, there was a buzzing in Maedhros’s jeans. Groaning in frustration, he slid his mouth off of Fingon’s cock with a wet pop to ask, “Can you get that?”

Lifting his mouth off Mae, he shifted slightly to shoot a glare at his cousin. “You can’t be serious,” he rasped, his throat feeling the strain already. “Really, Nelyo? Now?”

Maedhros wrinkled his nose in annoyance. “It’s not like I called myself.”

It took waaaaay too much effort to get the phone out, but the second he saw the name on the screen he groaned. “It’s your brother,” he sighed, passing the phone back awkwardly.

He took the phone, groaning again as he saw which brother. Maedhros accepted the call and brought it to his ear growling out a, “This better be fucking important, Mags.”

“Why is the bakery closed?” Maglor had asked, and Finno could have fucking kinslayed for less. All the same, even if Mae was stuck chatting, his own mouth was still free. Teasingly, he brought the tip of his distracted cousin’s cock back into his warm, wet mouth.

Maedhros struggled to hold back a moan. Though he doubted Fingon could see his face, he glared at him all the same. Valar damn his filthy mind and expert mouth. Oh right, he needed to answer his brother. “Finno stopped by wanting to hang out so I decided to close up until the lunch rush.”

There was something exciting about doing this while Maedhros was on the phone, a taboo sort of thing. Finno bobbed his head then, really working his lover’s cock. Why not? On the phone, Maglor sighed heavily. “Damn.. I was really hoping to see you today. Not to mention that I desperately need a loaf of bread. How much longer until you’re back?”

By the gods, Fingon was amazing. A moan escaped from Mae’s lips, but he tried to pass it off as part of the conversation. “Uhhhhh I don’t know, within half an hour?” He bit his lower lip, desperately hoping Maglor hadn’t noticed the sound.

The way Maglor had paused was telling. “Are you.. busy? Manwë’s left tit, I swear on our father’s ashy grave if the two of you are fucking-“  
Fingon took the whole damn cock into his mouth, his fingers fondling Mae’s sac as he sucked. That little half moan had spurred him on and damned if he wasn’t going to enthusiastically do whatever he could to get another moan out of the other.

With impossibly fast reflexes, Maedhros held his phone as far from him as possible and stuffed the stump of his arm in his mouth in attempt to stifle the loud moan that he released. Gods, there was no way Maglor hadn’t heard that, but Mae held onto the hope anyway. He was so going to murder Fingon after this.

From the phone, Finno heard Maglor shouting something that sounded a lot like ‘perverts’, but he paid it no mind. He was intent on his task, and if it meant that Maglor heard his brother coming deep down Fingon’s throat, well... maybe he wouldn’t call at an inconvenient time. His teeth skimmed along the shaft as he pulled his head up just a bit, his tongue dipping into the slit atop the head.

Maedhros pulled his arm out of his mouth, Maglor be damned. It was too late anyway, so why not let him hear? When Fingon pushed into the slit of his cock, he nearly came right then. “Gods, Finno,” he moaned longingly.

Maglor had already hung up by then. He never really liked Fingon much anyway. Finno yearned to make Mae moan again and again, loved the way his name sounded on the other’s lips. One hand pumping at the base of the cock, he focused all his mouth’s attention onto the head, the other hand gently fondling his cousin’s sac. The slickness of precome made this all the more sloppy but he hardly cared.

The phone slipped out of Mae’s hand as he was lost to the pleasure. He’d worry about his brother later. At the moment, everything was about Fingon and his beautiful mouth. Maedhros’ breathing grew shallower as he drew close to his limit, and it occurred to him he should let his cousin know. “Fuck, Finno,” he gasped, “I’m close...”

He traced up and down the slit with the point of his tongue, groaning quietly at his cousin’s words. Fingon only pulled his mouth off long enough, “Please, come for me,” before his mouth was right back where it belonged. Mae’s cock was perfect, but the thought of swallowing the other’s seed was bursts of light in the darkness.

It was too much for Maedhros. Between the intense stimulation and Fingon’s gorgeous voice, he reached his orgasm. It hit him hard, as he hadn’t felt so sexually satisfied in what seemed like ages. He came into Fingon’s mouth in long spurts, filling it up with his seed.

If anyone had seen the way he swallowed and sucked every last drop, they might have thought Fingon had been starved. It was tangy and bitter on his tongue, but gods, it was Maitimo’s and that was everything he wanted. He lifted his head, jaw sore, smiling a bit dazed to himself as he saw the string of saliva still connecting his lips to Mae’s cock. Rolling off his cousin onto the bed, he struggled a moment before fighting himself so their heads were beside each other.

As Maedhros slowly came down from his high, his breathing slowed and he became aware of the situation they were now faced with. “Mags is going to kill us...”

“He already doesn’t like me,” Finno shrugged, rolling onto his stomach so that his own still hard cock would be forgotten. He didn’t need to get off, not now at least. “But I’m convinced it’s because he wanted you but I got you.”

Mae turned his head to face Fingon. “You think?”

Finno nodded, tucking his arms under his head. “Yeah, he started really not liking me pretty early on.. and since I was always hanging on you, one can only assume.. Fighting for your attention, y’know?”

Maedhros furrowed his brow in thought. When he considered it, Fingon probably had a point. “But why wouldn’t he say anything?”

“First, he’s your brother. It’s even more taboo than us being cousins,” he shrugged. “But also you know how he is. The only thing he would advocate for is his music.” Fingon didn’t mind Maglor, not in the slightest, but it was difficult that Maglor didn’t like him in return.

Maglor loved him as more than a brother. Maedhros mulled over the idea in his head. It was interesting, and not something he’d ever considered before, but now that he thought about it, the idea didn’t turn him off perhaps as much as it should’ve. But he abandoned that train of thought for the time being in favor of responding to Fingon. “I should talk to him, then,” Mae resolved. “I don’t want there to be any issues between the three of us. Though I’m sure that phone call was probably the nail in the coffin for him...”

Fingon closed his eyes, his erection not yet waning despite the conversation. It was weird to feel a hint of jealousy, even though they were connected as they were. “Don’t tell him I’m sorry for making you come though,” he mumbled. “Because I’m definitely not.”

Maedhros grinned at Fingon’s childish behavior. “Wouldn’t dream of it, baby.” He rolled onto his left side and brought his right arm up to rest on Fingon’s cheek. “Now,” he said, smiling warmly, “why don’t we take care of that ‘problem’ of yours?”

“You don’t have to,” he managed, peeking an eye open even as a smirk played on his lips. Hips shifting slightly, he tried not to moan at the friction from the bed linens. “But maybe..”

“C’mon, you did such an amazing job with me. Let me return the favor.” He licked his lips, hoping Finno wouldn’t reject his offer.

Fingon rolled over onto his back, stretching like a cat. His cock was hard and flush against his stomach still, and the idea of letting Mae get him off was getting better and better by the second. “Fine, but only because you’re so cute.”

Maedhros smiled wide and pushed himself up into a kneeling position. “You know it. Now do you still want mouth or do you want to risk it with my left hand?”

“Anything,” he breathed, reaching and pulling a pillow for under his head. “I bet you’re getting pretty skilled with that left hand of yours...”

“I’ll let you be the judge of that,” he smirked. “But I’d still love to taste you, so be sure to let me know when you’re close, okay?”

Fingon smiled at that, nodding as reaching for Mae’s left hand already. “Less talking, more touching,” he teased, his cock twitching with interest.

“Alright, alright,” he said. Mae wrapped his hand around Fingon’s arousal and began to stroke. His movements started out clumsy, but eventually he began to pick up a rhythm, stroking while gently squeezing and tugging.

There was something just so gratifying about someone else doing this. Fingon moaned softly, hips pressing up as they sought contact. “Nnn you’re- ah- better with the left than you think,” he managed, a bit breathless. “Kiss me.”

“Give me a moment.” Maedhros lost his grip on Fingon’s cock as he shifted, but as that was his only hand, he needed it to move. Bracing himself with his left hand, he moved his thighs to straddle Fingon’s. After getting settled, he leaned over his cousin and braced himself with his right forearm. “Okay, sorry about that,” he breathed. Mae’s hand returned to stroking Fingon’s length as he placed a sloppy kiss to his lips.

It didn’t bother him in the slightest that Mae had to make adjustments because of his hand. Others had asked him if he minded, but it didn’t change too much overall. Even if his left wasn’t quite as able as his right, Fingon couldn’t ever complain. The kiss was brilliant, all tongues and lips and teeth exploring as though it were their first time all over again. Desire coursed through his veins, each stroke of his cock bringing him closer to his own completion. It wouldn’t be much longer now. Moaning softly into the kiss, he brought his hands up to run through the other’s hair.

It was hard for Maedhros to concentrate on much besides his stroking of Fingon’s cock. As someone who was naturally right-handed, re-learning to do things with only his left hand had proved to be a challenge, and this was no exception. He focused carefully on his movements, trying to tug and pinch at just the right moment. Having previously given Fingon handjobs, he was sure this performance was particularly amateurish, but as long as Finno had no complaints, he continued with his work.

Fingon broke the kiss first, a bit dazed. “I’m so close, babe,” he murmured, remembering that Mae wanted to taste him. The thought of his lover’s mouth on him could have made him come on it’s own, but thankfully no embarrassment as such happened.

“Ah fuck,” Mae grumbled under his breath. He’d have to readjust again. Doing what he did before but in reverse, Maedhros slid down Fingon’s body until he was able to wrap his mouth around the fully hard length. His handjob skills may have decreased, but he still gave good head.

It wasn’t long before the rush of his peak hit him, hips stuttering up as he groaned the other’s name, his arm flying to cover his eyes. Even though he hadn’t lasted nearly as long as he had in the past, he tried not to feel guilty. It wasn’t like they were fucking and Mae had already gotten off.

Maedhros groaned as he swallowed Fingon’s essence. The taste was bitter, but he didn’t mind. Mae pulled back with a wet pop, making the sound as lewd as possible. “Amazing...”

“Mmmmhmmm,” Fingon could only barely voice his enjoyment, lifting his arm just enough so he could see where he was reaching with the other. His fingers brushed Mae’s cheek softly. He was too far away, even now. “Come ‘ere,” he mumbled.

Tired of all the complex movements he had had to make, Maedhros opted to gracelessly flop to Fingon’s side and shimmy up the mattress until their faces were level.

Wrapped his arms around his cousin, he buried his face into the crook of the other’s neck, content to just smell him. Mae always had this brilliant scent after sex, as though his body radiated pure hormonal release. “Thank you,” he whispered, pressing soft kisses against the other’s throat.

“No, thank /you/,” he murmured, tenderly running his fingers along his cousin’s shoulder. Fingon was so exceptionally beautiful in his sexual afterglow, and Maedhros hadn’t realized how much he missed it until then.

“Please consider me for any and all desired left hand practice,” he teased cheekily. “I’m more than willing to aid you in that.” It had been such a long time since they were last intimate. Finno had missed not just being sexual, but also the post-coital bliss.

“I’m pretty flexible with time,” Maedhros grinned. “Just give me fifteen minutes notice and I’ll drop anything for you.”

“Fifteen is about how long it takes to walk from uni to the bakery,” he mused, kissing his cousin’s jaw. “Do you really want to give me that power?”

Mae’s tongue quickly darted out of his mouth to lick his lips. “I said I’d drop anything. If you really wanted I would just jerk you off in my office.”

Finno lifted his head, a silly grin on his lips. “You’d do that? Really? How unhygienic, Mai-“ the name almost slipped, but he quickly coughed to cover it up, “Mae. I love it. I love you.”

Maedhros picked up on the name and he felt his heart twist in his chest, but he didn’t mention it. “Office is better than the kitchen,” he smiled, “but I love you too.”

“Oh, you could give me hand jobs all over the bakery. I wouldn’t mind,” he offered, bringing his fingers up to trace Mae’s lips. “I love you so much, you know...”

Playfully, Maedhros stuck his tongue out to skim his cousin’s fingers. “And I love _you_ so much. But I think I ought to get back to the bakery now. I doubt Mags is still there, but all three of us have to talk, and I need to get prepped for the lunch rush.”

Rolling his eyes dramatically, Finno leaned in to kiss the other softly before pushing himself up and straightening his clothes. “He’s going to continue to hate me, I’m sure,” he mumbled after a moment. “Even if you sweet talk him.”

“Not if I sweet talk well enough,” he said in a singsong voice. Maedhros suddenly grew quiet as he thought again about what Fingon had said. Maglor was in love with him, and that caused his heart to flutter. He could never leave Fingon, though. He’d die before he even considered it. But maybe... Maybe he could have them both. “Finno,” he began, “what if...in addition to you... what if I start a relationship with Mags?” He swallowed thickly, absolutely terrified of the multitude of negative reactions Fingon might have.

Well that was a surprise. His brows shot up, turning to look at his cousin in confusion. It wasn’t even close to what he had expected to hear, though now that he thought about it he wasn’t that surprised after all. “Would that make you happy?” Finno wasn’t necessarily the jealous type, but he couldn’t help the twinge if it. Maybe it was because it was Maglor... The two of them always vying for Mae’s attention growing up...

“I think,” he replied uncertainly, thrown off by Fingon’s unexpected response. “I mean, I wouldn’t say that I’d ever hoped for romance with him when we were children like I did with you, but when you mentioned earlier how he was in love with me... It just... It didn’t bother me, you know?” He licked his lips thoughtfully. “And when I consider it — dating him, I mean — I do enjoy the idea of it...”

“Then you should try,” Finno shrugged, trying to feel unaffected. He reminded himself that what was truly important was the other’s happiness, right? After everything Maedhros had been through, he deserved to have everything in this world. “Would it be like a.. you date him and you date me or like a we all date each other sort of deal?”

Maedhros worried his lips between his teeth briefly before speaking again. “I guess that’d be something we’d have to talk out,” he said. “But we might need a bit more than an afternoon to do that... When is your next class?”

“Shit,” he groaned, grabbing for the other’s phone that was still on the bed and checking the time. “I don’t even want to go.. I still have an hour and a half, thank Eru.”

“Maybe we should wait, then?” he said more than asked. “It seems like the two of you have a lot to sort out, and I don’t want you to be all stressed and unfocused in class if things don’t go well.” Maedhros was completely out of his element. He didn’t know how such a relationship should work, how long it would take to set down ground ruled, or even if Maglor would agree to it in the first place. And even if he did, Mae certainly wasn’t aware of how deep any bad blood ran between his cousin and his brother, and that could possibly take up a good chunk of time to sort through.

Finno ran his hands through his hair, realizing the braids he had put in were falling out. “Alternatively I could skip class, drop out of uni, and run off like Irissë does,” he teased. “I’m sure Atar would get a kick out of that one.”

Maedhros grinned and chuckled, a warm sound that emanated from his chest. “No, don’t drop out. Your father would never forgive you and neither would I.”

“But babe, Atar still has Argon to be the good son,” he pouted. “Poor Argon is still so untouched by the cruelties of this world... he only has to deal with middle school. He knows not what horrors await.. and you.. well maybe you can just run off with me. Give Atar another reason to bemoan your father’s line.”

“Yeah, I’d rather not piss off your dad even more. If we ran off together he’d hunt us down and most likely kill me,” he said, still smiling.

Finno rolled his eyes and pushed himself off the bed, making sure he was properly tucked where he ought to be. “I wouldn’t let him. I’d be like Pocahontas in the Disney film.”

“Then he’d just make sure you’re not around before trying again,” he said, mirroring Fingon’s actions. “There is absolutely no way that he’d ever let me get away with tainting his perfect little Findekáno.”

Pressing a kiss to his cousin’s shoulder, he went off to touch his hair up in the mirror before continuing. “If only he knew,” he laughed. “If anything, I corrupted _you_ ”

Maedhros snorted in response as he smoothed out his shirt. “Without a doubt. I used to be one of dad’s favorites before I started dating you. Although his dislike of me was probably more due to the fact that I chose to fall in love with ‘one of Fingolfin’s spawn,’ as he used to say, than any negative influence you’ve had on me.”

“If it makes you feel any better, my mother thinks you’re wonderful,” he smirked, fixing the two braids that kept his hair from his face, weaving the ribbon back in carefully. “I think Tyelko is the only one she doesn’t like. She’s iffy on Curufin though.”

“Let’s be honest, nobody really likes those two. They’re my brothers and I hardly find them agreeable myself,” he said, fixated on Fingon’s rhythmic weaving. “I have absolutely no idea what your sister sees in Celegorm. I mean, they’re both wild, adventurous risk-takers, but Tyelko’s personality is kind of shit.”

Finno snorted a half laugh at that. “I think they’re fucking,” he shrugged. “I swear, our family is a giant mess. I’m convinced that Turgon is the only normal one. And don’t even get me started on uncle Arafinwës kids.”

“But I like Finrod,” Mae protested. “And he’s friends with Turgon, so that must say something.”

“They’re all just so...” Fingon struggled to find the words, gesturing vaguely in the air. “I don’t even know how to explain. They just are so much more open about everything than I ever could be. Maybe I’m just being jealous.. Findarato literally announced at dinner that he thought an orgy might be fun. Atar’s face. You should have seen it. I just can’t imagine having not a hint of shame...”

“It _is_ a bit off-putting, yes.” Maedhros crossed his arms. “In all fairness though, an orgy might actually be fun,” he teased.

Fingon raised his brows and looked to Mae then, curiosity piqued. “You think? I mean, by all means... We know Finrod is in. I’m sure he knows plenty of folks who would be too.”

Maedhros flushed, not expecting that response. “You sure?” he asked, stunned that Fingon was expressing interest.

“There is the small problem of orgies usually being sans clothing, though...” Fingon chewed at his lip, frowning a little. He didn’t like the idea of anyone else getting to see Mae when he hadn’t had the chance yet.

“Yeah, that just occurred to me,” he said, his eyes downcast and his brow furrowed. “If I can’t even take my clothes off in front of you, there’s no way I could do it with multiple people. I suppose you could participate and I could watch, but I’m sure Findaráto is really good at sex and I might just end up hating him for the rest of eternity.” His scowl deepened is he imagined Finrod pleasuring his Finno better than him. And overall, the thought of sitting on the sidelines while other people satisfied his boyfriend the way he wished he was able to frustrated Maedhros to no end. “Maybe we should just skip out on the orgy.”

Fingon wandered back to his cousin, arms looping around his waist as he rested his chest on the other’s chest. “Probably a better idea to skip it.. though the idea of getting fucked by Findarato while sucking you off does have an appeal...”

“Don’t start with that,” Mae scolded playfully. “I’d like to get back to work _without_ a hard-on, thank you very much.”

Erupting in giggles, Fingon buried his face against the other’s chest. “Oh no,” he teased, “the thought of you baking with a massive boner is too good.”

“Mnnn,” he hummed, smiling, “I’d rather not. I don’t think customers would appreciate it as much as you, and I’d rather like to stay in business.”

Still laughing, Fingon finally pulled away, grinning all the same. “I’m sure you would just get a very different niche market.”

“Thanks but no thanks,” Mae said as he tapped the tip of Fingon’s nose. “Now would you mind putting my hair up? I’m sure it’s a disaster and I’d like to look at least a little decent before I have to deal with people.”

“Fine, fine,” he teased, patting the bed. “Sit your tall self down so I can actually reach.”

Maedhros huffed a laugh as he sat, kissing Fingon’s cheek on his way down.

It was nice to run his fingers through the red tangles, carefully unknotting each one little by little until the hair was smooth enough to work with. Nimble fingers weaved the strands quickly before he secured them all together off his cousin’s neck with a spare ribbon he had tied to the belt loop of his jeans. “What would you do without me?”

“Have permanently terrible hair. I can’t put it up with one hand, you know.” He reached behind his head to run his hand along the newly styled hair. “And you always did a much nicer job anyway.”

“A prosthetic could help,” he mumbled, knowing that Mae didn’t like him to push that subject. “But I don’t ever mind doing your hair, so I suppose it’s not too bad.”

Meadhros sighed heavily. He really wished Fingon would drop the prosthetic thing, even though his intentions were good. Mae stood from the bed and turned to face Fingon. “Anyway, we should head out.”

Finno nodded, trying to avoid saying anything else on the matter. Instead, he reached for Mae’s hand, lacing their fingers, and pulled the other toward the exit. “Do you think Mags hung around?”

“It would be nice but I doubt it,” Mae sighed. “I don’t think he likes my bread _that_ much.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maglor's dream comes true; but so does his nightmare. Maedhros finds comfort in Fingon.

Maglor’s harp sat on his knees as he leaned over, scribbling musical notes onto paper what would seem randomly across various lines to anyone who didn’t know him. He had been stuck on this composition nearly 12 days and it was wearing him down. The trip to see his brother yesterday had yielded nothing, the other choosing to close shop to do unnameable thing with Findekano. It was getting late in the day, but he had lost track of time sitting at the table in the park he often played in.

Sighing, Maedhros closed up the bakery. Business had been slow again due to the persistent beautiful weather, but he wasn’t really complaining. Unsurprisingly he hadn’t seen Maglor yesterday, but Mae hoped he’d be able to sit down with him today. He doubted his brother would pick up his phone, so Maedhros decided to search the places he knew Maglor frequented, starting with the park near the bakery.

Picking a few chords, eyes closed, he tried to see the harmony in his head, but it just wasn’t working. With a heavy sigh, he touched his forehead to the table as of the music sheet might soak into his skin and impart its wisdom. This was what he got for trying to finish his apprenticeship.

It didn’t take long for Maedhros to spot his brother. He could pick out Maglor’s angsty musician look anywhere. Maedhros approached the table quietly and sat, not wanting to disturb whatever tortured artist thing he seemed to be doing.

Tilting his head just enough to see who had joined him, Maglor only managed to groan. “I hate music.. I’m condemned.. might as well go into auto tuning for shitty pop stars..”

“Now don’t do that,” he murmured. “Your voice is too good to be wasted like that, Kanafinwë.”

Ever the dramatic one, he merely sighed as heavily as he could manage before propping himself up onto his elbow, chin in hand. “There are always better singers. Like Daeron...”

“You know it’s never good to compare yourself, Mags. Daeron and his nice voice can go fuck themselves,” he said firmly. “Your voice is beautiful in its own right, and just because you don’t think you’re as good as someone else, doesn’t mean you should quit.” Maedhros leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. “Now cut out the self-loathing tortured artist crap. You know I can only put up with it for so long.”

Maglor’s nose crinkled for a moment before his face evened out once more. He couldn’t help that his mood was down. Composition usually came so easily to him. Still, Maedhros never had the patience. Straightening up, he lifted the harp and idly played. “So how was fucking our cousin?”

Maedhros felt his heart clench at his brother’s forwardness, but he decided to respond in kind. “We didn’t fuck, actually. We sixty-nined. And it was Finno’s idea to keep blowing me while I was on the phone with you.”

"How charming," he exhaled, a hint of sarcasm in his tone. "Next time, please consider not keeping me on the phone. I'd rather not hear you moaning obscenely for him."

“Then would you like to hear me moaning obscenely for you?” he blurted. Fuck. He should NOT have breached the topic that way. “I...uh...” he stammered.

The blush that spread across Maglor's face was instant and deep, surprise flickering across his face before he averted his gaze. Several times he attempted to open his mouth and say something, yet the words wouldn't come. His fingers tapped on the strings of his harp without making a sound. "Um..."

Gods, he was such an idiot. “Sorry, that... That didn’t come out right at all,” Mae said sheepishly as he studied his lap. “I just... Finno mentioned yesterday that he thought you loved me, as more than a brother, and I wanted to talk with you about it...”

"Ohhh," he mumbled, face still bright red with no hopes of fading. Especially now. His stomach twisted uncomfortably, though he wasn't sure if it were from embarrassment or something else... arousal? No, he shouldn't be aroused over something like this. "I.. uh.. That's... Sorry.. I shouldn't.."

Maedhros decided to hazard a glance at Maglor’s face, and by the Valar did he look cute when he was embarrassed. Shit, stop that, Mae mentally scolded himself. “We could talk somewhere more private,” he offered. “I closed the bakery down for the day if you’d be more comfortable talking there.”

Nodding, still avoiding his brother's eyes, he quickly gathered his papers together to shove back into his bag. He hadn't ever thought that this sort of conversation might happen. Especially not since Nelyo and Fingon had began seeing each other years ago. Even less so after the phone incident the day before. He stood, still quiet, and gestured for the other to lead.

Maedhros quietly led the way back to the bakery. He figured staying silent was the best course of action, considering how poorly he’d started the conversation. Upon reaching the door, Maedhros unlocked it and held it open for his brother.

Maglor went into the bakery quietly, his bag slung over his shoulder, head down. All of his thoughts seemed to be rushing, and the blush had barely faded. He felt unbearably warm. "So, uh...."

“You start,” Maedhros urged as he leaned back against the counter. “Obviously we can’t trust me not to say something stupid...”

Leaning against the counter, Kano let his bag slide down to the floor, setting the harp to the side. "Fingon thinks I.. want you in more than a brother way... and.. what do you think of that..?"

“Well, if it’s true... I’d be genuinely interested in starting something with you...” he murmured.

His eyes darted up, genuine surprise across his face as he searched Mae's expression for some sort of cruel joke. "You- wait, what? But you.. and Findekano.. and I'm your brother.. and.." Maglor was clearly searching for words, his fingers tapping a rhythm against his thighs.

Maedhros stared intently at him, resolve clear in his eyes. “I would never leave Finno, which is why I want both of you. That would be another discussion for when he’s around. And I don’t care that you’re my brother. I’m already fucking my cousin, so what does it matter? If we love each other, I don’t think it’s a big deal.” He swallowed nervously, worried about what Mags might say, but his expression remained unwavering in its seriousness.

"I... didn't expect this," he admitted, swallowing thickly. The thought of having to share Nelyo with Fingon wasn't appealing, but if the alternative was not getting to have Nelyo at all? Was it worth throwing away the one thing he had desired since they were younger? His lip quivered as he looked back down at the floor. "I can't even begin to tell you how many years I've thought about this."

“You could’ve mentioned it sooner,” Mae said softly, hoping he wouldn’t offend his brother. “Finno did and that’s why we’re together.”

"Didn't think I could, and then you and Fingon started seeing each other," Maglor shrugged, toeing the ground with the tip of his shoe. After a few moments of quiet, he looked up at his brother at last. "I.. love you, Maedhros. More than a brother ought to, but I do."

Maedhros stared intently into Maglor’s eyes, wanting to gauge his emotions at every moment. “I can’t say I’m at the ‘I love you’ stage just yet, but I’m more than willing to get there with you.” He sucked in his lips and cast his gaze to his shoes, nodding resolutely. Looking back up at his brother, he said, “I want to do this with you, Mags.”

"If you're sure that it's what you want," he managed after a second, trying to push back all the feelings that were making him nauseated. Maglor looked back down, crossing his arms self-consciously. All of the doubt was already flaring up, making him feel sick, and he hated it. All he could think of was the way Nelyo had moaned for Fingon the other day, and how he had locked himself in his apartment after that and sat in the shower until the water ran cold. This was far from what he had anticipated happening.

Picking up on Maglor’s odd behavior, Mae said, “You know, it’s not just what I want. All three of us need to be on the same page about it, and that includes you.” He reached out and reassuringly placed his hand on his brother’s shoulder. “If you’re not comfortable sharing me with Findekáno, that’s okay.”

Gods, it was like Nelyo’s hand in his shoulder was unbearably hot. Was it hot in here? He felt hot. This was too difficult. Why did he ever admit anything in the first place? He felt like an idiot and nothing had even happened between them yet. “He just.. always got you, you know? He was always your favourite.. it’s hard to compete.”

“But if we do this you won’t have to compete,” Maedhros reassured. “I would do my best to split my time equally between you.” He didn’t understand why Maglor was pushing back so hard. Didn’t he want this? He said he’d thought about it since they were little, so why wouldn’t he jump at the opportunity? Maedhros decided to try to encourage him a little more. “You know between you and me, Finno’s schedule is a bit tighter than yours, so it’s likely that you’d be able to spend more time with me.”

This shouldn’t be as difficult as it was, he shouldn’t be feeling this anxious. The thought of getting to spend more time with Nelyo helped a bit. He put his hand over his brother’s, still on his shoulder. “Fingon is okay with this?”

Mae nodded. “He encouraged me to pursue you.” He paused, thinking about how Fingon’s behavior had slightly differed from his words yesterday. “I mean, I don’t exactly know how enthused he was about sharing me, but that’s why we would all need to discuss it together.”

“Okay,” he paused, head reeling. “Okay. Yes. We can all.. talk about this. I-“ Maglor’s words cut off, his head lifting and eyes widening as the sudden inspiration finally played in his mind. “I know what my song needs. Manwë’s balls, Nelyo, I know what the song needs! I have to write this down.” He quickly sunk down onto his knees to grab the sheet music from his bag and the pencil, marking a few notes quickly.

Maedhros smiled down at his brother, suddenly finding this quirk of his particularly endearing. Maglor would always drop anything to scribble down ideas for his music, metaphorically and literally. Mae would never forget the automatic mixing bowl Maglor dropped on his foot when he had first opened the bakery, especially because when he’d told his brother he needed to go to the hospital, Maglor continued to write away on his paper, ignoring Maedhros until he was done. Regardless of music notes and broken toes, Maglor had agreed to talking things over with Fingon, and Maedhros was ecstatic. He only hoped their discussion, whenever they’d have it, would go smoothly.

For a few moment he was completely lost in the music, humming the tune he was scribbling down. Days and days of this and he finally had a breakthrough. The second he finished, he held it up and skimmed it, the notes playing in his ears. Normally he didn’t smile, but the fully smile that stretched across his face, but now he did as he looked up at Maedhros. “I finished the song.”

“Nice,” Maedhros smiled back and squatted down next to his brother. “You know,” he began hesitantly, “you’ve got a really gorgeous smile. You should do it more often.”

Tucking his hair behind his ear, Maglor couldn’t help but blush at the compliment. “It’s not that great,” he dismissed, “I have stupid teeth.. and.. it looks weird... Nelyo, I feel like I’m babbling like an idiot, please just like slap me or something.”

Mae’s gaze flicked hungrily between Maglor’s eyes and his lips. “Mind if I kiss you instead?”

Maglor felt like his lungs had been sucked of air just hearing that question, but he couldn’t get the words out. Instead, he nodded, his eyes flicking down to his brother’s lips as he leaned a little closer.

Closing the gap, Maedhros tenderly pressed his lips to his brother’s. The kiss was absolutely perfect. It was soft, and slow, and earnest, and Maedhros felt his heart skip a beat or two.

Nelyo’s lips were so.. soft against his own chapped lips, and Maglor couldn’t help but melt into it, eyes closing. His fingers rhythmically tapped against his thighs, unsure of what to do with his hands. Years and years he had been thinking of what it might be like to kiss his brother, and now it was actually happening. And Valar, it felt so right.

Maedhros pulled back, panting lightly. The kiss wasn’t all that long, but it was so full of affection and longing that it took his breath away. “Wow...” was all he could manage to say.

Taking a few steadying breaths, Maglor slowly opened his eyes again. His tongue ran over his lips, still tasting Nelyo there. “Wow, indeed.. I.. liked that,” he admitted sheepishly. Oh, had he known! Had he known that his brother might return his affection he may have pursued it sooner.

“Can we do it again?” Maedhros asked, bringing his hand up to brush lightly against Maglor’s cheek.

Subconsciously leaning into the touch, Kano’s hand came up to the other’s. “Please,” he whispered, his eyes falling to Nelyo’s lips again, his own parted slightly as he breathed.

Maedhros leaned in for another kiss, this one more passionate than before. His grip on this brother’s cheek tightened to press their faces even closer together

Taking a bit of a risk, Maglor’s tongue brushed along the edge of his brother’s lip, desperate to know him further. All the pent up desire he had been harboring was just barely beneath the surface.

Groaning softly in arousal, Maedhros gladly parted his lips to grant Maglor’s tongue entry.

It was all that was needed, that little groan that was it’s own melody to his ears. He could compose a symphony off that one sound alone. Tongue teasing it’s way into Nelyo’s mouth, Maglor’s heart raced in his chest as he tasted the forbidden fruit he had so longed for.

Maedhros entwined his tongue with Kano’s, and the sensation was indescribable. There was nothing aggressive about this kiss, but it brimmed with passion all the same.

There was something to be said for the way the fire of life ran through their blood, passion igniting in their veins passed on from their father. Kano yearned, desperately, for everything he could have and then some. His hands coming to Nelyo’s shoulders as he explored the other’s mouth to his satisfaction, breathless and more alive than he had been in so long.

It was all becoming too much for Maedhros. Maglor wholly filled his senses, and Mae was glad. Glad to drown in his brother. In the moment everything was Maglor, and Maglor was everything.

Moaning softly into the kiss, Kano felt he might swoon. This was utter bliss. When he pulled away just slightly for air, panting softly, he blinked up through his lashes at Nelyo, a shy smile on his lips.

Maedhros returned the smile coyly. “Who are you to be such a fantastic kisser?” he teased. “It’s no fair.”

“Must run in the family,” Kano offered, his face flushed. Drumming his fingers against the other’s shoulders in thought, his gaze averted. “This is.. really nice.”

“Mn,” Mae hummed in response. His hand still on Maglor’s cheek, he rubbed slow circles with his thumb. “And we’ll be able to do it again and again from now on. But of course kissing doesn’t always have to be as far as we go..” he said with a lopsided smile.

It hadn’t even occurred to him that they might be able to do more. Kissing Nelyo had already exceeded his expectations, but the thought of pushing beyond that into the realm of actual physical intimacy? He looked up again at his brother, leaning slightly into the touch against his skin. “I.. suppose that makes sense,” he began, and that wave of anxiousness filled him once again. “You’re sure you want this? I’m not dreaming?”

“I absolutely want this, and I promise you’re not dreaming,” he laughed, though he felt his heart ache at the fact that Maglor still had doubts. “Is there anything I can do to prove it?”

“I don’t know,” he admitted, feeling a bit ridiculous that he was so unsure of himself. But Maglor wasn’t like Fingon, who always projected such a level of confidence. It didn’t make sense why Nelyo would want someone like him when he already had someone like their cousin. “I feel like I’m going to wake up at any moment and this will all disappear, you know?”

Maedhros nodded. “I understand. But please realize that all of this is genuine. The situation, my feelings, the kisses.. All of it.” His hand dropped from his brother’s face in favor of pulling him in for a hug. “I’m here, Kano. And I don’t intend to disappear.”

Resting his chin on the other’s shoulder, he let the warmth of his brother’s body against his own and his nerves seemed to calm substantially. They had hugged tons of time in the past, in their youth, but this was a difficult sort of comfort. The comfort of a would be lover. Genuine. The word replayed in his head again and again and again. No longer was he the only one harboring feelings, nor the only one who wished for a deeper relationship than mere siblings. “I’m not sure I could handle it if you did now..”

“Not now, and not ever,” he reassured, rubbing gentle circles on Maglor’s back. Smiling into the other’s neck, he said, “I swear by the Valar, you’ll never be rid of me. I hope you’re prepared for that.”

“There are worse things,” he mumbled, pressing his face into Nelyo’s neck, his lips brushing the tender flesh there. “I would never wish to be rid of you..”

“You may regret that,” Maedhros teased in a singsong voice. “You know how obnoxious I can be, Kano.”

“There’s a difference between smothering you under heaps of pillows in your sleep and being rid of you,” he countered, shrugging as he finally pulled back from Nelyo’s hold. “One is a brotherly desire, the other is... not.”

“Fair point,” he conceded. “But I can be an annoying lover too. Just ask Finno.”

Maglor had to try his hardest not to roll his eyes at that. The very thought of sharing stories with Fingon of such a nature was difficult to wrap his mind around. “In what ways are you an annoying lover?”

Maedhros didn’t even need to think about it. “Mostly I like to tease. Sexually, that is. Finno and I hadn’t actually intended to go blow each other yesterday, but when we were out at a café I mentioned showering, then fucking him in the shower, and, well, you know.” Just thinking about their activities yesterday sent a shiver of pleasure down his spine. “I just love getting him all worked up.”

Just hearing these things made Kano’s face heat up, the blush spreading wildly across his pale skin as his eyes widened. “Oh.. I-“ he cleared his throat, “I’m not sure that’s.. annoying. You do know what the definition of that word is, right?”

“Shut up, I know what annoying means,” Mae whined as he playfully shoved his brother’s shoulder. “It’s annoying because we were in public, and Turgon was at the café too.” Maedhros crossed his arms and pouted, over exaggerating his displeasure as much as possible. “I just don’t have any recent examples, alright? Yesterday was the most intimate we’ve been since my accident, so I can’t guarantee anything we’d done before then would apply now.”

He had been about to make a quip about the public thing when Nelyo had continued and brought up the accident. It had been the most intimate they had been in a long while, then. He couldn’t help but feel guilty at that. Scrunching his nose, he looked down at his lap and tried to find a way to avoid talking about that. “Well, I suppose talking like that in public would be considered annoying.”

“Finno was trying so hard to hide his hard-on. It didn’t work,” he laughed, oblivious to Maglor’s reaction.

Shaking his head, Kano managed to look up. He always loved Nelyo’s smile, the way his laugh was hearty and warm. It felt like coming home, back before things at home were difficult. “You’re a terrible, horrible tease. And in front of Turno? Awful.”

“Well I don’t know if he actually saw us then, but we ran into him while we were ordering, so I’m sure he was keeping an eye on us the rest of the time. Neither of us were brave enough to look.” Mae’s expression turned thoughtful and he looked out into the bakery, not fixated on anything in particular. He wondered what happened with Turgon and if he /had/ seen, and what he’d told Fingolfin. But if Fingon had gotten a lecture, he likely would have already told Maedhros, and he had yet to hear anything of the sort. He hoped, then, that Turgon had kept quiet. At least about the more scandalous details.

It got quiet for a moment between them before he looked toward what his brother was looking at. “Oh, Valar.. We’re still in the bakery,” Kano realized aloud, running his hands through his hair awkwardly. “We just made out on the floor of your bakery, Nelyo..”

Maedhros turned back to face Maglor, a puzzled look on his face. “Yes, and?” He didn’t understand what the issue was.

“You and me kissed.. right here.” His hand covered his mouth to keep from smiling too much. When did he become one of those people who smiled? Maglor was the brooding sort, a musician known for his sorrowful ballads more than the upbeat playful tunes he favored in youth. But this? This was a lot of positive emotions and he wasn’t used to it.

“It’s not particularly scandalous, if that’s what you’re worried about,” he said, still not understanding what was going on with his brother. “It’s not as if I fucked you here. Though I did extend the offer to Finno, so I suppose the same applies to you.”

He couldn’t even imagine fucking Nelyo, much less here. Eyes widening at the thought, he shook his head. “Oh, no, we couldn’t do that,” he mumbled, hand still over his mouth. “Wait, could we do that? Is that a thing that could happen?”

Maedhros shrugged. “If you’d like. I’m not particularly good for sex right now since I’m not comfortable being naked in front of anyone, but yeah, fucking here on the bakery floor is something we could do. Eventually.”

"I'm still fairly sure this is a vivid dream and that I'm going to wake up," Kano admitted quietly, reaching to take the other's hand in his. "This is just.. a lot to process."

“I swear to the Valar, this isn’t a dream, Kano,” Mae urged. “What in Arda can I do to prove it to you?”

"There isn't anything you can do," he sighed softly. "I have to process it on my own. Especially before Fingon enters the conversation..." Maglor wasn't entirely sure he was ready to see Fingon just yet.

Maedhros sighed and placed his hand on his brother’s thigh in comfort. “Alright, I get it. Can I at least treat you to dinner first?”

Kano hesitated for a moment before leaning forward, his eyes flicking to the other's lips briefly. "Dinner would be nice," he exhaled, feeling warm all over again.

Rising to his feet, Maedhros extended his hand to Maglor to help him up as he ran through different restaurant options in his mind.

Getting to his feet, he chewed the inside of his lip, pulling a bit of the chapped skin off with his teeth. "Can we go somewhere quiet, preferably with decent music? I'm feeling a bit.. overstimulated?"

“Of course,” Maedhros said, as he tried to mentally sort out which places had music. “By music do you mean live?” he asked for clarification.

"No, too much commotion," he frowned, rocking back on his heels before bending at the waist to grab his bag and the sheets of music that were now out of it.

“Well,” he mused, holding his chin between his thumb and forefinger, “most places I know with music are coffee shops, but they’re not very good for dinner. Do you have anywhere in mind?”

Kano rambled off the names of several places, as well as the type of food they served, without even thinking. He managed to get his things together, standing up again and grabbing his harp. “Do any of those appeal?”

“Whichever’s closest is fine, “ he shrugged. “I’d rather not have to make a trek back to my place.”

“I’ll lead I guess,” he mumbled, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear that had gotten loose again before starting toward the door. Maglor felt awkward already, and his head had started going in those awful patterns of bad thoughts.

Maedhros furrowed his brow. Maglor was acting odd. But he followed him to the door in silence and the pair exited. He decided to say something as he was locking up. “Something the matter, Mags?”

Maglor looked up, frowning a little. His head was all but spinning now. Nelyo was so close and yet still so far away. “I just.. have a headache is all, it’s nothing. It will pass.” Even if it didn’t, he would tell his brother it was gone later if he asked. It wasn’t a burden the other needed to bear.

“Are you sure?” he pressed, knowing full well that his brother tended to keep his problems to himself, no matter the severity. “We don’t have to go out if you’re not feeling well. Or I can go back in to my office and get you something for the pain.”

Waving his hand dismissively, Kano shot his brother a half smile. “No, no, it’s fine,” he tried, reassuringly. “I would like to do dinner with you.” It didn’t matter what he was feeling, how confused his head was over everything... As much as he wanted this, he was terrified of ruining it. Him and Fingon didn’t get along, and though they both loved Nelyo, he had his doubts. His brother would always choose Fingon in the end.

Maedhros stood to his full height and crossed his arms, determined to get Maglor to talk. “There’s something wrong, and you’re not telling me what.”

He hated when this happened. Hated it. Kano had to look up, crossing his own arms self-consciously. “I don’t know, damn it. I haven’t dated anyone in ten years and you’ve always had Fingon. You’ll always have Fingon. But if you decide you don’t want me, you’ll still have him and I’ll have nothing. Again.”

It wouldn’t have hurt worse if someone had shot him in the heart. He couldn’t believe Maglor felt this way. Well, he could. Maglor had always been insecure. But it hurt him to know his brother thought he would just drop him like that. Maedhros uncrossed his arms, the stance feeling far too aggressive now. “Mags, I would never do that. You know when I commit to something I commit to it fully. You’re not any different. I want you, and I intend to keep you for as long as you’ll have me.”

“Situations change, people change Nelyo,” he tightened his arms across his chest. “I don’t want you to make me a promise you can’t keep. I’m..” Kano paused, shaking his head and looking away from his brother. “I’m terrified that once I have you, I’ll lose you.”

“You already have me,” he insisted. “But with the way you continue to talk it doesn’t seem you’re putting much effort into keeping me.” Maedhros was growing more and more frustrated by the second. How could Maglor say all this? How could he not see that Maedhros was in this for the long term?

He was ruining everything. This was why he didn’t open up, why he didn’t let his feelings out for all to see. It always ended horribly. Maglor sighed heavily and threw his hands up, already frustrated with himself for making this go poorly. “I’m just going to go home,” he snapped, stalking off in the other direction.

There he went again, Maedhros thought. Running from his problems as usual. “Kano wait,” he called out as he followed his brother. “Kano, we have to talk about this.”

Kano didn’t slow down, even when he heard the other coming after him. His face had grown flush, his eyes burning as if tears threatened to spill, but he refused. Absolutely not. Maglor Kanafinwë Fëanorian did not cry in public. “We don’t have to talk about anything. Just forget it. Forget anything ever happened.”

Maedhros firmly grabbed Maglor’s forearm, attempting to stop him. “I refuse to forget,” he growled out. “You can’t tell me you’re just okay with pretending nothing happened. You told me you’d wanted this since we we children, how could you possibly want to just jump ship before we even get started?”

Wincing, Maglor pulled his arm out of his brother’s grasp, whipping around to face him as a single tear betrayed him, sliding down his cheek. “Because no matter how much I want this and no matter how much I feel for you, I’m bad at these things and I’ll wreck everything just like I’m doing right now! Because every time you mention the accident I remember how Fingon went and stayed by your side and I couldn’t even force myself to come see you in the hospital! You deserve more than getting stuck with me!”

“I’m not getting ‘stuck’ with you! I said I want to be with you and I mean that!” Maedhros snapped, having absolutely no patience for his brother’s self-deprecating attitude any longer. “And do you think I’m fucking perfect?! You have no idea how many times I screwed things up with Fingon yesterday! We’re all flawed, Kano! I don’t expect everything to go amazing all the time, you know!” He ranted on, “And I also don’t give a fuck what you did after the accident! Everyone deals with trauma differently, and I would never hold that against you! I just don’t understand why you don’t think you deserve this!”

He silently thanked whatever Valar still held him in good esteem for the empty street, glad there wasn’t anyone around to witness this outburst. Fighting with Nelyo was bad enough, let alone if they had an audience. Maglor wanted to turn and run away, to get out of this conversation as soon as he could. He didn’t have enough words to explain why he didn’t deserve this, why he didn’t deserve anything good in his life. He never did. Grappling for some sort of, well, anything, he ran his fingers through his hair again and stared firmly at the ground. “You may think I deserve this, but I do not. And it might take me a while to get my head around it, okay? Just.. I can’t think.. My heart is racing and my head hurts..”

Maedhros scowled and grit his teeth in frustration. That answer wasn’t good enough for him. He doubted any answer his brother gave him would be. Anger still burned hot in his chest, but he absolutely could not deal with Maglor’s infuriating behavior any longer. “Fine,” he said coldly, “run from your problems like you always do. But know that I might not be waiting for you should you decide to come back.”

His brother’s words stung, echoing in his head and shooting through his heart. It felt as though every last tinge of energy he had for fighting had disappeared into the void, leaving him feeling empty. Kano didn’t look up at Nelyo, couldn’t look at him. Was he wrong about what he said? No. Maglor did run from his problems. He always had, and likely always will. How quickly he had gone from feeling almost giddy, his affection returned, to the clawing hollow in his chest threatening to swallow him whole. Lyrics of lament filled his mind, yet he had no desire to write them down. “Fine,” he finally said, exhaling the word barely loud enough for his brother to hear. Turning on his heel, Kano did what he did best and walked away from his problems.

Mae’s eyes burned holes in the back of Kano’s head as he stared at his retreating form. Maedhros knew he would probably regret what he said to Kano the next day, but he couldn’t bring himself to care at the moment. How could Maglor do this to him? To both of them? No one could lose in the situation that he’d proposed, so why was his brother so hesitant? Well it probably didn’t matter anymore anyway, he thought. If this is the way Kano wanted it to be, then that was it. Maedhros didn’t need him anyway. His spiteful heart relished in the fact that he still had Fingon while Maglor had no one. He knew he would regret feeling that way tomorrow too, but for the moment he was angry and hurt, so he allowed himself to wallow in his negative emotions.

 

\-------------------------------

Maedhros returned home to find his door unlocked. Most likely Fingon, he thought. He sighed, quite hoping to spend the rest of the evening alone and miserable, but maybe being with his cousin would be better. Opening the door he looked inside and there was Fingon. “Hey, Finno,” he said with a tired smile.

Fingon was just finishing the final touches on the food when Maedhros returned home, dancing around the kitchen in an apron and his uni sweat pants but nothing else. Giving his cousin a grin, he twirled over, popping up on his toes to give the other a kiss. “I made you dinner.. thought maybe a nice, romantic evening.. is everything okay?”

He didn’t have the energy to fake his emotions at the moment, so he decided to be honest with Fingon. “I talked with Kano a little while ago. It didn’t go well.”

“Oh,” his smile fell slightly at that, brow furrowed. “He isn’t interested in being with you? I could have sworn he was... I’m sorry that I read it wrong..”

“No, you weren’t wrong. We made out in the bakery and I was going to take him to dinner, but all of a sudden he started saying nonsense about how he didn’t deserve me.” Maedhros thought back to the conversation, anger flaring up in him again. “I may have been a bit harsh with him about that, but I just couldn’t take it, Finno.”

Fingon tried to push back the wave of jealousy that flared up, burying it deep down where it belonged, as he took Mae’s hand into both of his. “Shh, it’s okay. Maybe just take the day apart and talk when you’ve had a chance to relax and he’s had the opportunity to.. whatever it is he does when he’s being a whiny prat.”

Nelyo took comfort in his cousin’s touch, but not so much in his words. “I highly doubt whatever we could’ve had is salvageable after what happened tonight...”

“When it comes to matters of the heart, very little isn’t salvageable my love,” he reassured, sounding wise far beyond his years. Fingon lead Mae to the table, the flickering of the candles he had lit earlier illuminating the paper plates set out. “Here, I made dinner.. we can keep talking.”

“Alright,” he sighed, sitting down across from Fingon.

Serving out the food, a basic dish his mother used to make full of spices and flavours, he added some yogurt to each plate before passing it to Mae. “So.. what did you both say..?”

“At which point?” Maedhros really wasn’t interested in discussing his conversation with Maglor, not with the wounds still fresh, but he knew Fingon would want to know what had happened.

“Maybe the part that makes it unsalvageable?” He frowned, mixing the yogurt into his dish and sighing softly. Obviously Maedhros didn’t want to talk about it, but he couldn’t help if he didn’t know.

“Well...” he trailed off, remembering the details. “First he kept insisting that everything was a dream. Which is understandable, but he did it two or three times. Then when we were leaving for the restaurant, he started saying that he was afraid to commit because he was worried I was going to leave him. And then he just walked away, and when I stopped him he told me to just forget anything happened. He talked about how he would ruin everything, and compared himself to you when I was in the hospital. How you were always with me and he never visited. And said I deserved more than getting stuck with him.” Maedhros was growing angrier by the moment, the raw emotions from earlier hitting him all at once. “I told him off about all that, but he still said he was undeserving of any relationship I wanted to start with him. He told me he needed time to think, and I told him to go ahead and run from his problems, but that I might not be waiting for him if he decided he wanted me.”

Fingon listened to it all, his expression unreadable as he tried to process everything. From feeling a bit upset that Mae almost missed out on the dinner he made for him, to the fact that Maglor was comparing himself to Finno in general. The last part was what got him though. A lingering threat of not being there, which he was sure was playing even harder into Mags fears. “That’s.. quite a bit of things. I can see why you’re upset.. Do you think he will come around? Do you want him to?”

“I don’t know,” he admitted, brow furrowed. “He was being such a prick about the whole thing, and I know I didn’t react well, so who knows if he’ll come around. And at this point no, fuck him, I don’t want him to, but I’m sure I’ll feel guilty about the whole thing tomorrow.”

“Eat your dinner,” Fingon nudged the plate closer to Mae, quiet. “Take tonight to cool down, and reevaluate in the morning.” He hated seeing his cousin so upset, and he was much more surprised at the outcome of this whole situation. “Let’s not think about what happened anymore, okay? It’s just you and I.”

“That’s perfectly alright with me,” he said, happy to steer things away from his conversation with Maglor. Though he didn’t have much of an appetite, Maedhros took a bite of food. “You’re such a wonderful cook, Finno.”

Fingon managed to smile at that, blush tinting his cheeks at the compliment. “I really wanted to surprise you with a nice, hot meal.. Spent the better part of the last two hours trying to get it to taste like Ammë’s, but my mother will always be a better cook than I am.”

“Well I’m eating your food, not hers. And I say your cooking is wonderful,” he encouraged with a small smile.

“Well thank you,” he grinned, his free hand brushing against Mae’s thigh under the table. “I went by and put my name on the list for the gymnastics team, by the way.”

“That’s wonderful, Finno,” he beamed, happy his cousin had heeded his suggestion. “Let me know when you get the uniform; I’d love to see all your curves hugged by spandex.”

Finno laughed at that, shaking his head. “I’m sure it will be very nice and form fitting. It’ll be even more fun to take it off me too,” he teased lightly, winking at Mae.

Maedhros nearly purred at the thought. “I’d love that. And hopefully by that time you’ll be able to strip me too.”

“Even if I can’t, it’s absolutely fine,” he shrugged, dipping his spoon back into the food. “The idea if you getting me off while I’m half out of my uniform and you’re still fully dressed.. pretty hot image.”

“You’re just saying that,” he argued, gesturing his spoon at Fingon. “Clothes do /not/ make anything hot.”

Fingon swallowed the bite before pointing his own spoon back at his cousin. “I’m not just saying anything. I think it could be a fun, like.. roleplay scenario, y’know?”

“A roleplay of what?” Mae ran through possible scenarios in his head, and none of them seemed particularly appealing.

He hadn’t gotten very far in the actual idea, but a few things came to mind well enough. “You could be the coach. Get you in a suit or something, have to sleep with you to get on the team?”

“Gods, that’s filthy,” he smirked as he put his food laden spoon in his mouth. That sounded like something worth trying, though Mae still knew he would feel markedly better if he were able to get naked in front of his boyfriend.

“You love my filthy ideas,” Finno laughed. “It’s why you keep me around. Those and my amazing arse.” It was nice to flirt with Mae after a long day, one of his favourite things actually.

Maedhros’ smirk changed to a smile as he pulled the spoon from his mouth. “You’ve got me there,” he said.

Finno couldn’t help smiling back, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear. “I love you, by the way,” he shrugged as if it were a nonchalant declaration. “In case you forgot.”

“I don’t think I could forget if I tried.” He playfully nudged Fingon’s calf with his foot under the table. “But in case _you_ forgot; I love you too.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A first date.

Fingon’s class had ended earlier than anticipated, so he sent a fairly cryptic text to Maglor saying that he was needed ASAP at the bakery. When he received a confused reply, he assured his cousin to ‘just do it’ and was on his way. The bakery wasn’t far from campus and he thankfully arrived there first, pushing through the door with his shoulder and grinning at the sight of his lover behind the counter. “Hello dearest~ don’t be mad but Mags is on his way.”

Maedhros cocked an eyebrow, not expecting his cousin or the news he brought. “What are you doing here so early? And why is Kano coming to the bakery?” Remembering how crafty Fingon could be, he followed up with, “Do you have something to do with that?”

“I haven’t the faintest idea what you could mean,” he hummed, dropping his books on the back counter before going to drape his arms about his cousin’s shoulders. “My class ended early. I didn’t think you would mind seeing me sooner,” he pouted.

He wrapped his arms around Finno’s waist and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Not at all. Just curious. But you’ve neglected to properly answer my last two questions.”

Finno pouted even more, capturing the other’s lips briefly before pressing his cheek against Mae’s chest. “We should all talk and I nudged it along is all.”

“Well you must not have told _him_ that, otherwise he wouldn’t be coming. Not after what happened yesterday...” As he’d predicted, Maedhros regretted how he had handled the conversation with his brother. He realized that while Kano did need more pushing to get him out of his self-loathing behavior, he’d pushed it too far, and he wasn’t sure he’d be able to properly take back some of the things he’d said.

“I may have told him there was something he was required for... urgently,” he shrugged, not letting go of Mae even still. “I’m hoping he doesn’t take too long to get here though.”

“Should I close up then?” he asked, temporarily shaking himself from his thoughts.

Reluctantly, Fingon pulled back from the hug even though he desperately didn’t want to. “Probably a good idea,” he sighed, moving so that he could hop up onto the counter. From this point, he could see what looked like the tortured musician cousin of his through the window. “Speaking of...”

He followed Fingon’s gaze out the window and muttered a soft “fuck” under his breath. But as he went to switch the sign, he tried to play it off. “At this rate, I might as well close for the rest of the week,” he smiled.

“I’m always willing to skip my classes,” he teased, leaning back on his hands and crossing one leg over the other. Maglor looked exhausted, dark circles under his eyes from lack of sleep, his dark hair even more messy than usual. Even though it was warm, he wore a long sleeved grey sweater and black jeans, effectively hiding his skin from sunlight.

Maedhros returned to Fingon’s side, not willing to look at his brother. ”You know I’d never let you skip, not even for a romantic fuck.” He placed another kiss to his boyfriend’s cheek.

Maglor made it to the bakery just in time to see his brother kissing Findekano on the cheek, and he nearly turned then and there. Some emergency this was.. He drummed his fingers in a rhythm on his thigh before coming inside, quiet. Fingon greeted him with one of his most charming smiles. “Kano, at last.. I was worried you wouldn’t come,” he admitted, but the other merely shrugged in response.

Mae stole a glance at Maglor, noting that he somehow looked worse than usual. From then on he fixed his gaze to the floor at his brother’s feet. “Look, Kano, I don’t know what he told you was going on, but the truth is, we need to talk about whatever this,” he gestured vaguely between the three of them, “is or isn’t. But I’d like to start by apologizing for some of the things I said last night. I was hurt by the fact that you kept pushing me away so I lashed out, and I shouldn’t have. I’m truly very sorry.” He fiddled with the hem of his shirt, worried that Maglor wouldn’t accept his apology. “I do want to make things work, Kano, but I completely understand if you don’t feel the same anymore.” He chose to hazard another look up at his brother’s face, hoping to gauge his reaction, whether positive or negative.

Chewing the chapped skin of his lip, Kano didn’t quite look at either of them as Nelyo spouted off his apology. He knew full well that the other wouldn’t apologize if he didn’t mean it. Exhaling, he finally met the other’s eyes. “I’m sorry for pushing you away...” Fingon, to his credit, stopped himself from saying something that would have ruined the moment, but he did push Mae a little toward the other. A silent ‘go to him’.

Maedhros ignored the push. He was worried that physical contact might startle Kano and he’d run again. Mae wanted to approach this very slowly and carefully, not looking for a repeat of the previous night. Cautiously he asked, “Will you forgive me? I hardly think I have anything to forgive you for, but I accept the apology nonetheless.”

It took a moment, but Kano nodded, rocking back on his heels as his gaze fell to the floor again. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t still hurt from Nelyo’s harsh words, or the way he broke down when he finally made it home after the fight. Even still, he tried to ignore the lingering negative thoughts that swirled in his mind. It wasn’t until Fingon cleared his throat that Kano looked up again. “Now.. about this,” Finno began, carefully choosing his words, “is this something we are all okay with?”

“I’m okay with it,” Mae quickly replied. He needed Maglor to know that he did want to be more than brothers. Though worrying he might’ve come off too strong, he backtracked. “I personally don’t see any downsides to the arrangement, and while I was only made aware of your feelings two days ago, Kano, I would definitely like to pursue you while maintaining my relationship with Finno.” He stared back down at his brother’s feet, suddenly very nervous again. He had told Maglor all this last night, but this time it felt much more overwhelming. Maybe because Fingon was there. Or the fact that he’d practically smashed his relationship with his brother to pieces the night before. Probably both, he decided.

Fingon tried to temper his own jealousy, knowing that he would be happy if Maedhros was. “I think the first few months are gonna be.. difficult, for me at least. I’m not used to sharing his time,” he explained, mostly to Maglor who was trying not to look too hopelessly uncomfortable across the bakery. “But I think that this could work out well.. I know you don’t really like me-“ “I don’t dislike you,” Kano interrupted, looking up as Finno waved his hand dismissively. “Like I said, you don’t really like me. It’s not that you actively dislike me. We’ve had some tense times.. it happens. We should try and get onto better feet if this is going to go smoothly.” Kano nodded, frowning slightly, though he tried not to make it too noticeable.

Maedhros steeled himself. Now comes the hard part, he thought. He knew he hadn’t done much to convince Maglor that this relationship would work, and while he still held on to hope, he was bracing himself for the worst. “So Kano,” he prompted gently, “what do you think?”

"I.. still want this," he mumbled, quiet as he brought a hand up to rake through his raven hair. "And I'll try not to push you away anymore, Nelyo.." The thought of having to spend time with Findekano wasn't necessarily thrilling, but he wouldn't object to it. It didn't mean there had to be any romance between them, it just couldn't be as tense as it had been in the past. "Also.. maybe.. if it's okay, I mean.." Kano fidgeted anxiously as he spoke, "maybe refrain from calling me out as harshly... Yesterday hurt a lot.."

A sigh of relief passed through Mae’s lips as he un-tensed his body. That went about ten times better than he was expecting. “Of course, Mags, I’m so sorry. I swear by the Valar I won’t hurt you like that again,” he insisted. Feeling a lot better about the situation, Mae asked, “Can I kiss you?” He flushed, embarrassing himself with his boldness. “Uh, I mean, a hug is fine too.”

Kano tried not to notice the way that Findekano stiffened beside his brother, the motion so miniscule he might have missed it entirely had he not looked up when he did. "A hug," he managed, his throat dry at the idea of kissing Nelyo in front of Fingon. It felt strange, and the way his heart raced, pounding in his chest, he thought he might faint. He took a hesitant step closer, bracing his hand on the table beside him.

Maedhros closed the gap between them, pulling his brother into a tight embrace. He mentally berated himself for asking for a kiss. Of course Maglor wouldn’t be ready for that. But in that moment, the hug was just perfect. “Thanks for giving me another chance, Mags,” he murmured in the other’s ear.

Leaning into the hug, his brother's warm embrace, Maglor felt the racing of his heart seem to slow as anxiety dripped from him. It didn't feel different, not really physically at least, but there was a wave of emotional energy that came from the closeness that he would have been content to drown himself in. "I was so afraid I had lost you completely after last night," he admitted, barely audible even this close together. Fingon, shifting on the counter behind Mae, absently undid one of the ribbon ladened braids before twisting the strands once more together. He didn't want to interrupt, not after all that had happened, but a part of him felt uneasy at the display of affection knowing that once things had settled, Mae wouldn't be wholly his anymore.

“I had the same fear,” he said. Mae gently combed his fingers through his brother’s hair, getting snagged several times. “Is your hair always like this?” he asked, slight laughter audible in his voice.

"It was a rough night," he frowned, wincing a little at the tangles. "A very rough night..." Maglor didn't want to burden Nelyo further with it, didn't want to admit to the breakdown he had after the fight. "Though to be fair, my hair never cooperates."

Maedhros felt his heart clench. He hadn’t realized what an effect he had on Maglor, but he was sure the hair wasn’t the full extent of it. Feeling guilty about making light of it, Mae pulled back to address his brother face to face. “I can comb it any time you like,” he said, a warm smile on his face, “I may not be very capable of doing my own hair, but it shouldn’t be a problem for me to do yours.”

“I’m better at hair than both of you,” Finno piped up at last, hopping off the counter in a fluid movement. “You two are disasters.” Maglor rolled his eyes at that, though he didn’t deny it. He had never been particularly well kept like their cousin was. “Braids don’t look good on me anyway, Findekano,” he reminded.

“Maybe you just haven’t found the right style,” Mae countered. “I don’t think Finno’s braids would be good on you, but there are plenty of other ways to braid. And it could be a good bonding activity for both of you.”

Kano hadn’t considered that, though the moment Nelyo mentioned it he realized it would be something he was willing to try. Just seeing the way his brother tried to creatively mend the imbalances was comforting, even if he couldn’t explain why. Finno shrugged, nodding. “I know like 20 types of braids. I’m sure we could find at least one that works.”

Mae smiled, glad his suggestion was accepted. He knew things weren’t going to be perfect between them right away, so it made him happy to see his brother and his cousin were making an effort to get along. After a small pause in the conversation, he decided to casually mention his own plans for his hair. “You know, I’ve been thinking of cutting my hair short.”

“What!” “No!” The pair spoke in unison, both looking at Mae as though he had said something truly outlandish. Maglor’s eyes has widened in surprise as he looked up at his brother, whereas Fingon simply shook his head. Finno was the first to say more - “but your hair is so beautiful,” he contested.

He was taken aback by the strong response, but didn’t intend to change his mind. “I wasn’t thinking _too_ short. Probably jaw length. Having long hair is just too inconvenient with one hand. I need it up out of the way when I’m baking, but I can’t manage that myself.”

Fingon reached up to run his fingers through the silky red locks, pouting slightly at the thought of them gone. He stopped himself from mentioning the prosthetic again, knowing it would be rejected as per usual. “You’ll still be handsome, but I’ll miss your hair,” he quipped instead. Maglor tried to picture Nelyo with shorter hair, like it had been growing up. He used to keep it just above his shoulders for a while, but let it grow in his teens. “I mean it’s your hair, but I’m with Findekano on this..”

Maedhros closed his eyes, leaning into Finno’s gentle touch. “Unlike my hand it’ll grow back,” he mumbled. “And maybe by then I’ll be able to use my left hand better. Who knows.”

“Or you could-“ Finno’s mouth snapped shut just shy of saying ‘get a fucking prosthetic’, sighing heavily. “No, cutting it is probably fine. Jaw length is cute and it gives me enough to grab onto.” Maglor grimaced at the obvious flirting, trying not to be so obvious about it though. “Probably easier to manage anyway.. Just don’t do that weird undercut thing like Tyelko.”

He opened his eyes, smiling at his brother. “I won’t. Promise.” The smile soon dropped from his face, though, as he considered the pair’s reaction to his proposal. “Why are you two so against it anyway? Me cutting my hair. You’re going along with it now, but I know you still don’t actually agree with the idea.”

Finno twisted his finger in an amber strand, still pouting a bit as he listened to Maglor answer. “I’ve always been fond of your hair, and now I get the excuse to play with it whenever I want and you want to cut it,” Kano sighed, crossing his arms.

“I suppose I could hold off on cutting it. It’s been some months after the accident so what are a few more?” That wasn’t really what Mae wanted to do, but if the two of them were going to complain about it...

Any colour that might have been in Kano’s face seemed to drain, the realization that this might be related to the accident flooding his thoughts. He shook his head, pulling his sleeves over his fingers. “No, no, it’s your hair. If you want to cut it, you should,” he affirmed, glancing briefly to Fingon for support. Finno was still pouting, but he bounced onto his toes to press a kiss to the other’s cheek. “Can I cut it for you?”

“If that’s what you want,” he replied, feeling a bit confused and inexplicably hurt by his — boyfriends’? Lovers’? — flip flopping opinions.

In truth, Fingon wanted a lock to keep forever and he couldn’t let Mae go anywhere else because asking him for such a thing would be weird. Without thinking, he wrapped his arms around the other’s waist and leaned his head against Mae’s shoulder. It wasn’t lost on him the way Maglor took a half step back as he got closer. Kano kept his arms crossed as he shifted uncomfortably. “I’ve been thinking of cutting mine shorter too, though not as drastic as you would be doing,” he admitted. “But I don’t think I’ll go through with it.”

“Okay, sure” Mae replied, not sure what Maglor wanted him to say after all the mixed signals he and Fingon had given him. And anyway, he was more focused on his brother’s actions than his words, as he had moved away from Maedhros when Fingon moved in. Considering they couldn’t have a proper relationship if this were to continue to happen, Mae decided to mention it to him. “You know, Mags,” he began, “I’m yours too, now. There’s no need for you to stand fifty feet away from me when Finno’s around.”

Fingon could practically feel the tension in the room, the awkwardness. He wasn’t planning to stop being physically affectionate with his boyfriend just because Maglor got to have him too. Maglor shifted on his feet, arms still crossed even as his fingers drummed against his sides in a soothing rhythm. “Oh.. I didn’t even,” he mumbled, genuinely not having realized he put the distance between them. “Is that.. okay?” The question was more directed at Finno, who shrugged a little in response. Uneasy, he chewed his lip as he looked at Nelyo. “I’m just not used to this..”

“I get it,” Maedhros reassured, “this is going to take some adjustment. But anything I do with Finno I do with you too now, okay? Hugs, kisses, anything. Sound good?” He didn’t want Maglor to feel like an outsider in the relationship, and he knew he’d have to give his brother a lot of encouragement the first few months.

Kano nodded, taking a half step forward so that he wasn’t nearly as far from where the others were standing together. Finno had pressed a kiss to Nelyo’s shoulder and pulled away, checking his phone for the time. “Shit.. I have practice for the gymnastics team.. I forgot,” Fingon sighed, rolling his eyes. “You two boys gonna be okay on your own for a bit?”

“We’ll be fine,” Mae smiled, secretly glad to have time alone with Maglor. “Maybe we could grab lunch or something.” He looked to his brother for confirmation.

“That would be nice,” Maglor agreed, offering Nelyo a small smile. Finno pecked a kiss on Mae’s cheek before clasping Maglor’s shoulder. “Love you babe, see you later Mags,” he addressed them both before grabbing his bag and heading out. Maglor shifted on his feet again. It was easier without Fingon here.

“Wanna go to that place you suggested last night?” Nelyo asked, smiling warmly down at Kano.

Now that they were alone he felt like he could breathe a bit easier, uncrossing his arms but slipping his hands into his pockets out of habit. He never got the chance to hold his brother’s hand in the past, and even now it felt strange even if he wanted to do it. “Yeah.. it’s not far from here..”

Mae nodded. “Sounds good.” He glanced around the bakery and sighed softly, disappointed at the recent lack of business. But he knew all the closings this week weren’t helping, even if he loved spending time with Finno — and now Mags. “I don’t want to rush you through lunch, but I really don’t want to keep this place closed too long. Business hasn’t been too great this week.”

“Alternatively I could go pick things up and bring them back here,” he offered, feeling a bit guilty. “Then you don’t need to close at all..”

“I can’t eat lunch and carry a conversation with you if I’m helping customers, so we may as well go out.” Nelyo countered. “Maybe it’s just an off week, you know? It’s not like I’m broke or anything, so I could just close up for the week and work on better advertising in the meantime.”

Scrunching his nose up, still feeling guilty, Kano considered the options, but he knew that Nelyo was right. ”I could help you come up with a jingle for the bakery, if you want,” he shrugged, glancing toward the door and the street. “But alright.. quick lunch.”

“Slow lunch,” Maedhros corrected. “I’m closing up for the week. I just need some help getting everything in order. Do you mind handling the kitchen while I deal with the finances?”

With a nod, Kano reached up to pull his hair back a bit better, not wanting to risk getting flour or something in it. Of course, it would be his luck. Dark clothes and baking didn’t go well together.

“There shouldn’t be too much of a mess. I’ve hardly gotten anyone in here, so...” He returned to his spot behind the counter to open the register and total up the cash.

It took very little time to clean the back up, though he ended up with quite a bit of powder on his arse, showing up horribly on the black jeans, from where he leaned against the counter and didn’t realize there had been anything there. Sighing, he tried wiping it, but it was too difficult with them on. Nelyo was still doing money stuff, so he pulled the jeans off so he could wipe the powder off better with a damp rag.

Maedhros sighed at the dismally small amount of money he’d had to count. Oh well, there’s always next week, he thought to himself. Stuffing the money in the left pocket of his apron, Mae started towards the office, whose only point of entry was through the kitchen. What he didn’t expect to see was his brother standing in the kitchen sans pants. “Uh...” was all he could manage to say as he flushed all sorts of red. He’d seen his brother in his underwear before — they’d lived together for eighteen years in a house full of five other boys, of course they’d seen each other in underwear — but now that they were dating, it had a completely different tone.

Head snapping up in surprise, Kano’s face immediately went hot as he saw his brother. His.. brother slash boyfriend now? And of course he was in his underwear, his pale thing legs on full display. In his hand, the damp rag paused over where it had been scrubbing the spot from his jeans. “I.. got flour.. on..” Weakly he lifted the pants as if gesturing would make it easier. “Didn’t think.. you would.. uh...”

Focusing his attention on Maglor’s face, he croaked, “You could’ve just asked me to help you know... I think me scrubbing your ass might’ve been less awkward than me almost seeing your ass...”

“I.. ah... sorry,” he mumbled, not able to meet Nelyo’s eyes in his embarrassment. The blush only seemed to get worse as he set the rag down and fumbled with his jeans to get them back on. Naturally, being the least agile of their brothers, he stumbled as he tried to get them on, barely catching himself from falling.

Maedhros watched the debacle for a moment before deciding to step in. “Do you need some help?”

“Another sign the Valar have abandoned me,” he muttered under his breath at the offer. “What kind of adult needs their brother to help them get their pants on?

“Boyfriend,” he corrected as he knelt to work Maglor’s pants back up. At such a close range, Mae was able to see lots of small white lines coating Kano’s thighs, some pinker and newer looking than others. He couldn’t think of any particular event that might’ve caused them, like his own accident, so they could only be from... “Mags? Do you cut?”

Kano pulled away quickly, shaking his head. “It’s nothing,” he lied, heart already racing from before now amplified. Bending and straightening, he managed to get the jeans over his hips without faltering so long as he leaned against the counter again.

Mae stood up from where he was crouched, looking at his brother sternly before speaking. “I always know when you’re lying to me,” he said. His gaze softened. “I just want you to get some help.”

“I don’t need help,” Kano countered defensively, brow furrowed. “I’m fine.” He didn’t like this, and now he realized, if him and Nelyo were ever going to get intimate, the other would eventually see the rest of the marks that littered his thighs, hips, and biceps. “Can we not talk about this...?”

“If you’re not comfortable with talking about it right now that’s fine, but there’s going to have be a discussion eventually.” His mind wandered to his own scars and all the times he’d wished them away. Why Maglor would intentionally scar himself was beyond him.

Biting the skin off one of his chapped lips, he didn’t meet Nelyo’s eyes. “Are you done with the money stuff yet..?” Kano wanted the subject to change, didn’t want to talk about his destructive habits. Not when Nelyo had scars he couldn’t help.

“I just need to put the cash in the office,” he replied, not failing to pick up on Kano’s abrupt subject change, but not willing to push it.

“I’ll wait out front for you,” he offered, running his fingers through the ends of his hair before undoing it from the tie it and been in. Maglor basically ran out of the kitchen, feeling anxious. Once out of the other’s sight, he checked the bandages from his post fight breakdown cuts on his hip, thankful he hadn’t bled through yet. He didn’t want his broth-boyfriend to know what their argument had resulted in.

As he was putting the money away, Maedhros couldn’t stop himself from thinking of Maglor’s scars. How long had he been cutting himself? What had he been cutting himself over? Horror quickly overcame him when he realized that Kano may have cut himself last night. The thought made him physically ill, but he suppressed the feeling. Kano didn’t want to talk about it anymore so he wouldn’t bring it up, but the thought would haunt him until they were able to have a proper discussion. Mae took a deep breath and exited the office, making sure everything was in order on his way out before exiting the bakery and locking up. “Ready to go?” he asked, working hard to steady his voice.

Kano did his best to seem fine, as if the previous conversation hadn’t happened at all. He offered a smile, carding his fingers through his hair and tossing it over his shoulder. “I’m.. really excited to actually do this,” he admitted sheepishly.

“Ah, yeah, me too. I’m really grateful you gave me a second chance,” he smiled back.

“I thought when I left you would really be done with me,” he sighed, but didn’t want to let this get ruined. “Come on, I’m starving and this place really does have a good lunch menu..”

His heart ached at Maglor’s admission, adding to the guilt he already felt about his brother’s cutting. But he pushed the feelings down, preferring to just enjoy his time with Kano. “Alright,” he said. “Mind if we hold hands?”

Blinking a few times, a genuine smile touched his lips. “We can do that? Sorry, of course we can,” he shook his head, feeling silly at his surprise. Hesitant, he offered his hand to Nelyo.

Maedhros gently entwined his fingers with Kano’s, relishing in the contact. “I told you before, Mags, anything I do with Finno is open to you too.”

“I’m not as... good at PDA as Fingon is,” he reminded, looking at their hands together. Their fingers fit better than he would have expected them to. Nelyo’s hand was warmer than his, though his brother always tended to run hotter like their father had. “Can we.. kiss before we head there..?”

“Of course.” Mae leaned down and captured his brother’s lips in a kiss. He kept it gentle like their first one, wanting to allow Maglor set the boundaries of their relationship.

Kissing Nelyo was like swimming in the ocean, refreshing and a bit overwhelming, and he wanted to dive into Ulmo’s deepest and let the other kiss him breathless for an eternity. His eyes fluttered shut, his brother’s lips soft against his own. He was content to stay just like that, but after a short moment he pulled back just enough to see the other’s face, a shy smile on his own lips. “I don’t think I’ll ever get used to this... in a good way, though..”

“As long as you don’t ever want to stop,” Mae said, breathless. The kiss hadn’t lasted very long, but it knocked the wind right out of him. Obviously he’d kissed Fingon hundreds of times before, but this was different. This held all the excitement and innocence of a first relationship, and Maedhros loved it.

“Never,” he exhaled, tilting his head up again and touching their lips together once more, as if this time it was really sinking in that he could actually kiss the other whenever he wanted to. Kano’s heart leapt in his chest, the long years of quietly pining now fruitful at last. His stomach rumbled loudly, though, breaking him out of the moment as a blush spread across his cheeks. He never ate last night and was too upset earlier also, so he was finally feeling it. “Sorry.. food would be nice..”

Maedhros exhaled a breathy laugh. “Don’t apologize, Kano. We can kiss more at the restaurant anyway. Lead on.” He gestured forward with his left hand, fingers still tangled with his brother’s.

At the restaurant! He hadn’t even considered that! Maglor lead his brother from the bakery, letting the other lock up before their hands locked again. It was unlikely they would run into people they knew, but he couldn’t help but feel a bit jumpy at the thought. “What happens if someone sees us and recognizes us..?”

“So what?” Maedhros was never really one to care about appearances or propriety, and after his accident his interest in such things was all but nonexistent. “We can’t hide our relationship forever, and I don’t have any particular desire to hide it at all. You’re my brother and my boyfriend now, and everyone’s just going to have to deal.”

Kano yearned to be as unaffected as his brother was, not giving a damn about what people thought or said, but he wasn’t entirely there. He squeezed Nelyo’s hand slightly in response, nodding a little, but he still worried. After all, he had heard things said about Nelyo and Fingon and he could only imagine it would be worse when it was Nelyo and him. Still, he resolved not to comment on it further as he lead the way toward the little café he so enjoyed.

The pair arrived at the restaurant, hand in hand. “This place looks nice,” Mae commented. “Of course you do always have great taste.” He lifted their clasped hands and pressed a kiss to the back of Kano’s.

Face flushing at the kiss, he ducked his head as the smile touched his lips. Opening the door, music flowed out immediately, a gentle new age sort that calmed his nerves quickly. “I come here sometimes when I’m composing,” he shrugged, finding a corner table by a window. Not necessarily tucked away, but not in the middle of everything either.

Maedhros released his brother’s hand and sat down in the chair across from him. “You know, now that I’m your boyfriend, I feel like I need to listen to your music more. I know you’re very secretive about your pieces, but I’d love it if you could play something finished. If you don’t mind.”

“I don’t really have anything good,” Maglor downplayed, shaking his head as he tapped his fingers along the rim of the table to the beat of the song playing. “My stuff from when we were younger was probably better.. I peaked at 10, let’s be real.”

“Come on, I don’t believe that,” he smiled as he nudged Maglor’s leg under the table with his foot.

Kano rolled his eyes at that, curling his foot around his brother’s calf. The sweet server who always flirted with him came by then, holding up two menus before setting them on the table. ”Makalaure~ Haven’t seen you in almost a week! You need to come play for us again,” the server grinned, glancing only briefly at Maedhros. “When I start writing good music again, I’ll let you know. This is my b- boyfriend..” Kano noticed the way that the guy looked Nelyo over, but didn’t comment. ”Lucky bloke. Your usual?” Kano nodded. ”And can I get you something to drink, Mr. Boyfriend?”

“Ah, just some water, thanks,” Nelyo replied.

As the server went off, Kano exhaled a soft sigh. That hadn’t gone poorly at all. “I think everyone here figured I’d be single the rest of my life,” he admitted. “It was.. exciting to say boyfriend..”

“To be honest, I think everyone who’s ever known you thought you’d be single for the rest of your life. Myself included,” Maedhros said matter-of-factly as he looked through the menu. “But now you don’t just have any old boyfriend. You have me, the boyfriend of your dreams~” He looked over the top of the menu at Kano, a playful grin on his face.

The blush quickly spread across his pale skin as he brought the menu in front of his face as if to hide. Nelyo was definitely the boyfriend he never expected to have, and for a wide variety of reasons. “We’ll see about that.. you’ve not been my boyfriend long enough to know if you’ll live up to my dreams..”

“And what am I like in your dreams?” Maedhros asked teasingly. That blush on Kano’s face was adorable, and he intended to do everything in his power to keep it there.

Ai, this was bad. The blush seemed to deepen and spread at that comment, at the images of Nelyo in his dreams that flooded his mind. No, bad, stop that. Maglor leaned forward so that his forehead pressed against the menu on the table then, covering his face with his hands. He couldn't even fathom an appropriate response.

“Come on Kano, don’t be shy.” Mae wanted to push a little further, but he didn’t want things to start going south, so if Maglor didn’t reply this time, he wouldn’t press the subject anymore.

"I'm far too out of practise for the things of my dreams," he mumbled into his hands. Kano had a vivid imagination, something he was sure came from their mother's side, when it came to thinking of the physical form. And oh, Eru, his thoughts of Nelyo's form... well, there was a reason he had been known as 'Maitimo' for so long. Hazarding a glance up at his brother through his fingers, Kano knew that even with scars and his missing hand, his brother was still the beautiful being he had always been.

Maedhros set the menu down on the table, wanting to give his boyfriend his full attention. “I’m a bit out of practice myself, you know,” he admitted. “Two days ago was the first time I’d been intimate with Finno since the accident, and I couldn’t even get naked ‘cause I was freaking out about my scars.” The raw honesty was a bit much for him, but he thought Maglor ought to hear it. “So we can relearn together. The three of us. I mean, you and Finno don’t have to fuck, of course,” he added.

The blush was finally starting to fade, and Kano had been about to say something when the server came back with his espresso and Nelyo's water, placing them down. "Couple more minutes?" Kano looked to his brother, lifting his head at last and trying to pretend that his thoughts hadn't been in the gutter like they had been.

“That would be great, thanks,” Mae replied politely.

As the server went off again, Maglor slumped a bit in his chair. "I don't think I'll ever really be comfortable being intimate with you if Fingon is around," he admitted, quiet. "It's hard not to compare myself to him... But I still find you.. uh.. incredibly attractive.. even with the scarring.."

“Thanks,” he mumbled, not particularly thankful at all for the compliment. His appearance was something he’d been willfully ignoring since he was released from the hospital. The name ‘Maitimo’ became a mockery, and even simple praise on how he was ‘still handsome’ stung. Mae knew no one ever meant it in offense, especially not Maglor, but it still caused a sad ache in his chest.

Frowning a bit, Kano realized he had said something wrong. Reaching across the table, he took his brother’s hand in his own. “I.. didn’t mean anything by it, I hope you know..”

“I know you didn’t,” he sighed gently, looking down at their connected hands. “I just... I know my scars are a flaw, but hearing you say that you think I’m attractive even with the scars just sort of rubs it in, you know?”

"Sorry," he mumbled, frowning a little more. He thought of his own scars, self-inflicted, and felt even more guilty about them. Swallowing thickly, Kano chewed a bit of skin off his lip before continuing. "I started cutting right after Atar died.."

Maedhros looked up at Kano with wide eyes, not expecting such a personal admission from him. He knew he ought to say something, because silence could be easily interpreted as judgement. “Oh,” was all he managed to get out, and Mae mentally kicked himself for it.

Not exactly the reaction he had been expecting, but he supposed it made sense. "I have... a lot of scars now... Not like yours, but..." Maglor paused, staring down at the table between them unseeing. The menu blurred out of focus. "They aren't pretty either.. Scars aren't supposed to be pretty.. But they're a reminder that you're still alive, y'know?"

He desperately wanted to argue that point, and bit the inside of his cheek to keep himself from doing so. Of course _his own_ scars could be interpreted in that way — he’d nearly died in the accident — but Kano would be alive with or without his scars because he’d put them there himself. Doing his best not to keep silent for too long, he replied, “I suppose.”

Kano's heart was racing now, and he was sure it would loud enough to be heard over the music. He took his hand back from Nelyo's then and put both of his hands into his lap, picking at the cuticles of his nails. There he went again, making things horribly awkward and uncomfortable. As the server approached again, he tried his best to smile but it didn't quite reach his eyes. "Hope I'm not interrupting too much.. Are you two ready to order?"

“Another minute, sorry,” he said with a forced smile. “We keep talking.”

The server went off again without another word as Kano cleared his throat and picked the menu up, his eyes skimming but not really reading. He couldn't concentrate.

Maedhros looked back to his menu as well, scanning the pages silently. Gods this was awkward, he thought. Hoping to at least break the quiet temporarily, he asked, “What’re you thinking of getting?”

"Salad," he shrugged, not feeling any sort of appetite anymore. Even if his stomach rumbled unpleasantly, he didn't want to eat with the nausea that had flared up from their conversation. Placing the menu back down, he traced his fingers over the list of salads and chose one at random.

Clearly his brother was no longer in the mood for conversation. Deciding on a wrap, Mae put his menu down at the end of the table and desperately willed their server to return.

Glancing behind him toward where the server had run off, he was glad the other was looking this way and caught his eye. It felt like an eternity for the other to walk over to their table again. "All set?" Kano had kept his finger on the salad he wanted. "This one... And whatever he wants, please.."

“Chicken Caesar wrap, thanks,” Mae said.

Once they were alone again, Kano lifted his cup to his lips and let the bitter espresso fill his mouth. His head was swimming in bad thoughts again and no matter how much he tried to ignore them, they wouldn't stop coming back up.

“So...” Maedhros trailed off, attempting once again to break the uncomfortable quiet.

"So... I've ruined things, yet again," he sighed, placing the cup down and wrapping both hands around it. His fingers rhythmically tapped the glass so that he wouldn't take the urge dig them into the fresh cuts from the other night.

“You didn’t, Kano.” The last thing Mae wanted was for his brother to blame himself for the situation. After discovering that Kano used cutting to cope, Mae was determined to keep away those self-loathing thoughts. “Honestly we’re both idiots who can’t properly communicate their feelings, and that’s okay. It’s just something we’re going to have to work on.”

It ran in the family, bad communication of feelings. Thanks, Ada. "It's going to take a lot of work at this rate..."

“That’s perfectly fine,” he reassured. “As long as we get there eventually.” Mae put his hand palm up in the center of the table, letting Kano decide if he wanted to hold hands or not.

Considering the invitation of his brother’s hand for a moment, he wondered if he even deserved this after the tension. It felt difficult, but he let his hand move, fingers brushing the other’s. “Sorry..”

“Don’t be,” he stated simply. Shouldering all the blame was definitely something his brother would need to work on, Mae decided.

Clearing his throat, he sipped his drink again and tried to think of what he could say. “It’s.. been warm lately.. I didn’t think summer would ever come..”

Mae nodded. “Agreed. I thought that would mean more people at the bakery, but I guess everyone’s out enjoying the weather.”

“Well.. I’m sure it’ll pick up. It’s almost graduation season,” he reasoned. Kano sighed softly. His own work wasn’t exactly flourishing either, but it also wasn’t something he was invested in. He wanted to produce his own music, not sell other people’s music.

“If it does get busier, would you mind lending a hand? Well, two hands, actually,” he chuckled a little at his own joke.

Kano couldn’t help but laugh a little at that, shaking his head at the joke. “I could probably lend both, yeah. I’m not nearly as skilled with just one as you are.”

“Gods, are you kidding me, Kano? It’s been months and I can still barely brush my teeth,” he said, a smile still on his face.

Rolling his eyes dramatically, he lightly kicked Nelyo under the table for that. “You make perfectly good bread but you can’t brush your teeth?”

“I’m hardly skating by on the baking, you know. The other day I dropped a bowl and got a flour bath,” he countered.

“I can only imagine how adorable you were covered in flour,” he blurted out before he could censor himself, covering his mouth immediately after with his free hand.

Mae laughed, holding his hand in front of his mouth to stifle the sound. “Well Finno thought so,” he said, lowering his hand to speak. “I thought I was a right mess, though.”

Smiling a little, he only paused as the server brought out there food before continuing as he left. “I was.. significantly less cute when my whole arse was covered with flour, I assure you.”

Placing his hand over his heart, Maedhros feigned an offended gasp. “I for one thought you were an absolute vision. Of course I didn’t see you with your pants _on_ , but you looked beautiful standing there in your underwear and your sweater,” he grinned.

There was that blush again, Kano’s face warming at his brother’s words as he popped a piece of tomato into his mouth. “Oh shut it,” he quipped, rolling his eyes. “Me and my pasty toothpick legs are hardly a vision.”

Mae took a sip of his water before speaking. “I love your pasty toothpick legs. And I hope I’ll be seeing them again in the near future,” he said teasingly.

“Gods, Nelyo,” Kano groaned, blush darkening even worse. His thoughts went to other times his brother might see his legs, and even more, and that didn’t help either.

He bit into his wrap with a smug grin on his face. Maybe he’d tease Kano more when he was done chewing, maybe he wouldn’t, but he was having oh so much fun.

Spearing into his salad with his fork, trying to get the images out through brute treatment of the greens. “Maybe you will live up to my dream interpretations,” he admitted, not looking at his brother.

Swallowing the bite of his wrap, Mae’s grin returned. “Good to hear.”

Maglor took a few moments to eat, the hunger from not eating a few days finally setting in. And it helped him not think about the arousal that had been stirring between his legs.

Maedhros ate his wrap in silence, but playfully nudged Maglor’s foot under the table.

Nudging Nelyo’s foot back, Kano couldn’t help but smile a little. He was glad that the bad conversation hadn’t ended up with them shouting at each other and not talking. There was no way he could handle that again. Finishing his salad, he sat back in his chair and sipped the espresso again. “I can’t believe how hungry I was..”

“You should’ve gone with a heavier meal,” Mae replied, mouth full of partially chewed wrap. “You’ll probably get hungry again soon.”

“Sell me a thing of cupcakes and I’ll be fine. But maybe just make them mostly frosting,” he shrugged. “The frosting is the best part.”

Mae nudged his brother’s foot again. “I already closed and cleaned up, genius. But I could make you some cupcakes back at my flat if you’d like.”

Kano scrunched his nose up at the teasing comment, smirking as his face straightened out again. “Alternatively you can just make me the frosting. Infinitely easier and all I actually want.”

“Alright. Frosting it is then,” he smiled before taking a sip of his water.

Finishing his espresso, Kano finally felt a bit more at ease. This conversation was significantly safer than the other ones they had been having today. “I miss your cooking in general.. you used to cook a lot for us all.”

“Yeah,” he said, wistful. He really missed the way things used to be with the family. Before his accident and their father’s death.

“Maybe.. now that we’re.. uh.. seeing each other,” he paused, running his fingers through his hair, “maybe we could cook together like we used to.. every now and then..”

Mae’s demeanor brightened significantly and he smiled wide at his boyfriend. “Yeah, I’d love that. Maybe we could make dinner tonight for the three of us. If you’re not busy, that is.”

The three of us. Kano couldn’t help smiling even though the thought of Fingon there made him anxious. But Nelyo had brightened up so much and he just loved that smile. “I just need to swing home and get my music stuff,” he explained. “Never know when inspiration will hit.”

He laughed low and warm in his chest. “Alright, that’s fair.”

The server came back with a smile, holding up the bill. ”Unless either of you fancy a dessert, I’ve got the check. No rush. Who wants it?” Maglor plucked it from his hand with ease, grabbing his card to tuck in it without even looking.

“Hey, not cool,” Mae whined, and gently kicked his brother’s shin under the table. “You could’ve at least let me pay as an apology for last night.”

“My treat,” Kano raised his brow, shrugging. “As an apology for continually being bad at conversation and feelings. Plus, you’ll make up for last night with frosting.”

He crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair, sighing, but not genuinely upset. “Okay, fine.”

“And.. maybe some kissing,” he managed, his face colouring at the suggestion even though he was the one who made it. He really just wanted some nice kissing.

There was that beautiful blush again, he thought. Mae grinned broadly, uncrossing his arms and leaning forward. “I’m more than willing to oblige on that front.”

The server returned with his card and clasped him on the shoulder. ”See you, Makalaure.” Kano placed a hand over the hand on his shoulder briefly before he was gone again. Smiling slightly, he looked to his brother and took a deep breath. “Wanna head out?”

Mae gave a short nod. “Yeah, let’s go.” He stood from the table and pushed his chair in, waiting for his boyfriend to do the same. The thought of spending all that time alone with Maglor made him slightly giddy, and he was eager to get started.

Getting to his feet, Kano hesitated a moment before taking Nelyo’s hand in his own. With a small wave at another one of the servers, a musician friend, he lead his brother back outside.

“So what’s the plan,” he asked as he gently bumped shoulders with Kano. “Should we both go to your place to grab your music stuff, or do you want to grab your stuff and just meet me at my place?”

“Mine’s a mess but you’re more than welcome to come over,” he offered with a smile. “I have probably 7 more instruments laying around since he last time you came by.”

“I think we might need to stage an intervention for you,” he joked. “But I’d be happy to come over.”

Laughing, he bumped their shoulders again. “I definitely have a problem. Many problems. All of them are music or feeling related.”

“Well I hope I can at least help you in the feelings department.” Maedhros leaned down to press a kiss to Kano’s head.

Kano couldn’t help blushing again, smiling a little as he tucked his hair behind his ear and looked down at their feet. “I’m looking forward to it.”

Mae’s heart fluttered with excitement. Kano’s words were simple, but they held a lot of meaning to him. Maedhros felt his face heat up a bit from the intimacy. “Should we set off then?”

Glancing up, he noticed the way Nelyo blushed and grinned in response, bringing his hand up to touch the other’s face. “Yeah.. we should,” he agreed, chewing his lip before touching a soft kiss to his brother’s cheek.

He could’ve melted right then. “Are you trying to kill me, Kano?” he croaked. “Because if so you’re doing an excellent job.”

“If I were trying to kill you, you’d know,” he teased lovingly, though he was thoroughly enjoying seeing Nelyo so flustered at his touch. Usually he was the one who got worked up so quickly. “Come on, let’s get going before we both become completely useless.” Kano lead the way toward his place, glad he didn’t live too far from his brother.

Maedhros followed, heart pounding the whole way. By the Valar if only he’d started dating his brother sooner! Kano was essentially the polar opposite of Fingon, but he was absolutely just as adorable.

Swinging their hands a little, Kano stayed quiet most of the walk thinking on everything that had happened over the past couple days. He still didn’t fully believe he was awake, but even if he wasn’t, he wanted to enjoy every beautiful moment of this dream. As they approached his apartment building, he fished his key from his pocket before they went up to the second floor where his space was. Inside the apartment was dark, and every surface was covered by either an instrument or sheet music.

Maedhros looked around the space, taking in everything that’d changed since the last time he was there. “I still have no clue how you ever manage to find anything in here.”

“I know where everything is,” he shrugged, finally letting the other’s hand go in favour of disappearing into his room to grab his small notebook. While in there, he hazarded a look at the bandages and frowned slightly. They needed changing but he definitely didn’t want to ruin the mood when things were finally going well. “I’ll be out in a minute!”

“I bet it’s because you lost something,” he called back. Maedhros maneuvered over music sheets and around several instruments to get to the couch to wait. Carefully he pushed a few papers and another instrument out of the way before sitting down.

Changing the bandage and cleaning the cut a bit, he tried his best to be quick about it. It, blessedly, didn’t take too long. Grabbing the notebook and his small harp, he tucked them both into a bag before coming back out to see Nelyo on the couch. “Sorry about the mess.. I’m working on a lot of different projects right now.”

“It wouldn’t be you if things weren’t a mess,” he smiled as he stood. “Got everything you need?”

“Yeah,” he nodded, chewing his lip again and rocking back on his heels. “At least I’m not as messy as Tyelko.”

Mae put his hand on his hip. “He’s just a different kind of messy. You’re able to sort through your things whereas he can never find anything ever.”

“Way to not choose favourites, Nelyo,” he rolled his eyes. “Even now, ever the diplomatic older brother. I thought maybe I’d be lucky enough to get preferential treatment now that I also get to be your boyfriend.”

“You do get preferential treatment. Tyelko doesn’t get to fuck this,” he grinned as he gestured to himself.

Kano’s face instantly went warm, his mouth dry. Right. Yep. That’s what it meant to date someone. Getting to have sex. Oh, Valar... He opened his mouth in an attempt to find some sort of witty comeback, but closed it a moment later as his eyes averted.

Nelyo took a few steps towards him and grabbed his hand. “Come on. Let’s go to my place and I’ll give you all the preferential treatment you want,” he teased.

His face went even brighter red at that comment, yet he nodded all the same. “Y-yeah.. Your place..” Kano’s thoughts went right into the gutter, which didn’t help in the slightest. It had been quite a while.

Clarifying, Mae said, “I don’t actually mean sex though, unless you don’t mind doing it fully clothed.” He didn’t want to disappoint Maglor like he’d felt he’d disappointed Fingon the other day.

“I’m not-“ he paused, feeling a bit embarrassed for what he was about to say. “I’m not really.. ready for anything like that yet...”

“No, that’s fine,” he reassured, feeling relieved, "I'm not either.”

Looking up at his brother, Kano felt like a weight had been lifted from his chest. “Thank Eru.. I.. was worried about that.. Kissing is fine, obviously, but it’s been a really long time since I’ve been with anyone intimately,” he admitted. “A really long time..”

Mae nodded slowly, completely understanding what his brother was talking about. “If you don’t mind me asking, who were you with?” He chewed the inside of his cheek, hoping he hadn’t overstepped a boundary there.

He dropped his eyes, heart racing. “Daeron... We had a fling when we were both studying in Alqualondë a few summers ago.. Well, not really a fling it was just sex but.. that was before he and I got really competitive..”

“Ah, it _has_ been a long time then,” he murmured, running his fingers through Kano’s hair. “But like I said, we can relearn sex together. When we’re both ready, of course.” Nelyo placed a soft kiss to Kano’s forehead for emphasis.

Leaning subconsciously into the touch, eyes closing, Kano visibly relaxed. It helped a lot to know that Nelyo understood, that he would be willing to wait. “I want to be with you.. but it might take a while.. to get there..”

“There’s no rush.” Mae rubbed Maglor’s back encouragingly. “If I get to that point before you then I’ll go to Finno. I don’t want to pressure you into anything.”

Hesitating for a few seconds, Kano looked back up at his brother and wrapped his arms around the other’s waist, pressing his face into the crook of Nelyo’s neck.

He brought his hand up to cup the back of Kano’s head, using the stump of his arm to rub his boyfriend’s back instead.

This was comfortable, familiar, and he loved the way that Nelyo smelled. Like fresh baked bread and the comforts of home, but also a subtle masculinity that was dizzying. After a few moments, he pulled back slightly and looked up at his brother. “We should head to yours now.. even if I could do this forever.. You owe me frosting.”

Mae flashed a crooked smile. “Alright, let’s go.”

With a quick kiss to Nelyo’s cheek, Kano pulled away and made his way to the door.

Carefully stepping around the papers and instruments once again, Maedhros followed his brother out.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything is going great. Until it isn't.

It was a short walk to his brother’s apartment from his own, and Maglor stayed mostly quiet the entire way, his fingers laced with Nelyo’s. When they got there, he took his hand back so that the other could open the door.

Mae took his key out of his pocket and unlocked the door, holding it open for Kano the same as he’d done for Fingon two days prior.

“I keep forgetting how much cleaner your place is than mine,” he hummed, pausing just inside the door. “Though that’s not difficult..”

“Not particularly, no.” Maedhros stepped inside, shutting the door behind him. “You can make yourself comfortable wherever. I’ll start on your frosting.”

Going to sit on the couch, Kano pulled his notebook and harp out of his bag, humming softly to himself. “Could you make a buttercream?” He asked Nelyo in the other room. “I haven’t had buttercream in an age.”

“Sure,” he said, starting off towards the kitchen. “Any more requests?”

“A kiss?” He felt silly asking, but now that he had the chance, Kano really just wanted to take every opportunity before something inevitably went wrong.

A smile split Nelyo’s face. “Sure,” he repeated, turning and heading to the living room. He leaned over his brother, hand on his hip. “Where do you want it?”

Bringing his hand up, he lightly touched his lips with the tips of his fingers. “Here..? Maybe..?” Kano felt a wave of excitement at the thought of being kissed here.. in Nelyo’s apartment.

Mae’s heartbeat quickened and he blushed. He briefly wondered if Kano knew how attractive he was as he put a knee up on the couch next to his brother’s thigh, bracing himself with hand against the back of the couch. “Mags, you are just too gorgeous,” he whispered before pressing a deep kiss against Maglor’s lips.

Oh, Valar... Maglor could have melted. His head tilted up to meet the other’s lips, a soft sound of enjoyment in the back of his throat. It was impossible to resist touching Nelyo’s face, his hands coming up to touch his brother’s cheeks as they kissed.

His eyes drifted shut as he lost himself to feeling of the lip on lip contact. Kano’s lips may have been excessively chapped, but it was still a damn good kiss. Pulling back ever so slightly for a quick breath, Mae dove right back in, a bit sloppier than previously.

The kiss left him breathless, heart racing rhythmically in his chest. His brother was warm, his lips soft, and Kano wanted nothing more. Lips parting slightly, the kiss deepened even further. Moaning softly into it, Kano’s fingers brushed against Nelyo’s ears, into his hair.  
Heat began to build up in his groin as the kiss progressed, and that was when Maedhros knew he had to stop. He pulled back again and opened his eyes, taking in all the details Maglor’s face as though he’d never see it again.

Breathing heavily, face flushed, Maglor opened his eyes slowly and looked up to meet his brother’s gaze. His lip quivered slightly, already missing the contact, but he pulled it between his teeth instead. The end of Arda might have come and he would have been oblivious, so lost to this moment he was. Slowly, his thumb brushed across Nelyo’s cheek before his hands fell back into his lap.

“Wish that could’ve been longer,” Mae breathed, still studying his brother’s beautiful face.

“As do I,” he smiled shyly, unaccustomed to being looked at in such a way. “Frosting first, more kissing after if we could...?”

Mae smiled and pressed a quick kiss to Kano’s lips before pulling away from him entirely. “I have no problem with multitasking,” he quipped.

The blush deepened even then, and Kano shifted in his seat slightly when he realized he was visibly aroused. Crossing his legs, he ran his fingers through his raven hair and exhaled slowly as if it might calm him. “Multitask away.”

“Well then you’d have to follow me to the kitchen. I can kiss you in there, I can’t bake in here.” He patted Maglor’s thigh and walked off to the kitchen, not having missed the slight bulge in his pants.

“Be there in a moment,” he managed. It was impossible to deny the effect his brother had on him. Nelyo had always incited the most desperate desire in him and it wasn’t even remotely fair. Getting to his feet, he tried his best to adjust his jeans and pull his sweater down just enough that it wasn’t as obvious before following the other to the kitchen.

Still thinking about his adorable brother, Mae opened the floor-to-ceiling cupboard in his kitchen. “Ah fuck,” he muttered, looking up at the mixer that was situated on an upper shelf. He hadn’t baked at home since his accident, so he never bothered to rearrange any of his baking things. It wouldn’t have been an issue if the mixer had been on a lower shelf — he had no trouble doing heavy lifting one-handed — but he didn’t think he’d be able to support it above his head using only one hand. “Hey Mags, could you get that?” he asked, still staring up at the source of his trouble.

Glancing up from where he was smoothing his sweater down, Kano saw the item in question. Yes, he was tall. No, he wasn’t nearly as tall as his brother. No one was. “I can try,” he hummed, going over and reaching for it. In doing so, he went up onto his toes, his jumper raising as his arms lifted to expose a bit of skin and the bandages from the night before.

Mae was still looking at the mixer, but now to make sure Kano wasn’t going to accidentally hurt himself. He looked over at his brother, about to ask him if he wanted to use a step ladder — he’d bought it previously for Fingon’s use — when he noticed the bandages on his sides. Probably more cuts, he reasoned. Mae opened and closed his mouth a few times, not sure if he should say something to Kano. He looked between the bandages and his brother’s face with a concerned expression. Mentioning the bandages would probably only upset him, but Maedhros desperately wanted to know about them. After a moment, he decided to ask. “Mags, what’s up with the bandages?”

Getting a solid grip on the mixer, his brother’s question had nearly made him drop the thing on his own head. Thank Eru he hadn’t. Kano brought it down and held it out to Maedhros, not meeting his gaze as he tried to see unaffected. “They’re nothing to worry about.. Maybe it’s time to rearrange your shelves a bit. Might make it easier.”

“Yeah, great,” he said, grabbing the mixer and setting it on the counter before immediately turning to look back at Maglor. “You dodged my question. Were you cutting yourself last night?”

Crossing his arms, Maglor frowned a little and leaned against the counter with his hip, but quickly realized it was a bad choice as he winced. Wrong hip to lean against. “It’s in the past, what does it matter now..?”

“If what I said to you last night caused you to do it, it definitely still matters.” The thought of his brother cutting himself because of their fight was extremely distressing to him, but he still wanted Maglor to confirm it himself.

“Nelyo...” Kano sighed softly. “I was upset.. It isn’t your fault at all,” he admitted, quiet.

“How could it not be my fault?” Maedhros demanded, voice slightly increasing in volume. “You wouldn’t’ve been upset if I hadn’t lost my temper on you.”

This was not what he wanted, not where this was supposed to go. Maglor was supposed to come, eat frosting, kiss his brother absolutely breathless... not fight over his self destructive tendencies. “Like you’re doing now,” he snapped, exasperated. “Losing your temper on me because I’m fucking useless at handling emotions.”

Mae’s gaze flicked downward. He didn’t want things to escalate further, but he also didn’t want to drop the subject. “Look,” he said quietly, “I just don’t want you to cut yourself because of things that I said then assume all the blame for it.”

“The blame lies on me,” Kano stated firmly. “I ran away from my problems and this was an outlet I chose to take. I could have just as easily written a sad song, but I chose this instead.” The words spilled from his lips faster than he thought them, shaking his head. “Cutting gives me this high, an emotional release, and I can’t promise you I can stop. If that’s going to make you want me less, tell me now so I don’t get hurt worse down the road..”

Maedhros looked back up at his brother, taken aback by his words and his forthrightness. “It doesn’t make me want you less, but it _does_ make me concerned. I just don’t want you going off and cutting yourself every time you get upset. Clearly you’re aware that there are healthier things to do, so just do those instead. Keep your hands busy with something other than a blade.”

Maglor took a deep breath, chewing his lip for a moment as he continued avoiding looking at Maedhros. “I’m going to go to sit in the other room,” he decided after an uncomfortable stretch of tense silence between them. “I’m sorry I’m running away from yet another problem.”

He wasn’t allowed to leave this conversation, Nelyo decided. Wracking his brain for what to say, he blurted the first thing that came to mind. “I tried to kill myself, you know. After the accident.” He’d never told anybody about that, not even Fingon, and he hoped it’d be enough to get Maglor to stay.

Stopping completely, Kano’s eyes went wide at the new knowledge. It felt like being hit in the chest, hard, the way it seemed to suck the air from him. “You... oh... Nelyo...”

It was a challenging topic for him to discuss, but Maedhros pressed on, though he kept his eyes fixed anywhere but on Kano. “I didn’t think I deserved to live, and honestly I still don’t... Plus I had so much taken from me then, and my life’s only been harder since, so...” He bit his lip, embarrassed by what he was about to say. “I tried hanging myself from one of the pipes on the ceiling of the bakery. Didn’t really take into account my height, so it didn’t work...” he trailed off.

“Nelyo, I didn’t know...” Kano took a step toward his brother, hands shaking as he wrapped his arms around the other’s shoulders and pulled him into a tight hug. “I’m so sorry... so sorry...”

Mae wrapped his arms around Maglor’s waist, feeling a bit numb from his own open-ness and not fully returning the hug. “Sometimes I still think about it. Killing myself, I mean... But I wouldn’t be able to leave you or Finno in good conscience.”

The thought of losing his brother was painful in general, but to lose him to something like suicide was worse. When the accident had happened, he couldn’t bring himself to the hospital at all and he had been sick every day with the guilt of it. He couldn’t imagine how much worse it would be if Maedhros had died. “I don’t know what I’d do without you..”

“Mn,” he hummed, and placed a kiss to Maglor’s head. He felt poorly about dropping such a heavy topic on his brother, but he hadn’t wanted Maglor to shut down on him again. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled into his brother’s hair.

Even though he cut, it wasn’t like he wanted to die. He wouldn’t have ever thought to commit suicide. That was just so... permanent. He kept close to Nelyo, inclining his chin slightly so that his face tilted up toward his brother’s. “I’m sorry too..”

“I just wanted you to know there are alternatives to hurting yourself. Or killing yourself, in my case.” He absently played with the ends of Kano’s hair that cascaded down his back. “It’s why I tend to throw myself into the bakery, or working out, or improving the motor skills of my left hand. If I’m not doing something then the negative thoughts resurface, and...” He wasn’t able to continue. A huge wave of sadness and hopelessness suddenly washed over him as he thought of all the times he’d considered killing himself and the emotions that’d driven him to it. How easy it would’ve been for him to just overdose on his pain medication, or throw himself off the roof of his apartment building... Tears pricked at Nelyo’s eyes, and he couldn’t stop the choked sob that left his mouth as he cried openly.

Kano's hand came up to Nelyo's cheek, pulling back just enough to press a kiss to the other's parted lips. "Shh... don't cry.. I-" he murmured, trying to find the right words, "I love you, please don't cry.." It felt as though a weight pressed his lungs empty of air, hurt flowing through his veins. "I try to throw myself into other things.. But you've always been the strong one, not me.. I'm sorry.. I never intended for you to know.."

Mae closed his eyes and leaned heavily into his brother’s touch, craving the comfort the contact brought. “Not knowing would’ve been worse,” he said, his voice thick and semi-garbled as he spoke through tears. “And you’re wrong, I’m not strong. Not anymore...”

"None of that.. You are.. Even when you don't think you are," he reassured, his lips dusting across the other's cheek to catch the tears that had spilled. "I'll.. try to stop.. I will.. For you.."

Mae pulled away from Kano’s hand to place a kiss to his palm. “It’d better to stop for yourself,” he sniffled, “but I’ll take what I can get.”

Looking at Maedhros, Kano chewed at his lip, brow furrowed. "I wouldn't stop for myself," he admitted, quiet. "I know I wouldn't... But I'll try..."

“It’s okay, I get it.” Mae sniffled again and rubbed his eyes to rid himself of any lingering tears. “The only reason I haven’t killed myself yet is because of Finno. And now you.”

Using his hand, he guided Nelyo's face down to his and kissed him, hard and full of lingering meaning. He felt the wave of guilt again, and it was difficult to ignore, but worse was the way his body ached to slice into his flesh over it. After their conversation, he felt horrible that he yearned for the blade.

Nelyo returned the kiss sadly and longingly, bringing his hand to cup Kano’s jaw. He felt so incredibly awful for guilt-tripping his brother, but on the other hand he knew it was probably good for him to talk through his own issues that he’d been burying.

When he pulled back, Kano pressed his forehead against his brother's and sighed. "I don't think I'm feeling up to frosting anymore..."

“You sure?” he sniffled once again. “I’d be happy to make it for you. Another thing to throw myself into...”

"Throw yourself into distracting me instead," he frowned, looking down again. "I just want to be close to you but I can't be if you need to be making frosting..."

“Told you before, I can multitask.” Nelyo ran his fingers through Kano’s hair, hoping he would agree. He desperately wanted to do something to keep busy, and as much as he enjoyed holding his brother, it wasn’t enough to distract his mind.

Biting off a bit of the skin on his lip, he leaned his head into Nelyo's touch. "Okay..." He didn't want to take his brother from a distraction because he was feeling needy, after all. Kano took a step back to lean against the counter, trying not to think of all the horrible things he wanted to do right now to his own skin. He had to be good for Maedhros.

“Mind grabbing the heavy cream and two sticks of butter?” Mae asked as he fished the powdered sugar and vanilla out of the cupboard.

Going to the fridge, Kano tried to clear his head of the mess than was swirling there now, grabbing the things from inside and setting them on the counter. Subconsciously, his fingers went over the bandage and dug in as soon as his hand was free, and the flood of pain brought him back to the moment.

Maedhros picked up on his brother’s subtle action as he turned, crossing the kitchen and placing his items on the counter before gently taking Kano’s hand, his own pain forgotten. “What’s up? Do your cuts hurt? Do you need your bandages changed?”

Blinking a few times, registering what he had done, Kano looked up and frowned. "I.. sorry.. Bad habit," he mumbled. "When I can't make new ones.. sometimes the old ones.. suffice.."

“Gotcha.” Mae brought Kano’s hand up to his lips and kissed his knuckles. “Just don’t bleed yourself out on my floor, okay? But seriously, let me know if you need new bandages or something. I’ve got plenty.” He released his brother’s hand but made no move to leave yet.

"I changed them at home, but thank you," he said quietly. "I have no intention of bleeding out in your kitchen any time soon."

The words ‘any time soon’ rang in Nelyo’s ears. He wasn’t sure if how serious Kano had been about that, but he didn’t push it. Choosing to simply nod in response, Maedhros turned grabbed the sticks of butter and put them in the microwave to soften them.

Leaning back against the counter, Kano watched his brother set about all the ingredients he needed. It was nice to watch him work on things. In their youth he had spend a lot of time observing his big brother, especially when he would be forced to go to work with Nelyo and their father. But this.. this was where he had more passion. His fingers brushed over the bandage again and he set his hand on his hip, thinking. "Do you think Atar would be proud of where we are today..?"

Caught off guard by the question, Maedhros stayed silent for a few moments, thinking hard as he mixed the flour and butter. “I... I don’t know,” he admitted, brow furrowed. “Honestly it was always hard for me to tell when he was proud, just because he expressed it in such an odd, roundabout way.”

“I’m not sure I could ever tell when he was,” Maglor shrugged, thinking about when they were younger. “He wasn’t.. very forthcoming with his words. I’d like to think he was proud then.. and would be proud now, but some days I’m not sure.”

“That man was a mystery to me and he always will be,” Mae quietly grumbled, focused on the mixer as he slowly poured in sugar.

Kano nodded in agreement, watching as his brother worked. “I suppose we’ll never really know.. Uncle Arafinwë told me he was proud of me recently and it made me think of Atar.. and then with our conversation.. it just came back up, I guess.”

“Uncle Arafinwë seems to be popping up a lot this week,” he commented. “Finno was talking about him the other day. Or Findaráto, rather. Apparently cousin’s planning an orgy. Not sure if that’s happened yet or not.”

“A what now?” Kano’s face flushed immediately at the thought. An orgy? He couldn’t even imagine getting intimate with two people at once, let alone an entire orgy. “Manwë’s tits, please tell me that’s not really happening..?”

Nelyo shrugged noncommittally as he added the remaining ingredients to the mixing bowl. “I don’t know, I wasn’t there for his big announcement. That’s just what Finno told me. We were both interested, but I still can’t get naked in front of him without having a panic attack, so we’re not going.”

Kano inhaled a deep breath, trying to calm the way his arousal stirred against his will. “Ah.. That makes sense. I’m not sure I would want to be part of something like that.. If Findarato is involved, no doubt so are Curvo and Tyelko.”

“Mn, hadn’t thought of that,” Nelyo hummed. “That would be a bit awkward, wouldn’t it?”

“Unbearably,” he laughed, running his fingers through his hair. “I can only lust after one brother and that’s you, so...”(edited)

Maedhros returned the laugh. “Agreed. The rest of them get on my nerves.”

Much better. No more sad talk.. Kano tried to get one of the snarls out of his hair with his fingers. “I’m glad I’m the one you like. I’d be severely disappointed if you liked anyone else more..”

“You’ve always been the most normal of the lot, excluding me, of course.” Nelyo switched off the mixer and turned to face Kano. “To be fair though, we’re all very attractive.”

Shrugging, he managed to separate his hair into three sections, albeit tangled sections, and braided them. “I won’t deny that. I worried that Carnistir would look weird when he grew up, but even with his scowl he’s good to look at.”

“Regardless of odd, good-looking brothers, your buttercream’s done.” Mae fished a spoon out of a drawer and held it out to Maglor. “Unless you’d like some color.”

Taking the spoon, he offered a small smile and took a scoop of the buttercream from the bowl. “No colour needed,” he hummed before licking the cream with the tip of his tongue to taste it.

“Good?” he asked, although he already knew the answer. Despite losing a hand, Nelyo was still confident in his baking skills.

Kano’s eyes closed as he took the spoon into his mouth, savouring the sweetness with a groan. It took a moment for him to swallow, but when he did he pulled the spoon from his mouth and smiled. “Perfect. Just what I wanted.”

“Glad to hear it,” he grinned, leaning back against the counter.

“I think I may have been a teeny bit offended if you were up for orgies right after reciprocating my feelings,” he mentioned, rounding back as he had a bit more frosting.

Mae exhaled a short laugh. “That would’ve been a bit rude yeah. ‘Mags, I love you and I want to date you, now let’s go fuck a bunch of other people.’” he joked.

Snorting at the jest, he rolled his eyes. “Maybe more than a little offended,” he admitted sheepishly. “But either way, I’m just glad you feel for me..”

“All credit goes to Finno for this. Honestly I would’ve spent the rest of my life completely oblivious if he hadn’t mentioned you were into me.” Nelyo’s gaze fixed itself on the wall in front of him, though he wasn’t actually focused on it. “When he first brought it up I was a little confused, just because I’d never thought of the possibility of you being in love with me. But the more I thought about it, the more I liked it. And now here we are.” He looked back at his brother, smiling.

“It’s so weird that Fingon was the one to mention it,” Kano shrugged, still a bit unsure when it came to their cousin. Nelyo and Fingon had been together for such a long time now, after all, and Fingon didn’t really like him much. At least, he thought not.

“I don’t think he really _meant_ to set us up,” Mae noted. “After you called I told him I was worried I ruined our,” he gestured between the two of them, “relationship, and he mentioned that you’d loved me since we were children.”

“Oh.” Kano tried not to frown, opting to shove a spoonful of frosting in his mouth. It didn’t explain why Fingon tried to resolve the fight but he was grateful all the same.

“But we’re all in this together now, so it doesn’t really matter.” He pressed a quick kiss to Kano’s cheek as he thought back to his anxieties about nudity. Discussing the orgy had resurfaced the topic, and it stirred even more determination in him to get over his fear as quickly as possible. As he now knew, his brother wasn’t as on-board with the idea of an orgy as he and Finno were, but it would still be nice to at least get his shirt off without turning into a mess. He reasoned that maybe it would be easier to strip in front of his brother because, well, they were brothers? The logic wasn’t wholly sound, but Nelyo wanted to try regardless. “Hey Mags, would you mind if I took my shirt off?” he asked.

The spoon was still in Kano’s mouth when the question came, but he nearly dropped it anyway. His eyes widened just a bit, brow raising. As he pulled the spoon from his lips, he gave his brother a questioning look. “I’ve seen you countless times without it, Nelyo. We’re brothers for Eru’s sake..”

“I know, I just...” he flushed and looked down at the floor. “I want to be able to get naked without having a panic attack, and I figured since we _are_ brothers it would be easier for me to do. Not that I intend to get naked... Just the shirt...”

While he had a feeling that this was where the other had been going with this.. he placed the bowl and spoon down. Kano reached out to brush his fingers along Nelyo’s cheek. “Just the shirt,” he agreed. “I have no objections.”

Nelyo bounced his arms at his sides nervously, terrified of repeating the reaction he’d had with Fingon the other day. “Could you just...pull it off?”

Nodding, he was quiet as his fingers went to the hem of the other’s shirt. “Like ripping off a band aid,” he muttered, a phrase their mother used a lot when they were young. There was no counting, only a moment of hesitation. “Lift your arms,” he instructed, before pulling the shirt up and over his brother’s head (with a hint of struggle because of the height difference), before dropping it to the floor.

It felt like all the air had been knocked out of his lungs. Mae started taking gasping, shallow breaths, desperately trying to breathe. He just wanted to hide, to curl up and die, but there was nowhere to go in the kitchen. This had been a horrible idea, he decided, squeezing his eyes shut and hoping he’d just fade out of existence.

The scarring was.. bad. Worse than he had expected. Kano could see the way the other was beginning to panic, his eyes closed tight and breath quickening. “I’m going to touch you,” he whispered, his hands slowly going to his brother’s shoulders. Carefully, he rose up to press a kiss to Nelyo’s cheek. “Breathe.. you’re okay..”

The physical contact made him flinch, but Nelyo didn’t pull away. He did his best to slow his breathing like his brother instructed, even though it felt like he’d have more success trying to breathe in the Void.

“Breathing,” he continued, murmuring soft affirmations of love. “I’m here, brother.. Please.. look at me..” Kano’s fingers massaged gently into Maedhros’s shoulders. He didn’t dare look at the scars, knew if he did now he would break down. But his brother needed him right now.

Mae evened his breathing as best he could, and forced his eyes open. Immediately he locked on to Kano’s eyes and he felt anchored. The panic was still there of course, but he was certainly more at ease than he’d been a moment ago. “Kano,” he whispered, not having anything to say but wanting to speak nonetheless.

“I’m here,” he spoke evenly, more calm than he felt. This is what Maglor was best at, truly. His gaze stayed firmly on his brother’s. Countless times throughout his life, he had been considered the weakest of his brothers.. but not in this. When he needed to support those he loved, he did so with every fiber of his being.

He could almost cry with relief. He was doing it. He was standing there, in front of someone else with his shirt off. A voice in the back of his mind told him it was a stupid accomplishment; that any normal person could do what he was doing, but he did his best to ignore it. “Kano,” he repeated, before pulling his brother in for a kiss to stop himself from shouting in triumph.

The kiss had been entirely unexpected, but not unwelcome. His hands slid down Nelyo’s shoulders and arms slowly, kissing him in return with love.

He pulled back to rest his forehead against his brother’s, face split in a wide grin. “Mags, I did it. I’m _doing_ it,” he breathed with a shaky laugh.

“You’re doing it,” he confirmed as his fingers traced up and down the other’s arms. He still hadn’t gotten a proper look at Nelyo, but he was sure it could wait a few seconds more. “I knew that you could.”

“I couldn’t have done it without you...” He squeezed Kano close in a tight but brief embrace before giving him a peck on the lips. He hadn’t been so confident in ages, and it was all thanks to his amazing brother. Nelyo wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to properly express how indebted he felt to Kano, but he knew he’d have to try.

Smiling slightly, he took a breath and shifted back just a little. Just enough to see the other’s chest, his scars, in the periphery. By the Valar.. his heart ached. “I love you, Nelyo,” he reminded, fingers slowly tracing from the curve of his brother’s shoulder down to his chest over a scar. “I love you more than you’ll ever know..”

The finger to scar contact caused Maedhros to flinch violently, all but throwing himself to the other side of the kitchen. A groan of frustration sounded from his throat as he covered his face with his hand in shame. “‘M sorry...” he mumbled.

“Shhh,” he tried, aching for his brother even more. “It’s okay.. this isn’t some sort of race.” Kano chewed his lip, focusing on keeping his own breath and voice even. “Do you think you can come back here..?”

Mae dropped his hand and nodded slowly, walking back over towards his brother. “If you could just...not touch the scars, that’d be great...” he sighed lightly. “General contact seems okay though...”

Nodding, he took Nelyo’s hand into his own and brought it to his cheek. “No scars,” he repeated. “Keep your hand here, okay? I’m going to touch you again, alright?”

He nodded again and shut his eyes, extremely focused on keeping his breathing steady.

With a slow, careful hand, Kano brushed his fingers across unmarred flesh, avoiding the scarring completely. “I’m here,” he reminded, trying to keep the reverence from his voice. Even with the marks from the accident, he was beautiful. Just not in the same way he had always been. For so many years Maglor had wanted to touch him like this, so many years had he denied he would ever have the chance.

Nelyo had to admit, the situation was almost relaxing. The warm presence of his brother, the soft caresses of his chest, Kano’s cheek cupped in his hand... He opened his eyes, no longer so concentrated on breathing.

Gentle fingers traced music notes into Maedhros’s skin. He hadn’t even realized he had been humming, his eyes focused on his brother’s chest. “This is okay?”

“More than okay,” he said in a low voice. “Okay if I kiss you again?” he asked, tracing his brother’s bottom lip with the pad of his thumb.

Glancing up, Kano’s lips parted slightly under his brother’s touch. “Please do..” Was this really happening? Oh Gods, this was real. His heart pounded in his chest at the thought.

Mae leaned down and pressed a languid, open-mouthed kiss to his brother’s lips. His heart beat faster, but now out of excitement instead of panic. If Nelyo could have his way, he would never leave this moment, where everything was so perfectly imperfect.

Eyes closing, his hands settled on his brother’s hips as they kissed. Was dating Nelyo going to be this many kisses for the rest of his time? Because if so, he would surely swoon. Each time was a bit more brilliant than the last.

A contented sigh escaped him as he kissed, feeling very at peace with himself. But, wanting a bit less peace and a little more passion, Maedhros swiped his tongue along Kano’s lower lip, requesting entry.

The swipe of tongue made Maglor moan, the sound escaping him softly into the other’s mouth as he parted his lips for the other. His own tongue teased against Nelyo’s, hesitant but willing.

Mae dove right in, tangling his tongue with Kano’s. He couldn’t help but notice how wonderfully they fit together, just like him and Finno.

Oh. Finno.

Maedhros pulled away awkwardly as shame and guilt overcame him, and he was unable to meet Maglor’s eyes. His cousin had been so excited to be the first to see him with his shirt off, and he’d totally fucked it up. He knew Finno would still be happy for him, but that feeling would definitely be dampened by disappointment at best.

Everything had been going so well. His heart raced, face flushed as they kissed. But as suddenly as it had really started it was over. Confused, he opened his eyes again, brow tucked. “I.. did I.. Sorry, I thought that..” Kano stumbled over his words awkwardly, taking a couple of steps back, hands falling to his sides.

“No, it’s not you, I promise, just...” He needed to make his words as coherent as his thoughts. Taking a deep breath, Nelyo continued. “I remembered the other day when Finno tried to get my shirt off. I’m pretty sure he mentioned that he wanted to be the first to do it, so I don’t know how he’s going to feel when he finds out about this...”

Kano tried his best not to let the look of hurt flicker across his features, his face falling slightly as he pulled his lip between his teeth. His gaze fell to the floor, to his feet as he shifted. “No, I get it,” he shook his head. “Fingon would be upset..” The most difficult part was understanding that he would never be able to compete with Fingon, even now that him and Nelyo were together. Fingon would always come first to his brother, and gods, did that make his heart ache. The overwhelming urge to take a blade to his skin crept up, but his fingers pressed against the newer marks on his hip instead.

Gods he felt terrible. About what he’d done to Fingon, about what he was doing to Maglor... He looked up at the pained expression on his brother’s face, and was determined to make amends. “Well I mean, the damage is already done, so we may as well just keep going...”

“No, I.. we shouldn’t,” he sighed, not looking at his brother. It didn’t matter how much Kano wanted to continue, how he yearned to touch and taste, he could not now. Not with Fingon on both of their minds. His fingers dug a bit deeper into the cuts, willingly accepting the physical pain if only to distract from the hurt in his heart.

“You know you’re both going to have to learn to share eventually,” he argued. “This is part of that. You got me out of my shirt without giving me a full on panic attack, and Finno is just going to have to deal with it.”

Kano finally looked up, frown not fading. “It isn’t about sharing you, Nelyo.. it’s about how I’m always going to come second to him.. Even when good things like this happen..”

“Mags, that’s not true...” He placed his hand on his brother’s shoulder in a comforting gesture. “We literally just started this relationship today. This is something none of us have done before, so there are gonna be a lot of kinks to straighten out before things can go more smoothly. But you two are supposed to be equal in this, and I’m sorry if I seem like I’m playing favorites. I promise I’ll do better, just give me a chance..”

Chewing his lip, he struggled to find the words he wanted. He was never really good with emotions when they were his own. In this position, he knew his brother was trying his best, but the inferiority Kano felt ran deep. “I just.. don’t want this to be a reason he hates me more... I never thought I would get this chance with you, and I don’t want to do anything that would make things more difficult...”

His heart ached at Kano’s words. Giving his shoulder a reaffirming squeeze, he said, “If the three of us are going to make this work, we’re going to have to have a talk about jealousy. You’re both allowed to be a little selfish with me from time to time, but at the end of the day I belong to both of you now. Besides, we’re in this situation because of me. I asked you to take my shirt off. I’ll explain it to Finno and things will be fine.”

Kicking his toe into the floor, he considered what Nelyo was saying quietly. When at last he looked up, he nodded. “Okay.. I just.. I want to kiss you a lot but I don’t want it to be a problem.. but if you say it won’t be, I trust you.”

“We can kiss as much as you want,” Nelyo insisted, placing a kiss on his boyfriend’s head for emphasis. “I’m sorry for giving you the wrong idea. You’re just as important to me as Finno, and we’re definitely going to have to hash out the ground rules of this relationship a little better tonight.”

Inclining his head slightly, his tongue ran across his lower lip as his lips parted. Kano’s face was still flushed from before, and the thought of being able to continue only deepened the rosy colour across his nose and cheeks. “If you don’t.. kiss me again,” he mumbled, “I’m going to overthink this..”

Mae smiled warmly before leaning down to fill his brother’s request. He started the kiss off slow again, not wanting to overwhelm Maglor by jumping right back into the passion of their previous kiss.

Kano’s eyes fluttered shut, grateful for the warmth that spread through him instead of just the burst of anxiety from before. His fingers tapped against his legs, unsure if he could.. or should.. touch Nelyo again.

The kiss was just as good as before, but Maedhros was missing all the little touches Kano had been giving him. Not breaking lip contact, he grabbed his brother’s right hand and placed it on his bare chest, granting him silent permission.

As Maedhros moved his hand, he seemed to relax a bit more. His fingers brushed lightly against the other’s skin, mindful to avoid the scars. Hesitant, his lips parted so that his tongue could caress against his brother’s lips.

Mae groaned in the back of his throat and parted his to allow Kano’s tongue inside. The contact was breathtaking, but he craved more. Threading his fingers through his brother’s hair, he cupped the base of Maglor’s head and pressed their faces even closer together.

Oh. Oh this was nice. He couldn’t get enough, the kiss becoming sloppier and even more heated as their tongues intertwined and their bodies pressed together in harmony. Kano’s hands explored his brother’s bare skin, flittering touches fervently and reverently placed. He moaned softly into Nelyo’s mouth as their hips pressed against each other, face warming as his arousal stirred.

Sandwiched so close, Nelyo felt the slight twitch of his brother’s length against his thigh. The movement made him groan as heat went to his own groin. He didn’t think Kano would be up for sex — Nelyo wasn’t sure _he_ was ready for it either — but he wondered if mutual masturbation was something his brother would be fine with.

Making out in the middle of the kitchen was probably a bit unsanitary. Kano broke the kiss just enough to catch a breath, his fingers trailing up and down his brother's sides before plunging back into it. Everything felt warm and, if he was honest with himself, a bit overwhelming. Though he yearned for more, but gods, what more could he even ask for? He hadn't been this close with anyone in such a long time. It took every ounce of effort to break the kiss again, though he still pressed small pecks along his brother's cheek, his jaw, his ear.

“You taste like my frosting,” he mumbled, absolutely high on pleasure. Mae was a bit disappointed that his brother had ended their kiss just when things were starting to get good, but he enjoyed the light kisses being placed around his face.

Heart racing in his chest like the rapid beat of a drum, he couldn't help but smile as he lay kisses down the other's neck. "It's good frosting," he murmured, his tongue brushing along the pulse point of his brother's throat. Subconsciously, his hips ground against Nelyo's, his cock already half hard and seeking friction.

The combination of Kano’s licking and grinding was amazing. Nelyo moaned gently and tilted his head back as he instinctively rubbed his own length against his brother’s inner thigh. The wonderful friction provided by the action caused him to moan again, and he was curious to know how far Kano wanted to take it.

Feeling his brother's length against his leg made him shiver, anticipation flooding his system. His teeth lightly nipped at the tender skin of Nelyo's neck, careful not to go too hard. "I.. nnn," he moaned softly as they rutted against each other, him still fully clothed and his brother without his shirt. "C-can I.. take off my shirt..?" Kano pressed his face into the crux of Nelyo's neck, embarrassed.

Mae lowered his head to press a kiss to the side of Kano’s head, drinking in his brother’s scent. It only served to fuel his lust, and he was barely able to mumble out a quiet “of course,” before pulling away to give Maglor room to strip.

Hesitant, Maglor's hands fumbled with the edge of his shirt for a moment before he pulled it over his head and let it fall to the floor with his brother's. He was thinner, though not lean like the other, and so very pale. Silver lines marked his hips and the inside of his biceps from past cuts he had made to his own skin, as well as a few still red. The bandage from the night before covered, but some bits of blood had come up as he had dug his fingers into it earlier. Still, he didn't take the time for Maedhros to look at him, instead pulling his brother flush against him once more and claiming his mouth. His hands went into Nelyo's red hair, pulling him in.

Even with his clouded mind, the bloodied bandages were not lost on Nelyo. But he declined to say anything, not willing to spoil the moment, and so he allowed his brother to pull him back into a heated kiss with no resistance.

It was so fantastic to feel another person’s skin against his own, the warmth dizzying. He moaned softly into the kiss, almost a whimper of his need and desire. Grinding against Nelyo’s leg only made it worse, his heart frantic as it was.

His length rapidly ran out of room in his pants, and the constricted feeling was growing increasingly uncomfortable. Mae pulled away to breathe again, and also to voice his discomfort. “Mags, I can’t keep going like this,” he panted. “I need more...”

“More?” Maglor looked up to meet the other’s eyes, convinced he was red as his brother’s hair. The blush had spread from his face to his chest, entirely too warm already. His pupils were wide, blown with arousal. “Uh.. more.. I’m not ready to.. y’know..”

The response caused his heart to drop, but he knew he shouldn’t been too surprised. “Then can I just go finish in the bathroom?” he asked, trying his best not to sound put out but disappointment creeping into his tone all the same.

“No! I mean.. I.. fuck..” He pulled his teeth between his lips and looked down, both of them obviously wanting this if the way their jeans were stretched uncomfortably was any indication. Swallowing thickly, he hazarded a glance toward Nelyo. “I can.. with my hand.. if that’s okay..?”

“I don’t want you to feel pressured into anything,” he insisted. Definitely a good way to permanently destroy a relationship, Nelyo thought grimly. “I’ll be fine, really.”

Kano brought his hands to his face and groaned softly, annoyed with himself. Pushing his fingers up his face and into his hair, he sighed. “I want to do it, Nelyo.. I’m overthinking things again.. but I want to make you feel good..”

“You sure?” He cocked his head and furrowed his brow, not fully believing his brother’s words. He knew Kano had a habit of putting others’ feelings before his own, and he certainly didn’t want that to happen now.

“Please,” he mumbled, his hand hesitant before going to press over the bulge in his brother’s jeans. Gods, he felt anxious, but he didn’t want to lose this opportunity either. He wasn’t sure if this relationship business would last like he wanted it to, and the thought of never getting to be the one to bring Nelyo to make those beautiful sounds of pleasure was unthinkable.

Nelyo bit his lower lip to hold back a moan. He still wasn’t fully convinced, but if Kano insisted, he didn’t really want to refuse. “Okay,” he assented, “but only if I get to do you too..”

Nodding, he lifted his face again and pressed a soft kiss to his brother’s lips. Kano’s hand, however moved up slightly, fingers plucking open the button and getting the zip down just enough that he could dip his hand inside the waistband. Once he could, his fingers wrapped around Nelyo’s length and stroked slowly upward before twisting at the head.

The touch was amazing, albeit cold, and both sensations caused Mae to gasp. Kano had kept insisting how out of practice he was, but Maedhros wouldn’t have guessed it with how his brother expertly handled his cock. Remembering he was supposed to be returning the favor, he fumbled with Kano’s jeans before freeing his cock and stroking as best he could with his non-dominant hand.

Given that the only practice Maglor has had in a while is himself, he could be doing worse at this. At this angle it was a challenge, and even though Nelyo had a few inches on him height wise, it would probably be easier to do this somewhere other than standing in the kitchen. But gods, the feel of his brother’s hand on him made him ache. Moaning, his hips stuttered toward the touch, cock twitching as his own hand worked the other’s length as best he could.

If he hadn’t been with Finno earlier in the week, Nelyo might’ve came right then from the intensity of the stimulation. In the back of his mind he hoped Kano was having just as good of an experience, considering the lack of skill he possessed in his left hand.

It was embarrassing how quickly he could feel the wave of release coming toward him. He gasped, head falling onto the other’s shoulder. “Nelyo,” he exhaled, his hand stroking the other’s length faster than he had been before, rhythmic. “Nnn.. fuck..”

Under Kano’s ministrations, Mae was having an extremely difficult time keeping his strokes in a steady pace. He was rapidly coming undone, which was likely for the best as he had no idea when Finno might drop by.

At that exaact moment, Finno let himself into Mae’s apartment with his spare key, exhausted from practice. He could hear people in the kitchen vaguely, so that’s where he went. Kano’s breath was uneven as he lost himself to the sensations of the other’s touch, biting his lip. He was just about to come when he heard the clearing of someone else’s throat. Fingon’s eyes were wide as he entered the scene, dropping his gym back to the floor with a loud thud as he all but choked on his own saliva.

The thud made Nelyo jump, but that was the last movement he made. He was frozen in horror by the arrival of who he could only assume was Fingon. He couldn’t bring himself to turn around, to explain the situation, or even take his hand off his brother’s cock. Desperately, he hoped someone else would do something first.

Fingon crossed his arms, shifting his weight onto one foot and raising a brow. He couldn’t help feeling the burning fire of jealousy, not to mention the hurt. Yes, he knew that Mae would be with Maglor now, but he didn’t think they would jump to.. this... Or that Maglor would get to do any of this when they were both shirtless. That was worse. That hurt. “Don’t let me fucking stop you,” he finally grit out, turning on his heel and disappearing to Mae’s bedroom, slamming the door behind him.   
Kano shut his eyes tighter, burying his face into his brother’s shoulder as the wave of nausea and embarrassment filled him. He felt as if this was the moment, the last possible straw.. There was no doubt this was the end of it all. Why he even bothered letting himself think things could work, he didn’t know. His hand dragged up the length of Nelyo’s cock as if it had a mind of his own, even still.

Mae couldn’t have felt worse if Fingon had come up and slapped him. Guilt started to overwhelm him, but he quickly pushed it away. He shouldn’t feel guilty about getting intimate with his boyfriend. That’s what came with polyamory, wasn’t it? He couldn’t be expected to fuck his one boyfriend and not the other, so Finno had no right to be upset. Nelyo sighed heavily: this was definitely not how he wanted the afternoon to go. “That really fucked up the mood...” he grumbled.

“I’m sorry.. this is my fault..” Kano pulled back from Nelyo a bit, not allowing himself to meet his brother’s eye. He drew his hand out from the other’s pants, frowning to himself. “We shouldn’t.. I should.. go..”

“No,” he stated firmly. “It’s not your fault and you’re not going anywhere. The three of us are going to talk this out like adults.” Pulling away, Nelyo bent down to grab their shirts, handing his brother his sweater before pulling his own shirt back on.

Pulling it over his head, he struggled a moment to right himself and his clothes. He had been so close when Fingon had come in, and even though the mood was ruined, he was still painfully hard. It was a challenge to make it less obvious. The thought of ‘talking this out like adults’ was even less appealing to him than ever before.   
In the bedroom, Finno struggled to get himself under control. He was upset, even though he felt like he shouldn’t be. Wasn’t he the one that set those two up in the first place? Who was he to get upset that they actually did it..? But to know that Mae had recoiled from him the other day when they had tried being intimate.. and now he was okay with being shirtless with Maglor and jacking each other off? It didn’t sit well with him.

Stuffing his still erect cock back into his pants, Nelyo looked up at his brother. “Ready?” he asked, not feeling particularly ready at all himself.

“No,” he stated, as nonchalant and flat as possible. Truly, he didn’t want to have this conversation at all. He wanted desperately to just.. escape. But Nelyo wouldn’t let him. “After you...”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feelings are laid out in the open.

Mae nodded and headed towards the bedroom, his heart in his throat. This was definitely not how he wanted to breach the conversation they clearly so desperately needed to have, but there was nothing to be done about it now. He rapped his knuckles on the door frame before opening the door and stepping into the room. “Finno? Can we talk?”

Fingon was pacing, his hands in his pockets and a frown deep set on his face. He didn’t bother looking up from where his eyes were set on the floor in front of him when Maedhros came to him. On the one hand, he felt bad about his reaction, but on the other he felt justified in it. Behind Mae, Maglor said nothing.

“Finno?” he tried again, quickly losing patience with his boyfriend’s surly attitude. It wasn’t that he didn’t understand where Fingon was coming from, he just couldn’t fathom why his reaction was so strong. Just that day the three of them had established that Mae would date Kano in addition to Finno, so why all of a sudden was his cousin acting like Mae had cheated on him?

“Just... give me a second,” Fingon managed after another moment of quiet, pausing in his pacing to hold up a hand. Fingon took a deep breath and slowly exhaled as best as he could, trying to relax as he looked up at Maedhros. “Listen, I know what I said.. That I was fine and this is okay, but seeing it is harder than I thought it would be. I’m... sorry,” he apologized, though it was clearly a struggle to say it.

“That’s okay, Finno. That’s perfectly okay,” Nelyo reassured. “I wouldn’t expect you to get used to it right away.” He chewed the inside of his cheek, a bit hesitant to broach the next topic. “What I... What I don’t understand though is why you were — are — so angry about it.”

Maglor leaned against the wall next to the door, pointedly avoiding looking at Fingon. Finno’s hands came up to one of the braids holding his hair back, fidgeting with it. “Your shirt... and you both... I mean fuck, Mae,” he frowned. “I tried the other day.. and all of a sudden you can do this now? It _hurts_ …

A pained expression formed on his face as he crossed his arms defensively. ”It wasn’t ‘all of a sudden,’ I had a panic attack with Kano too, but he managed to talk me down from it. And I didn’t do it just to piss you off. I wanted to try again so that I could be properly intimate with _both_ of you. And now I can.”

“I...” Fingon tugged at the braid in his hair, the ribbon twisted in it falling loose into his fingers. He began to pace again, looking away as he wrapped and unwrapped the ribbon around his fingers. “It just hurt a lot to see it.. I’m trying,” he paused, “trying really hard to be rational but it’s hard.”

Mae sighed heavily; Arguing with his cousin wasn’t going to get him anywhere. Luckily he had plenty of experience in diplomacy, as he was usually the mediator in disputes between his brothers. He uncrossed his arms and placed his hand on his hip in an attempt to display a less aggressive demeanor. “Well tell me why it hurt. Like.. what exactly were you feeling when you saw us? We can better address these issues if we know exactly what they are.”

“It should have been me... It should have been us...” Finno looked up at Mae then, all the frustration melted from his expression leaving only the hurt that he felt. “I know he means a lot to you.. but I thought it would be me that you work through that with.” Maglor glanced up then, to see Fingon’s face, but he regretted it. The guilt flooded his mind then, and his hand immediately dig into his side over the bandage.

Maedhros nodded, his heart aching at Fingon’s confession. He certainly hadn’t meant to hurt his cousin like that, in fact he thought Finno might be happy for him. “I understand that. I just thought you might be happy that I worked through it at all,” he said, giving voice to his thoughts.

Fingon ached, placing his hand and ribbon wrapped fingers over his heart. “I am happy for you. I am, Mae, I am,” he tried, voice cracking. “It’s such a stupid, horrible thing to be jealous over.. I want you to feel whole again, to feel like your old self.. I just wanted to be there for it..”

“Well I’m sure I’m not exactly cured yet. This was definitely a big step, but I don’t think I’ll suddenly be able to take off my shirt with no problem just because I was able to deal with it today.” He gestured vaguely with his hand. “It’s going to be a bit of a process, one that I would like _both_ of you to be involved in.”

Reaching out for him, Fingon nodded quietly. “I missed you this afternoon.. I’m.. glad you and Mags had a.. nice.. afternoon, but I really need a hug right now,” he admitted, feeling a bit better now that they had talked. Maglor’s fingers dug more firmly into the cuts, looking away again.

Maedhros pulled him in for a tight hug, feeling a bit better about the situation. “We’re all gonna work through this together, okay?” he reassured Fingon as he ran his fingers through the other’s hair. Looking to his brother, he waved him over with his arm. “You get in here too, Mags. You’re as much a part of this as we are.”

“I... uh,” Maglor pulled his lip between his teeth, swallowing audibly. The pain in his side wasn’t helping like it usually did, and gods the desire to cut was so strong. But he promised. He. Promised. Fingon seemed to relax against his cousin’s chest, nuzzling softly into his shirt. “Come on, Kano,” he hummed, peeking open an eye.

“If you don’t come here, we’ll have to go over to you,” Mae said in a singsong voice.

The first step was the hardest. And the second step felt even more difficult. By the third, he was sure he wouldn’t make it. When he finally reached his brother and cousin, he froze just shy of joining them. “I.. shouldn’t..” Fingon frowned slightly at Maglor’s words, not waiting for Maedhros to make the decision as he reached out and pulled Mags into the hug.

Mae wrapped his arm around his brother and gave a reassuring squeeze. “Like I said, you’re as much a part of this as us. Don’t feel like you need to give us space because we’ve been together longer.” Angling his neck a bit awkwardly, he managed to place kisses on both their heads. “You’re both equal to me in this.”

Fingon closed his eyes again, trying to quell the jealousy that flared a bit at Mae's words. If Maedhros was to be happy, truly happy, he realized that his full participation and cooperation was required. Beside Fingon, Maglor tried not to be too stiff, but Eru, it was a challenge. Him and Findekáno still needed to do a lot of work to reconcile the divide between them, after all. "I'll try to remember that..."

“Good,” he murmured softly. Nelyo knew this certainly wasn’t the end of the conversation, but he just wanted to hold his boyfriends and enjoy the moment. They could talk further in a bit.

It was a comfortable silence, despite the tension, both Fingon and Maglor letting Maedhros get his fill of the moment. After a few minutes, Maglor broke the silence, tapping his fingers on his leg. "As great as this is, Nelyo... I need to write something down before it's gone forever."

“Sure, go ahead.” Nelyo moved his arm away from his brother’s shoulder to allow him to pull away. He immediately felt himself missing Kano’s warmth, so he pulled Fingon tightly into his chest, savoring the contact.

Kano slipped from the room to find his notebook in the living room. Fingon, however, wrapped his arms around Mae’s waist as the other pulled him in. “I’m sorry for getting so upset,” he mumbled.

“I understand where you were coming from,” he said as he gently rocked the both of them back and forth. “But if it’s any consolation, I’ve got some terrible blue balls going on right now.”

Snorting, Finno couldn’t help smiling. “In the least malicious way possible, know that I’m _not_ all that sorry;” he teased, shrugging. “I’d offer to help but maybe not.. It’s Maglor’s problem now.”

“He’s not even in the room anymore,” Mae said with a mischievous grin. “I’d say that officially makes it _your_ problem.”

“You’re terrible,” Finno feigned an appalled expression, but couldn’t hold it very long. “Hmmmm... no, I think I’ll let you suffer a bit longer.” He have his cousin a wink.

“You’re so cruel, Finno,” he whined pitifully, pulling away to flop down dramatically on the bed. A wicked smile bloomed on his face as he had an idea. “Any chance you might change your mind...?” he asked as he casually pushed up the hem of his shirt.

Gods, it wasn’t even remotely fair! Fingon’s tongue ran across his lower lip, his gaze raking lewdly over Mae’s body. “You sure don’t make it easy,” he managed, unable to look away. “Ai, I want to taste you...”

“I’m yours to taste,” he murmured seductively, gently running his fingers along his abs.

“And if poor Kano finishes his thought and comes back while your cock is in my mouth?” Finno raised a brow, his knee dipping the bed as he began to crawl up the other’s body to press a kiss to Mae’s lips.

“Then wait until he comes back,” he stated simply into the kiss. He definitely didn’t want his brother to feel awkward, and walking in on such a situation would likely only fuel his feelings of not belonging. “Yes, definitely wait. I want both of you to be comfortable with me being intimate with the other, and clearly stumbling upon us in the act isn’t cutting it,” he half joked.

Finno made a face at that, falling onto the bed beside his cousin then. "It wasn't the best way to go about it, no," he admitted, adjusting on the bed so that he was facing the other. His fingers traced idly on the small bit of skin between his shirt and jeans. They didn't need wait long, because Maglor had returned just a short bit after. He cleared his throat awkwardly, blush rising on his cheeks at the sight of the two lounging on the bed. "Oh... Interrupting.. sorry..."

Mae sat up, smiling warmly at his brother. “Not at all. We were waiting for you, actually. Come here.” He waved Maglor over enthusiastically. “We all need to have a nice chat about sex,” he said plainly.

Kano hesitated, chewing his lip as he looked to his feet, his brother, and his feet again. The thought of having this conversation was... not pleasant in the slightest. Still, he took a seat on the edge of the bed near Nelyo's legs and ran his fingers through the ends of his mess of hair. Fingon couldn't help but groan, sitting up and reaching for Maglor's arm. "No, not there, down here. Come on, Mags.. I promise I won't be an arse, okay?" Kano laughed dryly at that, but gave in and laid himself down on Maedhros's other side, though he still couldn't meet either of their eyes.

“Alright, let’s do this.” Mae wrapped his arms around his boyfriends and pulled them in close. He had to admit, the feeling of a person on each side of him felt a lot better than just one. But down to business. “So. I suppose first we could take a moment to address jealousy.”

“My bad, there,” Finno admitted. “It’s going to take me a while to get used to this whole sharing thing..” Kano stayed quiet, not sure how to even begin.

“It’s a perfectly normal response,” Mae reassured. “Just this morning you had me all to yourself, then the next time you see me I’m shirtless and having a mutual jerk session with my new boyfriend. That’ll be the follow-up topic.” He paused to pat Fingon’s shoulder reassuringly with the stump of his arm. “Keeping with the current topic, jealousy is bound to happen in this sort of relationship. And any time it may crop up, we need to properly address it. Say you get jealous of me and Mags again, Finno. The best thing to do would be to approach us and discuss how you’re feeling so we can talk about any behaviors of ours that might need adjusting. Of course if the jealousy happens to be unfounded, we would discuss adjusting some of _your_ behaviors. All that sound good to you two?”

Fingon nodded, pressing a kiss where he could reach Mae’s chest. “Work in progress,” he agreed, walking his fingers across his cousin’s waistband still. “I’ll try and not get all shouty.”  
“I.. yeah,” Kano began, feeling overwhelmed already at the thought. “I just don’t want to make things bad between you two..”  
Fingon frowned at that, lifting his head to look at Maglor then. “Just because we fight doesn’t mean things are bad, Mags. All couples fight. Don’t go blaming yourself if we get in a row.”

“Not everything’s always your fault, Mags. I told you that before,” Nelyo added, absently running his fingers through his brother’s hair.

Kano exhaled softly, distracted by the way Finno’s fingers were on Nelyo’s stomach. He tried to remember that this wasn’t a competition, but it was a challenge for sure. Casual touches like what their cousin was doing was.. the way Fingon was skilled at flirty banter.. Maglor wasn’t good at those things. “You did.. sorry, I’m trying to keep it in mind.”

He angled his face to his brother’s and kissed the tip of his nose. “And stop apologizing for everything,” he said gently. “But moving on, how are we all feeling about sexual intimacy? Like, how comfortable are you two taking it with me, are you comfortable with being with each other...?”

“You know I always want you,” Finno teased, ignoring the flare of jealousy from Mae kissing Mags. Internal conflict need not arise. Still, he kept up good appearances and added another joke. “Mags needs to buy me dinner first.”   
At that, Kano actually laughed, rolling his eyes. “I.. am working on sexual intimacy in general,” he managed after a moment, thinking. “With you it’s easier, with Finno.. no offense, but..” “Not your type?” “It’s just a lot more to process.. Not sure if I’ll ever be okay with it.”

“And that’s perfectly fine,” Mae said, patting both their shoulders. “Just because you’re involved with me, doesn’t mean you have to be involved with each other. I just don’t want you to think I’m explicitly barring you from it.” If he were being honest, the mental image of his cousin and brother making out was incredibly appealing, but he opted not to share that with them. Didn’t need to make everyone uncomfortable; not when so much progress was being made. “We also seem to have an issue with PDA. I don’t mean public public, like...” He paused a moment to find the right words. “You both get uncomfortable when I’m affectionate with the other. Well, you’re more on the discomfort end, Mags. Finno, you seem to get a little pissed.”

Both Finno and Kano managed to blush at that last comment, Finno pressing his face into Mae’s shoulder and Kano fidgeting awkwardly as he looked away. After a moment, Fingon turned his face again and sighed. “Question.. even if we aren’t doing things together together, what about me and Mags doing things to you? Is that on the table?” Kano’s face went even redder at the question, sinking down a bit at the thought. He couldn’t even remotely form a coherent response to that.

“That’s up to the two of you,” Maedhros replied, ever the diplomat. “I’m not opposed to it, but it’s not really my call.” Though he appeared outwardly professional and composed, Mae was practically melting on the inside. Abso-fucking-lutely had been his knee-jerk response to the question, but he hadn’t said it aloud for obvious reasons. He seriously hoped his brother would be on board with the idea, but Nelyo promised himself he wouldn’t be outwardly disappointed if he wasn’t.

“I.. uh..” Kano didn’t think he had ever blushed as deeply as he was right now, burning up from the inside out. His hand came up to cover his face, heart racing at the thought. “Is.. gods.. I didn’t think.. is that..” “Yes, Mags. That’s a thing that could happen. If you are comfortable with it, of course,” Fingon reassured, looking to Maedhros with a hint of a smile.

Gods, Kano was just so adorable, Mae thought. And so innocent, it seemed. He briefly wondered what kind of sex his brother and Daeron had been having, before speaking. “No one’s going to push you into it, and no one’s going to be upset if you say no. You don’t even have to answer now if you need more time to think on it.”

“No! I uh.. no.. I want to,” he mumbled from behind his hand, his mouth dry. “I just.. didn’t think it would be okay..” Fingon’s eyes went wide in his surprise, looking to Mae and then Maglor again.

“Of course it’s okay,” Mae said encouragingly. “Honestly, the thought of it is _really_ hot, plus it would be a great way for you two to learn how to share me.”

Kano barely managed to peek through his fingers, still feeling entirely too warm. What was even more embarrassing was the way his cock stirred in his jeans again, no doubt pressing against Mae’s leg. Finno’s fingers swept lightly across Mae’s hip again.

Between his cousin’s touch and the feeling of his brother’s hardness against his leg, his own length twitched with interest. Nelyo knew Maglor said he was still a bit iffy on physical intimacy, and it might be a bit overwhelming to ask him to jump right into something with him _and_ Finno, but he thought it would be worth it to ask. “Would you two mind trying it out now...?”

“I thought you’d never ask,” Finno grinned, scooting up to kiss Mae gently before looking to Maglor. “You think you wanna try, cousin?” Kano chewed at his lip, pulling a bit of the skin off “Oh... uh...” “Only if you are ready, Mags,” Finno reminded. “Is.. it okay..? With both of you..?” Fingon nodded, reassuring as he could be.

“Wouldn’t have suggested it if I didn’t want to do it,” he grinned, rubbing Kano’s forearm reassuringly.

Though the idea definitely invited a hint of jealousy in him, Fingon pushed it back in favour of pleasures that could be had. Of pleasures Maedhros could have. He reached forward and took Maglor’s hand, bringing to cup over the hardness that was beginning in Mae’s jeans. “Here,” he prompted, “touch him here.” Kano’s blush didn’t fade as he looked to his brother, as if questioning that this was right.

Mae released a soft moan as his length pressed hard against the confines of his underwear and jeans. It had been quite a few minutes since he was prevented from achieving his release, so it wasn’t going to take much before he was over the edge. Noticing that his brother seemed to be looking for verbal confirmation, Mae nodded and exhaled, “Yeah, that’s great, Kano.”

“Just do what you were doing when I interrupted earlier,” Finno whispered, leaning in slowly to kiss along Mae’s neck. Not having Fingon’s eyes on him helped, and Kano’s fingers fumbled a moment before undoing the button and drawing the zipper down on Nelyo’s jeans. His hand dipped inside until his fingers could wrap around the hardening length there.

A loud groan escaped him at Kano’s touch as his cock sprang fully to life. Already he could feel his orgasm building, which would have been embarrassing had he not been so close to release before. Vaguely remembering that his brother had also been denied orgasm, Mae moved his hand around blindly until he reached the bulge in Kano’s pants.

Inhaling sharply, Kano couldn’t help the way he rutted toward Nelyo’s hand. From how they were positioned, it wasn’t too difficult to build a rhythm, stroking his brother’s length as he would his own. He felt more than saw, his eyes had at some point closed, Fingon shifting again. Finno had run his tongue along the gentle curve of Mae’s ear before sinking down further. His lips were soft and warm over his cousin’s shirt, finding the fabric covered nipple with ease. His hand went immediately under the shirt to find the other bud, rolling it between his fingers.

The stimulation was rapidly becoming too much Maedhros, but he did his best to keep focused on his brother’s cock. The angle made it difficult, but he eventually managed to free Maglor’s length from his pants and underwear. His strokes were a bit staggered as he’d never given a handjob at such a bizarre angle, and certainly not with his left hand. Nelyo hoped it would be enough for his brother.

Kano’s heart was racing as he opened his eyes, seeing his brother at the attention of both himself and their cousin. Even though Nelyo wasn’t left hand dominant, and the angle was strange, the feeling of the hand on him was overwhelming when combined with the sight. Fingon’s eyes met his own briefly, and Kano bit his lip trying not to look away when Finno winked, but gods did he blush something awful. Fingon lifted the shirt slowly, dipping his head down just enough to press kisses on Mae’s skin, avoiding scars all the way.

Mae’s breath hitched slightly, in a combination of arousal and alarm. On one hand, Finno’s kisses felt wonderful. On the other, a good amount of his torso was now exposed. To Fingon. The last person he wanted seeing his awful scars. Nelyo’s hand stalled in its movements as his whole body tensed up in fear. He began gasping for air, and he shut his eyes, trying to focus on evening out his breathing like Maglor had told him to before.

The tensing, for a brief second, Finno thought was just Mae hitting his peak, but it became really clear that that wasn't the case. He drew back from his boyfriend then. That was when it hit him. It wasn't this.. he had been fine with this.. It was when he had lifted Mae's shirt. Fuck. It was him that was the problem. Kano had noticed the shift in mood as well, the way his brother tensed and his breath became shorter. He took his hand off the other's length and sat up a bit to cradle the other's face in his hands. "Hey.. Shh.. It's okay.. Breathe, Nelyo.."

“I’m sorry,” he choked out between breaths. “I’m so sorry...” He did his best to suppress the wave of nausea that hit him, and in doing so caused himself to gag. Tears pricked at his eyes in shame; Gods he was so pathetic. He couldn’t even go a day without fucking something up. Mae’s breathing grew more staggered as he began sobbing outright, no longer desiring to hold back his feelings of inferiority and self-disgust.

Kano scooped his brother into his arms without thinking, running his fingers through his hair gently. "Shhh, none of that.. I'm here. Breathe." Fingon was at a loss for the first time, wanting to help, to comfort, but struggling with his own head. It was him. Maedhros didn't want to be touched by _him_ , not like Finno wanted to touch him at least. He didn't want to be without his shirt in front of _him_. Maglor was okay, but not him. He moved on the bed a bit so he could rub Mae's back, chewing absently at the inside of his cheek.

Nelyo put his hand over his face, trying to preserve what little dignity he had left. He cried for a bit longer, soon running out of tears, but his breathing remained choppy. At last he took a deep breath, held it, then exhaled. Calm was not the best word to describe how he now felt, but he was certainly less panicked than a moment ago. His eyes remained shut as he blindly reached out to Fingon, finding his cousin’s leg and settling his hand down there.

Lacing their fingers together, Fingon tried to reel in his thoughts. This was neither the time nor place. His thumb caressed the back of his boyfriend’s hand, leaning down to press careful kisses on his knuckles. Kano looked to Finno, worry in his expression even now. Nelyo was at least not sobbing anymore.

“I’m so sorry,” Maedhros repeated, in control of his breathing once more. “I just... I love you, Finno, and I know you love me, but I worry once you see those ugly scars that.. that you won’t love me anymore...”

Fingon immediately felt guilty. Leaning closer, he pressed his head into Mae’s shoulder where he could, needing that physical touch. “I have always and will always love you,” he assured, quiet. He didn’t dare say anything about how Maglor loved him and got the chance to see him, though it was there in the ache of his heart.

Mae leaned into his cousin as much as he could, the warmth of his body — and Maglor’s — soothing him. “Mags talked me through it before.. Maybe if you talked me through it too it would help?”

Where Kano’s arms were wrapped around Nelyo’s arms, Finno wrapped his own around his waist until they were both effectively cradling the tallest between them. “Of course, _arimelda_ ,” he murmured softly. His beloved. “You’re doing so well.. You are safe.” Kano looked to Finno over Mae’s shoulder, nodding encouragingly. In this, they could work together.

“Kiss me?” Maedhros asked pleadingly. He loved hearing all the endearments spilling from Findekáno’s mouth, but he desperately wanted those beautiful, shapely lips on his.

Tilting Mae’s face to his, Finno went in for the kiss with ease. He loved kissing Maedhros more than anything. The way their lips fit against one another’s perfectly. His free hand went to Mae’s cheek.

All panic that had still been lingering in him instantly dissipated, and Nelyo relaxed in his boyfriends’ hold. It occurred to him that Kano may have been feeling awkward — as he seemed to have a habit doing — so he pressed his back into his brother’s chest in comfort, not breaking contact with Finno.

Despite everything that had happened, and all the awkwardness and discomfort that had occurred, this felt natural. Kano still felt a bit awkward with Finno and Nelyo kissing, but his brother’s subtle reassurance was helpful. Fingon took his time kissing Mae, humming softly against his lips.

With the passing of Mae’s panic attack came the resurgence of his arousal, and he subconsciously shifted his hips, seeking friction once again. While he didn’t want to break the kiss, tender and sweet as it was, the need to orgasm was promptly making its way to the forefront of his mind. Pulling away from Fingon, he asked, “Ready to try the shirt again?”

Fingon licked his lower lip, assessing the situation with his eyes locked with Mae’s. “Are you sure? We.. don’t have to if you aren’t ready,” he reminded, trying to push his own insecurity from his head. “I can stay above the shirt..” Kano’s hand stroked softly up the inside of Nelyo’s thigh in thought, listening.

“I want to do it,” Nelyo firmly stated. “I know if I don’t you’re going to get weird thoughts about how I can only take my shirt off in front of Kano, and I suddenly love him more than you... I’m sure that’s already happened, but I don’t want you to dwell on it.”

Rolling his eyes dramatically, Fingon couldn’t help smiling. “I hate that you know me so well, but I also love that you know me so well,” he stated, glancing briefly at Mae’s chest and letting his eyes fall to the hem of his shirt again. “I love you,” Finno reminded, hesitantly reaching for the hem again. “And I’m never. Ever. Ever. _Ever_. Going to stop loving you.”

“I love you too. And what I did with Kano earlier isn’t a reflection of how I feel about you,” he replied, his expression solemn. “I wanted to try again for you. For both of you. And I absolutely would’ve done it with you had you been here instead.”

“I’ll try and remember that,” Finno nodded, sighing softly. “Can I...?” His fingers traced the hem of the shirt, as if asking to lift it once more. More than anything, he wanted things to go back to how they had been.. Careful, fun, passionate.. He had always loved being physically intimate with Maedhros, and losing that since the accident had been really hard on him, though he would never admit it. Kano was quiet, rubbing his fingers soothingly along Nelyo’s thigh.

“Of course,” he replied enthusiastically. If he had it his way, Nelyo would’ve wanted his cousin to just go ahead and take his shirt off, his feelings be damned. He felt too fragile this way, with Finno asking for permission and pulling up the shirt so slowly as if any wrong movement would cause Nelyo to break. Which it could. But while he would much rather do things his way, he was glad Finno was so concerned about consent.

Careful, slow movements. Fingon lifted the shirt, checking periodically with the other. He was terrified of causing another panic attack, of being the cause of Mae’s upset. Maglor’s hands caressed along his brother’s sides at the same time, whispering little reassurances into Nelyo’s ear.

Mae closed his eyes, feeling incredibly relaxed in his brother’s embrace. He faintly flinched under Finno’s touch a few times, but his breathing remained slow and steady.

Finno tried not to feel horrible every time Mae flinched, but it was difficult. A reminder that Mags has succeeded where he was failing, a reversal from their usual roles if he truly thought on it. Still, he managed to finally get the shirt up enough where Mae would need to lift his arms.

Opening his eyes, Maedhros pushed himself up away from Kano, and raised his arms above his head. He kept his gaze carefully fixed on the wall in front of him, knowing that if he dared to look at his bare chest or his cousin before the shirt was fully off, he’d lose it.

Managing to get the shirt off of Mae, Finno took a moment to fold it and place it to the side before bracing himself. This was it, wasn’t it? Moment of truth. Slowly, hesitantly, he lifted his eyes and scanned the other’s chest. It felt like something had lodged in his throat, tears brimming his eyes, as he saw the damage from the accident. Swallowing thickly, he shook his head and reached for Mae. “Kiss me,” he breathed, leaning in already to press a loving kiss to the other’s lips.

Mae's heart plummeted in his chest at Fingon’s reaction. He knew it. His cousin found him unattractive. That’s why he wanted a kiss; he didn’t want to look at Nelyo’s mangled body. It hurt, but Mae kissed him anyway, suppressing the urge to vomit.

Finno kissed Maedhros for a moment before breaking it, their foreheads pressed together. “It’s.. fuck.. I’m so amazed and so thankful I didn’t lose you then,” he whispered, trying to keep from crying. “I almost lost you.. but you’re here.. you’re here and you’re alive and.. and I am so grateful.. so proud of you for surviving..”

He hummed noncommittally in response, knowing Fingon’s words were sincere, but still feeling horribly insecure. Subconsciously he leaned back into Maglor, his mind telling him to get away from Fingon and hide; that his cousin didn’t want to look at him anymore.

"You're... pulling away from me," Finno frowned slightly as the other shifted, not missing how Kano wrapped his arms protectively around Mae's waist and held him close. He couldn't quite hide the hurt in his eyes at that, though he did his best to mask it from the rest of his face.

“I... I’m sorry, I just— Y-Your face, and—“ Mae was tripping over his words, trying to explain to Fingon. But incoherent babbling wasn’t going to soothe his cousin’s worry, so he opted to shut up for a moment in order to collect himself. “You looked so upset when you saw my body,” he said at last, “so I thought that you found me unattractive and changed your mind about wanting to be with me...”

Fingon shook his head, taking Mae's hand in both of his. "No... No, of course not," he tried to find the words to explain. "I'm upset because it brought up bad memories, not because I find you unattractive. You're still the most beautiful man I've ever known and I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with you. Don't even think like that."

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled, feeling guilty for having assumed the worst. “Can we just forget about that?”

"Of course," he smiled slightly, bringing Mae's hand to his lips to press a kiss to the knuckles there. "Do you think we can keep going? I'm sorta kinda dying to touch you and I'm sure Mags is blue balling over there," he teased, trying to lighten the mood. Kano blushed at the insinuation, though it wasn't wrong. He was still hard and it was borderline miserable to go from close to stop to close and stop again.

Mae smiled, relieved at the subject change and amused by Finno’s joking. “It’s not just Mags, you know. I think I’ve got ten seconds before my balls explode,” he teased back.

"Probably easier to switch up this positioning, don't you think?" Fingon had always been so self-assured in sex and now was no different. He didn't fret about the little things. "Not really sure what either of you are comfortable doing though, which makes my overactive imagination a challenge," he laughed. Kano's fingers lightly trailed up and down Nelyo's sides, leaning his face against his brother's shoulder.

His heart leapt in his chest. He hadn’t considered the possibility of doing more than they already had been, but he supposed that with his shirt now off, their options were a bit more open. But as much as he wanted to go further, there was still the matter of Maglor. “It’s up to Mags,” he said, bringing his hand up to caress his brother’s cheek. “You already know what I’m okay with, and now that we’ve got my shirt off I should be good to go.” He turned his head slightly in the direction of Maglor to address him, not wanting to leave him out of the conversation. “We don’t have to do any more if it’s uncomfortable for you.”

Makalaure chewed his lip, knowing for a fact that he was blushing and there was little he could do to change that. At this point, he was resigned to such a thing. But now that Nelyo was shirtless and feeling okay, and Eru save him, Fingon was here and everything was more than a touch overwhelming. "I.. uh... sorry... I'm not really.. uh.." Fingon could see exactly how much the other was struggling with this already, and then he felt a bit more guilty for suggesting things. As much as he wanted desperately to have Mae in all sorts of ways, if Kano wasn't down it wouldn't work well. "If you want.. We can do what we were doing before? I can do whatever to Maedhros and you two can jack each other off?"

“That sounds good,” Mae nodded, feeling a bit disappointed. He’d already guessed that his brother wouldn’t be on board, but the verbal confirmation stung nonetheless. “We can take it further on our own time.”

Kano frowned a little, hearing the disappointment in Nelyo’s voice and seeing the disappointment in Fingon’s expression. He was dragging them both down, it felt like, and he hated it. “Or.. we could.. uh..” For a moment he debated on telling them they could do things and he would just go, but he knew that his brother wouldn’t like that. Finno raised a brow, tilting his head as Maglor fumbled for ideas. “Just a suggestion, and by no means do we have to, but we could both go down on him?” Maglor looked to his brother briefly, blush getting even worse, but then glanced back to their cousin sheepishly. It was clear he was okay with it by the way he nodded, albeit hesitantly.

“You don’t have to push yourself if you’re not ready,” Mae urged, worried that Maglor had suggested the alternative just to please him and Fingon.

“I feel like I’m stopping you two from... all this,” he sighed, absently tapping a rhythm against his own leg to try and calm himself down. Kano felt unbearably anxious, and gods, guilty. 

Fingon leaned back onto his hands, arms holding him up on the bed. This was Mae’s conversation more than his own.

Maedhros maneuvered himself to turn around and face his brother directly. “You’re not,” he said, placing his hand on Maglor’s shoulder. “Like I said, Finno and I can do our own things on our own time. It’s really not a big deal.”

Kano looked to the hand on his shoulder, bringing his own hand up to cover it. Even still, he felt horrible for denying Maedhros what he wanted.. even if he himself wasn’t entirely ready for things yet. He felt like some sort of prude in comparison. And then there was Fingon, their hypersexual and confident cousin, always up for anything.. How could he not feel inadequate? “Sorry... I hate that I’m not... that I can’t... do more...”

“You’re starting to sound like me,” Nelyo smiled warmly. “In any relationship, especially this kind, everyone’s comfort needs to be taken into consideration. We’re never going to force you into anything you’re not okay with.”

“Ever,” Fingon piped up there at last, but then fell quiet again. 

Kano sighed softly, trying not to continue to ruin the moment as he seemed to keep doing. “Sorry.. I’m maybe not feeling up to this anymore.. not the relationship.. the touching part..” His head was spinning and he felt a bit dizzy because of it.

His heart broke a little at Kano’s words, but he did his best not to let his pain show as he rubbed his brother’s shoulder comfortingly. “That’s okay too. You know where my bathroom is if you want to finish on your own.”

Fingon felt a bit bad as he watched Kano mumble and apology and get up from the bed, his cousin not looking either himself or Mae in the eye as he disappeared from the room. For a moment he stayed quiet, letting his head fall back and looking at the ceiling. "Did I push too hard or is he just.. not really into sex?"

“I.. don’t know,” Nelyo frowned, still staring at the door where his brother left. “He told me earlier that he was out of practice and didn’t want to get too intimate because of it, but knowing Mags there’s probably something else bothering him.” He chewed the inside of his cheek, desperately trying to figure out what underlying problem Maglor might be hiding.

Sighing softly, he lifted his head again, pushing himself closer to Maedhros and kissing his shoulder. "I'm sure he'll be more willing to talk about things when I'm not around... How are _you_ holding up?"

Mae turned around to face his cousin, giving him a quick peck on the lips in return. “Terribly,” he admitted with a small smile, “what about you?”

"Unbearably aroused," he teased, brushing his fingers across Mae's cheek. "Why terrible?"

“I think at this point there’s only one part of my body that’s got any blood left,” he said half jokingly.

Finno laughed at that, rolling his eyes and pulling Mae into another kiss. His hand snuck below, blindly searching for his boyfriend's cock before his fingers wrapped around the length.

Mae took a sharp intake of breath as Fingon’s hand came in contact with his arousal. He immediately knew he wouldn’t last much longer, as his orgasm had already been delayed for what felt like ages.

Fingon's lips went from Mae's own, to his jaw, his neck... Laying kisses along every bit of skin he could manage as he stroked, slow at first but picking up pace. "I love you," he murmured softly, "so much."

He could only cry out in response as his release overcame him, the intensity of it causing him to fall forward into Fingon.

It was nice to be able to get Maedhros off like this, even if it hadn’t lasted long. It didn’t have to. He stroked until the other was spent before wiping his hand on his own jeans and wrapping his arms around the other. “So beautiful,” he hummed, kissing Mae’s temple.

“I think we should definitely do orgasm denial more often,” Nelyo murmured, still coming down from his high. “Probably better though if it’s intentional..”

“You sure you wanna give me ideas like that?” Fingon grinned, keeping Mae close to him. It felt amazing to have his bare skin under his touch after so long. “Maybe less difficult conversations between, though.”

“Agreed,” he said simply, comfortable in Fingon’s hold. After all that build-up, all he wanted to do was fall asleep right there, but Maglor was still about, and there was still more talking to be done. “Should we go check on Kano?”

“I’m sure he will return when he’s ready,” Finno sighed, not wanting to let his boyfriend free just yet. It had been such a long time since they had been together like this. When they didn’t need to rush anywhere or do anything. 

\---------------

Kano managed to get off in the bathroom, but it wasn’t enjoyable at all. He curled his knees up to his chest as he sat on the floor, trying to get himself together.

\---------------

Mae had a hard time believing that statement, and he said as much to his cousin. “I dunno, Finno. I wouldn’t put it past him to just up and leave without saying a word. And he was particularly upset when he left, so... I think we should go check on him.”

Groaning softly, Finno took Mae’s hand and moved it to his own still hard length, barred still by his jeans. “This first? Won’t take too long...”

Glancing at the door in concern once more, Maedhros looked back to his cousin. “Alright,” he agreed. “It’s only fair.”

Fingon helped get the jeans undone, not wasting any time before he finally managed to free his arousal for the other. “Let’s see how your lefty skills are improving,” he teased.

“Not at all, I’m sure,” Mae replied. “I’ve had very little practice since last time.” He firmly grabbed ahold of Fingon’s length, doing his best to squeeze and tug at the appropriate times. But his mind was elsewhere, worrying about his brother disappearing on them, or cutting himself, or both.

It became all too apparent that Mae’s head was elsewhere, and even though it felt good, Fingon had to force himself to stop. He placed his hand over Mae’s wrist, halting the movements. “You’re thinking about him,” he sighed, trying not to sound disappointed. “Here.. I’ll finish myself. Go check on him, okay?”

“No, I don’t—“ Maedhros began to argue before cutting himself off and sighing. “Yes, I’m thinking about him, but I’m not going to leave you by yourself.”

“It’s fine, babe,” Finno reassured, sounding more at ease than he felt. “Really. Go check on him. I’ll be okay.” Even though it sucked, he knew he would be alright. He was better at his own emotional regulation than either Mae or Mags tended to be.

“Are you sure?” Mae pressed. “Like, you’re not just saying it’s fine to make me feel better?” He desperately wanted to go to his brother, but he also felt guilty about leaving Fingon, especially because of the feelings he knew his cousin harbored towards his relationship with Maglor.

Fingon pressed a kiss against Mae’s lips, chaste but kind all the same. “I’m sure. Now go,” he smiled gently, nudging the other. If Maedhros was going to be preoccupied with thinking about someone else, Finno didn’t want to be touched. Not like that.

“Alright,” Maedhros said hesitantly as he moved off the bed and to the door. He still wasn’t fully convinced that Finno was being honest, but the need to make sure Maglor was okay urged him on. He made the short walk to the bathroom and knocked on the door. “Mags? You all good in there?”

In the corner of the bathroom, Maglor’s head was between his knees and his knees were pulled up to his chest. He felt like he couldn’t move, but the knock made him jolt. Swallowing hard, he took a moment to try and collect himself. “Y-yeah, I’m good,” he lied, and even then it didn’t sound convincing.

Nelyo saw through him immediately, and found himself wishing his boyfriends would be more open about their feelings. Though who was he kidding? He was the exact same way. “Is it okay if I come in?” he asked gently.

The thought of getting up and acting like he was fine was exhausting. He chewed his lip for a second, quiet, before giving in. “Okay..”

Mae opened the door and found Kano sitting on the floor in a corner. He furrowed his brow in concern, but didn’t make a move towards his brother. “Mags...?”

“Please come in and close the door...” Kano didn’t look up, feeling like he couldn’t. “Sorry...”

“What’re you apologizing for?” Maedhros asked, as he fulfilled his brother’s request.

Pulling his knees in tighter, Maglor struggled to find the words to say. How to apologize for being bad at everything? “For.. running away again...”

“It’s not a big deal,” Mae said as he sat down in front of Kano. ”You feel like you need space, and I understand that.”

“I feel so stupid...” Kano glanced briefly at Nelyo, but his eyes fell again quickly. “What kind of loser freaks out over sex, you know?”

Mae extended his hand to rest it against Kano’s calf in a comforting gesture. “It doesn’t make you a loser, Mags. Your feelings are totally valid.”

“I ruined things... I know how much you.. and I..” He shook his head and buried his face into his knees again.

“How much we what?” Maedhros prompted gently. “And you didn’t ruin anything. Yes, I wish I could be more intimate with you, but that’s not a deal breaker, I promise.”

His hands went into his hair, fingers caught in the snarls nearly yanking the hair out of his head. ”I’m sorry.. I want to but I c-can’t do it.. not with him there too.. not yet...”

Slightly alarmed, Maedhros grabbed Kano’s wrist and guided his hand away from his hair. Unable to do the same with his brother’s other hand, he nudged the wrist up with the stump of his arm until Kano’s grip lessened. ”That’s okay, Mags, I’ve already told you. You just saw me, I have my own issues too, but we’re both going to work through them. But there’s absolutely no rush, so don’t worry about me, okay?”

Kano looked up at his brother, his eyes red from crying. He felt pathetic, like some sort of absolute idiot. Even with his brother’s reassuring words. “Nelyo.. what if I’m never ready..? I don’t want to let you down.. I’m not.. I can’t be like him..”

“Who? What’re you talking about, Kano?,” Mae prompted with the least force possible. He didn’t quite grasp who his brother was referencing, or why he seemed to think that sex was the be all end all of a relationship.

“Fingon.. he- he’s-“ Kano groaned at his inability to get the words out, letting his head fall back between his knees. Fingon was like Daeron in that way. Self assured, confident, comfortable with sex. But that wasn’t Maglor.. It was one of the many reasons him and Daeron hadn’t worked out. He overthought sex constantly, and Daeron didn’t the way that Fingon didn’t. They just did it, they didn’t cry about it in the bathroom, panicking because they don’t feel worthy of being touched.

Realization hit Nelyafinwe, immediately followed by concern. “Mags, look at me,” he said, not waiting for his brother to do so on his own, and forcing his head up with his hand. “Don’t you _ever_ compare yourself to Finno, okay? You’re not the same person, and I’d never want you to be. If I was looking for another one of him in bed, I probably would’ve picked Tyelko or Findaráto, but I want _you_. And don’t you think I knew what I was doing when I pursued you? We’re brothers, Kano, I know what you’re like, and I wouldn’t expect you to be much different in the bedroom. So please, don’t feel like you’re letting me down, because you’re not.”

It was difficult to hold his brother's gaze, and his eyes averted several times, but Maedhros wouldn't let him look away. There was a determination in his eyes that Maglor hadn't seen much of in the last few years. The thought that his brother could give him such a look made his heart race. "I... can't help but worry..."

“There’s nothing to worry about,” Nelyo stated firmly, finally letting go of Kano’s face. “You’re not Fingon, and I would never expect you to be. I want you as you are, Kanafinwë.”

"Nelyo..." He exhaled, looking down again and pulling his lip between his teeth. "I'll... try to remember that... Sorry for upsetting you... I'm trying not to."

Nelyo eased back a little, his brother’s words and behavior causing him to worry that he’d been too harsh. “I’m only upset because I care about you, Kano. I just don’t want you to be in this relationship and always compare yourself to Findekáno. I may have been dating him longer, but that doesn’t mean I think he’s better than you. I may act like it sometimes, and I would never do it on purpose, but if I ever make you feel inferior to him just call me out on it, okay? This relationship is new to all of us and mistakes are going to be made, but the only way to correct them is to let each other know.”

Kano sighed, running his fingers absently through his hair. He was finally at least starting to come down from feeling so anxious, which helped substantially. "Is.. Finno upset with me? For.. ruining the moment?"

“No,” he immediately responded. Realizing what he said might not have been wholly true, he decided to elaborate. “I don’t think so. He seemed fine to continue without you, but I kept worrying about you while I was jacking him off so he let come check on you. He seemed upset about that, but it was directed towards me, not you.”

"Okay," he nodded, glancing to his brother again and giving a dry laugh. "I'm a mess... Still not sure why you're choosing to be with me, but.. I'm really thankful you are," he admitted, feeling his face warm as he spoke.

“You like me and I like you. That simple,” he smiled, glad his brother’s mood seemed to have improved.

Loosening his arms from around his knees, he stretched his shoulders earning a loud crack of his back. Kano winced slightly at the sound, but didn’t further comment on it. “Do.. we have to keep talking about relationship stuff today or can we maybe put it off to tomorrow? I’m exhausted now.. Too many emotions for such a short amount of time..”

“We can put it off,” he replied, perfectly understanding how Maglor was feeling. “I’m feeling pretty tired myself. Let’s just eat frosting and chill. Sound good?”

“Yeah,” he nodded, “that sounds good..” Kano smiled a little at last, shifting so he could get off the floor. Gods, did he ache.

\---------------

Still in the bedroom, Fingon had pulled on one of Mae’s sweaters and tucked Mae’s favourite pillow under his head, curling up on his side to play with his phone until the other’s finished their conversation.

\----------------

“Great,” Mae said as he stood with his brother. “You can grab the frosting and get settled on the couch, and I’ll go grab Finno.” Patting Kano on the arm, he returned to the bedroom to retrieve Fingon, finding his cousin situated comfortably on his favorite pillow and sporting one of his sweaters. The sight was tantalizing, but there was no time for such things now. “Hey, Finno, we’re gonna hang on the couch with some frosting I made. That sound good to you?”

Glancing up from his phone, Finno made a face at the thought of moving. There was a good reason why he spent most of his time here and not in his dorm. The bed was just so comfortable. Still, he pushed himself up to sit “As long as I get to cuddle up to you,” he smiled. “Kiss?”

Mae smiled and closed the distance between them. “Kiss,” he repeated, pressing a chaste kiss to Finno’s lips before pulling away. “Now come on. Don’t want Kano to think we’ve abandoned him.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dinner and feelings.

Getting up to his feet, Fingon laced their fingers together and followed his cousin out to the sitting room. Maglor was already sitting on the couch, his legs crossed Indian style with the bowl of frosting right in the middle.

“Hey, Mags,” Maedhros greeted as he unceremoniously flopped onto the couch next to his brother.

“Hi,” Kano offered, spooning frosting into his mouth right after. It was obvious he had at least tried to flatten his mess of hair and look more presentable. Finno took a seat on the other side of Mae and immediately pulled his legs half under him, leaning against the other side ease.

Nelyo scooted closer to Kano, putting his arm around Fingon’s shoulder and pulling him closer, not wanting his cousin to get the wrong idea. “This is nice,” he commented.

Finno leaned his head on Mae’s shoulder as Kano did as well, as if they both had the same simple desire. Be closer to Maedhros. Kano offered the frosting to the others as well, thinking. “It is.. nice, yeah..”

“Want some frosting, Finno? It’s just buttercream.” It was rare that Maedhros ate his own confections anymore besides to taste test; All the time he spent at the bakery caused him to be a bit overexposed to his own goods, but he still loved to bake for others.

Finno reached over to dip a finger into the bowl, scooping a bit before popping it into his mouth. Swallowing, he smiled and turned his face to press a kiss to Mae’s shoulder. “Best buttercream I’ve ever had, love. Bit sweet though. Mags, I didn’t realize you had a sweet tooth?”  
Kano nodded, tapping a rhythm against the side of the bowl. “Nelyo makes really good frosting... Can’t help it.”

“You flatter me,” Mae said, though the praise from his boyfriends made him smile all the same. He was silent for a moment, before remembering a piece of conversation he and his brother had had earlier. “Mags and I were going to make dinner for us all tonight, too.”

“Dinner sounds good,” Finno said, covering his mouth as he yawned. Such a long day it had been between his cousins and practice, and truly he wouldn’t mind not having to cook. Kano spooned more frosting into his mouth, licking the spoon in thought. “It’s been a while since we cooked together, so it should be nice.”

Mae nodded slowly, expression wistful as he reminisced on old times. “Things’ll be different now, what with me missing a hand and all,” he noted as he emerged from his reverie. “I don’t know what we’d all like to eat, but if there’s any pan-work involved that’ll have to be up to you.”

Kano shrugged a bit at the thought. “Amil would have had a fit. Remember the time I tried to flip an egg without the spatula and the egg flew across the room? I’ll try though.”

“Maybe we should just avoid pans altogether,” Mae laughed. “How about we do something in the oven instead?”

“Better choice,” Maglor smiled, exhaling a laugh as well. Finno yawned again, wrapping his arms around Mae’s arm and snuggling in closer. “You know I’m not picky,” Fingon mumbled, “dinner was always better at your place than mine.”

“And noisier,” Mae added with a grin, patting his cousin’s knee.

“Infinitely noisier,” he hummed. “Though that’s not a challenge. Atar always liked quiet at dinner.” Kano rolled his eyes at the thought. “Once Tyelko was born, we never had a quiet dinner again. Though Nelyo and I weren’t exactly silent either.”

“Tyelko was definitely the beginning of the end, though,” he pointed out. “And then of course the twins were the nail in the coffin.”

“Carnistir was pretty screechy too,” Finno reminded with a small smile. “In our house, Irisse was the problem child. I’m shocked Atar didn’t ship her off to your house permanently.” Kano shuddered at the thought. “Both Irisse and Tyelko in the same room? Miserable every time.”

“Ah, families,” Mae sighed with an amused smile. “I’m certainly glad I have you two.”

Finno snuggled closer subconsciously, kissing Mae where he could several times, ever physically affectionate as he was. “So thankful you’re mine,” he hummed, then realized better, “ours.” Hearing his cousin amend that statement made Maglor smile, ducking his head down a bit as warmth spread across his face. “Ours..”

Nelyo pressed kisses to each of their heads, a bit of a challenge considering their very close proximity. ”Forever yours,” he murmured.

“We should probably start making dinner,” Kano sighed softly, thinking aloud. He noticed how Fingon seemed to prickle at that, clinging tighter to Nelyo’s arm.

Mae felt his cousin’s grip on him increase, but he elected to ignore it. He was allowed to be alone with Kano if he wanted, and Fingon was going to have to deal with it. “Yeah,” he replied standing and simultaneously pulling himself out of Finno’s hold.

Fingon couldn’t help but whine softly, but instead of pouting as he normally would, he sat up a little straighter and tried not to put on the look of a petulant child. He was trying to be fair, after all, for Mae’s sake. Kano has gotten up as well, feeling guilty over the look on Fingon’s face and chewing at his lip.

“You can come with if you want, Finno,” Mae said, feeling a bit guilty. “It’s not like you’re banned from the kitchen.”

“I’ll just get in the way,” Finno sighed softly, fussing with one of the braids that had fallen loose. “You know I’m a disaster in the kitchen.”

“Says the one who made that lovely dinner last night,” Nelyo countered, hand on his hip. Finno was sounding an awful lot like Maglor, he noticed.

Rolling his eyes, Fingon got to his feet as well, his finger still twirling the loose braid. “Fine, but don’t say I didn’t warn you,” he hummed, sauntering off to the kitchen ahead of the others. Kano looked to Nelyo for a moment, trying not to comment on how Fingon was acting... more needy than usual.

Mae shrugged, not understanding Fingon’s behavior any more than his brother likely was. Nonetheless, he followed his cousin to the kitchen.

Kano followed to the kitchen, but stayed quiet as he watched Finno hop up onto the counter. Granted, it was a counter they weren’t likely to use much. Fingon swung his feet, leaning against the wall behind him. “So what’s for dinner, boys?”

“I don’t know. What do you fancy?” Maedhros asked, addressing both Fingon and Maglor as he leaned against the fridge.

“We could do a stir fry?” Kano suggested, crossing his arms across his chest as his thoughts wandered. His head was started to spin again.

“Pans though,” Mae reminded. “Unless you know of a way to make stir fry in an oven?” He thought for a moment, mulling over recipes in his head. “What about fish?” he offered. I’ve got some haddock in the freezer.”

“Fish is good.. what do you have for vegetables?” 

Finno watched the two go back and forth, swinging his legs a bit from where he sat.

“Uhhh...” he said, looking up at the ceiling as he mentally took inventory of his vegetables. “Peas, carrots, green beans, all the necessary components of a basic salad...”

Kano rapped his fingers against the surface closest to him, a rhythmic beat. “Green beans do well with fish. As long as you have garlic, I can make them like Ammë used to.”

“Of course I have garlic,” Mae replied with mock offense. “What is any meal without garlic, really?” He grinned, cracking his already poorly maintained façade. “But seriously, that sounds good.”

Finno closed his eyes and leaned back against the wall, feeling restless but tired. The pair could debate food all day, he didn’t care much for it. 

Kano hummed and went to wash his hands in the sink, preparing for cooking.

“Does that all sound okay to you, Finno?” Mae asked, turning to his cousin. Fingon had been so quiet for the past few moments, he’d nearly forgotten he was there.

Peeking open an eye, he managed a small shrug. “Sure, whatever is fine. I always enjoy your cooking, babe, you know that.” 

Kano dried his hands and fidgeted for a moment before going to get the beans to get those started. He felt awkward if he wasn’t doing something, especially when Nelyo and Fingon were talking.

“I know, but we all need to agree,” Nelyo said, pushing himself up off of the fridge. He crossed the kitchen to press a kiss to his cousin’s lips, cupping the back of Fingon’s head.

Finno smiled a little, returning the kiss simply and leaning his head against Mae’s hand comfortably. “Sorry.. I’m just tired I think. Fish is okay, but just a small piece?” Gods, it felt nice to be touched and have the focus on him and not both of them for a moment, though he wouldn’t admit that aloud.

He returned his cousin’s smile and pulled away. “Sure, Finno,” he replied, giving Fingon one more kiss before moving to assist Maglor.

Maglor was working on the vegetables, humming a bit to himself one of the songs he had been working on recently. It flowed for the most part, he just hadn’t gotten the bridge where he wanted it yet. Still, it was a piece he enjoyed. 

“Mags, you should sing for us,” Finno commented, closing his eyes again and pulling the neckline of Mae’s sweater over his nose, grateful he had grabbed it earlier.

“It’d be lovely to hear a piece of yours,” Mae concurred, pulling the fish out of the freezer and unwrapping it. “No pressure, of course.”

Blinking in surprise, Kano looked up at Finno, then his gaze went to Nelyo, blush spreading across his cheeks. He knew he was a talented singer, sure, but he didn’t often get to sing for his brother. Not since they were younger, for sure. He smiled a little at the thought all the same. “Maybe singing it will help me get through this last bit of lyrics I’ve been stuck on,” he admitted, tucking his hair behind his ear.

“Oh, an unfinished piece,” Nelyo said, genuinely surprised. His brother tended to keep his work to himself unless he was one hundred percent sure it was perfect, so Maedhros was delighted to hear one of Kano’s works in progress.

“It’s just the bridge that doesn’t sound right,” he sighed, looking back to the green beans. “You both would be sworn to secrecy, I swear to Namo I will send you to the Halls so fast...”

Mae couldn’t help but crack a smile at his brother’s words as he heated up the oven. “I don’t think I could even tell anyone about your music if I tried. That sort of thing isn’t exactly my forte, so I doubt I could replicate it.”

Fingon shifted a bit where he sat, smiling at the idle threat. “Cross my heart, Mags.”

Kano began chopping the beans and seasoning them, humming the intro. Though quiet, given that they were inside, he began to sing for them.

As soon as the lyrics began, Mae stopped everything he was doing: unwrapping the fish, readying the pan for the oven, even — for a moment — breathing, so afraid he was of breaking the spell that Maglor’s voice was weaving.

Maglor’s voice was absolutely break takingly beautiful. Fingon had opened his eyes and was entranced as well, unable to help himself. The song was filled with such emotion, so much of his soul... 

Kano’s voice filled the kitchen, not stopping what he was doing but definitely getting lost in the music in his mind. As he approached the bridge where he had been stuck, the words seemed to just flow, coming out as if the veil had been lifted from his eyes.

Mae was hardly even blinking, so transfixed by his brother’s singing, that everything else had become unimportant. He found himself hoping, no, _needing_ to hear Kano’s singing more often, that beautiful voice quenching a thirst he hadn’t even realized he’d had.

As Kano finished the song, he looked up from what he was doing and found two pairs of wide eyes staring at him. Immediately, his face flushed red and he had to duck his head, embarrassed. "It's not perfect," he mumbled, feeling self-conscious already. "Needs work... I.. need to write that bridge down before I forget it though.."

“Go ahead,” Nelyo said quietly, still spellbound by his brother’s song.

Kano slipped from the room, going to write the lyrics as he had said he would. Finno blinked a few times, looking to Mae and exhaling. "Wow..."

“Yeah,” he sighed wistfully in response, still staring at the spot where Kano had left the room. “I don’t give a damn about what anyone says about Daeron. Mags is fucking incredible...”

“I always forget,” Finno mumbled, shaking his head. “Daeron has nothing on him..”

Nelyo’s gaze fell to the floor as he thought, then turned up to Fingon. “Just yesterday he was saying how he’ll never be as good as Daeron, and how hopeless he was feeling. I swear to Eru he must be deaf if he doesn’t realize how amazing he is.”

Pursing his lips, Fingon was surprised to hear that. He’d heard Daeron sing in the past, but no matter how good the other way, Finno felt Maglor was better. He was about to say as much when Maglor returned, almost sheepish in his steps. 

“Hi.. sorry,” he offered, quiet as he went back to the beans. “You guys okay?”

“Better than okay,” Mae said, a wide grin on his face as he turned his head to address his brother. “That was amazing, Mags. You’re really incredibly talented.”

“It wasn’t nearly as good as you’re making it out to be,” Kano sighed, chewing his lip awkwardly. “Thank you though.. I appreciate it.”

Mae crossed the kitchen to plant a kiss on his brother’s lips. “It was much more than good,” he reassured upon pulling away. “Don’t doubt yourself so much.”

Fingon watched Mae and his brother exchange a kiss, the way Maglor looked so shy at the compliment. Despite the jealousy he could feel in his chest, he also felt the warmth at seeing Mae so happy. 

“I’ll try,” Kano nodded. “Now go work on the fish, won’t you? We might never finish dinner at this rate.”

Mae barked a laugh and pulled away from Maglor, but made no move to return to the fish. “We’ve still got a bit before the oven is ready, and seasoning is easy,” he countered, finally returning to his spot by the oven.

Settling back as he had been, Finno got nice and comfortable once more. 

Kano finished preparing the beans with ease, humming to himself and sneaking glances at his brother. “I’ve been on a roll lately.. three songs finished this month.”

“I’m so proud of you,” Mae genuinely encouraged as he opened the cabinet in front of him to rummage through the spice rack. “Must’ve been a lot of work.”

“It’s.. exhausting honestly,” he admitted, adding more garlic. “But I’m hoping to finish an album by the year’s end so I can work on it when I go back to Alqualondë after my break.”

He cocked an eyebrow and smiled, pulling herbs out of the cabinet as needed. “An album, huh?” he asked, though it was more of a comment than a question. “Well let me know when you release it; I’ll be the first to buy.”

Maglor's face flushed again, his chin pressing into his chest as he tried to avoid looking at his brother. There were very few people he had told about the album, and fewer still he wanted to inform. Even though he enjoyed the idea of it, he much preferred to perform for strangers than friends or family. Less chance of dealing with them later if he didn't know them to begin with. "How-" he cleared his throat- "is the fish coming?"

“Still frozen solid,” he replied. Nelyo wasn’t sure why, but the thought of listening to an album made by his brother set his heart aflutter. If he had to guess, he’d say it was because an album would let him listen to Kano’s gorgeous voice over and over, coupled with excitement for his brother. Releasing an album was a big deal, and he knew Kano had worked so hard to get to this point.

"Warm it under some water?" Kano shifted on his feet, leaning against the counter and fussing with his messy hair. He didn't know why he was feeling anxious now, but he was. Still, running away wouldn't help no matter how much he considered it. 

Fingon's eyes opened in a start, having nearly fallen asleep where he had been sitting. Exhaustion from such a long day was really setting in. He reached out and brushed his fingers against Mae's arm, craving touch.

Mae turned his head and smiled warmly at his cousin: Fingon was always so adorable when half asleep. He grabbed Finno’s wandering hand and lightly kissed the knuckles, responding to Maglor with a “good idea,” before taking the fish over to the sink and doing as his brother suggested.

It was nice to get the light kisses, and Fingon gave a lazy smile as the other pulled away. He watched as Maglor attempted to braid his own hair for a moment before beckoning him over. Thankfully, Maglor didn’t refuse him. “Here.. let me,” Finno offered, careful fingers easing out tangles first.

The smile on Nelyo's face remained as he looked over his shoulder at his boyfriends, relieved to see them bonding after somewhat of a difficult evening. Especially Finno taking the initiative. Mae knew it wasn’t easy for him to make room for Kano in their relationship, but it was nice that he was making efforts to be welcoming.

This was why Fingon was thought one of the more diplomatic in his family, much like his father had been. He would leap forward in uncomfortable situations for the best of others, even if it made him feel awkward. Maedhros wished for himself and Maglor to get close, and this was just one step toward that greater good. Maglor was trying not to wince as tangles were undone, his jaw tense when the hair pulled too sharply here and there. Glancing up and seeing Nelyo and that beautiful smile made it worth the pain. He smiled softly in return, relaxing a bit.

“Wanna do me, Mags?” he asked, referring to his hair. “Since I’m going to cut it, there might not be that many braiding opportunities for a while.”

"I'm terrible at braiding and you're too tall," Kano rolled his eyes. "Grab a chair?" 

Finno managed to get the last of the snarls out that he could manage, smoothing his fingers through the dark locks. "Braiding just takes practise."

“I don’t need it to be good anyway,” he said, setting the fish down on the baking tray. After drying his hands, Mae walked out of the kitchen to retrieve a chair from the dining table. Returning to the kitchen he placed the chair in front of his brother and sat down. “What’s important is that it’s you doing it.”

Once Maedhros was seated in front of him, Maglor's deft fingers went to work in the crimson locks of hair, enjoying the smoothness of them under his touch. He tried his best to imitate one of the braids he had seen Finno do, though surely he would never get it the same. Behind him, Fingon was on one of several braids that he was pulling together, looping them all brilliantly.

Nelyo made a small noise of content, having always enjoyed the feeling of his hair being played with. It almost made him rethink his decision of cutting his hair, but he was too set on the idea. “I wonder what my hair would look like braided and short,” he mused aloud.

“Cute,” Finno piped up, thinking aloud. “It will be a challenge to braid when short but still cute.” 

Kano smiles slightly at the thought. Even though he didn’t like that Nelyo was cutting his hair, it meant that he got to see his brother through new hairstyles. And better yet now that they were dating, he had plenty of cause to run his fingers through it.

“Cute isn’t quite what I had in mind, but if you like it, I’ll take it,” Mae said, exhaling a laugh. “What do you think, Mags?” he asked, noticing his brother hadn’t spoken up. “Do you think I’d be cute?”

Finno reached around Mags to nudge his boyfriend’s shoulder playfully before getting back to his braiding. 

“Cute is one word for it,” he offered, shrugging. “Not exactly the word I would have picked, but...”

“Then what would you have picked? That’s why I asked you, you know.” Mae playfully elbowed his brother first, before blindly reaching behind him to nudge Fingon’s forearm.

Maglor felt his face growing warm, several words popping into his head that he wasn’t entirely sure he was brave enough to say aloud. He cleared his throat and undid the braid he had been working on. “Very... uh... attractive, I’m sure..”

Mae smiled, recognizing that his brother wasn’t the best at fully expressing his feelings, and causing him to appreciate the compliment even more. “Not much different from cute, but coming from you it really means a lot.”

Fingon couldn’t help making a face behind both their backs, rolling his eyes dramatically at their exchange. He tugged a little at Kano’s hair. “Look at you two, flirting up a storm,” he teased, chuckling lightly as Kano’s face burned red. 

“Stop that..”

“I think your use of ‘flirting’ is a bit generous, don’t you?” Maedhros laughed. “I prefer ‘awkwardly exchanging compliments.’”

“Nonsense,” Finno laughed. “By the way I see it, this is the most I’ve ever experienced Mags going back and forth with another being before. Definitely flirting.” 

Kano finished the braid he was working on before his fingers went to Mae’s shoulders, kneeling lightly.

“Mm, that’s true,” Nelyo mused, bringing his thumb and forefinger up to his chin in mock concentration.

Fingon patted Maglor’s head, finished with his braiding. Kano leaned forward then, putting his forehead on the back of Nelyo’s head and resting it there. “I’m not good at flirting..”

“I know. I’m sorry, Mags.” Guilt clawed at him as he thought that perhaps they’d taken it too far. “We were just joking, not judging you or anything. It’s okay that you’re not good at flirting; not everyone is. Just ask Finno. I was a disaster when we first started dating.”

“You’re still a disaster babe,” Finno commented, feeling a little guilty about teasing Maglor. He hadn’t meant it in a bad way, after all. 

Kano sighed softly, quiet for a few breaths, composing himself. “It’s fine.. just gotta.. practice, yeah?”

“Well since I’m apparently still a disaster,” Mae said, humor coloring his tone, “you can ask Finno for tips.” Unable to turn around and give Kano a kiss, Mae settled for reaching behind him to pat his brother’s head in a comforting gesture.

Kano took Mae’s hand in his and pressed a soft kiss to the knuckles. He turned the palm to cup his cheek, nuzzling into the hand. “I’ll stick to being bad at flirting.. no offense Findekáno. Your style is a bit much for a novice like me.” 

“No offense taken,” Finno shrugged, leaning back once more.

Mae lovingly rubbed Kano’s cheek, grinning as an idea occurred to him. “Maybe you can ask our brothers for advice. Though I doubt Tyelko’s approach would be much better than Finno’s, and I’m not sure how much flirting experience the rest of them have.”

“Caranthir doesn’t like people enough to flirt,” Kano shrugged a little, smiling slightly at the continued touch. “Curvo did flirt a bit, but he doesn’t much now a days. Not since him and that girlfriend of his did the whole teen pregnancy thing. Can’t say I blame him.”

“Agreed,” he hummed. Thinking about their brothers caused Nelyo’s mind to follow another train of thought. “So...how do you want to tell the family about this? About us?” he asked. “Or we don’t have to tell them at all, if you don’t want.” That could’ve sounded bad... “Not that I’m ashamed of being with you, because I’m definitely not,” he hastily amended, “it’s just that you seemed a bit worried about it earlier and I don’t want to put any pressure on you.”

Finno realized Mae was babbling already, raising a brow as he tried to not comment one way or the other. Maglor leaned a bit closer to Maedhros and rested his head on his brother’s shoulder. “I.. don’t want to tell anyone yet.. if that’s okay..?”

“Yeah, yeah of course.” He worried his lip between his teeth, hoping he hadn’t said anything to offend his brother. “Like I said, I don’t want to pressure you, and if you’re not ready you’re not ready.”

“It was one thing with you and Fingon.. I don’t think we’ll be as well received,” Kano admitted, chewing a bit of skin from his lip.

“Yeah,” he said, a bit dejectedly. “But I don’t care. We’re brothers, we’re together, and it’s not really anyone’s business. People are gonna be uncomfortable, and maybe angry, but that’s their own problem. I’m not ashamed of us.”

Maglor hated that he felt a twinge of shame and guilt, no matter how much he loved Nelyo. Others would not see their love and understand, and that hurt. “Thank you.. It helps to hear you say it.”

“I was the exact same with Finno. People always talked shit about us. Still do, I’m sure.” Mae stopped talking then, as he thought back to all the harassment he and his cousin had dealt with. For the most part he was able to brush others unwanted opinions off, until the one time he couldn’t, and snapped. He still harbored a bit of guilt for his actions, but one can only have so much patience, and the guy definitely had it coming. Subconsciously his fingers twitched; looking to form a fist as he brooded over the memory.

Fingon hopped off the counter when Mae spoke, coming in front of his boyfriend and squatting there, cupping Mae’s face in his hands. “But we don’t care about other people. They don’t understand, right? And now that Mags is a part of this, we might have to deal with things again, but we’re stronger together.”

Mae immediately felt more grounded when Finno touched his face. “Yeah,” he said, sighing a bit. “It’s just such crap, honestly...”

“People will never get it,” Finno sighed softly, pressing a kiss to his boyfriend’s forehead. “But we have each other. All three of us. Right Mags?” “Right,” Kano muttered quietly in agreement.

Nelyo hummed, still feeling a bit on edge. His romantic relationships were not anyone else’s business, but very few seemed to understand that; or simply didn’t care.

Kano released his brother’s hand so that he could come join Fingon in front, running his fingers through Nelyo’s hair gently. “You’re tense..”

Maedhros sighed again, closing his eyes as he enjoyed the feeling of his boyfriends touching him. “Because some people were horrible, Mags. And we had to deal with their shit for ages.”

“It’s.. why I don’t think anyone needs to know right now,” Maglor admitted, frowning a little. “Especially not while we are trying to figure things out..”

“Mags has a point there. New relationships are fragile,” Finno nodded. “No one should have to go through what we did.”

“Agreed,” Mae nodded as he reopened his eyes. “Now we should probably get the fish seasoned and in the oven before it goes bad on the counter.”

Finno got to his feet again and out of the way as Maglor went to add the veggies to the same pan as the fish. He helped slip the pan into the over as well.

Slowly, Mae stood from the chair and replaced it in the dining room. He lingered there for a bit, his thoughts stuck in a negative loop surrounding the harassment he and Fingon received in the past, and the likely crueler future harassment he and Maglor would receive. Mae couldn’t help but feel like he’d dragged his brother into a disaster waiting to happen, even though he knew that wasn’t true.

Once Mags had the kitchen under control, Fingon went to check on Mae in the other room. He carefully placed his hand on the other’s arm, brow knit in concern. “Are you okay, love?”

“Not particularly, no,” he said as he looked up at his cousin. “Still reflecting on old, positively shitty times...”

“Those times are in the past, Mae,” Finno reminded, wrapped his arms around his cousin’s waist and leaning his head against his chest. “We don’t ever, ever, have to justify our love for each other.’

Mae huffed and wrapped his arms around Fingon’s shoulders, completing the embrace. “I know they are and I know we don’t, but it’s going to happen all over again with Mags,” he said, his voice tinged with anger. “Probably worse this time, too.”

Finno sighed softly, nuzzling his face against Mae’s chest. “Probably a lot worse.. people don’t understand it.. but they don’t have to. Plus, Mags doesn’t seem as into PDA as I am so it’ll probably be easier in that aspect.”

“Yes, but I’d prefer not to keep our relationship under wraps for the rest of my life,” he argued. “I’m not ashamed of us and I’m not about to make Mags my secret boyfriend to not upset people. I just...” Instead of completing the sentence, he loudly groaned, frustrated with himself and everyone who ever gave him and Finno shit for being in love. And now with him and Kano dating, Mae knew it was going to be another lose-lose situation.

“Just wait till people find out you’re dating two people,” Fingon frowned. “There’s no winning, really.. but you know I’ll fight anyone who tries to give you shit.”

“After I beat the shit out of them myself,” Mae grumbled. “I was patient last time, but I’m not feeling up to dealing with anyone’s bullshit this time around.”

Fingon tilted his head up, getting on his toes to press a kiss to Mae’s jaw, then his lips. “I support that whole heartedly.”

Mae smiled a bit, heartened by Fingon’s reassurance, though worry still weighed on him heavily. “Thanks, Finno,” he murmured gratefully.

“Come on. I’m sure he’s overthinking in the kitchen with us gone,” Finno reminded, reluctantly pulling away and taking Mae’s hand in his own.

“Right,” Nelyo hummed, having regrettably forgotten that his brother was still present.

Fingon lead them back into the kitchen where Maglor was fussing anxiously with the bandage on his hip. With the other two back, he was quick to fix his shirt and straighten up, cleaning his throat awkwardly.

Mae furrowed his brow in concern at Kano, worried that his brother may have been hurting himself. “You okay, Mags?” he asked carefully.

“Fine,” he responded quickly, cheeks flushing with warmth. “Sorry.. I need to change this soon is all..” Finno frowned slightly, glancing to Mae before going to pull out dishes and cutlery.

“I’ve got supplies in the bathroom. If you need help finding anything let me know.” Maedhros was unconvinced by the “fine,” but didn’t want to push it.

Kano chewed his lip and looked down at the floor to the space between his feet. “After dinner is fine. It’s starting to smell good.”

“Yeah,” Nelyo agreed with a smile. “I wasn’t particularly hungry before, but the smell is definitely tantalizing.”

“The garlic smells fantastic,” Finno chimed in over his shoulder before bringing things to the table to set them up. Kano checked the oven, peeking in. “Few more minutes.”

“I should set out plates,” Mae said, already on his way to the cabinet. Grabbing three plates at once rather than the usual one or two was a bit of a challenge, but Nelyo refused to put any down or ask for help; so great was his fear of being perceived as weak.

It took all his effort to not try and take over, to take the plates from Mae. Fingon bit the inside of his cheek instead, lips pursed. Kano felt a bit helpless for a moment, watching the others set up the table. They worked so seamlessly together after all.

Once the places were set, Mae looked to his boyfriends. “What would everyone like to drink?”

Fingon went to grab the glasses before Mae could, not wanting to risk his cousin accidentally dropping them because of his pride and stubbornness. “Do you have any more of that really good juice smoothie you made the other day?” 

Kano leaned against the counter and looked at his brother, his head a sea of thoughts. “I’m fine with water, personally.”

“I do have a bit left over,” he affirmed. “It’s in the fridge by the water filter pitcher. If you could get me some water too, that’d be great.”

Filling the glasses for the other two first, Finno brought them to the table before going back for his own. 

“Didn’t realize how hungry I was until now,” Kano commented, thanking Fingon as he took the glass of water and drank a sip.

“Well you didn’t eat much at lunch,” Mae pointed out. “You had a salad, and the portion wasn’t particularly large.”

“I don’t eat much,” Maglor shrugged, nonchalant. 

Finno sipped the smoothie and smirked at Mags then. “Well whatever you don’t eat, I will.”

“And whatever _you_ don’t eat, /I’ll/ take,” Mae added, laughing warmly.

The three laughed together for a moment longer before the timer on the oven went off. Kano jumped at the sound, face warming at his startle response.

“Having war flashbacks or something, Mags?” Nelyo joked, amused by his brother’s reaction. Putting on an oven mitt with a bit of struggle, he opened the oven to check the fish for doneness.

“With brothers like ours, I’m surprised you don’t,” he rolled his eyes, blush deepening. “Here, let me get it,” he moved to get a mitt as well. “Easier with two hands..”

Mae hummed, not ungrateful for Maglor’s assistance, but not particularly welcoming of it. He knew his brother meant to be helpful, but to Mae it read as “you’re handicapped and too useless to do this by yourself.” He’d been trying to keep away from that line of thinking when people provided him assistance, but, still so soon after his accident, it was a challenge.

Fingon’s lips pursed slightly, knowing that he had wanted to offer the same but also knowing that it might have ended in another fight. Still, he was grateful that Mae conceded. 

Kano got the pan out and tested one of the beans, even though it was entirely too hot. “Perfect.”

“Then let’s eat,” Mae said, forcing a smile. Clearly Kano was unaware of his slight, but Mae wasn’t about to let him know.

Maglor has elected to straight up ignore the fact that his brother was agitated over the pan thing. It was easier. He carried it to the table where they could all sit down and eat. 

Finno took his seat, sipping the smoothie again and eying his cousins in thought. It wasn’t that he was jealous, because it wasn’t jealousy, but he couldn’t place the feeling all the same.

Mae cut the fillet into three even pieces and placed one on his own plate before piling on a few beans. “Looks good.”

Finno waited until Maglor had taken his share before scooping the rest onto his plate. He nudged his foot against Mae’s shin and gave him a small, private smile. “Thanks for dinner, guys. Appreciated.”

“Of course,” Nelyo said, smiling and nudging Finno’s shin in return. “I always liked to cook, and doing it with Mags was an added pleasure.”

Kano blushed a bit at that, ducking his head as he chewed the bite of fish. “I don’t get to cook as much now that I live alone,” he shrugged, “so this was good for me too.”

Mae cocked an eyebrow. “Shouldn’t you be cooking _more_ living alone?” he questioned. “Or do you survive on takeout?”

“Takeout,” Kano admitted, sheepish. “It’s easier than having to take a break what I’m doing and lose my place.” 

Finno snorted a laugh. “I’m trying to picture you playing any instrument while cooking. Would be a disaster.”

Mae choked on piece of fish he’d been eating as the very amusing image of Maglor attempting to cook while playing the flute entered his mind. Grabbing his glass, he threw back some water and coughed, before immediately falling into laughter. “Oh my Eru, that would be hilarious.”

Kano blushed, his face tinting red all the way to the tips of his ears. “Can’t say I haven’t tried.. never goes well. I dropped a harmonica into a pot of stew once...”

Finno laughed at that, covering his mouth. It was better than he had thought.

Mae laughed even more then: his mental image becoming more amusing with the confirmation that it had essentially happened. “By the Valar, Mags, you’re definitely something else,” he sputtered out through his laughter.

“Still tastes like stew when I play it,” he continued, smiling a bit. It was nice to be able to make Nelyo laugh. Finno too, but mostly his brother. Nelyo didn’t laugh nearly as much as he had when they were younger.

Wiping away tears that had formed in his eyes, Mae huffed one final laugh. “Gods, Mags... I love you.”

If Maglor had been blushing before, it was nothing compared to the blush that warmed his skin now. He tucked his chin to his chest, chewing at his lip to keep from smiling, even though he knew it was probably just an offhand comment. Didn’t mean anything, not like the way he wanted it anyway.

Mae hadn’t meant to let the l word slip out. He’d told Kano himself just that day that he wasn’t at the “love” stage quite yet. Maedhros had always loved him as a brother, yes, but at the time that was mostly the extent of it. And yet there they were, less than twenty four hours later, and he’d fallen hard for his disaster of a brother. Things had been far from perfect, but interacting with Kano in a romantic sense had felt far more natural than Mae anticipated; and now, when he thought about it, admitting his feelings out loud wasn’t so bad either. “I love you,” he repeated, sure that his brother would take it lightly if he only said it once. “Kanafinwë Makalaurë, I love you. From the bottom of my heart.”

Disaster boy extraordinaire, Kanafinwë Makalaurë, inhaled sharply, his eyes widening as he looked up to where the other was looking at him. He felt like he was going to throw up, or pass out, or explode, or die, and he wasn’t sure he minded. Still, his eyes flicked to where Fingon was sitting, fork of fish halfway out of his mouth and his eyes on Nelyo. Kano wasn’t sure if he or Fingon was the more surprised one in this scenario. Slowly, his gaze fell back on his brother, eyes still wide. “I... I thought you didn’t.. that..”

“I know what I said earlier. But that was then, and this is now,” Maedhros began, as if it were that simple. “Before, I thought would be hard to see you in a romantic way since we’re brothers and I’d never thought about you in that way before. But honestly, everything we’ve done today has just felt so natural, and now I’m pretty comfortable in saying that I love you. Because I do.”

Kano chewed his lip, mulling it between his teeth as the other spoke, a bit awestruck. It was unexpected, though he was grateful to hear it. “I.. love you too,” he whispered, dropping his gaze down to his food again. He could see Fingon’s eyes on him, could only imagine how much his cousin probably hated him now.

“Can I get a kiss?” Mae asked, smiling. He knew Finno was probably less than enthused at the moment, but this wasn’t about Finno. And besides, he would give his cousin some love in a moment.

Swallowing audibly, Kano nodded and sat up a bit, leaning toward Nelyo. He tongue ran across his lip before closing the distance and giving the other the kiss he requested, not fully looking at him though.

Mae cupped Kano’s chin to pull his face closer, but otherwise kept the kiss short and chaste. He smiled fondly at his brother, nudging their foreheads together before pulling back to look at Fingon. “Can I get a kiss too?” he asked a bit hesitantly.

Finno's face was one of careful neutrality, not betraying a single emotion that he was feeling. It wasn't fair of him to be jealous, or upset, or even disgruntled. He leaned in a little, reaching for Mae's cheek before giving him a similarly chaste kiss.

“I love you too, you know,” Mae assured, taking Fingon’s hand in his own. “Nothing’s ever going to change between us, I promise.”

"I know," he managed, quiet. "I love you too.. Like I said earlier, I just need time to adjust."

“Of course. I totally understand that. I only want to reassure you because I don’t want any negative feelings to build. This can’t work if you start to think that Mags is gonna take your place.” He said the last sentence with a bit of a joking tone, but it was something that genuinely concerned him. Fingon’s uncharacteristically stony behavior was already a bit troubling, and Mae was determined not to let any negative feelings fester.

Finno smiled slightly, though it didn't quite lighten his eyes like it usually would. "I know he won't. You're stuck with me, Maedhros. Don't even think for a second I'd let anyone steal you away," he teased. "No offense, Mags."

“Glad to know we’re on the same page,” Mae smiled as he released Finno’s hand.

Fingon sat back normal in his chair, still carefully concealing his emotions from playing on his face. He could talk reassuring, but he didn’t feel it just yet. Even though he knew it would come, it was still a challenge. 

Kano finished the food on his plate, other hand under the table and pressing at the bandage on his hip to keep from his racing thoughts becoming too unbearable.

“You okay, Mags?” Mae questioned, wanted to be sure that his interactions with their cousin hadn’t caused his brother too much discomfort. Secretly, he wished things would start to smooth out sooner than later, because checking in on his boyfriends’ feelings seemingly every few minutes was already beginning to exhaust him emotionally.

“Yeah, sorry, just still amazed that you actually love me;” he shrugged, glancing up and smiling a little. “It’s a lot to take in.”

“Why is it so surprising? I don’t think I’ve done anything today that would suggest I feel otherwise.” He bit his lower lip, trying to think of absolutely anything he could’ve done that day to make Maglor feel that way.

Kano reaches across to take his brother’s hand, lacing their fingers together. “It’s not a bad thing, Nelyo.. it isn’t you. You’re.. you’ve been perfect,” he tried explaining. “I just have a hard time accepting that I deserve it.”

“Of course you deserve it,” Maedhros replied firmly, horrified that Maglor would even be thinking that way. “You deserve everything I have to offer and more.”

“If Daeron had been half as reassuring as you are,” he sighed. “Or half as accepting as you, Finno. I’m just not accustomed to all this yet.”

“That’s alright, I get it. But don’t go thinking you don’t deserve this. Because you absolutely do.” He pressed a kiss to each of his brother’s knuckles for emphasis. “I love you, Mags.”

“I love you also,” he nodded, feeling a bit better. 

Finno nudged Mae under the table. “Eat, you sap. You’re the only one not done.”

“I can’t help it,” he grinned, nudging his cousin back. “Big brother instincts kick in and I have to be sure everyone’s okay before I do anything for myself.”

Maglor rolled his eyes at that, knowing it entirely to be true. His brother always took care of everyone else first. It was one of the things Kano loved about him. 

“I’m pretty sure I don’t have that,” Finno laughed. “Maybe before Turno and Irissë got so annoying. I suppose I still like Argon though.”

“He’s an okay kid,” Mae agreed before digging back in to his dinner.

Finno finished his smoothie, waiting for Mae to finish before clearing the table. Usually he took care of the dishes, finding it relaxing. 

Kano leaned back in his chair, humming one of his songs. “I think I need to schedule a performance soon.. I haven’t done a show in a while..”

“That would be amazing, Mags,” Nelyo said, grinning wide. “Finno and I could go support you, and beat the crap out of anyone who even thinks about talking shit.” He knew he was getting a little caught up in the moment, but the thought of going to see his brother perform was exciting, and he wanted to let Maglor know that he would support him one hundred percent.

“I’m always down for a good brawl,” Finno teased, working on the dishes. 

Kano smiled a little, tucking a piece of hair behind his ear. “I’ll have to let you know, then.. Lately I’ve been busking it. It’s easier to do that than book a venue.”

“Because of the bakery I know a lot of other business owners in the area pretty well. I could probably get you hooked up somewhere,” Nelyo offered. “Like, let you play the venue in exchange for cupcakes or something.”

“You think people would go for that?” Maglor raised a brow, interested. “I’ll try and help with the cupcakes if you need me to, as well.. I mean it’s hard to get a space.”

“I’m the go-to guy for baked goods in this town,” he said, leaning back in his chair looking a bit smug. “Lots of locally owned cafés feature my breads and sweets, and if anyone holds a big event I’m always asked to cater to the dessert. Of course that hasn’t happened since I lost my hand...” A thoughtful look graced his features then for a moment before returning to the smug face. “But I think that’s just because people think that having one hand means I’m a delicate flower now and they don’t want to burden me with too much work. Anyway, people will totally go for it. There’s nothing to worry about.”

Maglor loved how smug his brother was about his bakery skills, but the hand comment didn’t help. It made him worry. He couldn’t help it. “We’ll plan something then. Thank you.”

Finno finished the dishes and wiped his hands on the towel, leaning against the counter.

“Of course.” Helping others was something Mae greatly enjoyed, and being the eldest of seven, it came naturally to him. “ You know I’d do anything for you, even if you weren’t my boyfriend,” he added. “You’ve always been my favorite brother.”

“Knew it;” Maglor chuckled. “Always knew I was the favourite. Though let’s be real, the others never stood a chance.”

“Oh, Eru no,” Mae agreed with a laugh. “They’re all a bit...much. You were always so much more well behaved.”

Finno came up behind Mae, lightly massaging his shoulders. “I don’t know, Mags. Carnistir is my own personally favourite,” he teased. “Love his tomato face when he gets mad.”

“I’m quite certain that was his permanent state when he was an infant,” Maedhros said with an amused smile. “Always screaming his head off about something with that little red face of his. I’m surprised atar and amil tried for more children after him, though to be honest I personally would’ve quit after Tyelko.”

“I certainly wouldn’t have,” Finno snorted, shaking his head. “Tyelko is a _handful_. Irissë is even worse sometimes, though. The two of them are nightmares. I think Atar only went for Argon because they got two out of three and figured three of four would be better.”

“Well obviously knowing what we know about Tyelko, I definitely would’ve liked it if my parents stopped at Mags. But they didn’t know what he’d be like before he was born,” Nelyo countered. “Of course once they did know, that’s when they should’ve stopped having kids.”

Maglor shrugged, watching Fingon massage his fingers into Mae’s shoulders. “I don’t think I’ll ever have kids, honestly,” he admitted. “I always thought maybe two, but.. kind of hard when you aren’t into women.”

Nelyo waved his hand dismissively. “That’s what surrogates and adoption are for. And if for whatever reason those don’t work out, we’ll pop a uterus in me and you can fuck a baby into me yourself.”

Kano’s face went red again, his eyes wide as Fingon burst out laughing. Finno slapped the back of Mae’s head playfully, nothing hard. 

“How come you’ve never told _me_ to fuck a baby into you?” Fingon teased, leaning down to kiss his cousin’s cheek. “You’re gonna kill poor Mags talking like that. I’m pretty sure you broke him!”

Maglor’s mouth was gaping for words, much akin to a fish. “I.. uh..” He shook his head, the thought jumbled in his brain. “Manwë’s left _tit_ , Nelyo...”

“I’m serious, you know,” Nelyo said, in a not at all serious tone. “And you’re perfectly welcome to fuck a baby into me too if you really want, Finno. Kids just haven’t seemed to be as big of an issue to you.”

“They’re not,” Finno retorted with a laugh. “But the offer is good to have. I’ll keep it in mind the next time we get intimate.”

“You know I’m always down to bottom,” Mae said teasingly. “Offer goes for you too, Mags. Just let me know when.”

Kano started pointedly at his hands that were folded in his lap, blushing furiously. He was never good at these sorts of conversations, after all. 

“You’ll get me all hot and bothered,” Finno hummed, kissing along Mae’s ear and nipping the lobe teasingly. “Save your poor brother some embarrassment... unless he’s into that sort of thing. No judgement zone, Mags.”

Choking on his own spit, Kano’s head snapped up, eyes wide as he gaped for words. “I- uh- no! I mean-“

Mae laughed, finding his brother’s embarrassment funnier than he probably should. “No pressure, Mags. If you’re not into it, you’re not into it. Not a big deal.”

Fingon gave Maglor a little wink, which didn't help. Kano covered his face with his hands. "I'm no good at this," he muttered, muffled behind his hands.

“Don’t worry about it,” Nelyo reassured and patted Maglor’s shoulder. “You just need to be good when we’re having serious conversations. Can’t do anything without everyone being on board.”

The bad thoughts started again, the ones that reminded him that he couldn’t give Nelyo what he would want, and even though it was irrational, he couldn’t get the thought out. Maglor shook his head, sighing as he lowered just his fingers to peek above them. “I can do serious..”

“Great. That’s all you need to be good at.” Mae patted his brother’s shoulder again before placing a kiss to his cheek.

Kano smiled a little, the blush fading just slightly. “I should probably get home soon.. it’s getting late..”

“Ah, yeah... Maybe you could sleep over some time?” Mae asked, smiling coyly. “I’d really love to snuggle in bed with you like we used to when we were kids.”

“I used to crawl into your bed after amil tucked everyone in,” Kano recalled, scrunching his nose. “You were always so warm.. I miss that.” 

Fingon twisted Mae’s hair around his finger in thought. “If you wanted... and if it’s okay with everyone... you could stay tonight? I mean I was planning to.”

Mae always loved when Finno slept over, and his heart began to beat faster at the prospect of having both his boyfriends spend the night. “Is that okay with you, Mags? I know you don’t have pajamas or a toothbrush but it’s no big deal if you borrow my stuff.”

Kano was blushing again, just when it started to fade. The idea of spending the night was overwhelming. But then there was Finno... was he really okay with being on one side of Nelyo with their cousin on the other? Pulling his lip between his teeth, he considered it, quiet. 

“No pressure,” Fingon added after a moment.

His brother’s silence was disheartening, but Mae tried not to let any disappointment show. “You don’t need to feel bad about saying no,” he said reassuringly. “I’m not gonna be upset with you if you don’t want to stay.”

Biting off a bit of the skin on his lip, he tasted the blood and frowned slightly, realizing what he had done. “No.. I want to stay,” he managed, bringing his fingers to his lip and trying to avoid the others seeing what he did. “If I can borrow pajamas..”

“Yeah, of course. You want a tissue for that lip first, though?” Very little got past Nelyo: years of supervising his younger brothers had made him very good at picking up on small gestures.

Checking his fingers, Kano frowned a little at the blood. He tore a scab, it seemed. “It’s fine,” he sighed, running his tongue over it. “I really gotta break this habit...” 

“Want me to punch you every time I see you doing it? That’s how I broke Turgon out of his fidgeting,” Finno offered, and the look of abject horror on Maglor’s face was worth it. “Kidding! I didn’t punch him, I jabbed him in the side.”

“Maybe something a little less physical,” Mae suggested with a gentle smile. “How about we just let you know when you’re doing it?”

Maglor’s tongue fussed with the split in his lip, shrugging his agreement. “Yeah, sure. That works.”

“Lovely,” Finno hummed, straightening on his feet and stretching his arms over his head. “So.. wanna take this show to the bedroom? I’m dead on my feet.”(

“Sounds like a plan.” Nelyo gave Maglor another peck on the cheek before standing to kiss Finno on the lips. “Maybe you can demonstrate your improved flexibility next time,” he teased.

“Still ready to spread my legs if you’re willing to keep me up,” Fingon teased right on back, pulling Mae down with his hand in the other’s shirt for one more kiss. 

Kano got to his feet, shuffling a little awkwardly. His cousin was a natural at this sort of flirting in a way he wasn’t, and he couldn’t help but feel that self doubt. His fingers touched the bandage at his hip, and already he knew he needed to change it. “I’m gonna.. run to the bathroom. Could you maybe bring some pajamas there?”

“Yeah, of course,” Nelyo replied, though his eyes were still focused on Fingon. “I doubt I have anything that’ll fit you too well, but I’ll do my best to find something.”

Maglor brushed past the other two and went off to the bathroom, closing himself in. Pulling his shirt up, he sighed at the bandage and how much the blood had soaked through. 

Once they were alone, Fingon raised a brow and smirked flirtatiously. “Well then... seemed we have a moment to ourselves.”

Nelyo smiled and began to press slow, lazy kisses to Fingon’s lips. “I think we may have to tone our flirting down a bit around Mags,” he said between kisses. “At least until he feels more secure in his place in this relationship.”

Finno groaned against his boyfriend’s lips before pressing their brows together (which involved a lot of pulling Mae down to his height). “That’s going to be bloody difficult, babe,” he murmured, kissing the other yet again. “I love flirting with you..”

“I know, but we can still do as much as we like when he’s not around,” Mae replied in a flirtatious tone. He became more serious though, upon speaking again. “I just don’t want him to think he’s not good enough for me. He’s way more reserved than you and he’s probably already got it in his head that that makes him a worse boyfriend than you. I think if we just cool it with the flirting for a bit, he’ll have nothing to compare himself to, and then he won’t feel like he’s not doing enough. And when he stops thinking he’s not as good as you, we can go back to normal.”

Pulling back, Finno’s brow tucked, a frown touching his lips. “Fine,” he sighed. “But you owe me like fifteen blow jobs.”

A wide grin split across Nelyo’s face at Finno’s request, though he knew it was more of a demand than anything. “Deal. Fifteen blow jobs in exchange for your patience and cooperation.”

“We’ve got a deal, Nelyafinwë,” he nodded, extending his hand for a shake. “Don’t you think I’ll let you out of it either.”

“Wouldn’t dream of backing out,” Maedhros assured, grabbing Fingon’s hand and giving it a firm shake. “It’s not a reward for just you, you know.”

“I know,” he managed, pulling Mae into a hug so he could rest his head on his cousin’s shoulder. “I love you so much... I’m sorry I’m all over the place.”

“What do you mean?” Mae questioned as he rubbed gentle circles at the small of Fingon’s back.

Finno’s eyes closed, arms wrapping around Mae. “I just feel like I’m hot and cold about this whole thing, but I really don’t mind Mags being a part of this, I don’t. I just.. don’t want us to change too much either, you know?”

“I get where you’re coming from. But I promise, things won’t be that much different,” he reassured. “We’re gonna have to make a few changes right now to accommodate Mags, but once everyone’s all settled things will go right back to the way they were. Of course my time is now divided, so I’ll try my hardest to be fair about it. And if I’m doing something you don’t like, just call me out on it. I’m probably going to make mistakes and some feelings might inadvertently get hurt, but if we all just sit down and talk about it, the easier this relationship is going to be.”

Nodding, he pressed his face against Mae’s chest and tightened the hug. “I love you so much,” he murmured, quiet. “So, so much..” 

Maglor came out of the bathroom, his wounds tended to but thoughts still in a bad way. The others were still in the kitchen, but he made his way to the bedroom instead.

“Love you too,” Mae said, pressing a kiss to Finno’s head for good measure. “Now I’ve got to go. Mags is probably waiting on those pajamas.”

“He can borrow my pants if he’s comfortable with it,” Finno offered, tilting his head up to catch a kiss on the lips. “Your legs are too long.”

A smile broke Nelyo’s face and he exhaled a laugh. “Yeah, you’re right. Let’s go, then.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A sleepover gone wrong.

Fingon let Mae lead the way to the bedroom where Maglor was waiting, plucking absently on his portable mini harp and singing to himself. When they entered the room, Kano looked up and offered a smile.

“Sorry I didn’t grab you pajamas beforehand. Finno and I were just having a heart-to-heart. But he offered up his pants for you since my legs are too long. I mean, you don’t have to do that if it’s too weird. You can just borrow one of my shirts, that’d probably be fine.” Mae knew he was rambling, and hoped someone would shut up him sooner than later.

“It’s okay, Nelyo,” Kano tilted his head, fingers plucking the strings lightly. “I uh.. I don’t mind borrowing whatever you guys can offer.” He hummed a little melody in tune with the harp. 

Finno visibly relaxed then, going to Mae’s drawers and grabbing his own pajamas here left there out, as well as a second pair of pants.

Relieved that Kano was comfortable, Mae gathered his own pajamas in his arms and made for the door. “I’m just gonna go change in the bathroom,” he explained.

Tossing the extra pants onto the bed, Finno turned away and tugged his shirt off without a hint of self-consciousness. Maglor looked away, singing under his breath to distract himself from looking and feeling inadequate. With Maedhros out of the room, Fingon looked over his shoulder at his cousin and sighed. “I think you’ll be good for him,” Finno offered, not surprised by the way Maglor’s eyes went wide. “You have a strong relationship, and a really grounding nature. So please don’t think I don’t want you here, okay?” 

Kano looked down at the harp in his hands, quiet for a moment before he finally spoke. “Thank you.. really..”

“Don’t mention it, Mags. Just try to not judge yourself so harshly, okay?” Fingon smiled, finishing stripping and getting his pajamas on.

Nelyo felt bad for leaving after all the progress he’d made that afternoon with removing his shirt, but he still felt too self-conscious to just strip in front of his boyfriends. He changed quickly, partly out of a desire to return to his boyfriends, and partly because he was admittedly a bit worried that the two were sitting in the bedroom in an uncomfortable silence.

Kano smiled when his brother returned, and Fingon as well. For the first time all day, the silence didn’t feel awkward. Kano grabbed the offered sleep pants and got to his feet, placing the harp on the nightstand. “Can I borrow a shirt, Nelyo?”

“Yeah, of course. Bottom drawer, pick whatever you like,” he said, dropping his clothes in the hamper by the door. He noticed the two seemed comfortable, which was certainly a good sign. Perhaps his fears had been unfounded, he thought.

Bending at the waist, Kano grabbed the first shirt he saw and disappeared to the bathroom again to change. 

Finno hopped into the bed and rolled on his side, grabbing his favourite pillow. “I’m not sure if I’m more horny or tired.”

“Well let me know which wins out,” Mae smiled, flopping down next to his cousin on the bed. “I for one am just tired, but I’m more than willing to cater to your horny self.”

“Probably horny, but you can start on your fifteen blowjobs tomorrow,” Finno teased, wrapping his foot around Mae’s ankle. 

Coming back in the room, Kano was rolling the waistband of the pants, but they slung low on his hips a little big. He didn’t realize how thin he was in comparison. The shirt was definitely too big, but it smelled like Nelyo and he loved it.

Maedhros had been about to give Fingon a witty retort when Kano reentered the room. “Everything suit you okay?” he asked, wanting to be sure his brother was as comfortable as possible.

“Little bit big, but comfortable enough,” Kano shrugged, glancing up and seeing the two already in bed. It had been years since he shared a bed with anyone else, and even longer since he shared a bed with his brother, albeit last time hadn’t been like this. His face flushed and he tucked his hair behind his ear. “I, uh.. where should I sleep then..?”

“On my other side, of course, unless you’d prefer to cuddle up with Fingon,” Mae replied, amusement evident in his tone.

Kano blushed even more at that, hesitantly joining them on the bed, but instead of laying down, he sat and pulled his knees to his chest. “Apologies if I steal the blankets..”

“Ah, fuck, I totally forgot to tell you...” Nelyo began, covering his eyes with his hand in shame. “Sometimes I get night terrors. The accident fucked me up pretty bad, so... Finno’s used to dealing with them—well not ‘used to,’ we’ve only shared a bed three times since—but all you have to do is just let me ride it out. It’s probably fucking scary to watch, but trying to wake me either doesn’t work or makes it worse, so...yeah.” It was embarrassing for Nelyo to admit, but he’d rather set aside his pride for a bit than have his brother wake to his screaming and thrashing and not know what was going on. “I don’t get them every night so it’s not a guarantee, but I figured it’d be important for you to know in case it does happen.”

The worried expression on Maglor’s face was far from reassuring. He pulled his lip between his teeth, brow furrowed as he listened to his brother. 

“And you won’t be alone when it happens, so don’t worry,” Finno added, looking between Mags and Mae.

“I’m totally okay with sleeping on the couch tonight if you don’t want to deal with it. I won’t be mad or anything,” he said. Mae knew it was a lot to unload on Mags, and he didn’t want his brother to feel bad if he felt he wouldn’t be able to handle the situation.

“No! I mean.. no, please don’t.. I..” Kano shifted awkwardly, fidgeting with his hands. “I’m really looking forward to this..”

“Okay,” he responded, a bit taken aback by the strength of Kano’s reaction, though he didn’t show it, “I won’t go.” He pressed a gentle kiss to his brother’s cheek in order to reassure him. “If I get a night terror though, you’re free to change your mind. I tend to wake up after them, so just let me if know you want me out and I’ll go.”

Kano nodded a bit awkwardly, chewing his lip for a moment longer, unsure what to say. 

Fingon stretched out, making a soft sound as he did. “Gods, I love this bed,” he hummed, snuggling up to Mae.

Relieved by the topic change, an easy smile bloomed on Nelyo’s face. “Might be a bit better if we got under the blankets.”

Careful not to jostle anyone, Maglor shifted so he could lay down as well, a solid few inches between him and his brother even still. He wasn’t entirely sure how close he ought to be, even though they were technically together now. On Maedhros’s other side, Finno was pulling the blankets up, his leg already wrapped around one of Nelyo’s.

With Finno clinging to him like a barnacle, Nelyo became incredibly aware of Maglor’s self-imposed isolation. Not waiting for his brother to move himself closer, he extended his arm to grab Kano’s shoulder and pull him in. “What’s the point of sleeping together if you’re going to be on the other side of the bed?” he asked jokingly.

As Nelyo pulled him closer, Kano felt his face growing hot again. Instead of letting the other see, he turned his nose into his brother’s shoulder. “I just.. didn’t know if it was okay..”

“Why wouldn’t it be, Mags? Bed time is for cuddling,” Finno reassured.

“You’re my brother, and my boyfriend on top of that,” Nelyo reminded, “you can invade my personal space as much as you’d like. And if I’m not feeling up to it, I’ll let you know. Simple.” Suddenly, it occurred to him that Kano may have been concerned about something else as well. “If it’s Finno you’re worried about, I promise he doesn’t bite. At least not in the non-kinky sense,” he joked.

“Definitely in the kinky sense though,” Finno teased, nipping at Mae’s shoulder lightly. As much as sharing his boyfriend was difficult, he at least realized that it was harder to enter an already established relationship. 

Kano tried smiling, but he was a bit flat as he lay his cheek on his brother’s shoulder hesitantly. “This is okay?”

“Perfect,” Mae assured, gently running his fingers through Kano’s mostly—thanks to Finno—knot free hair. Pressing a kiss to his brother’s head as further reassurance, Mae settled in, comfortably sandwiched between his boyfriends.

Relaxing under the other’s touch, Kano closed his eyes. With Nelyo’s fingers in his hair, he felt at ease. It was no small feat for someone with his level of anxiety. But his brother was warm and the warmth was comforting, and the smell? He would gladly be enveloped by this scent the rest of his life. His fingers came up to rest on Nelyo’s chest, mere inches from where Fingon’s hand lay on the other side. 

Finno couldn’t help smiling slightly at the look on his boyfriend’s face. Maedhros looked at ease. It was all he had wanted to see, truly. “Love you,” he mumbled, eyes falling closed as he nuzzled in closer.

“Love you too,” he replied quietly, straining his neck a bit to kiss Finno’s head as well. “And I love you too, Mags.”

“Love you also,” Maglor added, drowsy. 

Soon, Finno was the first to sleep and Kano shortly after.

Maedhros didn’t like falling asleep anymore, not with the threat of night terrors looming over him, but he had really exhausted himself emotionally that day, and he was so comfortable between the warmth of his boyfriends, that involuntarily, his eyes fell shut and he slipped into sleep.

\---------------

He awoke with a start, finding himself back in the small, hot, insect-infested room that his captors had placed him in. His panic immediately flared up, and he tried to move, but it only served to agitate his wounds where scratchy ropes kept him held to a chair. Nonetheless he struggled harder, despite how weak he felt from the combined effects of thirst, hunger, and pain. Every movement caused the hundreds of open cuts littering his body to feel like knives digging into him, but he paid them no mind; he needed to get out of there. Harder still he resisted his restraints, eventually resorting to screaming as well: partly out of frustration and anger, and partly a way to try and catch anyone’s attention that may have been passing nearby, though he hadn’t a clue if they were anywhere near civilization. Unfortunately, his screaming seemed to have only attracted the attention of his captors, as they angrily barged into the room. The one closest to him rammed the butt of his gun into Nelyo’s jaw, effectively silencing his screaming. His captors then proceeded to talk amongst themselves, ignoring Nelyo as he spit blood out onto the floor. He wasn’t fluent in the native language, but he understood enough to pick out “camera,” “cut” and “hand.” His heart pounded loud in his ears as one of the captors turned on the small camcorder directly across from him, and another went to presumably retrieve their tools of torture. Nelyo had been held there for a good while, and at that point he recognized that they tended to inflict their more drastic suffering on him when the camera was on; the large scar across his stomach and his nearly severed jugular testaments to the fact. So immediately, he knew that in a few moments one of his hands was going to be removed. Nelyo thrashed and screamed harder then, not noticing in his panic the one captor reentering the room with a small table and a butcher’s knife. Again, he was hit with the butt of a gun, though that time he did not cease his struggling. The table was placed in front of him and the ropes constricting his right arm cut, though it was promptly re-tied to the table. One of his captors said a few words at the camera, though he couldn’t catch them over the pounding of his blood in his ears. Suddenly, the speaking stopped, and with a swift motion, his right hand was severed. Nelyo couldn’t even manage to scream before his eyes rolled back in his head and he blacked out.

\---------------

Nelyo trashed and screamed before he awoke with a start, though it took him a few moments to remember where he was. But the terror was still very real, and he began to sob, hating that he was forced to relive the worst period of his life over and over.

Awoken by a shouting and wildly trashing body beside him, Maglor had inadvertently fallen off the bed and onto the floor. He watched his brother with a look of horror, wanting to do something but frozen in place, unable to move. 

Fingon had sprung up as well, similarly awakened so abruptly. He looked to the clock, making a mental note of the time, before helping get the blankets off of Mae’s body. It wouldn’t help him, he rationalized. When the other finally woke, Fingon was the first to his side. “Maedhros,” he tried, “Mae, breathe.. you’re safe, it’s me, you’re safe. It’s okay.” His hands shook as he wrapped the blanket over his cousin’s shoulders, though he felt unsure what would truly help.

As soon as he was able to recognize Fingon, Maedhros clung to him tightly and bawled into his chest. His cousin’s presence was grounding, and immensely helpful in returning him to the present. Mae tried to mentally calm himself down then—remembering that Maglor was present and not wanting to terrify him more than he likely already had—but the memory of his recurring night terror was still fresh in his mind, so instinct won out over logic and he continued his sobbing.

Fingon held Mae closer, grateful that the other cling to him willingly. The first time he had tried to fight Finno off, after all. He hated that even so many months later, the night terrors haven’t ended. He gestured for Maglor to come back on the bed, reaching out for him as he followed the direction and encouraging him to join the hug.

The warmth of his brother’s body encircling him from behind was an even greater comfort to Nelyo, and he finally managed to calm himself down to short, choked sobs punctuated by gasping breaths. He felt horribly about putting Maglor through such a terrible experience, but he was glad that his brother was making an effort to support him regardless.

Once Nelyo was a bit more calm, Maglor shifted to rub his back, sharing a concerned look with Fingon over his brother’s shoulder. 

“Breathe, love,” Finno whispered softly, kissing his boyfriend’s temple. “It’s over now..”

Nelyo took a deep breath, exhaling shakily. He had run out of tears at last, though his breathing remained staggered. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, the message directed at both of his boyfriends. “I’m so sorry...”

“Shhh,” Finno hushed him, wiping Mae’s face free of tears. “Don’t apologize. It’s okay. We’re here and we will love you, right Mags?” “O-of course,” Kano nodded, trying to sound more okay than he felt. Night terrors were, well, terrifying to watch. He couldn’t imagine how horrible they were to experience.

Nodding, though still feeling guilty, Maedhros slowly pulled away from Fingon. “I think I should go sleep on the couch...”

Kano spoke first this time, finding his voice at last. "No, please don't go... Stay here with us.."

Nelyo shook his head. “I should go,” he repeated, his voice shaky but firm. “I knew the risk, but I stayed, and I don’t really think I deserve to be here at this point...”

Finno refused to let go, pulling Maedhros closer to his chest and burying his face in his cousin's hair as Kano shook his head. "Nelyo," Kano frowned, his disappointment clear in his tone, "please.. it's okay. I'm fine, Fingon is fine.. Let me play you something, and maybe it will help?"

Nelyo sighed, but didn’t pull away again. “Alright...” he relented.

Kano pulled away to grab his discarded harp, chewing his lip as he straightened up with it and leaned against the headboard. Fingers running over the strings, he began to play a soft and calming piece he had written when they were younger. It was the song he played for their brothers before bed.

The song certainly did wonders to ease his frayed nerves, but he still remained on edge. It always took a while for him to fully calm after his night terrors—especially when he was alone in bed—but what kept him from relaxing was the thought of what he’d just put his brother through. Kano seemed to be taking it in stride, but Mae knew he was prone to tamping down his emotions for the sake of others, and so a heavy feeling of guilt weighed upon his heart.

Fingon held Maedhros close as Maglor played, eyes closing against his will as the music lulled him back to sleep. Kano played on for a while, humming softly until his fingers ached and he had to take a break. “Nelyo..?” He whispered, checking if the other had fallen asleep yet.

“Hm?” he grunted, pulling back from Fingon’s now loose hold to lay him down.

“You okay?” Kano couldn’t help asking, still uneasy from your brother’s night terror.

Nelyo sighed heavily before turning to face Maglor, his eyes red and puffy from all his crying. “No,” he replied. “I feel like such an asshole for putting you through that...”

Maglor placed his harp down and scooted down to lay next to his brother, taking Nelyo’s face into his hands. “You’re not an asshole.”

“I knew what could happen but I stayed. I put you at risk, Mags, I could’ve hurt you...” He would have cried then, had he any tears left. The thought of injuring his brother on their first night together was just too much to bear.

“But you didn’t,” he reminded the other gently, pressing their brows together. “You didn’t hurt me. It was scary but I’m okay.”

“Just because I didn’t doesn’t mean I’m not capable of it,” he argued. “I don’t know have control over my body when I’m having a night terror, Mags. My mind still thinks I’m in that godsawful place, and if you touch me, and that physical contact translates into the night terror, I could think you’re someone who’s trying to hurt me and lash out.”

Frowning, Kano only managed to sigh in response, eyes closed as he tried to find the right words to say. He hated not knowing how to express himself, how to say what he was feeling. Music came so much more simply. “So you could lash out and hurt me, sure, but I’ll survive it..”

“But I couldn’t live with myself if I did that, Mags. The first time I hurt Finno was one of the times that I...” He trailed off, briefly reliving the painful memory before swallowing thickly and pressing on. “One of the first times I tried to kill myself,” he whispered, near inaudible in case Fingon was still semi-conscious.

Fingon shifted in the bed, but didn’t wake as Kano looked his brother over, frown deepest on his face. “Being able to be with you, to share a bed.. it means a lot to me, even if you had a night terror.. I’ve.. wanted this for a long time..”

Nelyo sighed heavily, coming to terms with the fact that he could argue his point all night but Maglor would still refuse to budge. “Fine, have it your way,” he replied, a touch sharper than he’d intended. “I’m sick of arguing this.”

Taken back by the sharpness, Kano swallowed audibly and crossed his arms over his chest tightly, looking down. “I’m not tired anymore.. I think I’m gonna go out to the living room and write some music,” he sighed, shifting to sit back up.

“Mags, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for it to come out like that,” he pleaded, reaching out to his brother. “I just care about you and your safety, and I don’t want you getting hurt because I’m a huge fucking psychological mess.”

Kano couldn’t help but flinch away, turning his back to Mae so his brother wouldn’t see the conflict in his eyes. “It’s fine. You still need more time to heal,” he shrugged, getting to his feet before bending over to grab the little harp on the floor. “I need to go into the other room..”

“Fine,” he snapped, and that time he meant it. Mae knew he’d regret his behavior in the morning, but at the moment he was too physically and emotionally exhausted to care. Maglor was being his usual self, and for the time being, he just didn’t feel like putting up with it.

Without another word, Kano disappeared into the other room. He wrapped a blanket around his shoulders and sat on the couch, digging his fingers into the cuts on his hip to keep from breaking down.

Mae snuggled up to Fingon’s sleeping form and closed his eyes, but sleep did not come easily to him. Guilt already weighed heavily upon him for losing his temper, and it occurred to him that there was a fair chance of Maglor taking his harsh words personally. But as he no longer had it in him to argue, Mae suppressed the feeling as best he could, and after nearly an hour, finally succumbed to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We acknowledge that Maedhros' night terror is not an accurate depiction of actual night terrors. It is written this way for storytelling purposes.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feelings don't stay hurt for long when Maedhros puts his mouth to good use.

Fingon would have been the first to wake, had Maglor slept at all. He couldn’t rouse himself from the bed, though, not with Maedhros’s limbs wrapped so perfectly around him. Truly, he could have almost forgotten that this was after everything that had happened and as if they were still living in Tirion before life got crazy. His nose pressed into the other’s hair, breathing Maedhros in.

Being the light sleeper that he was, Nelyo woke at the small action. “Mornin’,” he mumbled, eyes still closed. “Sleep okay?”

“Moderately okay,” Finno smiled, nuzzling the other’s hair with his nose. “You smell so good..”

He hummed in response and opened his eyes, pulling away from his cousin to sit up and stretch. The empty space on his other side was not lost him, and the guilt he felt last night came flooding back. “Finno, I fucked up,” he admitted shamefully.

“Hmm?” Finno’s smile turned down at that, glancing to where the other’s gaze had landed. Realization came over him then. Maglor wasn’t in the bed with them, and he was supposed to be. “What happened?”

“We argued. Nothing heated, but...” Nelyo trailed off with a sigh. “I felt bad about not leaving for the couch, because I put Mags at risk. I could’ve hurt him last night like I hurt you that first time, and I just wouldn’t have been able to deal with that. He kept insisting that things’d be fine, and I ended up snapping at him, so he left to sleep on the couch...”

Brow furrowing, Fingon pushed himself to sit up, his other hand brushing against his cousin’s arm in a comforting gesture. “I’m thankful no one ended up hurt.. Do you think he’s alright?”

“I doubt it... He likes to pretend he’s calm when he’s not, but he forgets I’m his brother and I can see through his bullshit.” He worried the corner of his lower lip between his teeth, nearly enough to draw blood, as the biting words he’d said to Maglor replayed in his head. “I’m such an asshole...”

"You're not an asshole," Finno reassured, though he could only imagine what might have been said. With someone as fragile as Mags was, he could only imagine it didn't go well. Sighing, he touched Mae's lip where his teeth worried the flesh there. "Why don't you go check on him?"

“What if he doesn’t want to talk to me, Finno?” Maedhros asked forlornly. “What if he doesn’t even want to be with me anymore?”

At that, Fingon couldn't help but roll his eyes. "Makalaurë desired you for so many years and you think some snarky comments in the middle of the night are gonna make him not wanna be with you anymore? Come on, Mae. That's ridiculous."

“He seemed pretty upset about it,” Mae argued a little defensively. “And pining after someone for years doesn’t automatically mean you can overlook any wrongdoings.”

"The only way he would stop loving you is if you... no, honestly, I can't think of anything. It's like me, even when I'm upset with you, I can't imagine not loving you hopelessly."

“Mags is about twenty times more fragile than you, Finno,” he countered, but argued no longer. Arguing with Fingon was guaranteed to get him nowhere because, as usual, his cousin was right. Sliding out from under the blankets he stood and stretched again, though he was still not eager to confront his brother.

Finno fell back onto the bed and pulled the pillow he liked best over his head. “Lemme know when you two are done talking it over,” he said, muffled through the pillow.

“Alright,” Maedhros replied, smiling the tiniest bit at his adorable boyfriend before heading off to the living room. “Mags?” he called out gently. “Can we talk?”

Sitting cross legged on the floor, Maglor has papers filled with music notes surrounding him. His dark hair was pulled up in the messiest bun atop his head, a pencil between his teeth as he furiously erased some bad note out with a rubber. At his brother’s voice, his head snapped up and caused his neck to crack audibly. Wincing, he dropped the pencil and rubbed the offending spot. It had been a long night. “Yeah...”

Sitting as close to Maglor as the music sheets would allow, Mae sighed before beginning to speak. “I hadn’t meant to chase you out of bed last night. I hadn’t even meant to argue with you at all. I just... I was so worried about hurting you physically that I ended up hurting you emotionally, and I am so fucking sorry...”

“It’s nothing...” Maglor shrugged, looking back down at the mess of papers and collecting them up with care to make sure they were in the right order. “I’m fine.. it’s over now.”

“Don’t you go shutting down on me, Kanafinwë Makalaurë,” he said sternly. “Saying you’re fine and actually being fine are two completely different things, and I definitely don’t believe you’re fine.”

The stern tone took Kano back, frowning a little even though he didn’t look up. That was probably one of the worst parts about dating Nelyo already, and they were less than a full day into it; the way Nelyo knew him too well as a brother. “You don’t have to believe it, I do,” he snapped back.

Though surprised by the sharpness of Kano’s reply, Mae chose to ignore it. “I know you haven’t done this before, but being in a relationship involves sharing your negative feelings so we can talk about them and find a solution. Burying them isn’t going to help you, or me, or Finno. So just tell me how I made you feel last night and we can discuss what behaviors of mine might need to change.”

“Just- ugh! It doesn’t matter. I’m over it. There’s not solution so let’s just move on,” he replied, quick and a bit sharper than he probably should be. Kano’s head was already reeling and he wanted this conversation over. Even though he said he wouldn’t, he wanted to bad to distract himself with pain.

Despite his brother lashing out at him, Nelyo remained calm. As much as he wanted to snap back, he knew it wouldn’t do to have the both of them hysterical, so he kept his tone as even as possible. “If you were over it, you wouldn’t be reacting this way,” he pressed, unwilling to let the subject drop. “And there’s always a solution, you just don’t care enough to open up and find it.”

It was so undeniably frustrating that Nelyo was remaining so calm, and Kano was more of a mess than he wanted to be. It had taken all damn night to get himself into an okay headspace, and now he felt like he was unraveling all over again. “I don’t.. there isn’t.. I don’t know damn it. I don’t know a solution and I can’t just open up.”

“All you have to do is tell me how you felt,” Mae said encouragingly. “Did me getting angry make you angry? Did it make you sad? It’s not that difficult, Kanafinwë.”

“No, you pushing me away made me angry,” he sighed, his hands going into his hair as his knees came up to his chest. “You trying to get away to avoid hurting me made me angry.”

“Why?” Nelyo prodded gently. “I was only trying to look out for you. I love you, and I don’t want to see you get hurt because I’m a headcase at night.”

Elbereth, he hated talking about his feelings. It was too damn difficult. He shook his head, trying to get the words out in some cohesive manner. “Because I don’t care if you hurt me physically,” he admitted, quiet.

Nelyo’s heart plummeted in his chest at his brother’s words. Why...would Kano be okay with that? “Mags, we can do that consensually in the bedroom, no judgement there. But why would you just want me to just...hurt you?”

“I can handle pain.. I..” Kano’s fingers tightened in his hair, head hanging so that his chin touched his chest. “I like it, even.. deserve it, probably.. it hurts less than words do..”

“You don’t _deserve_ to get hurt. No one deserves to get hurt,” he said, sliding closer to Maglor to run his fingers through the others hair. “I get where you’re coming from, I do—physical pain is a shitload easier to deal with than emotional pain—but never think that you deserve it.”

It took all of Maglor’s energy to look up at his brother, his eyes stormy and red as though he was trying to keep from crying. “You keep pushing me away, though..”

“Because I don’t want to see you hurt, least of all by my hand. I love you and I want to protect you, and if that includes from myself, then so be it.” Nelyo slid closer and pressed his forehead against Maglor’s, eyes locked firmly on his brother’s. “Let me say, though, that you handled things beautifully, and I don’t think I’ll have much to worry about for long. If you react the same way each time I get a night terror, I’ll have no more reason to put up a fight. But until then,” he said, pausing to press a kiss to Maglor’s forehead before pulling back, “I’m going to worry about it like mad.”

Feeling a little more grounded, a little less frantic in his racing thoughts, Kano nodded slightly. “Good news, I always have some sort of instrument on hand so I can always play you something,” he tried to joke.

Mae smiled, glad to see his brother seemed to be feeling better. “Honestly, it really helped a lot. You were amazing, Mags.”

“Promise? I didn’t feel like I helped at all...” If he was being honest with himself, the whole experience had been terrifying and even the song he played hadn’t sounded right to his ears.

“Finno did a great job getting me to calm down, but once you played your music I was finally okay,” Nelyo assured, lightly tracing the shell of Maglor’s ear and his jaw before pulling his hand away. “The only reason I was on edge after that was because I was still freaked out over the possibility of hurting you.”

The loss of the hand had Maglor leaning toward the touch before he realized it, blushing a bit when he did. Biting his lip, he shifted where he was sitting. “I’m glad you’re okay.. I was really worried..”

Mae nodded in understanding and brought his hand back up to cup Maglor’s cheek, slightly amused by his brother’s reaction to the loss of contact. “I’m sure it’s just as scary to watch as it is to experience.”

Kano closed his eyes at the touch, leaning his cheek against the offered hand. “I can’t even fathom what it’s like to experience it..”

“Reliving the worst moment of my life is definitely not a walk in the park, I can tell you that,” Mae half joked.

Opening his eyes again, Kano couldn’t help but frown, putting his hand over his brother’s. “Do you get them a lot?”

“It varies. Sometimes I get it four or five times a week, sometimes there’ll be a couple of weeks where I don’t get any at all. The average tends to be once or twice a week.” He stared thoughtfully at Maglor’s face, rubbing slow circles on the other’s cheek with his thumb. “I hate the unpredictability, but there’s nothing that can really be done about it.”

“Ah,” Kano sighed, leaning into the touch. “I wish there was more I could do to help you.. but I know there isn’t..”

“What you did last night was more than enough,” Nelyo gently assured. “I really appreciate it.”

Maglor nodded, feeling bad for needing comfort when his brother was the one who suffered. His head started playing all the negative thoughts again and, though he despised it, they wouldn’t stop. “I care a lot for you...”

“I care a lot for you too,” he replied, leaning forward to press a soft kiss to Kano’s lips. “You and Finno are my world.”

The kiss was nice, even if his head was in a bad place. He pressed their brows together and took a deep breath. “I love you..”

“Love you too,” Mae said before kissing his brother again, lingering against his lips a bit longer.

“Is Fingon awake..?” Maglor asked, even though he didn’t want the moment to end. Self sabotage at its finest.

“Uh, yeah,” Nelyo replied, pulling back awkwardly. It wasn’t a _completely_ random topic change, but it did happen in the middle of a kiss, and it left Mae feeling confused and a little hurt. “I’m sorry, did you not want me to kiss you?”

“I just.. didn’t know if I.. if we.. should do more if he’s awake.. not that we can’t.. I just feel,” he paused, looking down at the space between them, “I just don’t want another repeat of last night where he comes in and isn’t expecting to see us together...”

Mae visibly relaxed, glad to have a reason behind his brother’s behavior. “If you want to do more, we can do more. I can just go let Finno know not to wait up for us.”

“Is.. are you sure..? I don’t wanna push you if you’re not up to it after last night,” Kano frowned, tucking a stray hair that had fallen out of his messy bun behind his ear.

“I’m stubborn as shit, Mags,” he laughed. “You can’t push me into anything, least of all intimacy. And I don’t particularly want to think about last night anymore, not after we’ve got things pretty much resolved. Just let me know what you want to do so I can let Finno know how long we’ll be.”

Kano’s face went red with embarrassment at the thought of having to voice any of the things he wanted to do. ‘Kiss’ was probably the most graphic thing he could think of saying, but that sounded stupid even to himself. “I.. uh..” He bit his lip, not meeting his brother’s eye.

“It’s okay, you can tell me,” Mae reassured gently. “Honestly with the things Finno and I’ve done, I have no room for judgement.”

“Just.. really want to kiss you.. but like.. really kiss you, y’know?” Kano couldn’t help but cover his face with his hands, feeling anxious now already and they hadn’t even done anything yet. Awful.

Nelyo couldn’t help but laugh a little watching Kano get so flustered over such a simple request. “You mean you wanna make out?” he ventured, amusement coloring his tone.

Kicking his foot out to shove Nelyo with his toe, Kano groaned in his frustration. “Shut up, damn it..”

“You know you don’t have to be so embarrassed about saying what you want,” Nelyo said, still finding the situation particularly humorous. “It’s only weird if you make it weird, and you definitely do a good job of making it weird.”

“Sorry, sorry,” Kano mumbled. “I’m not good at this.. I’ve never had to ask for this sort of thing..”

“You’ll get used to it eventually,” Nelyo assured. “And at a certain point you won’t even have to ask anymore. I’ll just know. Okay, you’ll probably still have to ask, I admittedly can be a bit dense sometimes.”

Fingon popped his head around the corner of the room, wrapped in the blanket from the bed. “It doesn’t sound like you two are fighting, is it safe to come out or do you want me to go back to bed?”

“Nope, no fighting here,” Maedhros said, turning to better address his cousin. “Mags just wants to make out.”

Maglor went even more red at that, burying his face in his hands. Fingon couldn’t help but smirk, even though the underlying jealousy was there. Still, he didn’t show it. “Have fun, I’ll go back to bed. Don’t forget, babe. Fifteen, starting today,” he teased, referencing owed blowjobs.

Nelyo grinned, not having forgotten the deal that was made last night. “If you’ve got enough time and stamina, I’ve no problem with taking care of all fifteen today,” he teased.

“Taking big like that’s gonna get you in trouble, Mae,” Finno winked, blowing a kiss before heading back to the bedroom to crash again. Reluctantly, Kano peeked through his fingers. “Do I even want to ask?”

“I owe him fifteen blowjobs in exchange for something,” Nelyo replied simply. He didn’t want to tell Kano what the something was, as ‘fifteen blowjobs in exchange for him being less flirty around you’ as it would probably only make him feel awkward and guilty. “Anyway... You ready?”

Eyes widening a bit, Kano looked down and dropped his hands. That was a lot of blowjobs, but he didn’t dare comment. “Yeah.. I uh.. I’m ready.”

“Might be easier if we sat on the couch,” Nelyo offered. “Or if you got your legs out of the way.”

Maglor moved some more of the sheets of music out of the way, chewing his lip as he tried to be quick about it. Once things were out of harm’s way, he reached his hand out for the other, though couldn’t quite meet Nelyo’s eyes.

Nelyo scooted closer to his brother, taking his hand in his own and pressing it to his cheek. “Hey, just relax. It won’t be awkward if you don’t make it awkward.”

“Feels so formal, like there is a lot of pressure,” Kano admitted, bringing his other hand up to cup his brother’s cheek. “I’m not sure why.. even though it’s all I want to do..”

“There are no formalities when it comes to making out, I promise,” Nelyo assured. “You just do what feels natural. And there’s definitely no pressure. I’m not going to judge you on your skills. I absolutely do not give a shit if it’s not good. The important thing is I get to make out with you.”

Even though they had gotten so far yesterday, Maglor felt unsure of himself today. Likely had a lot to do with his negative thoughts all night, though he hated to think that. For so long the chance to make out with Nelyo hadn’t been an option, but now it was and he needed to remind himself that it was okay. That it was good. Guiding his brother’s face toward his, he brushed a tentative kiss to Nelyo’s lips.

Nelyo gently returned the kiss, not wanting to overwhelm Maglor with too much passion too soon. He certainly couldn’t blame his brother for being hesitant—not after last night—and so he wanted to do everything possible to keep the other comfortable.

Kano seemed to relax when the other returned his kiss, feeling a bit more at ease now that the first part had been accomplished. Parting his lips, his tongue licked lightly against Nelyo’s, seeking more.

His lips parted immediately, eager in spite of the measured patience he knew he needed to exhibit. He was able to keep his tongue better in check, holding it back in his mouth to allow Maglor to make the first move.

The parting of his brother’s lips was an invitation and he wouldn’t pass on it. His tongue swiped along the lip first before seeking Nelyo’s own. Kano’s fingers curled lightly into the other’s hair.

The slow pace was nearly unbearable for Nelyo, who was far more used to quick, passionate make out sessions with Fingon. But this isn’t Fingon, he reminded himself as he extended his tongue to tangle with his brother’s.

Kissing Nelyo, much like last night, was an indescribable experience. It was a song, with its melody and so many harmonies, blending together in perfect rhythm. As they kissed, his hands seemed to react upon base instinct, pulling his brother in closer, wanting to feel their bodies pressed together, the beat of their hearts in sync.

Emboldened by Maglor’s sudden willingness to take more initiative, Nelyo slipped his fingertips under the hem of his shirt and gently caressed the skin there. He noted how thin his brother felt, and made a mental note to get more food in him. Twice his fingers accidentally grazed bandages, so he opted to move his hand a bit higher up Maglor’s torso, not desiring to cause him any more emotional distress.

The touch sparked electricity in his nerves, his breath catching. Twice. Twice his brother’s fingers had pressed over the bandages, and twice the pain filtered through his hip and up his side. Gods, he hated how much it made his head race. It was worse when the hand moved further up and left his hip completely, knowing that it was unlikely the other would want to inflict anything further. Kano moaned softly against Nelyo’s lips all the same, one hand entwined in crimson hair, the other caressing the tender flesh of his neck.

Nelyo brought his hand up to Kano’s chest, rolling the nipple under his thumb. It was in such moments where he wished he had two hands again, as there was not much he was able to do with the stump of his arm. He brought it up to rub Kano’s cheek but the action felt too awkward, so he let his arm fall back into his lap.

The attention to his nipple made the hairs on his skin rise, shivering under the touch. Overwhelming. But overwhelming in a good way. A breathy sound escaped into the kiss, his tongue pulling Nelyo’s into his mouth like some sort of dance. The flicker of movement caught his attention, though, and he couldn’t help the twinge if guilt when he realized it might be some perceived inadequacy for not having a second hand. His own fingers reached down to his brother’s other arm, lifting it again in what he hoped was a sign that made sense.

Kano’s gesture was unexpected, but Nelyo did not resist as he replaced his wrist on his brother’s cheek. It distracted him from his other actions, however, as he became increasingly concerned with not grossing Kano out.

Maglor wasn't completely inept. He could feel his brother's hesitation the moment it began. Breaking the kiss, his brow furrowed slightly as he looked up at the other, his pupils wide in his arousal already. "What's wrong? Did I..?"

“No, it’s not you,” Nelyo hurriedly replied, not wanting his brother to go on a self-deprecating spiral. “It’s totally me, I promise. I just...” He pulled his right arm away, feeling guilty that he’d let it ruin the moment. “I don’t want to disgust you. Rubbing your cheek with a bony, mangled stump instead of a hand...”

"It doesn't need to be a hand," Kano frowned slightly. "It's a part of you. And I want that part as much as any other part of you.." His fingers traced down the arm toward the offending stump, not quite reaching it as he didn't wish to cause his brother more anxiety. "You're still my brother, and you're only now also my boyfriend.. and hand or not, I don't care because I.. I love you, you know?"

“I know,” Mae sighed. “Finno says the same thing. I just feel like it’s unattractive and ruins the moment. Like, with fingers I can caress you and cup your cheek, but with this,” he said, pausing slightly to lift his right arm, “I may as well be rubbing my kneecap on your face.”

Kano frowned a bit, touching his brother’s cheek with the hand that wasn’t occupied with Nelyo’s arm. “It doesn’t have to be sexy, but gods, stop acting like you’re going to gross me out.. I have a hard time initiating, but I want you, kneecap for hand and all...”

Nelyo returned the frown, completely failing to see his brother’s logic. “Intimacy is kinda supposed to be sexy, Mags.

This was not where he wanted things to go. He wanted to make out with his brother, not have his bad thoughts running rampant _and_ Nelyo was feeling bad as well. “I’m sorry.. this whole thing.. I just.. I’m sorry.. Your hand used to bother me at first but I’m used to it now and it doesn’t..”

“You don’t have to be sorry for anything,” Nelyo said, expression softening. “I’m the one who should be sorry. I totally ruined our makeout.”

Kano bit his lip to keep from rushing to take all the blame, to absolve his brother of any guilt, because he knew Nelyo wouldn’t approve. “Are you.. not feeling it anymore..?”

“Are... _you_ still in the mood?” he asked carefully. “I am, I just thought you wouldn’t be, after...”

“I could be amenable,” Kano shrugged, blush tainting his cheeks once more. “Kinda been waiting my whole life for the opportunity to kiss you.. don’t wanna pass it up..”

Nelyo smiled warmly, leaning back in to press an open-mouthed kiss to Kano’s lips. He still felt guilty for letting his insecurity disrupt the moment, but did his best to suppress it for his brother’s sake.

Completely receptive, Maglor’s lips parted with ease. His hands came up to the other’s face, one tangling into his hair on instinct. He wanted to push away the bad feelings, wanted to drown in a sea of his brother’s affection.

Once again Nelyo placed the stump of his wrist on Maglor’s face, though he tried not to be bothered by it. His thumb picked up its movements again, rubbing slow teasing circles around his brother’s nipple.

The touch to his nipple made him gasp, though he knew it was coming, his back arching toward the touch. Their tongues swirled together once more, Kano’s own a bit more adventurous this time around.

The response that his action elicited emboldened Nelyo, and he began to roll the hardening bud between his thumb and forefinger. His brother was an absolute natural at kissing, and he felt his arousal beginning to stir in his loose pajama pants.

Moaning softly into the kiss, one of his hands trailed from his brother’s face down his chest, the other still in his hair. Kano felt his heart beat beginning to pick up again already, his arousal slowly stirring as well. His teeth skimmed Nelyo’s lip, sucking it into his mouth briefly.

Mae had to pull back completely then: things were going too far. “Sorry Mags,” he began, slightly breathless, “but if we keep going like that, we’d end up doing a lot more than making out...”

Kano pulled back a bit more, blushing even worse than before. His heart pounded in his chest, a hint of anxiety running through his mind. “Ah.. sorry.. You’re.. a really good kisser, wow.”

“So’re you,” Nelyo smiled. “I better not hear any more talk of how ‘out of practice’ you are after that.”

“This is my out of practice, just think of how good my in practice is,” he muttered, barely able to get the words out.

Nelyo grinned wide, proud of Maglor for his attempt at flirting, and delighted by the seemingly impossible promise of even better kisses. “Well I suppose now I’ll have to kiss you all the time to get you in practice.”

Kano looked up, chewing his lip as he watched the other smile. It was so nice to see him smile.. “I would.. like that a lot..”

Leaning forward, he pressed a quick kiss to Maglor’s lips before pulling away again. “I should probably get started on breakfast. Got any requests?”

“A lot of requests but none you fill reasonably,” Kano admitted, looking back down again, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly, coughing. “Unless kitchen activities from last night apply..”

Mae found himself caught off guard by his brother’s sudden boldness. Nevertheless, he didn’t let his surprise show. “I could probably manage that after breakfast if you’d like,” he replied casually.

Kano chewed at his lip, his head spinning a bit already. This was more than he usually did, for sure. “If maybe you want to, yeah.. I uh.. I need to use the bathroom..” Gods, this was embarrassing. He was hard already thinking about it.

“Sure, go ahead,” Nelyo encouraged. “I need to get Finno anyway.” He stood then, remaining a bit bent over to offer Kano his hand. “So do you have any actual requests for breakfast food or is a mutual jerk session it?”

“Anything is fine,” he shrugged, getting up using the other’s hand as support. “I don’t usually eat much in the mornings, though. But coffee would be nice..”

“I can definitely do coffee,” he nodded, “and I’ll be sure to make a good spread so you can have lots of food to choose from. You need to get some meat on those bones.”

“You sound like Amil,” Kano rolled his eyes, the blush finally fading from his cheeks. “These bones are just fine without the excess meat.”

“Certainly not,” Nelyo countered with mock horror. “You’re far too thin, Kanafinwë, and as long as you’re my boyfriend, you’re going to get three square meals a day, no ifs ands or buts.”

“Maybe this boyfriend thing was a bad choice,” he quipped. “Gonna get me fat.” Kano stuck out his tongue like a petulant child. “No, I take it back. Boyfriend thing is a good idea. But definitely still gonna make me fat. Why did I have to date a baker of all things?”

“Poor decision on your part,” Nelyo agreed with a chuckle. “There’s absolutely no way I’m going to allow you to stay as skinny as you are.”

With a groan of mock annoyance, he wrapped his arms around his brother’s waist, pulling him into a quick hug. “We’ll see,” he added, pressing a kiss on the other’s shoulder before pulling away to head to the bathroom. He had.. things to take care of.

Despite his brother’s disparaging comments, Mae began walking towards the bedroom and taking mental inventory of all the recipes he knew were good for healthy weight gain. When he’d traced his hand along Kano’s torso during their makeout, he’d been able to feel each individual rib, and that concerned him. Having practically been a third parental figure to his younger brothers, Mae possessed loads of maternal and paternal instincts, the urge to nourish being one of them. Even if Maglor _wasn’t_ his boyfriend he’d be worried about his frailness, but the fact that they were dating gave him slightly better control over his brother’s diet. So focused on recipes, Mae walked straight into the doorframe to the bedroom, cursing profusely as he cupped his nose in pain.

The slamming of a body into the doorframe roused Fingon who had drifted back into sleep to look up from the blanket burrito he was wrapped in. "Babe? Did you just walk into the..." He shifted a bit in his nest of blankets, hair sticking up every which way, to get a better look at his poor, useless boyfriend. "Everything okay?"

“Just knocked my face on the doorframe,” Mae responded, voice a bit nasally as he was still clutching his nose, “nothing to worry about.”

"Come 'ere," Fingon said, shaking his head with a small smile. "You're a disaster. My disaster boyfriend."

“Rude,” Mae said, but smiled and approached his cousin nonetheless. “I was just preoccupied with trying to figure out how to get Mags fat, as he put it. He’s way too thin.”

Fingon snorted a laugh, rolling a bit to get the blankets out from under him so that he could pull Maedhros back into bed with him. "He's real thin," he agreed. "But that's hardly good reason to walk into a doorframe."

“Like I said, I was distracted trying to think of recipes that’d help him put on weight,” he reiterated. “I just zoned out for a bit and wasn’t actually looking where I was going.”

“Just start feeding him my average diet,” Finno teased. “He’ll gain plenty since he’s not as active as I am.” His hands went to Mae’s face, looking at the other’s nose with a frown. “It isn’t bleeding at least.”

“Didn’t think it would be. I don’t think I hit my face _that_ hard,” Nelyo smiled, leaning forward to kiss Finno. Their noses bumped slightly and he winced, pulling back to cup his nose once again. “That definitely hurt, though...”

“What’ll the neighbors say? Everyone’s gonna think I beat you babe,” Finno sighed dramatically.

“Don’t worry,” he assured, smiling once again, “I’m pretty sure at this point they’re all aware that I do stupid shit like this from time to time.”

Careful to avoid his nose, Finno kissed Mae again with a lazy smile. “Part of why I love you so much, you adorable klutz,” he hummed.

“Well if you couldn’t put up with my occasional accidents, I doubt we’d do that well together,” Mae replied, poking the tip of Finno’s nose for emphasis.

“That’s true,” Fingon laughed, stretching his legs under the blanket still. “Gods, I’m tired today.”

“You could go back to sleep” Nelyo offered. “Mags asked for a mutual jerk session anyway, so no big deal if you sleep in here while we do that out there.”

Deeply burying the wave of jealousy, Fingon managed to only scrunch his nose. “He’s probably done by now, don’t you think?”

“Done with what?” Nelyo asked as he cuddled closer to Finno in a reassuring gesture.

“You know what,” Finno rolled his eyes, leaning his head on the other’s shoulder. “He’s probably gotten himself off by now, but far be it for me to stop you if you want to.. go join him.”

Mae furrowed his brow, not quite following the logic. “Why would he be jerking off now when I told him we’d do it after breakfast?”

“Never mind. I’m tired and thinking is too much effort.” Fingon turned his face to press into the other’s arm, closing his eyes. “I have classes today still, so I can’t go back to bed..”

Nelyo craned his neck to press a kiss to his cousin’s head. “Then I’ll brew you a strong pot of coffee. Or do you think blowjob one of fifteen’d get you up?”

Fingon lifted his face just enough to see the other’s face, a smile creeping up on his lips. “Both?”

“I can do both,” Nelyo said, grinning impishly. “But I ought to go let Mags know what we’ll be doing. I’d rather he not think that I’ve abandoned him.”

Nodding, Fingon lifted his head so the other could get up before unrolling himself from the mass of blankets.

\---------------

Kano sat in the kitchen with his harp in his lap, scribbling notes onto his sheet of music.

Finding the bathroom empty, Nelyo started off toward the kitchen and saw Maglor working away at his music. He was loath to disturb him, but he didn’t have much of a choice. “Hey Mags?”

Kano didn’t look away from the sheet, finishing a series of notes first. When he did, his brow was raised. “Hi, sorry, is everything okay?”

“Yeah, everything’s fine. Just wanted to let you know that I offered to blow Finno before breakfast,” he stated plainly. “So I’ll do that, come back here to make breakfast, and then we can do our thing.”

Blinking a few times as he processed what his brother said, his face flushed red. “Oh. Uh.. okay. If you’re sure you are okay with that? We don’t have to if you don’t want to..”

Nelyo quirked an eyebrow at Kano’s odd behavior. “Why would I not want to? I already said I did.”

“If you and him are gonna do things, I mean..” Kano chewed his lip and looked at the harp in his lap in thought. “I don’t know.. it just seems like a lot to do for you..”

“Not really,” Mae replied nonchalantly, leaning against a counter. “Honestly, I’ve done a lot more than that in an hour.”

That stopped his racing thoughts for sure. Frowning slightly, he looked up at his brother and wondered if the comment had to refer back to Nelyo’s time he had been captured. Kano opened his mouth, unsure what to say, but closed it again, frowning.

“Sorry, I guess several sex acts in an hour might seem a bit hedonistic to your delicate, almost virgin sensibilities,” Nelyo teased, amused by his brother’s seemingly prudish reaction.

Face flushing, Kano placed his fingers over his harp strings and plucked a few. “Go do your thing I guess. I’ll start some coffee?”

Mae nodded as he pushed himself on the counter. “Sounds good. And could you make it strong? Finno’s really tired. Unless you don’t like strong coffee, of course.”

“Mhm,” he nodded, looking down at his harp and playing a little thing. “Have fun.”

“Thanks, see you in a bit” Nelyo replied, pressing a kiss to Kano’s lips before turning and heading back to the bedroom.

\---------------

Fingon was waiting in the room with just a sheet over him now, having stripped his sleep pants and shirt while the other was away. His arms were crossed under his head, eyes closed.

“Finno? You didn’t fall back asleep, did you?” He approached the bed, nudging his cousin’s shoulder with the stump of his right arm.

“Hmm? No,” he mumbled, peeking open an eye. “Well.. maybe a little..” Fingon yawned, covering his mouth before rubbing his eyes. “Blowjob time?”

“If you’re still up for it,” Mae replied, giving Finno an out just in case. “Don’t want you to fall back asleep in the middle of things.”

“Oh trust me,” Finno smirked, shifting to sit up on his elbows, “I won’t fall asleep on you.”

“Hey, if you’re tired enough,” Nelyo said, returning the smirk, but making no further protests. He crawled onto the bed over his cousin, pressing an open-mouthed kiss to his bare chest.

Inhaling a deep breath, Finno licked his lips and brought his hands to run through Mae’s hair. “I’m not tired enough to give up the first of my fifteen blowjobs.”

Nelyo continued to kiss in favor of responding, moving down Finno’s chest to latch onto the nipple. Simultaneously, he pulled the sheet off of his cousin’s lap and gave a quick, light stroke to his length.

Finno gasped, his back arching at the mouth that sucked upon his chest, the hand on his cock. Gods, he missed this. He missed the intimacy, the way Maedhros seemed to know his body more than Fingon knew it himself. “You _tease_ ,” he groaned, breathless. “More, babe.. touch me..”

Grinning, mouth still on Finno’s chest, Mae ran his fingers down his cousin’s cock with the lightest touch he could muster. He knew Finno didn’t have long before his class, and he didn’t want to keep Maglor waiting for _too_ long, but he just couldn’t resist being a tease.

“Fuck,” he moaned, head falling back against the bed. “ _Fuck_. Please, Mae, _please_.” Fingon couldn’t help pushing on his boyfriend’s head, trying to make him move further down. “I want you to suck my cock, not my nips, damn it,” he snapped lightly, too breathless to actually sound threatening.

Nelyo relented at last, pulling his mouth away from the nipple with the wettest, lewdest sound he could muster, before shimmying down to curl his tongue around the tip of his cousin’s cock. Slowly he lowered his head, taking as much of the appendage into his mouth as he could, then bringing his hand up to cover the rest. He remained still for a brief moment, accustoming his throat to the intrusion, before he began to stroke up and down the shaft, bobbing his head in synchronization with the movements of his hand.

Hips stuttering upward, Fingon moaned his enjoyment as the other put that beautiful mouth of his to work. Weakly lifting his head, his glazed over eyes focused on the way the other’s lips wrapped around his cock so perfectly. Fingon ran his hands through Mae’s hair, brushing it out of the way to keep from obstructing the view. “Nnnn fuck, babe.. I love you so much.. Feels so good.”

Nelyo responded to the praise by hollowing his cheeks as he sucked upwards, and adding more pressure to his strokes. Pleasuring Finno was a treat in and of itself, and hearing his cousin voice that pleasure made things even better.

“Just like that,” he moaned, his voice thick with arousal. Though Finno usually prided himself on his stamina, the time between intimate acts made him extra sensitive and he could feel his peak quickly approaching. His hand went to his own chest, rolling the bud of a nipple between his fingers as the other worked below. “Perfect, yes, I’m so close..”

Slowly, Mae let his hand wander from his cousin’s length down to his sack, rolling a testicle between his thumb and forefinger. He kept up his oral ministrations, however, desiring to bring Finno to completion.

Finno gasped, his head falling back against the bed once more. Everything felt so brilliant from the tips of his toes to the top of his head, warmth running through his veins. Shuddering, he barely managed to tap Mae’s shoulder as his release hit him, a wanton moan flowing freely and without a hint of shame.

Mae gladly swallowed Finno’s seed, the overall experience of it always outweighing the bitter taste, in his opinion. And it wouldn’t do to let his cousin make a mess of himself in so little time before his first class. Making sure he had lapped up every last drop, Maedhros finally pulled away, flashing Finno a bright smile. “One down, fourteen to go,” he said teasingly.

Still catching his breath, Fingon gave his cousin a weak smile. His hand came up to brush against Mae’s cheek, thumb caressing the soft skin there. “Fourteen more of those and I might have to extend the amount of blowjobs you owe me,” he teased back. “Brilliant, babe, brilliant. Love you so much.”

“Love you too,” Mae replied, sliding himself back up to give Finno a quick peck on the lips. “As much as I liked to stay here, we should probably get moving: Mags is waiting on us, and you’ve got to get ready for your class.”

“Ughhhh,” Finno groaned, pushing himself up reluctantly. “I don’t want to go to class, I want to spend the day in bed with you.” Fingon didn’t often whine, but now that he was finally getting physical again with his cousin he hated not being able to spend every second with him. It was even more difficult knowing that Maglor was.

Mae had always found his cousin’s whining endearing, and quite difficult to resist. Normally he wouldn’t condone skipping classes, but.. “If you’re not doing anything important, you could just skip,” he offered. “I shut down the bakery for the week, so I’ll be around all day, too.”

“You did?” Fingon raised his brow in surprise. “I think I can miss class just this once, then.. since you’ll be around and this class is a bit dull anyway..” Sure, he had an exam coming up, but he was also confident that he would pass it.

“Great. It’ll be nice to have some more time with you and Mags. Unless he’s got something going on today..” Furrowing his brows thoughtfully, Nelyo realized he had no idea what his brother’s schedule was. He hadn’t actually needed to know it before, but since they were dating it would be good information to have, especially since he had to figure out how to properly budget his time between his two boyfriends. “I should probably go talk with him about that. Find out what his schedule is and all.”

Finno stretched out lazily, giving Mae a reassuring smile. “I’ll be out in a few. Don’t think he’d take too kindly to me traipsing about your place in the nude.”

“Too bad, because I know I sure would,” he teased with a toothy grin. “Maybe just throw on some underwear? Though that still may be a bit too scandalizing for him. Might be alright if you pair it with a shirt.”

“Hardly in the nude if I’m wearing so much,” Finno laughed. “I swear, I think Mags rivals Turno for who is the most prudish in the family.”

“Well he’d better get over himself sooner than later. Can’t be in a relationship with the two of us—especially you—and expect much modesty.” Nelyo stood at last, moving away from the bed to linger by the door. “Maybe you _should_ go out naked,” he mused half-jokingly. “Help him get used to it.”

“Don’t tempt me, Mae,” Finno smirked, finally getting to his feet, still naked as ever. “I’ll do it and with no shame either.” Still, he grabbed the discarded boxers from the floor and pulled them on.

“Ahh you’re no fun,” Mae teased, taking a few steps forward to kiss Finno. “I guess you’ve given me no choice then: I’ll have to go out naked myself.”

Fingon grinned ear to ear, kissing Mae with ease as his hands went to pull his cousin in closer. “Please do. It’s all I want beyond the blowjobs and a coffee right now.”

His offer had been completely hollow of course, but Nelyo couldn’t help but feel guilty that he wasn’t actually able to follow through. “Well I’m all out of blowjobs for the moment, but Mags has some coffee going in the kitchen,” he replied, doing his best to deflect the topic.

“Fiiiiiine,” Finno sighed dramatically, knowing that Mae was avoiding the topic but letting it go. It wasn’t worth a fight or hurt feelings. “I’m not sure I could go again so quickly anyway. But coffee? Coffee is good.”

“Coffee is good,” Nelyo repeated with a smile, leaning down to kiss Finno again. “Mind if I carry you to the kitchen?”

Wrapping his arms around his boyfriend’s neck, Fingon smiled brightly as a response. “Of course I don’t mind,” he teased.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maedhros and Maglor can't seem to escape drama for too long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies, this chapter's a bit long.

Nelyo hoisted Fingon up with a grin, cupping his cousin’s arse with his hand while using his right arm as extra support. Carefully he carried Finno out of the bedroom and to the kitchen. “Hi, Mags,” he greeted.

Maglor looked at the pair, brows raising as the coffee mug paused at his lips. Fingon’s face was tucked into Nelyo’s neck, his cousin’s limbs wrapped around his brother like some sort of monkey. “Hi.”

“Finno,” Mae spoke into his cousin’s ear, “gotta put you down to make breakfast. I can barely cook with one hand, let alone no hands.”

Pressing a kiss to his cousin’s neck, then his jaw, Fingon untangled himself reluctantly. Once his feet were on the floor, however, he made a beeline to the coffee. “Morning Mags.”

“Morning.. I made coffee,” Kano shrugged, not making eye contact with either of them, but especially not Fingon who barely wore anything at all.

With Finno out of his arms, Mae stepped forward, leaning over to kiss Kano’s head, who looked very awkward in the moment. “So what’s everyone want to eat?”

“Scramble me anything babe, you know what I like,” Finno shrugged, offering a dazzling smile as he poured his cup and cradled it in his hands. 

Kano, on the other hand, simply chewed at his lip, lost in his thoughts. He had hardly heard the question at all.

“Mags?” Nelyo asked, gently tapping his brother’s head with his knuckles. “What would you like to eat?”

Blinking, Kano looked up, lip between his teeth. “Huh? Oh, uh, coffee is fine.”

“Coffee is not a substitute for a meal,” Mae replied, emphasizing his point by grabbing Kano’s slim forearm. “Just for that, you’re getting the works.”

“The works? Does the works include me sitting with my coffee and watching you cook?” Kano asked, his gaze flicking quickly to and then away from Fingon, who was sipping coffee and scratching at his stomach.

“Well considering the fact that I have no intention of taking your coffee or kicking you out of the kitchen, I’d say so, yes,” Mae laughed, slightly ruffling Kano’s hair.

Kano made a face as his brother messed his already disastrous hair, but couldn’t help smiling even still. “Fine, but I don’t have much an appetite so don’t make too much for me..”

“It’s alright, Mags. Anything you don’t eat, I will,” Fingon piped up.

Mae pulled away to look through the fridge, taking out several ingredients and items for breakfast. “You’d better eat it all,” he said, head still in the fridge. “You’re too skinny, babe.”

Heart fluttering at the nickname, Kano’s cheeks reddened as he swallowed another sip of his coffee. He wasn’t used to hearing that sort of endearment, but for as wonderful as it was, he instantly felt guilt for the way that Fingon’s eyes darted to him, as of also surprised by the nickname. Kano looked down into his mug, the smile from before disappearing as quickly as it came. “I’m not..”

“You are,” Nelyo stated as he removed his head from the fridge to gauge his boyfriends’ reactions to the pet name. It had been entirely experimental, but he figured if he was going to date Maglor, he was going to need something else to call him. “Sorry, was ‘babe’ not okay? Just wanted to try it out.”

“I’m.. not sure,” Maglor admitted, not looking up from the dark liquid in the mug. “Sorry...”

“Maybe we can find another name?” Finno offered, also not entirely pleased with it. ‘Babe’ was his thing, and he felt a bit possessive over it.

“Yeah, that’s totally fine. I know I already call you ‘babe’ anyways,” Mae nodded at Fingon. “Anything in particular you think you’d like, Mags?”

Finno seemed to relax at that, going to sit on one of the chairs and crossing his legs. 

Shifting on his feet, Kano still didn’t look up. “I.. haven’t given it much thought..”

“That’s okay. You can think on it and I can think on it and we’ll come up with something eventually.” Closing the fridge, Mae turned his attention back to the food on the counter, mentally going through all the supplies he would need to cook everyone a good meal.

Every name that passed through Maglor’s thoughts felt wrong, as though he didn’t deserve such an intimate gesture, or that he shouldn’t have a nickname because he didn’t want to step on Fingon’s toes. The negative self talk was starting up again and his head spun with it all. “Do you need any help cooking..?”

Although his gut reaction was to refuse help, Nelyo realized he could likely use it with all the dishes he intended to craft, coupled with a worry that Kano might somehow internalize a refusal of help. “If you could get started on scrambling eggs that’d be great.”

“Thank you,” Kano mumbled, grateful for something to distract himself with. He paused a moment, unsure where everything in the kitchen was. Fingon pointed to where the pans and utensils were and Maglor offered a weak smile, getting what he needed. 

“I think that’s the one thing I miss most about living at home,” Finno sighed wistfully, “Ammë’s breakfast smoothies and pop overs. We should make pop overs tomorrow.”

“Sounds good,” Nelyo agreed as he began carefully chopping up fruit. “I was going to do a fruit salad today, but I can change that to smoothies if you’d like.”

“Either or. Whatever is easier,” Finno shrugged. “I’m not too picky.”

Kano was keeping his hands busy, but gods his head wasn’t in the best of places now. It was silly how quickly his mood swayed into the gloom, even when he knew he ought to be happy.

“Well it’s easier to just do fruit salad, but it’s really not that much harder to make a smoothie,” Maedhros replied to Fingon. “You have any preference, Mags?”

“Hmm? Oh, uh, no,” Kano shrugged, pulling a piece of skin off his lower lip with his teeth. 

Fingon flashed a smile of triumph and went to grab the yogurt from the fridge. “Perfect. You cut things, I’ll blend them.”

“Thought you said you weren’t picky,” Mae teased, continuing to chop up fruit. “You seem awfully excited about the smoothies.”

“Shut up,” Finno laughed, rolling his eyes. “I’m not picky, I just like what I like.” He punctuated the last word with a playful slap to Mae’s arse.

Though Mae enjoyed the flirty and suggestive gesture, he worried that Maglor wouldn’t appreciate it. Nevertheless, he decided to reciprocate. “Sorry babe, but I’m making a berry smoothie. No peaches included, no matter how juicy.”

Kano stayed quiet, focusing on readying the pan and getting the scramble started as instructed, trying to repeat the steps to himself. Usually he didn’t cook anything elaborate at home. 

“But baaaaaabe,” Finno whined, putting on a dramatic pout.

“You can take my ass later if you _really_ want,” Mae said playfully, moving across the kitchen to grab the blender from a lower cabinet.

The pout shifted to a grin in no time at all, shimmying his shoulders happily at the thought. “I’ll remember that.”

Kano glanced at the pair, wondering if he would ever feel so comfortable with such conversations.

Mae only winked, returning to his spot to plug in the blender. Rather than begin the process of dumping in the fruit, he looked over at his brother, trying to gauge his reaction to the gratuitous flirting as well as make conversation. “You doing okay over there, Mags?”

“Hmm? Oh.. yeah.. I’m fine.. just, tired I guess?” Kano attempted to sound as natural as possible. He hated when Nelyo fretted over him.

“Not too tired, I hope,” Mae smiled, turning his attention back to the blender. “I believe I still owe you a mutual jerk session.”

That one comment was enough to turn Maglor’s skin as scarlet as his brother’s hair. He dipped his head down, avoidant. “N-no.. not too tired..”

“Good to hear.” Nelyo had always found embarrassing his brother to be a highly entertaining pastime, and now that they were dating, he could embarrass him in new, more sexual ways.

Kano’s mind was running wild, torn between the self deprecating nonsense per usual and now all the thoughts that only made him blush worse. Gods, he could practically picture it already. 

“You’ll give your poor brother an aneurism taking like that,” Finno teased, lighthearted.

“Ah, but he’s just so cute when he blushes,” Nelyo smiled, dumping fruit into the blender. “I can’t help myself.”

“That is true. I can see what you see in him,” Finno added, sipping his coffee as Kano’s head snapped up, all wide eyed. “What? I’ve got eyes, Mags.”

The comment caught Mae off guard as well, though unlike his brother he gave no physical reaction. “You’re definitely easy on the eyes,” he quipped.

Though it wasn't often that Fingon directed his interests toward anyone but Maedhros, he hoped that neither would mind. It wasn't as if Maglor wasn't attractive, after all. There wasn't a single person in their family who would be considered unattractive by any means, praise Eru. Still, he rarely commented on such things. 

Maglor's face was definitely a shade of red, the blush spreading from his cheeks to the tips of his ears and back down toward his neck. "I... thank you..?"

“It looks like _you’re_ the one who’s going to give him an aneurism, Finno,” Mae said, voice tinged with laughter. Recovered from the initial shock, he was glad that Fingon had said something. His cousin had been doing a great job of being welcoming to Maglor, and the compliment was just another step.

"I know, right?" Finno laughed as well, thankful that things didn't seem too awkward for the comment. Good. He was trying really hard to be accommodating, after all. "Poor Mags. He's cute when he's flustered, babe."

Kano brushed his hair out of his face, still looking down to avoid eye contact. "Am not..."

Mae scoffed at his brother’s response and waved his hand dismissively. “Bullshit. You’re fucking adorable when you get all embarrassed. Honestly you’re just fucking adorable normally.”

Bringing his hands up to cover his face, Kano couldn't help but squirm under the compliments. He never was good at this sort of thing. Well, that wasn't wholly true. He had no issue accepting compliments for his music. But his appearance? Hardly the same thing. 

There was something endearing about the way Maglor responded, though Fingon might not have ever thought so in the past. "Cute and talented. I'm amazed no one snatched him up quicker."

“Agreed,” Mae nodded, giving his brother an appraising look. “Though I’m sure he’s been too damn shy to go on any dates. Couldn’t even confess his lifelong crush on me, so that doesn’t really spell much success.” Nelyo’s tone and expression softened as he addressed Maglor directly. “But you’re definitely a catch, Mags, no matter what you or anyone else says or thinks.”

Peeking from behind the safety of his fingers, Maglor looked to Nelyo and tried to remind himself that his brother wouldn’t say anything like this if he didn’t believe it true to at least some extent. Kano took a deep breath, trying desperately to fend the blush away. 

“But for the record, I have yet to meet someone who doesn’t agree that you’re a catch,” Finno added shrugging before finishing his coffee.

“True, but in the rare event that there _is_ someone, I’d like to cover all my bases,” Mae replied, moving to pull open the freezer and get some ice for the smoothies.

Kano chewed his lip, slowly lowering his hands so he could go back to working on the scramble. “Rare,” he snorted quietly, rolling his eyes. He often was passed over.

“What do you mean by that?” Mae questioned, though he knew exactly what his brother meant. “I can’t see why anyone would ever pass you over. Besides the crippling anxiety you’re a total package.”

“Plenty of reasons,” Kano shrugged, frowning slightly as he added salt to the scramble and tested a bite. “But it’s whatever...”

Nelyo quirked an eyebrow as he dumped the ice into the blender, turning to Maglor with his hand on his hip when he was done. “And what kind of bullshit reasons would those be?”

Kano shifted awkwardly on his feet, frown set in place. “Doesn’t matter..”

“Kinda does, yeah,” Mae replied a bit sternly, crossing his arms. “Especially _who_ talked down to you.”

“I’m just bad at dating. It’s whatever, Nelyo. Please, just drop it,” Kano sighed. 

Finno couldn’t help frowning, looking between the two for a few long seconds.

“Fine. But you can’t just avoid talking about your issues forever. I know they’re not comfortable to talk about, but not talking about them makes things even worse.” Mae turned back to the fridge, pulling out the yogurt for the smoothie. Maglor’s unwillingness to open up was extremely frustrating, but he didn’t want to start another fight so soon.

Kano frowned, glad the other turned away because he wanted to just disappear. Fingon was probably still looking at him, though, and he felt bad for ruining the morning’s good mood. His fingers went to his side, pressing over the cuts there, trying to bring himself back into the moment and out of his head. 

Finno put his coffee mug into the sink, nudging Nelyo as he went by and offering a small kiss to his cousin’s shoulder. “Smile, babe,” he reminded under his breath.

Mae hummed quietly in response, knowing that if he spoke it would be nothing but complaints about his brother. Instead of trying to lighten the mood or make polite conversation, he chose to turn the blender on, which blessedly drowned out plenty of his negative thoughts.

The sound of the blender made him jump, but Kano quickly recovered. The scramble was nearly done but his appetite, whatever little bit there was, was now completely gone. 

Sighing, Fingon went to go sit at the table. They were being overly dramatic and he wanted it to be over.

Smoothie properly blended, Nelyo turned the machine off. Sighing, he turned back to face Maglor, bracing himself with his hand against the counter. “Look,” he began, “I don’t like fighting with you, but I don’t like it when you shut down on me either.”

“I’m trying not to,” Kano frowned, taking the pan off the burner so it could finish cooking without burning. His brow furrowed as he shifted on his feet. “I just don’t see what you see..”

“Then I’m going to tell you what I see every day until you do,” Maedhros replied firmly. “You’re a great guy, Mags; you shouldn’t be thinking so lowly of yourself. And no one should have _ever_ made you feel like you should.”

Kano scrubbed his hands over his face, trying to think. “I’m sorry.. I don’t want you to feel like you,” he glanced to Fingon briefly, “either of you.. need to boost me up all the time..”

“I want to. Because you’re my boyfriend, and my brother, and I love you.” Nelyo approached Kano, though he made no attempt at physical contact. “And because you need it. You’re insecure, and I’m not going to expect you to just boost yourself up. Sometimes you need help, and it’s okay to admit that.”

Chewing his lip, he briefly met his brother's eyes before looking back down. "Sorry... I'll try harder," he offered, quiet. Kano wasn't really sure what else he could, or even should, say.

“I love you,” Mae repeated gently, cautiously reaching out to nudge his brother’s hand with his own, “and I want you to feel loved, so don’t be afraid to talk to me. Or Finno. We’re all here for each other.”

"I.. love you too," Kano mumbled, letting their fingers twist together. "Sorry.."

Though Kano’s gesture was small, Mae appreciated it greatly, taking it as a sign that he hadn’t fucked up _too_ badly. “I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have pushed you so hard.”

“I’m sorry for shutting you out.. I’m just not used to all this... everything, y’know?” Kano sighed softly. 

“I know,” Mae nodded, “I should have known better. Can you forgive me?”

Kano nodded as well, looking up at his brother, lip pulled between his teeth. "I could never stay upset with you, Nelyo.. It's impossible.."

“Well better to ask for forgiveness than assume it’s always a given.” Mae gave Kano’s hand a gentle squeeze as he smiled, though it was a bit pained. He hated that he couldn’t seem to avoid getting into arguments with his brother, especially since they weren’t even twenty four hours into their relationship. And it seemed to be the same fight each time, too: Kano wouldn’t open up about something and Mae would lose his patience, then he’d apologize, Kano would forgive him, and the cycle would begin anew. Desperately he hoped they would be able to find their way out of the loop, as he didn’t think he’d be able to endure much more of it.

After letting his cousins have their moment, Finno cleared his throat. “Sooooo... breakfast?”

Mae turned to Finno, his smile becoming one of embarrassment. “Right, sorry. Eggs and smoothies are done, just let me get on waffles and bacon.”

“Brilliant,” Finno offered a small smile and got to his feet, getting out the settings for the table. He pressed a kiss to his cousin’s shoulder as he passed. 

Kano helped by grabbing the silverware, placing them down. The thought of a smoothie was plenty for him, but eggs and waffles and bacon too?

Though he usually preferred making his food from scratch, Mae was feeling particularly unmotivated after all the emotional stress he’d experienced since he woke up. Luckily he kept around easy, pre-made food for days when he was feeling too lazy to properly cook, so going to the fridge, he grabbed some pre cut bacon and popped it into the microwave. For the waffles, unfortunately, he only had a mix, but it was easy enough to make the batter, and all he had to do after that was dump it into the waffle iron. After locating a mixing bowl and a whisk, Mae grabbed the waffle mix and measured it out into the bowl. As he combined it with the other ingredients, he looked over his shoulder to address his boyfriends. “Could one of you get me my waffle iron?”

Both of them went to grab it, bumping into each other in the process. Fingon was the first to laugh, though Maglor looked absolutely mortified, likely because Finno was hardly wearing anything and his hands hand flew up to stop them from colliding even worse. Kano quickly removed his hands from Finno’s bare chest, his blush returning as he stuttered out an apology.

Nelyo had turned back around to concentrate on mixing, but Finno’s laugh caught his attention. Turning his head back around, he observed the interaction with a warm smile. Despite being totally opposite people, Finno and Mags seemed to get along quite well, and knowing the three of them had the potential for a great relationship made his heart flutter with excitement.

Maglor let Fingon pick up the waffle iron and set it up where it would be used, instead going and getting himself more coffee. Not enough caffeine in his system for all this. 

“Okay, it’s warming up!” Finno grinned warmly.

“Thanks, babe,” Mae replied, setting aside the bowl to turn around and face his boyfriends. “Honestly, I love you two so fucking much.”

Blushing, Kano tucked a bit of hair behind his ear and smiled shyly. It was really nice to hear Nelyo say it, even if it was directed at both him and Fingon at the same time. 

“And we both love you very much,” Finno answered for the both of them, nudging Mags gently. “Right?” 

“Right..”

Nelyo approached Finno, leaning over to kiss him, then moving on to do the same to Maglor. “You guys are the best,” he murmured.

“Also true,” Finno teased. 

Kano couldn’t help touching his lips after Nelyo kissed him, savouring the moment. The waffle iron beeped, ready, and sort of ruined the moment.

“Ah, time to start the waffles. Can one of you get the bacon when it’s ready? Preferably without any collisions this time,” Nelyo joked.

Laughing already, Fingon gestured to Maglor to do the honours, grabbing the smoothie blender and pouring them each a bit before sitting down at the little table. 

"You don't need to make me a waffle," Kano piped up at last. "It's too much food for a morning for me."

“I already told you, you’re getting three square meals a day from now on,” Mae replied dismissively. “You’re practically skin and bones, and a cup of coffee isn’t going to help you put on any weight.”

“But if I eat too much now, I’ll get sick,” Kano reasoned. “If I’m going to have three meals, they need to be smaller.”

“Bacon isn’t that filling,” Nelyo quickly countered, “and neither are eggs. You don’t need to eat a mountain of food, I’d just like you to have a little bit of everything.”

Frowning, Kano tried not to sigh too heavily as the microwave dinged and the bacon was finished. He took it out and covered it with a paper towel. “Fine but don’t expect much..”

“Look,” Mae sighed in exasperation, “you’re an adult, and I can’t force you to eat anything. I can’t say I won’t be disappointed if you decide to skip out on eating, but I can’t make you eat if you don’t want to.”

“Sorry, I’m not trying to be antagonistic Nelyo,” Kano looked to his brother and crossed his arms. “I’m not going to skip out on eating, I just can’t eat all these thing in one sitting. I’m trying okay?”

“It doesn’t matter. Do whatever you want,” Nelyo replied as indifferently as he could manage. He couldn’t believe he was already having an arguement with Maglor almost immediately after they’d resolved the last one, and he wanted to shut it down before things got any worse.

Bringing the bacon to the table, Maglor sat and one on one of the chairs and went quiet, not wanting to fight anymore. He was far too tired. 

Fingon awkwardly sipped his smoothie, brow raised as he watched the two simmer. Always so quickly did his cousins temper burn, like their father before them. It was the one thing he struggled dealing with, more than anything. He cleared his throat, looking between the pair.

“What?” Mae snapped at his cousin, a little harsher than he’d meant to. He just didn’t want to deal with Finno’s judgement at the moment, or be forced to have another feel-good make up session with his brother.

Raising his brow at the tone, Fingon tried not to take it personally. “Nothing,” he shrugged, not wanting to argue either. “This is a really good smoothie, babe.”

“Thanks.” Nelyo stuffed eggs into his mouth, suddenly regretting his decision to close the bakery for the week.

Kano stayed quiet, arms still crossed as he sat. He made no move to eat any of the food on the table, nor did he even look at his brother or cousin, instead opting to stare at the corner of the counter. 

The tension in the room was horrible to sit through and Finno wondered if it was too late to change his mind about going to class. While he wanted to spend time with his boyfriend, perhaps this wasn’t the ideal way to do it.

After only a few moments, Mae found the uncomfortable atmosphere unbearable, and he quickly broke under the pressure. “Look, I’m sorry for being kind of an asshole, but I’m genuinely concerned about you, Kano. I was just trying to help, and I guess it’s whatever if you don’t want any help.”

Kano pursed his lips, frowning slightly. It wasn’t that he didn’t mind the gesture, but he also found eating to be a chore. An emotional roller coaster of a chore. But how could he ever explain such a thing when Nelyo didn’t feel like that too. Still, his brother was offering an apology and he felt guilty again for ruining the mood as well. “I’m sorry too..”

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for,” Nelyo mumbled, though he certainly felt differently. All he had been trying to do was help, and all he got in return was ingratitude. But if Maglor didn’t want to eat then he didn’t want to eat, and there was nothing Mae could really do about it. 'Let him starve, then', he thought angrily to himself.

Fingon had to restrain himself from rolling his eyes at their dramatics. It was a clear reminder they were brothers, this bickering over stupid shit. “I think I have a test this week,” he piped up at last. “Maybe I _should_ go to class today.”

Mae knew his cousin’s comment was a thinly veiled attempt at blackmail, and he had no intention of playing along. “Sure. Don’t let me keep you,” he replied indifferently.

Brow raising, the only indication betraying his emotions on the matter, Finno looked to Mae. “Fine,” he said simply, getting to his feet and grabbing one of the Tupperware bowls to throw some food in. “I’m gonna go get dressed. Thanks for breakfast.”

“Yeah, no problem,” Mae nodded, digging back in to his meal. Secretly he didn’t want Finno to go, but he had no intention of letting him know that.

So stubborn!! Finno left the other two in the kitchen to deal with things on their own. 

Maglor picked at the food in front of him, eating little bits at a time.

Nelyo mumbled a quiet curse to himself: on one hand frustrated that he’d inherited his father’s bull-headedness, and upset with himself for dragging the situation out on the other. Nevertheless, his pride wouldn’t allow him to make amends just yet.

After a few agonizing moments of quiet, Kano let his head fall back, looking up at the ceiling. “Is it always going to be like this? One minute you’re making my heart sing and the next we’re bickering over Eru only knows what..”

“I hope not,” Mae sighed heavily, relieved that the relative silence had been broken. “I don’t like fighting with you, I just...” He paused to tiredly rub his face with his hand. “I try to take care of you, to be a good brother and boyfriend, and then you go and shut me out.”

“I don’t want you to take care of me, I want you to.. I don’t know.. love me with all my stupid flaws,” he admitted. “Like obviously the self destructive parts are bad but I’m working on them..”

“I want to take care of you _because_ I love you. It’s not that I think you’re incapable of taking care of yourself, though your eating habits are definitely questionable,” Nelyo replied. “I just want to see you happy and healthy.”

“It’s going to take me time to get used to all that.. it’s been a few years since I had someone looking after me like this,” Kano sighed. “Not since we lived at home. I’m sorry I’m being shitty about this..”

“It’s okay,” Mae encouraged, “I get it. Just don’t be shitty about it for too long. I don’t think I can deal with you rejecting my help for forever.”

Maglor was hesitant as he reached out to take his brother’s hand. “I’ll try not to be, but I need you to try and be patient at first..”

“Yeah, I’m sorry,” Nelyo replied with a gentle squeeze to Maglor’s hand. “I guess it’s just that I’ve suppressed all my issues for the most part, unlike you, it would seem. I know that’s not healthy in the long run, but it lets me live mostly normally. Definitely not suggesting you do it too, though.”

“I’m not as good at suppressing things,” Kano shrugged. “But it’s not that healthy, you’re right. I need to work through all these issues though or I’m going to ruin this whole thing before even starts..”

“It’s definitely not just on you. I’ve been expecting more from you than I should, and I’m sorry for that. You’re not just going to change overnight, and I understand that better now,” Nelyo said, thumb caressing the back of Kano’s hand.

Kano smiled slightly at his brother’s words, bringing the entwined hands up and pressing a light kiss on the back of Nelyo’s. “I feel bad about driving Finno away today..”

“By the Valar, don’t even. That was mostly my fault. He gave me chances to talk him out of it, and I didn’t take them because I was too busy being a stubborn asshole.” Mae felt awful about it, but Finno hadn’t actually left yet, so perhaps there was still hope.

Sighing, Kano shook his head. “I still feel bad.. He was trying so hard..”

In the other room, Fingon finished getting dressed for his class, doing his hair without the benefit of all the products he usually used. With a sigh, he made his way back toward the kitchen.

Seeing their cousin return to the room, Mae decided to make his move. “Finno, have you got a minute?”

“I guess, yeah. But I don’t have that long before class,” Finno frowned, looking between his cousins for a moment and trying to gauge the mood.

“I’m sorry for being such a prick,” Mae said, getting right to the point. “I know you were only trying to help and get us to talk, but I was being stubborn. I don’t actually want you to leave, even though you _should_ probably go since you have a test. But if you’re not too mad at me, you’re still welcome to stay.”

Finno shifted his weight on his feet, tucking his hands into the pockets of his jeans. "I'm not _mad_ at you, I'm just frustrated at the situation. I only have one class today, but I do have practice tonight. So if I skip, I still get a few hours with you.. But I know you wanted to spend time with Mags, so it's either or.."

“I can spend time with both of you, you know. I’m not going to kick you out of my place just so I can spend time with him, like I wouldn’t kick him out to spend time with you.” Fingon’s demeanor was a bit odd, Nelyo observed, and he became genuinely concerned that he’d fucked up bigger than he’d realized.

“How about I just come back after class? I have a few hours between that and practice.” Fingon’s expression was as neutral as ever, a trait he had attained from his own father. Regardless of his emotional state, he was able to return to an eerie sense of calm with little effort. “Maybe we can all watch a film or play a game.”

“Yeah, that sounds fine,” Mae replied carefully, worried that he could be treading in dangerous waters. “We’ll see you later, then.”

Finno hummed his agreement and went to press a kiss to the top of Mae's head, which was even a challenge when the other was sitting. "Love you," he added before looking to Mags again. "See you both later." And with that he left the kitchen as quickly as he had come in. 

Kano awkwardly shifted in his seat, looking down at his half unfinished food. "He seems... okay.. but I can't ever tell with him."

“I struggle with that too sometimes,” Mae nodded. “It’s definitely scary to not know what he’s thinking or how he’s feeling. I know he doesn’t really tend to fly off the handle, but when he gets all calm like that I can’t help but worry that I’m going to accidentally do something to set him off.”

Frowning a little, Kano tilted his head and sighed. "It's.. really unnerving for sure," he agreed. "But he said he'd be back, so that's.. good, right?"

“Good, yeah,” Mae repeated, turning to look at the spot where Finno had left. “Anyway... Looks like we’re on our own for a while. Unless you’ve got other plans. I’d actually meant to ask you earlier what your schedule was like, just so we could coordinate a bit.”

“I mean.. I work but only on weekend evenings. The rest is working on my music,” Kano shrugged. “I’m supposed to be writing new songs every week but that’s not been going so smoothly..”

“You can’t force art,” Mae replied knowingly. On more than one occasion he’d tried baking extravagant treats for the window display of the bakery, only to find himself entirely lacking in inspiration. He’d end up putting out simple cupcakes as he spent weeks agonizing over an attention-grabbing pastry design. It could be a process, but inspiration did come, and it was always worth the wait.

Kano nodded, sighing softly. With his elbow on the table, he propped up his head onto his hand. “You can’t force art. No matter how much I try.”

“Well I thought what you sang last night was incredible. Finno did too. Even if it _is_ still a work in progress.” Mae lifted their still entwined hands up to press the ghost of a kiss on Kano’s knuckles. “You’re amazing, Mags.”

“Thank you.. I spent all night composing and I think I got something good out of it,” he smiled slightly. “I just really want to finish this album, and then I think I’ll feel better.”

“Can’t wait to hear the whole finished product. You know I’ll be the first one to buy,” Mae replied, mirroring his brother’s smile.

Kano huffed a small laugh. “You better be,” he teased. “I’m counting on just our immediate and extended family to make this stupid thing go platinum for sales.”

“If you end up with any extra albums I could put up a display in the bakery. Play some songs over the system,” Nelyo offered. Maglor’s success meant a lot to him, and he was willing to do anything he could to get his brother the recognition he deserved.

"That would be really nice," Kano nodded. "The cafes I go to also offered to do the same, which helps a lot." Kano turned Nelyo's hand over in his, bringing his other up to let his fingers trace his brother's palm.

“Just let me know if there’s any more I can do for you. I’ll buy out a billboard and put your face on it. Hire a skywriter to write out your name and the name of your album.” At that point Nelyo was definitely joking, but if Maglor wanted to take him up on his ridiculous offers, there was no way he’d refuse.

Kano couldn't help but laugh at the atrocious ideas, shaking his head. "You're absolutely ridiculous. Thank you for the offer, but I'd rather you didn't."

“I’ll buy out an ad on the side of a bus, if you’d prefer,” Nelyo replied with a cheeky grin. “Or I can hire a blimp.”

"Don't you even think about either of those horrendous options," Kano laughed. "I would die of embarrassment."

“Ah, I’ve got it,” Mae exclaimed in an entirely put-on, over-exaggerated moment of clarity. “I’ll make a cake in your likeness and put it in the window display!”

Kano brought his hand to his forehead, unable to stop laughing. He hadn't laughed so much in such a long time.. "That's worse!"

“You’re right, that’s a terrible idea. It would be the most beautiful cake in the world. Too beautiful, I daresay,” Nelyo teased, leaning forward out of his chair to kiss Maglor’s cheek.

The kiss made Maglor blush, his face already warm from laughter. He bit his lip, grinning like an idiot all the same. “While your confectionary skills are impressive, cake Kanafinwë would not be a beautiful cake.”

“On the contrary, dear brother. As it would be in your likeness, cake Kanafinwë would be a very, very beautiful cake,” Mae replied, smiling coyly at his brother.

Blushing even more at that comment, Kano ducked his head. “Stop that.. You’re flattering me with all these words..”

“That’s the point,” Nelyo winked. “You’re a smoking hot babe and I’m here to let you know it.”

“Eru.. You’re the _worst_ ,” Kano scrunched his nose and playfully pushed his brother’s shoulder with his hand. “We all know you’re the smoking hot babe here..”

Maedhros faltered for a moment then, as he no longer took kindly to comments on his physical appearance since the accident—hence his discontinued use of the name ‘Maitimo.’ However he knew Kano hadn’t done it on purpose, and quickly recovered. “Nope, just you and Finno. The hottest babes in all of Arda.”

Noticing the way the other faltered, Kano felt his smile slipping. He swallowed audibly, chewing his lip. “Nelyo.. I-“ he paused, unsure about what he should say. “I love you, you know that right?”

“I know,” Mae nodded, falling quiet in case Kano had any more to say. Things had been going so well, but he let his insecurities get in the way, and Nelyo couldn’t help but feel horribly guilty.

Getting up from his chair, Kano went to wrap his arms around his brother, pulling him into a hug as he pressed his face against the other’s neck. “As a brother.. and now as more..”

“I know,” Nelyo repeated, extending his arms to return the hug, “I feel the same.” Maglor didn’t seem to be going much of anywhere with his words, but Nelyo didn’t mind a bit. Just sitting there, holding him, was enough.

Even though he probably should say more, he didn’t know what to say. How could he possibly? Sure, his brother’s scarring changed his appearance drastically, but Kano still found him attractive. Yet nothing he could say could possibly go over well. He stayed content in his brother’s hold for a little longer before pulling away. “I missed being close to you..”

Nelyo found his brother’s statement contradictory to his actions, and without hesitation pulled him back into a tight embrace. “So stay close,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to Kano’s cheek.

“Are you sure? It’s okay?” Maglor couldn’t help but ask, feeling self conscious for no good reason.

“Of course. I love you,” Mae assured gently. “Finno’s all over me all the time, I don’t mind it. It’s cute.”

Kano tried not to overthink the statement about Fingon, tried not to imagine it as some kind of comparison his brother was making but rather an offhand comment that didn’t matter. Settling into Nelyo’s lap and his hold, he chewed anxiously at his lip. “Thank you..”

Nelyo adjusted to the new position for a moment before kissing Kano’s cheek again. “Feel free to jump on me whenever you’d like. I’ll let you know when I’m not up for it, which is basically never,” he said.

“I’m not as.. good at that as Fingon is,” he reminded with a slight frown. “Even when I want to be close.. it’s hard to actually make that move first..”

“Then I’ll initiate,” Nelyo immediately countered. “But if you want something specific you’ll have to let me know. Otherwise I’ll just cuddle you. Or pick you up and carry you around with one arm if I’ve got something to do.”

Kano rolled his eyes, but didn’t pull away at all, too comfortable. “You’re ridiculous, Nelyo..” He sighed softly, tracing his fingers along his brother’s clavicle for a moment, tapping a gentle rhythm. “Did you still wanna.. I mean we don’t have to..”

“I wanna,” Mae replied, smiling coyly, “we just need to change position. Unless you don’t mind me taking us both in one hand..” Nelyo unwrapped his arm from around Kano to ghost his fingertips over the other’s crotch.

“I could.. do it, you know.. with my hands..” Kano couldn’t help but turn red, cheeks burning at the insistence. Hand trailing down his brother’s chest, he pointedly avoided eye contact as his fingers hesitantly hovered over Nelyo’s pants.

“If you’d like.” Nelyo leaned forward to give Kano a peck on the lips before tilting his brother’s head up to meet his eyes. “Whatever makes you comfortable, honey.”

Swallowing audibly, he met the other’s eyes and nodded slightly. “Honey.. I kinda like it..” Kano’s fingers brushed against the soft bulge in Nelyo’s pants. “This okay?”

“Perfect,” Mae nodded. “And glad to hear you like honey, honey.” Nelyo kissed his brother again, partly as a celebration over the successful nickname, and partly as a reassuring gesture.

Returning the kiss, perhaps a bit emboldened by it, Kano’s eyes closed and his slender fingers pried the other’s pants open just enough to free the other’s cock, stroking it slowly at first.

Mae groaned as his arousal stirred in Kano’s hand, his brother’s sudden willingness to take initiative catching him a bit off guard. But he was certainly far from disappointed. Though he felt guilty comparing Kano to Finno again—even in his own head—Finno’s boldness was what had attracted Mae to him in the first place, so he was secretly glad Kano was showing some of his own seemingly hidden nerve.

Hearing his brother groan like that, for _him_ helped ease his nerves. Maglor’s arousal was already stirring within his own pants, but he focused his hand on Nelyo’s instead, wanting more to please him than anything.

“What use do I have of a right hand when you’re doing such a beautiful job?” Nelyo mumbled offhandedly as he leaned forward to kiss the juncture of Kano’s shoulder and neck.

Kano’s breath hitched at his brother kissed his neck, as sensitive to the touch as he was. His pace quickened, thumb adding pressure to the underside of Nelyo’s length. “My hand is usually available..”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Mae replied, his words devolving into a groan with Kano’s added pressure.

Shifting a little in the other's lap to get a better grip, Kano twisted his wrist just so, the hardening length beading precum at the tip. His thumb came up to swirl through it before applying back to the underside once more. Kano was intent on what he was doing, finding it easier to stay focused if he didn't look at his brother's face. Not that he didn't wish to, but more than he was worried he may lose his nerve if he did.

“Don’t forget about yourself,” Nelyo reminded, pressing another, wetter, kiss to Kano’s neck. “Wouldn’t do for only one of us to get off.”

Moaning softly at the feel of his brother’s mouth on his neck, Kano used his other hand to fumble with the waistband of his own jeans, trying not to cease his attentions on Nelyo’s cock. “Little help...?”

“If _I_ can unbutton my pants one-handed I think _you_ can,” Mae teased, but came to his brother’s aid nonetheless.

"You've had more practise," Kano reminded, tone light despite the implication. Once the button was undone, his other hand had wrapped around his own length as well, stroking them both in harmony.

“I haven’t,” Mae retorted with mock defense, somehow managing humor in such a situation. “Finno didn’t even have pants on this morning, and the only time before that was when all three of us were together.”

Kano couldn’t help but falter in his movements, though he tried not to be too overly obvious about it. Between the combination of Fingon and the reminder that his brother hadn’t done much since the accident.. it was a lot of pressure.

Maglor’s hesitation wasn’t lost on him, though Nelyo knew his brother had likely tried to be as subtle about it as he could. Though he didn’t know what sort of discomfort he’d caused Kano _that_ time, he leaned forward to lavish his brother’s neck again, hoping to make up for his transgression. “Everything okay?” he questioned between kisses.

“Yes, sorry,” Kano quickly apologized, tilting his head to allow his brother more access to his throat. “My thoughts run rampant even during this..” His hand paused on his own length in favour of the other’s arousal. Shifting a bit awkwardly, he adjusted so he was straddling Nelyo’s lap, their cocks brushing against each other.

Nelyo groaned quietly as their cocks met, before responding his brother. “You’ve got nothing to worry about, honey,” he murmured into Kano’s ear.

Wrapping his hands around both of their lengths, Kano moaned softly at the sensation. His lips found his brother’s again, desperate and needy for that intimacy.

“Love you,” Nelyo spoke into the kiss, before licking a stripe across Kano’s lower lip, seeking more contact.

“So much,” Kano breathed against his lips, parting them so the other can have access to his mouth more properly. It’s been so long since he had this, someone who wanted him like Nelyo did. Not since... no, he wouldn’t think of him. Not now. “Nelyo,” he moaned, stroking their cocks together a little quicker, trying to get his mind back into the moment.

Twisting their tongues together, Nelyo brought his hand up to caress Kano’s side, keeping his touch light so as to not feel all his brother’s ribs too well.

Shivering at the touch, Maglor gave into the kiss with ease, letting his brother take control of it. His hips rocked toward the other, seeking even more friction. He felt so light headed already, as he did when he was composing but with even less clarity.

Heat was building in his groin as Maglor increased the friction between their cocks. “I’m close,” he mumbled, pulling away from the kiss momentarily.

“Me too.. so close,” he groaned, pressing their foreheads together. Each stroke was in perfect rhythm, and he knew it wouldn’t be much longer until he found his release. Every nerve ending sung, as thought each touch might bring him over the edge and into oblivion.

“Fuck, Mags...” Nelyo moaned as he came into his brother’s hand; crashing their lips together in a heated kiss as he rode the wave of his climax.

Biting his lip hard enough that he tasted the tall tale metallic of blood, Kano’s own release hit him with such an intensity just a short few seconds after Nelyo. His whole body wracked with aftershocks of pleasure, his face falling to cradle into the juncture of the other’s shoulder and neck.

“Fuck,” Mae repeated, “I definitely needed that..” With all the ridiculous drama that had occurred between him and Kano, Nelyo had nearly forgotten that he hadn’t gotten off after blowing Fingon earlier that morning.

Kano sucked his lip into his mouth, nodding weakly against the other’s shoulder. His heart was pounding in his chest still, his skin flushed from the rush of orgasm. The thought of moving was far from appealing to him.

Though the position was far from uncomfortable, Nelyo was itching to get up and change clothes. He didn’t consider himself a germaphobe, but he found all the seed in his lap and on his chest a bit unpleasant, as he was still clothed in his pajamas. However, Kano seemed like he had no intention of moving, so Nelyo didn’t try to force him off. “So... Do you think you finally managed to work up an appetite?” he joked.

“Mhmm,” Kano managed, slowly lifting his head so he could actually meet his brother’s eyes. The room was spinning a little, a combination of lack of sleep, lack of food, and a really intense climax. Though he didn’t want to, and actually moving was a challenge, he managed to get to his feet long enough to go back to his own chair and fall back into it. Buttoning his pants and pulling his knees to his chest, Kano closed his eyes and tried not to sway. “I should eat..”

“Probably,” he agreed, “but you should get yourself back together first. You seem pretty out of it.” Maedhros had had his share of intense orgasms, but Kano seemed a bit more affected, and it worried him a bit.

“Sorry,” Kano mumbled, blinking his eyes open and resting his chin on his knees. “It’s just.. been a while..”

“Ah, I see,” Nelyo nodded with a knowing smile. “Well don’t worry about it, honey. I was just a bit worried about you. But if that’s all, then no big deal.”

Closing his eyes again, Kano nodded slightly. Every part of him felt like it was still tingling. He had to wonder if Fingon ever got like this, if Fingon worried Nelyo over something so silly. “I love you,” he added after a few seconds, peeking open an eye.

“Love you too,” Mae replied easily, a little tired of saying it, but knowing that Kano needed to hear it.

“Thank you..” 

Kano pulled his lip back between his teeth, thinking again now that his mind was starting to clear. He felt stupid for being so needy, and felt dirty for being so open about his desires.

“Think you’re okay to eat?” Mae questioned gently.

Nodding, he reached out and picked up a small cluster of egg from his plate, popping it into his mouth. As Kano chewed, his face coloured pink once more. Oh, _gods_ , he really did it, didn’t he? Climbed into his brother’s lap and brought them both to completion while moaning like some sort of slut?

Noticing the blush that spread across his brother’s cheeks, Nelyo couldn’t help but tease him about it. “Watcha thinking about, Mags?”

The blush got even worse when the other called him out on it. “N-nothing,” he replied quickly, not meeting his brother’s eyes. All those years of pining, of desire, of not being good enough.. and now he was acting so depraved..

“Come on, I know it’s something,” Mae needled. “You still feeling horny? I’m up for another round if you are.”

“ _Varda’s stars_ , Nelyo..” The blush only worsened, spreading down the curve of his neck. He couldn’t even imagine even thinking about asking his brother to do more. Especially not the things he fantasized about when he was alone.. shameful, shameful desires he buried deep down from the light of day.

“Hey, no shame in admitting it,” Nelyo grinned, encouragingly patting Kano’s shin. “Maybe we can do a proper fuck this time. I’ve got tons of stuff to make things more interesting...”

Pressing his face into his hands, Kano shook his head. “I couldn’t make you do that,” he mumbled, muffled against his palms. Gods, what was he thinking? This was bad, this was a mistake.. Letting himself be so exposed? Nelyo deserved so much more, someone who he didn’t have to constantly reassure, who could share such intimacy without the overbearing guilt.

Kano’s behavior—though not at all out of character—was troubling, and Nelyo dropped his carefree attitude in favor of that of the concerned older brother. “You wouldn’t be making me do anything, Mags. I offered, didn’t I?”

He couldn’t even bring himself to peek through his fingers, too ashamed of his behaviour. “But you don’t offer it knowing how terrible I am...”

“Terrible?” Nelyo repeated incredulously. “Are we still talking about you, because you’re anything but terrible.”

Exasperated, Kano groaned and shook his head. “You don’t understand, Nelyo.. You couldn’t possibly understand..”

“Well I definitely can’t understand if you don’t explain,” Mae replied, leaning forward towards his brother. “So tell me how ‘terrible’ you are.”

When he had been ‘dating’ Daeron, the other musician had told him as much about how depraved and terrible his desires were.. How much of a needy whore he was, how wrong his wants were. “I’m sorry.. I’m so sorry, I really am..”

Nelyo’s big brother mode kicked in to overdrive, and he got out of his seat to kneel before Maglor, looking worriedly up at his brother. “Hey, what’re you apologizing for?”

Kano’s chest felt tight, almost as if a panic attack was coming. No, no, no, no. He hated this, hated himself for doing this to his brother. They were supposed to be happy, damn it. “I.. What I want is bad..”

“I’m pretty sure you can’t get any worse than polyamorous incest,” Mae joked, trying to alleviate the heaviness of the mood.

That helped. Kano laughed dryly, finally managing to look at his brother through his fingers. “Debatable... I, uh.. I want..” His fingers closed again, unable to meet Nelyo’s eyes as he said it. “I want you to hit me.. hurt me..”

“ _That’s_ why you think you’re terrible?” Nelyo asked with disbelief. “Because you’re a masochist? Mags, lots of people are masochists, hell, _I’m_ a masochist. Well I was before..y’know. Haven’t had much interest in it since then, but I have no problem indulging you.”

“No.. it’s.. it’s wrong of me,” he frowned, shaking his head with confusion. “I can’t-“ Kano struggled to find the words, “I can’t make you do this.. Can’t ask you to do this.. Last time I asked I- no, not again..”

Maedhros realized with fury that it must have been Daeron that made Maglor feel that way, as he was the only person his brother had mentioned being with. While he wanted to take off to enact vengeance—in the form of a solid beatdown—Maglor still needed him. “Hey, look at me,” he urged, gently tugging at his brother’s right hand. “What you want is not wrong, and it most definitely doesn’t make you a terrible person. You don’t need **anyone’s** approval to be into what you’re into, and whoever wants to throw in their two cents will have their teeth punched out. And as I’ve told you before, you can’t ‘make’ me do anything. I love you, and everything I do for you is of my own accord. Okay?”

Nodding, he kept his eyes focused on his knees. “I’m sorry... I hate being so.. useless and broken all the time..”

“If you want, we can get you help,” Nelyo offered. “I have no problem taking you to a therapist if you want to try and work things out.”

“A therapist..?” Gods, he had never considered it. It wasn’t like he had gone through the hell that his brother had, after all. He was just broken and stupid. Could he really get fixed? “Maybe.. if you think that would help, I could try it..”

Kano’s willingness to try therapy made Nelyo ecstatic, but he thought he ought to give his brother realistic expectations before a final decision was made. “I can’t say for sure that it’ll work, and it most likely won’t ‘cure’ you, but it would be good for you to talk with someone who doesn’t know you and won’t judge you. I know it helped me after my accident. Obviously I’m still not the poster child for mental health, but I’m a lot better than I used to be.”

Kano swallowed audibly, chewing at his lip until the split bled again. “I’ll try it then.. And you’ll help me find someone, maybe?”

“Of course,” Mae replied emphatically. “The woman I went to was great, and she was able to handle all my different issues really well. Unless, of course, you’d rather find someone new who doesn’t know me.”

“Maybe someone who doesn’t know you,” he shrugged. “I’d feel awkward, I think...” Kano wanted to be better for his brother, wanted to stop ruining things, and if this would help? He would do it.

“That’s fine, I get it,” Mae nodded. “We can start looking for someone else this afternoon.”

So soon? He hadn’t realized it would be this quick. Still, if it mean that he could be with Nelyo and they would be happy, then he had to do it. He couldn’t be the reason for strife in this relationship. “Okay..”

“In the meantime...” Nelyo began, flirtatiously walking his fingers up Kano’s leg. “Think you’d be up for round two?”

Face going red again, Kano pulled his lip between his teeth and looked down. “Are..you sure?”

“Of course, but if you’re not it’s no big deal,” Mae replied as he rubbed his brother’s shin.

“I.. want to,” Kano managed, voice barely above a whisper, on the edge of breaking. “Gods, do I want to.. maybe.. can we eat first..?”

“Yeah, definitely.” Nelyo stood and returned to his seat, digging back in to his long cold meal.

Kano arranged his long legs so that he was curled up on the chair. “Sorry.. I just don’t think I’ll be able to do more without eating,” he apologized, picking at his food with his fingers instead of the fork.

Mae waved his hand dismissively, chewing and swallowing the food in his mouth before speaking. “No, worries, I get where you’re coming from.”

Eating bits and pieces of the breakfast, quiet in his thoughts. Could he really let his brother do such awful things, the things he wanted so deeply it hurt? Chewing his food, he snuck a glance to Nelyo.

Catching Kano looking at him, Nelyo smiled warmly and waved. “Love you, honey,” he said, not bothering to empty his mouth of food that time.

Blushing more as he was caught looking, he dipped his head again. “I love you too.. Thank you..”

His brother’s shyness was so different from Fingon’s boldness, but still so endearing. All Mae wanted to do was scoop Kano up and carrying him off to the bedroom, but he figured the gesture wouldn’t be wholly appreciated.

When he finished more than half of the food on his plate, he felt a little less dizzy and a little more alive. His fingers tapped against the rim of the plate in a rhythm, other hand lifting the smoothie up so he could finish that too. “I.. think I’m ready.. if you still wanted to.. but we don’t have to if you don’t..”

Nelyo rolled his eyes at Kano’s ridiculous behavior. “Stop trying to give me an out, Mags. I’m not taking it. I said I wanna fuck you, and I absolutely intend to follow through.”

Nearly choking on the smoothie, his cheeks and ears burning at the comment. Kano’s eyes snapped up to meet his brother’s, giving a slight nod.

“So...what exactly does your kink involve?” Mae asked, leaning forward with interest. “I’m not judging, just want to know what you’d like me to do before I actually have to do it.”

“I.. ah..” Kano chewed at his lip, looking down at his hands again and absently picking and the skin around his fingers. “I don’t know how to explain it.. I.. want you to.. Hit me..”

“That’s it?” Nelyo asked incredulously, cocking an eyebrow. “I mean, the way you were talking I thought it would be something more...kinky.”

“And tie me up.. and bite me.. and choke me.. and- and cut me..” The words spilled from his mouth, quick and quiet. “Make me beg.. I.. want you to use me..”

Kano’s words caught him entirely by surprise, though Nelyo did his best to keep his expression neutral. “I really hate to disappoint you, but I don’t think I’ll be able to do a lot of that... Just..when I was being held captive, I...” A wave of emotion came over him, but he quickly fought it back. No use turning into a mess then. “It might take me a while to be able to get to that point with you.”

He knew he shouldn’t have said it, knew this was a bad idea. Stupid, stupid. Biting harder into his lip, Kano nodded in understanding. “No.. I don’t want you to do it.. Don’t want you to have to.. go through any of that again.. I’m sorry.. I shouldn’t have even asked..”

“No, really, it’s okay,” he insisted, a little more forcefully than intended, but he didn’t want Kano to feel any guilt over the situation. “I would be okay with a bit of hitting, no issue at all with biting, and choking _should_ be fine. Definitely a no on the bondage and cutting for now, but I could probably manage the whole begging and using thing. I mean, I had to beg for my life several times, but you’re doing it in a sexual context so maybe it’ll be a good enough distinction.”

“I’m sorry,”Kano shook his head, all that self loathing making a knot in his throat. He felt as if he would cry, the guilt of what he was asking overwhelming and then further paired with the knowledge that his brother had suffered so much. It weighed heavily upon him. “I.. don’t want to make you do anything that is going to bring back those memories..”

“I already told you what’s fine and what’s not,” Nelyo replied dismissively. “But it couldn’t hurt to have a safeword. For both of us to use.”

Kano scrubbed his hands over his face, pushing his hair back out of his eyes. “Fine.. a safeword.. but please, please, please promise me that you’ll stop the second you feel uncomfortable.. I couldn’t live with myself if I.. if I made you relive being there..”

“I promise,” Mae said, nodding firmly. “But I think I’ll be fine as long as I can separate the two experiences.”

“Okay,” he nodded, trying to sound sure. “Safeword.. What should we use? I don’t.. want to pick it, if that’s okay..”

“That’s fine. How about ‘waffles’?” Nelyo suggested, throwing out the first non sex-related word that came to mind.

Of course his brother would pick something so ridiculous. He huffed a weak laugh, finally looking up to give Nelyo a small smile. “Waffles it is.. We’re really keeping with this breakfast theme today.”

“Hey, it’s the first thing I thought of,” he shrugged, returning his brother’s smile. “And I’m pretty sure waffles aren’t going to naturally come up in conversation while we’re fucking, which makes it a good safeword.”

“You’re sure you don’t just want to eat more instead..? We don’t have to.. y’know..” Kano shrugged, trying to give his brother another chance of getting out of this if he didn’t want to.

“I told you to stop giving me outs. I wanna fuck, you wanna fuck, so let’s go fuck.” Nelyo gently kicked Kano’s shin, feeling a bit impatient.

Kano shifted in the chair a moment before getting to his feet, not daring look at his brother’s face so as not to lose his nerve. “Alright.. Lets.. yeah..”

Nelyo stood but held up his hand to Kano’s chest. “Hey. Are _you_ sure you still want to do this?”

Covering his brother’s hand with both of his own, Kano took a deep breath, calming himself as best as he could. “I really, really do.. I’m just nervous.. it’s been a stupidly long time since I’ve done this..”

“Same here. Probably not as long as you, but I’m definitely rusty.” He stepped forward to kiss Maglor’s forehead in a reassuring gesture. “We’re in this together, okay?”

Smiling slightly, he leaned into Nelyo. “Together, yes.. I trust you more than anyone..”

“Ready?” Mae asked, not wanting to rush Kano into things if he still needed time to mentally prepare.

“I’m ready,” he reassured, finally looking up to meet the other’s eyes. “I want this, and I’m sure, okay?” Kano’s lip was red and there was already blood in the cracks from where he had been biting it, but he looked earnest all the same.

“Okay,” Mae parroted, pulling away from his brother so they could get moving. “After you,” he said, gesturing towards the bedroom with his hand.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get steamy between Maedhros and Maglor. Unfortunately, their personalities get in the way.

Kano tried to stand a little taller as he went past Maedhros and headed in the right direction. As he entered the bedroom, he felt dizzy again, a wave of anxiety washing over him.

“So,” Mae began and he strolled over to the bed and sat, “how do you wanna do this? Finno’s not exactly a masochist, so I don’t really have any experience in the domination department. You’re gonna have to walk me through it.”

His ears burned, face reddening again in an instant. “Oh.. I uh..” Kano bit his lip and rolled it between his teeth again. “I don’t know how to do that..”

“Well I can’t do this properly if I don’t know what I’m doing. Sex, especially kinky sex, is for the enjoyment of us both, and I don’t want my delivery to be entirely different from your expectations.” He felt bad about putting Kano on the spot, but Nelyo was genuinely concerned about making his brother’s first time—having decided that Daeron was no longer valid—as pleasurable as possible, and he didn’t want to screw anything up.

Kano went through the list again. _No bondage, no cutting. Maybe choking. Yes hitting, yes biting_. He sat next to his brother on the bed, leg bouncing. “I’m sorry.. You’re right. Dae was just.. really judgmental and I know you’re not and it’s hard to make that switch in my head.. So.. things I need.. I need you to tell me if you can’t or don’t want to do something.. I need you to make me ask for things.. even if it’s hard for me to answer. Be firm or I’ll never do it..”

“We can start by you telling me what exactly you’d like me to do to you. I want to make you feel good, but I don’t quite know how,” Nelyo replied, soothingly rubbing Kano’s thigh.

"Maybe... have me count the.. blows as you spank me..? Or.. have me suck you off while you.. pull my hair? Really just, uhm.. fuck my mouth.. if that's okay.." Kano felt himself flush all the way down his throat and chest. "I want.. you to hit me.. across the face.. pinch my nipples and leave marks with your teeth.." Gods, this was difficult, but he wanted it all so badly. He was already getting hard just talking about it, picturing what it would be like feel the sting of his brother's hand. "Maybe.. edge me but don't let me finish until you're done with me.."

Nelyo’s blush quickly matched his brother’s as Kano finally detailed what he wanted. Definitely not what he’d expected from his quiet, reserved little brother, but he wasn’t about to complain. “That sounds...pretty hot..”

"Really?" Kano's eyes shot up immediately as he turned to look to his brother in his surprise. He hadn't actually expected it would be something Nelyo would be interested in, much less find hot.

“Yeah,” Mae nodded slowly, smiling as he bit his lower lip. “I haven’t done anything that kinky in a while, and it’s definitely a different kind of kinky from what I’m used to, but I’m into it.”

Kano could feel his heart rate increasing, but instead of panic, well.. perhaps not instead, but in combination with the panic, he found he was excited. "There's.. more too, but that's a good place to start.."

“Agreed. Though I can’t wait to hear about that more,” Mae grinned, playfully nudging his shoulder into Kano’s.

Kano nudged his brother in return, feeling a bit better now that he knew he wasn't going to be rejected outright for things he wanted. Just that reassurance alone was more than he could have asked for. "Can we.. do things and talk more later..? I.. ah.." He bit his lip, glancing down to his lap where his jeans were already tight.

“Yeah, definitely. Less talking, more fucking,” Nelyo joked. “You want foreplay or should we just get right down to it?”

"I'm.. worried that too much foreplay and I won't last," Maglor admitted sheepishly. Kano's hand came up to rub the back of his neck. "Like I said.. It's been a while.."

“Totally fine. That just means we can skip right to the good stuff.” Nelyo placed his hand on the tight bulge of his brother’s pants, firmly rubbing the trapped cock that was inside before single-handedly undoing the button and zipper. “You like dirty talk too or no?”

Face flushing, Kano gasped at the touch and nodded quickly. "Please, yes.." His cock twitched beneath the touch, already hard and yearning.

“Can’t guarantee I’ll be any good at it,” Nelyo warned, palming Kano’s erection through his underwear. “But if I overstep any boundaries just use the safeword, okay?”

“I will,” Maglor promised, running his tongue along his lower lip. “I promise I will.. Do you.. want me to call you anything..? Like, uh.. sir or something?”

Mae cocked his eyebrow, that thought never having occurred to him. “Do you _want_ to call me sir? Or something?”

Kano shrugged, embarrassed about asking. “Maybe.. I haven’t done it before.. but it could be.. hot, I think?”

“Sure, we can try that,” Mae nodded encouragingly. “It could be hot, I agree.”

“Are you sure? Because we don’t have to if you aren’t into it..” He didn’t want to sound too eager, too excited, if Nelyo wasn’t actually interested.

Mae snorted and rolled his eyes: Kanafinwë was at it again. “What part of ‘sure, we can try that’ or ‘it could be hot, I agree’ did you not understand?”

Kano made a face, scrunching his nose as he bumped his brother’s shoulder. “You swear you’re not humoring me?”

Sighing and raising his left hand, he said, with heavy sarcasm, “I, Nelyafinwë, do solemnly swear by the Valar and Eru himself to you, Kanafinwë Makalaurë, that I am not humoring you. Would you like that in writing too?”

Laughing, he shook his head. “No, no, I believe you.” Kano felt better hearing that, even if his brother was being ridiculous about it. “Okay.. so.. let’s do this. I’m.. I’m ready,” he paused, swallowing, “sir.”

“There’s a good boy,” Nelyo purred, cupping Kano’s cheek and pressing a kiss to his lips, before teasingly biting down on his lower lip.

Kano all but melted at the way Nelyo bit his lip, moaning without thought as his eyes closed. Everything he had wanted for so long, too ashamed to seek it out, was at his fingertips.

Nelyo was glad to see his brother so relaxed, but at the same time felt worry creep into his own mind. Again, he had forgotten about his fear of removing his shirt, but hoped he would be able to easily get over it. “Strip,” he commanded.

Shifting on the bed, Kano pulled away just enough to take his shirt off, but the nervousness came back as his fingers brushed the bloodied bandage on his hip. Still, he was given an order, so he managed to get his shirt off. “Everything, yeah..?”

“Everything,” Nelyo repeated as he stood to work on removing his own pants. He knew he was just working himself up by not dealing with his shirt first, but he pushed the concern to the back of his mind for the moment.

Getting to his feet, Kano undid his jeans, and with his boxers as well, pushed them down his hips, chewing his lip again. Stepping out of them, he stood completely bare, flushed across his pale skin.

Though he tried not to, Nelyo couldn’t help but stare at the blood-soaked bandage on his brother’s hip. He felt his heart drop in his chest, but tried not to dwell on it too long in order to keep Kano in the moment. “Eru, you’re so sexy,” he said, giving the other an appraising look. “But I think you’d look better with a few more bruises.”

Kano's breath caught at the comment, anticipation making him shiver. “Please.. sir,” he mumbled, barely audible even in the quiet room.

“Come here and finish stripping me,” Mae commanded, feeling pleased with himself for finding a way to work around his dilemma. He wasn’t sure Kano would talk him through it like before, but he knew there was still a better chance of success if his brother did it.

Kano’s eyes widened a little, knowing that his was perhaps the most difficult part for his brother. Beyond anything he might ask the other to do, Nelyo would more than anything likely get caught on being without his clothes. He hesitated, stepping closer and running his fingers reverently across the other’s shoulders, then down his arms, before reaching the bottom hem.

Breaking the façade for the time being, Nelyo nodded slowly at his brother. “Go ahead,” he encouraged, voice wavering ever so slightly.

Leaning in, he pressed a soft kiss to his brother's forehead first in reassurance. "I'm right here, okay?" Kano lifted the shift from the bottom, just a bit, waiting for Nelyo to lift his arms before pulling it completely over his head and tossing it to the side. He placed his hands groundingly onto the other's shoulders immediately after. "Right here," he reminded, "breathe."

With his chest completely bare, Maedhros began to tremble, barely keeping a full-on panic attack at bay. Kano had told him to breathe, but how could he with no air in his lungs? He felt so stupid for having such an irrational reaction to something so simple, and all he wanted to do was run and hide. Hide himself and his shame from his brother, one of the two people who meant the most to him in the world. But bolting from the room would have been cowardly, and he genuinely wanted to help Kano live out his sex fantasy, so he settled for the next best thing: covering his eyes and pretending the other wasn’t there.

Kano's hands smoothed along Nelyo's shoulders, calm and gentle as he could. "Shhh, it's okay.. Just you and me, right here.. Your apartment.. Together," he reminded, quiet. "It's okay, you're okay. Breathe for me, Nelyo.."

“Fuck,” Nelyo exhaled, finally able to get air in and out. “I’m sorry, Mags...”

"No, no, no," Kano shook his head, frowning. "Don't be sorry. You're fine, you're good. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere." Kano's concern was obvious on his face, but he pushed back and of his own worries from his head, too concerned for his brother's wellbeing.

Slowly, Nelyo removed his hand from his face, and his eyes immediately locked onto Kano. As a method of distraction, he began to study his brother’s face, having never really done so before. Even though he knew the other should probably break his lip biting habit, Nelyo couldn’t help but admire the way the dark, dried blood made his lips stand out from that pale pale skin. Almost like lipstick. Unable to restrain himself, he leaned down to capture those bloodstained lips in his own, not minding the taste of copper that made its way into his mouth.

The kiss had been unexpected, but certainly not unwanted. Kano fell to his knees, his hands on the other's cheek pulling his brother down just slightly in the process. It felt nice to kiss Nelyo again, even though they had done more of it in the past day than they had even in youth when playful kisses were shared between brothers.

Feeling far more grounded, and overall better, Nelyo broke the contact and rested their foreheads together. “Okay, I’m okay...” he muttered, mostly to himself. Closing his eyes and exhaling heavily out of his nose, he spoke again. “‘M sorry about that...”

“Don’t be sorry,” Kano reassured, brushing their noses together lightly. “Your mental health is far more important than anything to me..”

“I should’ve thought about it before we started.. So stupid...” Mae said, berating himself. “How can you even _believe_ I’m some tough sadist anymore when I get a panic attack just from taking my shirt off?”

Kano frowned, pulling back with his brow furrowed. “Because I don’t need you to be tough all the time. Stop that. We can start from the top just fine if you still want to do things.. but if you’re not feeling it, I’m fine waiting.. I mean I’ve waited this long, haven’t I?”

“And I don’t want you to wait anymore,” Nelyo dismissed with a frown. “We’ve got a lot of lost time to make up for, and I don’t intend to delay that because of fucking shirts.”

“We have time to make up but we also have time to do it,” Kano reminded. “Take your time.. I can wait if you aren’t ready. I don’t need this.” His hands took his brother’s face, leaning in to kiss him again.

Nelyo held the kiss for a bit longer before pulling back. “I’m ready,” he assured. “Let’s do this.”

Kano felt immensely guilty already, especially with his brother still struggling. He bit his lip, rolling it between his teeth as he searched Nelyo’s eyes for some sort of sign that he didn’t want to do this. “Are you absolutely sure..?”

“A thousand percent sure. I love you, and I really want to fuck you right now,” Nelyo insisted, placing a kiss on Kano’s cheek.

The blush spread across his face immediately, and he was thankful to be on his knees on the floor because he already felt weak at the thought. “I.. love you too.. Ready when you are..”

“I didn’t hear a ‘sir’ in there.” Nelyo stood and leered down at his brother, feeling confident enough in himself to slip into character again. “And I believe I ordered you to strip me, yet my underwear is still on. I might have to punish you for that.”

“Sorry sir,” Kano managed, his clumsy hands coming up to work the other’s underwear down past his hips. Even though he had only just been touching his brother’s cock, it was so much different to at eye level with it. Kano’s mouth felt dry, his tongue heavy in his mouth, and he almost felt ridiculous for how quickly he gave in.

“You want that inside you? What a slut,” Nelyo said, though it came out a bit forced. He wasn’t well versed in dirty talk, and the tone was always teasing when he did it with Finno. He knew that Kano had asked for it as well, but being as soft-hearted as he was, he couldn’t help but feel a little guilt.

It felt like his heart leapt from his chest at his brother’s words, his breath catching. Every bit of him felt like it was on fire. Maglor struggled to find the words, but he needed to say something, anything. “I do.. I am.. sir, please..”

“What a polite boy,” Nelyo crooned, bringing his hand up to cup Kano’s cheek. “Since you’re so good, I’ll let you have a taste of my cock.”

Kano's eyes closed, leaning into the touch subconsciously. He couldn't even fathom what it might be like to taste his brother, everything they had done to this point being with their hands. And oh, Valar, he was out of practice with his mouth. Instantly the worry that he wouldn't be good enough ran through his mind and his anxiety flared.

“Was my verbal invitation not good enough for you? Do you require it in writing as well?” he teased, running his thumb across his brother’s lips. Of course, Nelyo was fully aware that Kano’s hesitation likely stemmed from a fear of inadequacy—as he had mentioned several times that he was out of practice—and so he offered up an alternative. “Why the hesitation? Does a whore like you think you’re above sucking my cock? Maybe I’ll have to take you over my knee and spank you as punishment for your arrogance.”

With a shiver running down his spine, Kano's blush only darkened as he opened his eyes and looked up at Nelyo. His lips parted, tongue brushing his brother's thumb. "Sorry, sir.. I'll do better," he managed, barely above a whisper. "Please.. hit me.. punish me.."

“What a filthy slut,” Nelyo said with as much venom as he could muster, pulling away to sit down on the edge of the bed. “Come here and lay on my lap. I’ll have you count the blows.”

Scrambling to get up, Kano near slipped on one of the discarded shirts, but caught himself on the bed before any damage was done. He was careful as he climbed across Nelyo's lap, only barely rubbing his cock against the other's thigh as he lay across the other's legs.

“So eager,” Nelyo purred, bringing his hand up to caress the soft flesh of his brother’s rear. “A bit bony back here,” he commented in a brief break of character. “If you put on weight you could have a nice plush ass. Great for spanking.”

"Nelyo," he groaned, looking back over his shoulder with a slight tuck in his brow. The weight comments weren't uncalled for, but they did make him feel worse about his appearance. "I'll.. try.. but please," he wiggled his arse just slightly, letting his head fall forward again, "please.."

“Alright, alright, sorry,” Mae apologized with a hint of a laugh. Kano’s desperation was cute, but also pretty hot, and Nelyo wasn’t about to deny him. Slipping back into his façade, he continued. “So, since you seem to like acting as though you’re in control, how many strikes would you like?”

Kano hadn't expected to be given the option, chewing his lip for a moment in thought. If he did too much, he would risk breaking too soon, but what was too little? He didn't have much a frame of reference. "Seven?"

“Seven it is. And don’t forget to count,” Nelyo reminded, before delivering the first blow. He kept it fairly light, though hard enough to leave a red mark.

The first blow hadn't been hard, but Kano gasped all the same. His hips immediately pressed back, as if seeking more. "One," he said, already desperate for the next.

Though he didn’t want to do so again so soon, Nelyo broke character again to get his brother’s opinion of the smack. “How was that? Too hard, too soft, fine as is?”

"Too soft," Kano groaned, pressing his face into the bed. His blush had spread all the way down his neck and splattered his chest and back now. "I can take it, please, Nelyo.. I want it," he admitted, covering his head with his hands in his embarrassment.

“That’s fine,” Nelyo gently assured, raising his hand again to deliver the second blow, putting more force behind it that time.

The second slap was enough to make him yelp, fingers digging into the bedsheets. It was everything he had wanted. Between his legs, his cock ached, steadily dripping precome already. He felt like the title he had been called, a slut, but gods, it felt good. "Yesssss," he hissed out, exhaling through his teeth. "Two."

Though the scenario wasn’t a sex fantasy come true for Nelyo like it obviously was for his brother, he couldn’t deny the effect Kano’s reaction had on him, and he felt excitement and arousal build within him as he whacked his brother’s behind a third time.

“Three!” He gasped, back arched. It took him a moment to settle back into his brother’s lap, his arse reddened with the print of Nelyo’s hand.

“Fuck,” Nelyo cursed, cock twitching between his legs. He’d never thought spanking would be something he’d be into, but he knew he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t enjoying it. “What a fucking slut,” he added, bringing his hand down again.

“I am, fuck, I am,” he gasped, keening at the feel of another slap. “Four.” Kano’s hands went into his hair, tugging it as he bit his lip. “Please.. sir.. again..”

Nelyo smacked Kano’s ass for the fifth time, delighting in the resounding smack it made. Briefly, he wondered if Finno would be interested in spanking, but he knew it wasn’t the time to be thinking about his cousin.

It took longer to recover this time, his arse stinging and warm. Kano pressed his face against the bed, trying to remember what number they were on. He turned his head just enough to see his brother’s face, and it helped steady him again to see the light in Nelyo’s eyes. “I.. five?”

“Correct,” Nelyo affirmed with short nod. “Don’t start losing track now, you’ve only got two left.” He delivered the sixth blow, putting more power into it as an added ‘punishment.’

“Six,” he grit out between his teeth, the pain finally catching up with him. The image of bruises that reminded him every time he sat down filled his head. Everything he wanted.

Nelyo made sure the seventh and final blow was the hardest, though he still showed proper restraint, fully aware of his own strength.

Yelping at the sheer force of the blow, Kano could have spilled then and there, untouched. He was grateful that he hadn’t, but gods, was he feeling close already. His voice was trembling when he finished counting. “Seven.” Swallowing, he closed his eyes, focusing on breathing. His hand came up, finger raised as if to ask for a moment.

Understanding the signal, Nelyo pulled his hand away from his brother’s rear to caress his thighs. “You okay?” he asked, genuinely concerned for Kano’s wellbeing.

“Just.. a second,” he managed, shifting in the other’s lap so that his arousal wasn’t directly rubbing against Nelyo’s legs as it had been. “Really close.. don’t want to finish on you like this.. Sorry..”

“Don’t be. I’m sure you’re really not used to this,” Mae gently reassured. “And it’s not like I’d be upset about you finishing quickly. If anything that just means I’ve done a good job.”

Kano finally collected himself, though it took a while longer than he hoped. “Okay.. okay. I’m good. Please.. if we can.. continue?” He glanced back up at his brother, hopeful the other wasn’t ready to stop just yet.

“Of course,” he nodded. “What would you like next?” Mae felt poorly about breaking his façade once again, but he’d been concerned that he’d been too rough, and he wasn’t about to prioritize his brother’s sex fantasy over his safety. However, he felt his repeated interruptions disrupted the scenario that Kano had so desperately longed for, and he couldn’t help but feel guilt.

"I... What would you like, _sir_?" Kano asked, chewing his lip and hoping the other would catch the drift. He didn't want to have to be in control, he wanted the other to control him. Still, he didn't get up from the other's lap, not having been told to do so just yet. His arse was sore, warmth radiating off the skin, and though it may have deterred others, it only made him yearn for more. Nelyo had a strong hand, and gods what he wouldn't do to feel his brother's palm as it smacked across his face, as his fingers grasped him by the chin and he told him how much of a filthy slut he was. The thought alone made him flush with equal parts arousal and embarrassment.

Immediately picking up on Kano’s hint, Nelyo easily slipped back into his persona. “Well, since you took your punishment so nicely, I think you deserve a reward. I’ve decided to allow you to suck my cock. Now get on your knees.”

Nodding, Kano moved from his brother's lap to the floor again, his knees protesting and his backside aching as the muscles adjusted to the change. Immediately, his mouth fell open, feeling more at ease than he had in such a long time. It was easier this way to just.. give in. He could push the negative thoughts away and keep all the insecurities at bay if he had something to focus on.

Nelyo mentally debated whether he should remain sitting or stand, as he was worried his height might prove to be a disadvantage, but if he sat, he would not be able to fuck his brother’s mouth as requested. After a brief moment he chose to stand, extending his hand to cup the back of Kano’s head before shoving his cock right into the waiting mouth.

Eyes rolling back, his lids shut as Nelyo’s length went straight for the back of his throat. He wasn’t sure what his favourite part was, be it the heaviness on his tongue or the salty flavour of his skin. Either way, he couldn’t help the moan the escaped him. Kano’s lips closed as best as he could around the shaft, keeping his teeth away from the delicate flesh, as he waited for his brother to fuck his mouth as he pleased.

Hand still cupping his brother’s head, Nelyo began fucking Kano’s mouth. He kept the pace relatively slow, not wanting to legitimately hurt the other. But he recognized that Kano liked the pain, so to make up for it, he tangled his fingers in that wild, dark hair and tugged.

Muffled by the cock in his mouth, Kano groaned at the feel of his hair being pulled. His eyes opened, looking up at his brother as he tried to remember all the things he had studied about how to give a great blowjob ~~(thanks Cosmo)~~. Hollowing his cheeks, he tried to use his tongue around the shaft, but it was a challenge. He could only hope his brother found it enjoyable.

Nelyo uttered a low groan as Kano began working with his tongue. The act was lacking in finesse, but he honestly didn’t care. It felt good, and as a reward for his brother’s honest attempt, he quickened his thrusts.

Kano felt infinitely better after hearing how he could make Nelyo groan in pleasure, and with renewed effort he set to making him groan again. Yet one thrust hit the back of his throat and his gag reflex triggered, making him choke. His eyes closed as tears sprung involuntarily, hands going to his brother’s thighs for stability.

Hearing Kano gag so violently, Nelyo pulled out completely and looked down at his brother with genuine concern written all over his face. “Are you okay?”

Mouth still open, eyes red and brimmed with tears, he looked up at his brother and nodded weakly. Kano coughed, smiling as it turning into laughter. “I’m bad at this too,” he rasped. “Go fucking figure..”

“No, no way, you were good,” Nelyo vehemently insisted. “I’m sorry for getting too rough, honey.”

Confusion flickered through Kano's eyes, shaking his head slightly. “Not.. rough enough,” he admitted, quiet. “You.. are too easy on me..”

“Well I feel bad... I don’t want to seriously hurt you,” Nelyo replied. “But if you want it rougher...”

“If.. I need you to stop, and I can’t tell you because.. well.. y’know,” Kano gestured vaguely toward his brother’s cock. “I’ll snap my fingers?”

“That’s fine,” Nelyo nodded, gently running his fingers through Kano’s hair. “Are you ready to keep going?”

Kano swallowed the roughness in his throat and opened his mouth again, eyes never leaving Nelyo’s face.

Slowly pushing his cock back into Kano’s mouth, Nelyo kept his thrusts light, trying to reacclimatize his brother to the feeling.

With little movements, Kano tried to take more into his mouth, lips tightening around the shaft. His tongue worked the underside, enjoying the taste of his brother all over again.

When he felt confident that Maglor was adjusted enough, Nelyo picked up the pace again, going right to the back of that beautiful, warm throat.

The second time the tip of Nelyo’s cock hit the back of his throat, again, his gag reflex made him choke, but Kano closed his eyes tight and willed his throat to relax as best as he could. More than anything, he wanted to show his brother that he could be good at something, good at this, good for him.

The gagging sound made Nelyo wince slightly, but as Kano had not given his signal, he continued brutally fucking his brother’s mouth. Despite the fact that everything they were doing was entirely consensual, he couldn’t help the guilt he felt for causing Kano physical harm.

Moaning around the length in his mouth, he felt his own cock twitch with interest between his legs. Precome steadily dropped from the tip onto the floor, and his desire only grew. His eyes forced themselves open to look at his brother again, and Gods, he was beautiful. Nelyo looked at him with concern, even still, and as if to reassure the other that he was okay, his hands went to the other’s thighs, stroking lightly along the sides.

His brother’s gesture was encouraging, and Nelyo smiled warmly down at him as he picked up his merciless pace.

It was difficult to breathe as the other thrust quicker into his mouth, but he did his best to breathe through his nose all the same. He managed to only choke a handful more times as the time passed, but Kano had lost track of how long they had been doing this. He moaned weakly around his brother’s cock, saliva running down his chin and chest, tears rolling unwittingly down his cheeks.. yet he felt amazing. Better than he had in such a long time.

Going in, Nelyo hadn’t realized how difficult it would be to get off to Kano’s pain. But seeing his brother with tears and saliva spilling out of him did..absolutely nothing for him. Kano seemed to be enjoying himself, though, and so Nelyo was extremely reluctant to put an end to things.

Blinking up at his brother, his vision blurred by the dampness of his eyes, Kano struggled to keep up with the pace. The lack of air was making him lightheaded and though he hated to, he knew he needed it. His fingers, still against Nelyo’s thigh, snapped twice, the first barely a sound, but the second clear.

Hearing Kano employ their signal, he pulled out immediately, squatting down to his brother’s level with a look of slight panic on his face. “I’m so sorry, Mags. Are you alright?”

“Dizzy,” he managed to say, though his throat was sore. “Need.. a second.” He leaned forward to rest his head on Nelyo’s shoulder, wiping his mouth with his forearm.

Nelyo wrapped his arms around his brother, rubbing soothing circles on his back. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled into Kano’s hair.

Kano relaxed against his brother, focusing on his breathing until the room stopped spinning. “Is.. this okay for you..?” He couldn’t help asking, face in the juncture of the other’s neck and shoulder.

“Is what okay?” Nelyo asked, nuzzling his head against Kano’s.

“Am I.. doing okay? Are you happy..?” Kano wiped the rest of his face as best he could with his hand, trying not to be such a terrible mess. He didn’t want to worry Nelyo any more than he already was.

“You’re doing great,” Mae reassured, petting his brother’s hair. He pointedly ignored the second question, but hoped Kano would still be too out of it to notice.

It was helpful to hear and he pressed a small kiss to his brother’s neck in response. “Do.. you still want to do more?” Kano asked, trying not to sound too obviously hopeful, but he definitely was.

The idea wasn’t wholly appealing to Nelyo, but he sorely didn’t want to let Kano down. “Yeah, of course,” he replied, trying to keep his tone confident. “Can’t come this far without getting you off.”

“I.. don’t want to get off.. I want you to,” Kano whispered, biting his lip and curling closer to his brother. He didn’t feel he deserved to get off, not yet at least.

“What are you talking about? I’m not doing this for myself. This is for you, Mags,” Nelyo said incredulously. He couldn’t begin to fathom why Maglor would want to have sex but not get off. It seemed a bit _too_ masochistic.

Kano pulled back a little, lip between his teeth tainted with his own blood. His face was still flushed, eyes still red, but he looked so much more alive than he had this morning. Despite that, the anxiety and worry was back, making him feel sick. Did Nelyo not enjoy this, then? “Sorry..”

“I’ll edge you for a little while if you want, but there’s no way I’m not letting you get off. That’s a bit cruel.” He lovingly rubbed Kano’s cheek with his thumb, concern evident on his face.

Leaning into the touch, his eyes closed. “I haven’t earned it, though..”

“You don’t need to _earn_ an orgasm, Mags,” Nelyo replied, somewhat appalled. “I don’t know what shit Daeron did with you, but that’s not how sex works.”

Frowning, he didn’t open his eyes, didn’t want to see the way Nelyo was looking at him with so much concern. It would only hurt, he rationalized. “I’m sorry..”

“Don’t apologize,” Nelyo insisted, cradling his brother tightly, “it’s not your fault.”

Leaning into the other’s embrace, Kano couldn’t help but feel guilty. If he wasn’t so _broken_ , perhaps his brother would want him more, wouldn’t have to keep comforting him like some pathetic idiot. “Do you.. not wish to fuck me, then..?”

Nelyo flinched slightly, startled that Kano had come to that conclusion. “What in Arda gave you that idea?”

“I just.. don’t see why you would want to.. after all this,” Kano sighed, his head a mess of anxious thoughts. “I’m sure Finno never asks you for so much...”

“Don’t compare yourself,” Mae replied sternly. “You’ve been in an awful relationship, and I’m never going to hold that against you.”

Kano went quiet, burying his face into the other’s shoulder. After a few moments of quiet, he inhaled deeply before exhaling slow, trying to stop his anxious head from running away. “Thank you for being patient with me..”

Nelyo gently rocked the two of them, hoping to somewhat soothe his brother’s anxieties. “That’s what boyfriends do,” he replied easily, tangling his fingers into Kano’s hair again.

“I.. want to keep doing stuff, if that’s okay..?” Kano shifted uneasily, still horribly aroused, his cock untouched between his thighs. “Will.. you still fuck me?”

“Of course, Mags. Anything you want,” Nelyo murmured soothingly, only realizing after he spoke that his wording could easily be misinterpreted.

Anything he wanted, Nelyo said, and instantly he felt worse again about this whole thing. Nelyo didn’t _really_ want him. He was just.. placating him. He wished Namo would take him right then and there, as death would be less mortifying than this feeling, this ache in his chest. Kano pulled away from his brother and sat back on his heels, wincing at the tenderness of his arse. “We don’t have to if you aren’t into it..”

“No, no, I want to, I do,” he quickly insisted. “I just...” Nelyo sighed heavily, realizing he should be up front with his brother, despite any hurt feelings that might come from it. “It’s _so_ hard to hurt you, Mags.. I know you enjoy it, and I want you to be happy, but I just can’t get into it..”

“Then don’t,” Kano insisted, taking a breath before continuing. “Don’t do it for my sake. I don’t need you to do it if you aren’t into it. I don’t want to make you do anything you don’t want to do. It’ll just make me feel like a horrible boyfriend..”

“I know, I’m sorry,” Nelyo replied, looking down at the floor shamefully. “Daeron just totally neglected your desires, so I wanted to make you feel loved, and important, but when I’m hurting you, I don’t feel like I’m doing either of those things..”

Kano chewed his lip until it started bleeding again, sucking it into his mouth as he looked down at his knees. "But I.. know you aren't _hurting me_ hurting me.." He tried to explain, feeling ridiculous for even wanting the things he wanted, but more than just ridiculous, he felt ashamed of his desires. They were wrong, unnatural, and he wished he had never even asked Nelyo to do anything like this. "I'm sorry.. We.. let's just.. stop."

“No, I don’t... I don’t want to, please,” Nelyo begged, taking Kano’s hands into his own. “It’s just hard to reconcile with the fact that hurting you makes you feel good.. And I’m not judging you at all; I swear to Eru I’m not. But pain... After all the pain I went through, it’s difficult for me to still understand how it can be pleasurable for you. I’m sorry..”

What could he even say? He felt even worse thinking about his brother’s trauma, knowing it couldn’t be easy for Nelyo to do this. Why couldn’t he just be normal? Kano’s eyes didn’t leave their linked hands, chewing his lip. “This is my fault, not yours... I’m so sorry...”

“How is this in any way your fault?” Nelyo asked, not believing Kano’s words for a second. It was _completely_ his fault. _He_ was the one with the severe trauma that prevented him from enjoying his brother’s perfectly normal kink. Kano had absolutely nothing to be sorry for.

“I shouldn’t have asked.. I knew better, knew it would be hard for you,” Kano muttered, more to himself than to Nelyo, pulling his hands away and bringing them up to cover his face. “Gods, stupid, _stupid_.. I’m so sorry..”

Nelyo leaned forward, pulling his brother back into his embrace. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for. You told me what you wanted, and it’s on me for thinking I could handle it.”

It was all wrong now. Not even his brother’s touch soothed Kano’s racing thoughts. His fingers curled into his own dark hair, tight fists against his scalp. “I can’t do this, Nelyo.. I can’t keep doing this..”

“Look,” Maedhros sighed, doing his best to find a compromise, “we can just hold off on the kinky stuff until I get my trauma under control, okay?”

"I'm sorry.. I wanted this to be good for you.." He muttered, making an attempt at swallowing the knot in his throat.

“How many times do I have to tell you that the way things turned out isn’t your fault?” Nelyo rubbed Kano’s back, desperately trying to pull his brother out of his self-hating spiral.

"Feels like it is..." This whole meltdown felt pathetic, and only made him feel even worse the longer it went. Kano desperately wanted to escape, to run away like he always did, and bury himself in literally anything else. "I should go.."

“No, you shouldn’t,” Nelyo replied, his grip on Kano subtly tightening. “Look, think of it this way: you asked me to do something and I said I could do it, but I couldn’t. That’s on me for not being able to deliver, not you for asking.”

Inhaling deeply, Kano exhaled through his teeth until his lungs burned before trying to get his breathing under control again. “Okay...”

“I love you, Mags. Don’t forget that,” Nelyo murmured gently as he ran his fingers through Kano’s hair.

“I.. love you too,” he nodded, finally starting to physically calm down even though his thoughts hadn’t stopped yet.

“So are you still..? Do you still want..?” He trailed off twice, finding it difficult to ask if Kano was still in the mood. Nelyo knew _he_ certainly wasn’t, but he had no objections to satisfying his brother.

Kano curled his arms around himself, the thought of continuing making his heart race again. Only this time, it wasn’t excited, but anxious energy that filled him. “Can we stop..?”

“Yeah of course,” Nelyo replied quietly, moving away from his brother to give him space. “I’m so sorry.. This is all my fault..”

With Nelyo away, the cool air of the room made him shiver, gooseflesh rising on his skin. Still, he didn’t make any effort to get up, but instead shifted to pull his knees to his chest, wincing at the tenderness of his backside again.

“I’m so sorry,” Mae repeated, sadness creeping into his voice. This had not been where he’d wanted things to go at all, but he only had himself to blame. It’d seemed so easy going in: Kano had more masochistic preferences than himself, but all he had to do was replicate some of the things he’d done with Finno, and everything would be fine. But of course his trauma had gotten in the way, and everything fell apart. “You can leave if you want,” Nelyo offered, after a moment of silence. “Not that I’m saying I want you to, but if you feel you have to, that’s okay..”

A part of him wanted to leave, to go home, but what good would that do? He’d go and cut himself until all he could feel was the pain from that instead of the pain of failure. As much as he wanted that, Kano knew he had promised Nelyo he would try not to. “I don’t think I should leave... I want to, but I shouldn’t..”

“Alright,” Mae nodded slowly, gaze fixed on the floor beneath him, “that’s fine..”

“Can you hand me my clothes...?” Kano chewed his lip, feeling extremely uncomfortable now. In the distance he heard the front door open and his face burned as Fingon announced his return.

“Yeah,” he replied, hastily handing Kano his clothes before moving to redress himself. It wouldn’t do to have Finno find them in such a compromising position yet again, especially considering that they were both stark naked.

Struggling to quickly get his clothes on, Kano felt dizzy at the thought of being caught out like this once more, especially after it ended so poorly. 

“Are you guys in the room?” Finno called out, setting down his school bag and running his fingers through his hair. Class had been particularly dull, but it had given him a chance to get his head back on straight after the tense morning.

“Yeah, just a minute,” Nelyo called out, tugging his shirt back on as he desperately hoped their cousin wouldn’t get the wrong impression.

Kano finally managed to get his jeans on, pushing himself up and onto the bed, but gods it took a lot of energy to do so. He raked his fingers through his hair anxiously, looking to Nelyo for some sort of assurance. 

Pouring himself a glass of water, Fingon glanced down the hall toward the bedroom and wondered if everything was okay. But he truly didn’t want to walk in on anything and now it seemed like perhaps he might have the misfortune to if he sought them out instead of waiting.

After doing a once-over of himself and his brother to be sure everything was in order, Mae nodded to Kano, motioning with his hand for the other to follow him as he headed out the door to where Finno was waiting.

Finno finished his water as the other two came out the bedroom and into the kitchen. Judging by the blush across Kano's cheeks, he could only assume that they had been doing something, but he didn't comment on it. Instead, he leaned against the counter and set the glass down. "Soooooo... I'm assuming everything is all better between you two?"

“Questionable,” Nelyo replied without thinking. He hadn’t intended to divulge any information into what had just happened in the bedroom, and he prayed to Eru that Fingon wouldn’t pry any further.

"Questionable?" Finno raised a brow, glancing between them.

Chewing his lip, Kano looked down and tucked his hands into his pockets. "Working on it.."

“Yeah that,” Nelyo agreed quietly, toeing at the floor. “Let’s just..not talk about it right now..”

Nodding, he didn't question it further, instead crossing to Mae and kissing his cheek, then placing a hand on Kano's shoulder. "I've got some time before practice tonight, if we wanna sit down and watch a movie?"

“Sounds like a plan,” Mae agreed, heading off to the living room without another word.

Frowning as the other stalked off, Finno looked to Kano and sighed. "What on Arda happened?"

"Long story..." 

"Clearly," he mumbled, shaking his head before gesturing for the other to go on ahead of him. After Kano went, he followed behind, joining Mae by the couch.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feelings are mended.

“So,” Maedhros began, clapping his hand against the stump of his wrist, “what should we watch?” Nelyo was desperate to keep any and all conversation away from what happened in the bedroom, no matter how awkward and forced he knew he seemed.

This was exactly what Finno had been trying to avoid. So much tension in the air, and he hated it. Despite saying okay to opening his and Mae, it made it all the more stressful and he wished he could take it back. "Moana?"

Kano sat down on the far side of the couch, wincing at the tenderness once again. He was sore and upset and it was just another reminder that his brother and him probably weren't right for each other, a thought that weighed heavy on his heart and his head.

“Sure,” Nelyo replied, powering up the television. Trying to seem like everything was fine was _so_ difficult, but he knew he’d be better off repressing his problems than facing them.

Getting the movie set up, Finno couldn't help slump. But hopefully a lighthearted film would help them all feel better. Plus... it meant that they could sing along!

Curling his knees to his chest, Kano chewed his lip and stared at the corner of the tv.

Mae was silent as the film began, sitting stiff and straight as a board. He couldn’t help but fall into his own thoughts, berating himself for not being able to do what Kano had asked, for being so weak, for letting his captors destroy everything he had, even his sex life. Everything around him seemed to fall away as he spiraled deeper into his self-loathing.

Settling on the couch next to Mae, Finno leaned back and crossed both his arms and legs. He couldn’t help but frown, even as the first song started, unable to shake the feeling something really bad had happened. He bumped their arms against each other, desperately wishing everything would just go back to normal.

Fingon’s gesture was small, but enough to temporarily shake Nelyo out of his negative thoughts. “Yeah, babe?” he asked, keeping his gaze straight forward.

“You’re staring off,” Finno commented. “Where’s that head of yours?”

Kano hardly watched the film, unable to focus, listening instead to his cousin and brother speak in hushed tones.

“You really don’t wanna know,” Nelyo replied, not in the mood for having yet another lengthy emotional discussion.

Frowning, Finno broke his eyes from the film to look at Mae, concern obviously etched in his features. “That’s a shoddy excuse, babe. My feelings are fine, yours are not.”

 _Of course_ his cousin had to keep prying. “I just don’t want to dive into that shit right now,” Mae sighed, hoping it would deter further interrogation.

"Fine.. but please don't let yourself spiral," Fingon sighed, leaning his head on the other's shoulder.

“Too late,” Mae replied instinctively, realizing the mistake of his admission after the fact.

It was that comment that made Finno turn to face Mae even more, brows drawn inward with concern. "Too late?"

“Yeah,” Nelyo said, nearly inaudible. He _really_ didn’t feel like talking, but it looked like he just fucked up his chance.

Putting his forehead against the other's shoulder again, Fingon couldn't help frowning. "Please don't spiral too long... I'm here when you're ready to talk..."

Nelyo sighed again, though out of relief instead. “Thanks...”

Kano tightened his grip on his knees, resting his chin on the little hollow where they met. He felt horrible, between the guilt and the self-destructive thoughts that were flooding him entirely. Chewing his lip, he flicked a look over at his brother, but didn't linger.

Mae hardly noticed when the end credits started to roll, having zoned out and spiraled—despite what Finno had told him—throughout the entire film. Instead of stopping the movie, however, he let the credits continue, afraid of the suffocating discomfort that the silence would bring.

“I think I’m going to go home for the night..” Kano broke the silence, his eyes glassy and lip bloodstained from chewing it so incessantly. 

Finno lifted his head at the words, trying not to look to obviously relieved.

“You sure?” Nelyo asked, worried for his brother’s safety. He knew Kano had promised him not to cut, but with everything that had happened, he was afraid that he might go back on his word.

Shifting uncomfortably, Maglor didn’t meet his brother’s eye. “Yeah.. I’m not feeling so good..”

“All the more reason to stay,” Mae replied. Clearly the inability to hide feelings—at least in their case—was hereditary.

“I’ll just drag everyone down...” Kano fussed with an errant strand of hair, frowning. “Plus.. what if it’s like.. contagious?”

Nelyo didn’t believe his brother was actually sick for a single moment. More than likely he felt uncomfortable and wanted to leave the situation. But Nelyo figured it’d be better for him to stay and talk things out than have them both end the day with negative feelings. Nevertheless, he didn’t say so out loud. “I’ve already caught it, and I’m pretty sure Finno’s immune,” he joked dryly.

Gods, Kano just wanted to run away but Nelyo kept making it harder and harder to do. He opened his mouth to try and say something, but he was at a loss. “Fine... sure.. I’ll stay..”

“We really need to talk, you know,” Mae finally said. “I don’t want you leaving feeling like an insecure mess, ‘cause I know that’s how I’m feeling at the moment. But I have Finno here. If you go back to your place, you’ve got nothing but your thoughts to keep you company, and that really sucks. If you wanna head out later be my guest, but right now we need to talk through our shit.”

"Okay.. fine.. let's talk," Kano sighed, stretching his legs out in front of him and crossing his arms over his chest. He didn't see what good talking would be, especially not with Fingon here, but it was obvious he wasn't going to be able to leave until he did.

“Thank you,” Nelyo replied, genuinely grateful. “Now is it okay to explain what happened to Finno so he can be a mediator?”

Kano nodded, figuring that was sufficient. 

Taking a breath, Finno looked between them both. "So.. what did I miss?"

“Well...” Maedhros began, shifting uncomfortably in place. Talking about what happened seemed a lot easier in theory. “Mags had mentioned that he was a masochist, and that Daeron had shamed him for it. So I offered to fuck him the way he wanted, the way I thought he deserved, but it ended up being a bit triggering for me for obvious reasons. Then he started feeling guilty about it and saying it was his fault for asking me, but I said it was my fault for thinking I’d be okay, and we just sort of ended on agree to disagree when you came back..”

"Ah," Finno nodded slowly, soaking in all the information. So it was to do with sex. He wasn't nearly as surprised as he probably ought to be, but that was a good thing, wasn't it? Still, his expression was neutral as he mulled things over. "Mae's accident trauma and Mags's relationship trauma. Got it. Well... neither of you is at fault. You both thought it was something you could do, and you both mutually agreed you had to stop when you realized it wasn't working, right?"

“I..guess.” Nelyo hadn’t thought about it that way, but it made a good deal of sense. Leave it to Finno to be the only one to point out the logic of the situation.

Frowning, Kano looked to Fingon and considered his words. It didn't abate the guilt, but... it did make sense the way he was saying it. 

"Here is the thing... there are going to be plenty of instances where sex doesn't go the way you want it to. Valar only knows how many times it has for you and me, right babe?" Finno offered Mae a reassuring smile. "But that doesn't mean we don't ever try again. It just means we have some things to work on. Mae's going to deal with his trauma a bit more, and.. I don't know, Mags. I know you're not as fond or trusting of me, but I might be able to help with the masochism thing more while Mae deals with his trauma stuff. But you also need to work on your internalizing and your guilt around sex."

It was a hard pill for him to swallow, but Mae knew that Finno was right as usual. “Yeah. You’re right. I should probably bring this up in therapy,” he sighed, leaning back against the couch and fixing his gaze on the ceiling. “Just another issue to work through...”

Finno squeezed his boyfriend’s shoulder reassuringly, looking to Mags then for comment. 

“I’m.. gonna try and get a therapist... Nelyo already said he’d help me with it..”

“Good. Progress. We can’t work through issues as a couple if we aren’t all individually dealing with our own internal things.”

“Agreed,” Nelyo said flatly. “Sorry we’re so stupid and emotionally constipated. I think it’s genetic.”

Rolling his eyes, Finno offered the smallest of smiles. "That's just how it is, babe. It's the entire line of us."

Nelyo couldn’t help but return his cousin’s smile, turning his head to face the other. “True. We’re all a right mess.”

"But hey," Finno perked up, leaning forward and kissing Mae's cheek, "at least we have each other for support?"

“That we do,” Nelyo agreed, bringing his arms up to wrap around his boyfriends’ shoulders and pull them close. “And I’m very glad.”

Fingon had no trouble leaning into the embrace, tucking perfectly into Mae’s side as if he was made for being there. His cheek rested on his cousin’s shoulder with ease. 

On the other side, however, Kano did not feel as comfortable. He didn’t pull away, but he certainly didn’t cuddle closer like Fingon had. He thought of all the had been said, his mind reeling over the actions of the day. It seemed so much easier when their cousin summed things up, but his heart still felt unbearably heavy.

Noticing Kano’s lack of physical response, Mae turned his head to look at him. “Everything okay in that head of yours?” he asked gently.

“Yeah..” Kano lied, closing his eyes and sighing as he leaned his head against Nelyo’s shoulder. “Sorry... it’s just been a long day..”

“Way too long,” Mae nodded, tilting his head to rest on Kano’s. After a moment of silence, he spoke again. “You’re still free to go, you know. If you’d just like to go home and have time to yourself.”

Shifting at the words, Kano wondered if he should. At best, it gave him a chance to be alone and recollect himself, but at worst? He would cut. There was no doubt in his mind. "I don't know..."

“No pressure. One way or the other,” Nelyo replied, trying to soothe his brother while giving him autonomy, though he vastly preferred that Kano stay.

"If.. you want to stay, you can always have some time to yourself? I have no problem distracting Mae for a bit," Finno offered. 

Biting his lip, he glanced across to his cousin and considered the option. "Maybe..."

Finno was always so smart, and Nelyo adored the fact. Especially in difficult situations like this. “We can definitely do that. So you’ll be alone without actually being alone. And then you could come get us when you’re done.”

"Yeah... that works," Kano nodded, quiet. "Okay..."

Finno offered a small smile, reaching across and patting his cousin's knee. "Whenever you're ready, let us know and I'll drag him off, yeah?"

“You’re not _dragging_ me,” Nelyo said, rolling his eyes. “I’ll go willingly, I promise.”

"Can.. I have a bit now?"

Nodding, Finno got to his feet and offered Mae a hand. "Up we go. Just let us know when you're good."

"Thanks, " Kano responded quietly, pulling away from his brother then.

Mae stood and took Finno’s hand, allowing himself to be ‘dragged’ off. “See you later, Mags.”

Once they were alone in the other room, Finno sighed, pulling his hair tie from the bottom of the braid he had it up in, ruffling the strands loose. "So.. rough day?"

“Things were going really well before.. _that_ ,” Mae sighed, crossing his arms and leaning against the nearest wall. “I just couldn’t handle what he expected of me...”

"Want to give any more details now that it's just us, or..?"

“Like what?” Nelyo asked, a single eyebrow raised in curiosity. He thought he’d given a pretty good explanation of the situation earlier, and didn’t see any cause for elaboration.

Finno felt his face flush with embarrassment, as if prying for details was akin to stealing cookies before dinner. "I get that they are trauma triggering things.. but like.. if you want to talk about it, I'm curious is all.."

“There’s not much more to tell than what’s already been told. We discussed what he wanted beforehand , which was hitting, spanking, choking, cutting, bondage and dirty talk,” he said, counting off each action on his fingers. “For obvious reasons I couldn’t do cutting or bondage, but I said I could manage the rest. We went to the bedroom, I had a minor panic attack, etcetera etcetera... I spanked him, which was pretty hot, but then he wanted me to fuck his mouth, which I did for a while, but it just didn’t do anything for me. I felt bad for hurting him, even though I knew it was the point, and that’s about where we ended.”

"Ah," Finno nodded, tucking his hands into his pockets and thinking everything over. That was... quite the change. Sure, Fingon had his own masochistic things, but it wasn't exactly like that. He was into far more tame things. "And how are you feeling now?"

“Fine, I guess,” Mae shrugged. “Still pretty shitty for not being able to follow through. Mags’d mentioned that Daeron really made him feel awful for being into that stuff, so I wanted to be able to give him the sex he deserved.”

Finno nodded in understanding, wishing he could do more. But what more was there? “In time, maybe. We can’t exactly rush these things though, y’know? And I’m sure he still loves you babe.”

“I know. I’m gonna feel bad about it anyway, though.” Letting go of things wasn’t easy for Nelyo, especially things he viewed as his own personal shortcomings.

“But it’s not like it’s really your fault,” Fingon reminded, going to his toes to kiss Mae’s jaw. “Don’t beat yourself up over it so much.”

Nelyo only hummed, unable to agree with Finno’s words, but unwilling to refute them either.

Sighing, Finno pulled his boyfriend down onto the bed with him, leaning back against the baseboard and tugging Mae until his head was on Finno's chest. "I love you, you know.."

“I know,” Mae replied quietly, nuzzling into Finno’s chest and listening to his steady heartbeat. “Love you too.”

Once the other had settled, Fingon felt a little more at ease. His fingers gently combed through Mae’s red hair, carefully avoiding tangles. “I know we all hoped this would be an easier transition.. but I think it’s going better than we’re giving it credit.”

“I knew it wouldn’t be easy,” Mae sighed, ” but I feel like things have been either high or low with no middle ground..”

"It takes time, babe," Finno reassured, trying not to frown even though Mae was facing away from him. "But if there is anyone who can get through this, it's you. And I'll be here for you the entire time."

“Thanks,” Nelyo murmured as he let some tension leave his body. Finno always had the right words for every situation; always knew what to say to comfort him, or call him out if need be. Undoubtedly it was one of his favorite traits of his boyfriend’s, and he decided to show his appreciation in the form of a kiss to Fingon’s chest.

It was some time before they moved again, Fingon's breath having evened out as he nodded on and off. 

\---------------

In the other room, however, Kano had not rested. He had picked the scabbing on his hips until they bled, digging his fingers into them until his vision went white with pain. Every time his heart would return from its rapid pounding, he proceeded again until the tears no longer stained his cheeks.

\---------------

As they fell into silence, Mae retreated into his thoughts. Though it hadn’t been an overlong amount of time since the separated, he couldn’t help but worry about Kano. He’d been loath to leave his brother alone despite his boyfriends’ insistence that it’d be a good thing, and it took a lot for him not to get up and go check: Kano would come when he was ready.

After very carefully cleaning the wounds and bandaging himself up with some spare gauze and tape from his bag, Kano went to the bathroom to wash his face. When he did finally go to see his brother and cousin, he looked even more exhausted, eyes and nose both red from crying. “Can.. I join you..?”

Lifting his head from Fingon’s breast, Nelyo turned to look at his brother in the doorway. The telltale redness on Kano’s face concerned him, but he chose not to comment, instead raising his free arm to gently beckon the other over. “Of course.”

As Nelyo spoke and waved him over, Kano approached the bed, chewing his already black and blue lip. Hesitantly, he crawled onto the bed. “Sorry it took so long..”

“Don’t worry about it,” he replied comfortingly, carefully pulling Maglor in close next to Fingon. “You never need to apologize for needing time to yourself.”

Kano’s eyes flicked up to Fingon’s face, but seeing no qualms, he tentatively rested his head on his cousin’s chest as well, facing his brother. His hip ached, but he tried not to be too obvious about it. “I.. thank you..”

Finno’s hand slowly went to rub Maglor’s back, and when the other didn’t protest, he continued. “Sometimes you need space. That’s true of all of us.”

“You okay?” Mae ventured to ask, even though he knew his brother would say he was fine no matter what.

“I’m fine,” Kano responded, true to form. “Just.. tired? Yeah, tired..”

Though it was clear Mae knew Maglor was lying, Finno didn’t say anything either on the subject. It was strange being the one in the middle, with each of them rested their heads on his chest. Definitely not a position he would have expected, yet he didn’t find it uncomfortable as he would have thought it to be.

“Okay,” came the neutral reply. As much as Kano’s lie bothered him, Nelyo didn’t want to push the issue.

Finno gently played with both of their hair in silence for a few minutes, running his fingers through tangled locks as carefully as he could. 

Eyes closing, Kano seemed to relax under the touch more than he had since before the whole sex fiasco happened. “I could.. probably fall asleep like this,” he admitted.

“Finno’s comfy, isn’t he?” Mae grinned, glad that Kano was feeling so at ease. “He’s got soft tits.”

Swatting his boyfriend's head lightly, Fingon couldn't help laughing. "They aren't that soft," he chided. "I've got some solid muscle there! Somewhere! Underneath, you know?"

Nelyo laughed along with him, playfully swatting back. “They’re muscular _and_ soft. I know you could probably bench press me any day.”

"That is true. I could probably bench press the both of you," Finno smirked, teasing. "String beans like you are."

Kano smiled slightly at that, but didn't laugh in the same way, feeling self-conscious for no good reason.

“Hey, I’m not a string bean,” Nelyo replied with mock defense. “I work out.”

Finno dipped his head to kiss the top of Mae's. "Lifting all those heavy cakes all day, and clearly not eating them. It's why you're the baker and I'm not. I'd never have anything to sell!"

Laughing again, Mae pressed a kiss to Finno’s chest again. “True. Your tits’d be soft for a very different reason.”

"I just love sweets, okay?" He chuckled, leaning his head back against the pillow once more.

Kano rolled his lip between his teeth, watching the way his brother laughed. He seemed to at ease with Fingon, so happy... Why couldn't he make him happy too?

“That’s what you should do, Mags,” Nelyo began, feeling guilty for neglecting to include his brother. “You’ve got a sweet tooth, so maybe if you come help me at the bakery you’ll finally eat something.”

“I’m not so good at baking,” Kano shrugged. “But yeah.. that’s an idea..”

“You gotta start somewhere, Mags. You’ll learn as you go,” Finno reassured.

“Don’t even need to help me bake anything if you don’t want. Mostly I need help lifting things. And stirring,” Mae shrugged—as much as he could in that position.

Kano chewed his lip but nodded. “Lifting and stirring are things I could do.”

“Awesome,” Nelyo replied, sliding forward slightly to kiss his brother’s nose.

Finno pulled them both a bit closer, his arms on either side of them, glad for the diminished tension. Much better than earlier, for sure.

"I can make bread," Kano mentioned a moment after. "I used to make bread with Ammë all the time.."

Mae nodded thoughtfully. “Bread is good. I do more pastry stuff, but I have bread from time to time.”

Scrunching his nose, Kano shrugged a little once more. “True.. delicate stuff I’m bad at. So mixing and lifting it is.”

“You’re awesome,” Nelyo smiled, moving forward again to kiss his brother.

Things were more content, it felt like, and Kano relaxed at that thought. “Thank you.. both of you.. for being patient with me..”

Fingon hesitated but pressed a small kiss to Kano’s head, then Mae’s. “Of course.”

“We’re here for you, Mags,” Nelyo assured with a smile, entwining his finger’s with Kano’s.

Even with their hands linked on Fingon’s chest, Maglor didn’t feel any animosity. Almost as if their cousin was accepting the relationship. It was indescribable how grateful he felt for that. He closed his eyes, smiling softly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All caught up to the rp, so probably no updates for a while.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maedhros and Fingon get closer than they have in a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been 84 years, apologies.

A few days later, Maedhros was relaxing on his bed with Fingon’s head in his lap, waiting for Maglor. The latter had left earlier to work on his music, but Nelyo had insisted that he come back to play—and eat a decent meal.

Fingon was playing a game on his phone, content with his head in the other's lap. The tv played in the background, quiet. After finishing the round he was on, he set his phone down on his chest and sighed. "How are you holding up?"

“I’m alright,” Mae replied, running his fingers through Finno’s dark, silky hair. “How are you?”

"Not bad," he smiled softly, leaning into the touch. "This is nice, though. Just us, I mean... It's cool to have Mags around too, but I missed just us time."

Maedhros nodded, understanding perfectly how his cousin was feeling. “Agreed. We’ll have to find a good balance for that.”

Finno pressed a kiss to his cousin’s stomach. “It’ll come in time I’m sure,” he offered. “Hopefully sooner than later though.”

“Not sure how easy this all is going to be,” Nelyo confessed. “It’s pretty different from just the two of us.”

“Extremely different,” he nodded in understanding. “Way more.. stressful..”

“That’s a good word for it. Honestly I feel like I’m walking on glass trying not to do or say anything to upset either of you..”

“You’re worried about upsetting me?” Fingon rolled slightly onto his side to better look at Mae. “And here I thought I wasn’t causing a lot of stress on you..”

“You haven’t been,” Nelyo insisted, “it’s really just me in my own head. I know it’s only been the two of us for so long and I don’t want you to feel like you’re being replaced, just like I don’t want Mags to think I’m favoring you.”

Finno nodded in understanding, pulling his cousin down for a quick kiss. “I’m trying really hard to work on my own jealousy issues..”

Nelyo remained bent over, finding the position better for such an intimate conversation. “I know, thank you for that,” he replied, gently running his thumb over Finno’s cheek. “What did I do to deserve such a good boyfriend...?”

“No clue, but I’m betting on it being that nice bottom of yours,” he teased, nuzzling against the hand.

Feigning an offended gasp, he swapped his caresses for a light pinch. “That’s all you love me for? My great ass?”

Laughing, he pulled Mae back in for another kiss. “And your cooking!” Finno grinned cheekily. “And how you make me feel safe, and so very loved.”

Nelyo smiled warmly, bringing Finno’s head back up to initiate a kiss. “Well I _do_ love you after all,” he teased.

“And I love you more,” he murmured against the other’s lips, kissing him again.

“Impossible,” Nelyo replied, smiling into the kiss.

Fingon brought his arms up to loop around his cousin’s shoulders, not wanting to let him go so easily. “You know.. he’s not due back for some time..”

“If you want to do something you’ll have to sit up,” he teased, pulling out of Fingon’s hold.

Though it took way more effort to get up, Fingon pushed himself up to sitting and climbed to straddle his cousin's lap. "Like this, you mean?"

Nelyo placed his hand on Finno’s hip, sliding his fingers a little ways up under the hem of the shirt. “Yes, though it depends on what you’re looking to do,” he replied cheekily.

“Hmm,” Finno tapped his chin as if thinking. “Well,” he paused, grinding his hips downward, “maybe we could act like teenagers again and make out a bit.. and see where it leads.”

“No complaints here,” Mae said, flashing a smile. “I give you the reigns.”

Smiling, Fingon leaned forward to capture his boyfriend's lips. This is exactly what he had been missing... the intimacy, the romance, the flirting... He loved Maedhros with all of his being, after all, and he wanted to have the opportunity to show it.

After a lovely albeit stressful couple of days with Maglor, Nelyo was relieved to have some time of normalcy. Though, he supposed, life with Maglor was the new normal. Before his mind could wander too far down that rabbit hole, he pushed it to the back of his mind and savored his time with Fingon.

Finno ran his fingers through his cousin's hair, thankful for the lack of tangles. Each kiss was soft and full of feeling, holding passion just at the brink of overflowing. He didn't want to come on too strong, not the first time they were alone in so long.

Though Maedhros was enjoying himself immensely, there was a word that Finno had said that was nagging him. “This is great,” he said a bit breathlessly as he pulled away, “but if I remember correctly, I don’t think teenagers are so passionate.”

“No? What do you suggest we do differently?”

“Well,” Nelyo mused, “teens generally go hard and fast. But if you want to drop that idea, I’m perfectly comfortable with taking it slow.” Idly he traced his fingers up and down Finno’s side as he waited for a response.

Grinding down again, he bit his lip and debated the two options. “I want both.. everything.. I just miss being like this..”

“Me too,” he sighed wistfully. “Sorry for interrupting. You can have me any way you’d like.”

Fingon ran his fingers through Mae’s hair and smiled mischievously. He leaned back in to steal another kiss, lingering there before licking across his cousin’s lips.

Nelyo quickly parted his already kiss-swollen lips, glad to let Finno take the lead.

It was easy to dive into the kiss now, Fingon's tongue brushing past the other's lips to deepen it. If they were going to play teenagers, well, he was going to play teenagers. Finno ground his hips down, his arse seeking the friction of Maedhros's cock.

A deep groan crawled its way out of Nelyo’s throat, cock stirring in his pants. It had felt like ages since he and Finno had been intimate—despite the fact that it’d only been a few days—and his mind and body were ready and willing.

Moaning into the other's mouth, his fingers caressed the other's scalp gently before moving down his neck. Finno loved feeling the other's arousal against him, knowing he was the one who caused that excitement. His hips rolled in small circles, his own cock hardening all the while. When at last he broke the kiss, his forehead pressed to Mae's, breath shorter than before. "I want you so bad.."

“You can ride me right here if you’d like,” he replied, voice slightly raspy. “Whatever you want, however you want me, I don’t care..” Mae knew his shirt would definitely put a hitch in their heated exchange, but if Fingon wanted it off, it was absolutely coming off.

"Stars above," he exhaled, kissing him breathlessly once more before slipping down slightly, his hands going to the other's waistband. "I definitely want to ride you.."

“Well who am I to deny you,” Nelyo said more than asked. Reaching into the tight space between their two bodies with his hand, he undid his pants: a skill that he’d had to pick up quickly.

Grinning, Finno shifted to get his own trousers off. A moment later he was reaching for the lube in the nightstand, knowing damn well it had been a long time since they got this far. “Will you, or should I?” He asked, holding up the little bottle.

Returning his cousin’s grin, Mae replied, “Whatever you’d like, darling.” He didn’t want to sway Fingon in one direction or the other, but he desperately wanted his boyfriend’s length inside him. It’d been _ages_ , and he was more than ready.

“Maybe.. I ride you first and then we switch,” he winked, already coating his own fingers in the lube. “If you’re up to it?”

“Perfectly fine with me,” Nelyo smiled, burying his face in the crook of Fingon’s neck.

Hand slipping between his own thighs, Fingon took a breath and relaxed as best he could to prepare himself. “Kiss me?”

He pressed a small kiss to his cousin’s neck before pulling away and pressing their lips together. “Anything for you..” Nelyo murmured, lips still lightly pressed against Fingon’s.

Kissing him made relaxing easier, the slow roll of their tongues soothing, the taste of him familiar. It wasn’t long before he had opened himself up just right and climbed back onto Mae’s lap. “IloveyouIloveyouIloveyou,” he murmured, slowly angling himself onto the other’s length and taking him in.

Mae groaned at the sudden tightness that surrounded his cock. It was absolutely perfect, and he rolled his hips upwards to intensify the feeling. “Oh, Finno..” he keened.

Moaning wantonly, Fingon‘s head fell into the crook between Mae’s neck and shoulder. He loved the way the other stretched and filled him, the way he rolled upward with such ease. It had been entirely too long since they had been like this, but it was so good. His own hips rolled down, slowly easing himself until he was fully seated before he began to move them upward again in a long, luxurious glide.

“Fuuuck,” came the growled reply, accompanied by another—less gentle—roll of the hips.

With a gasp, Finno began to move as best as he could, thighs propelling his movement up and down along the other’s length. “Mae.. yes, fuck, yes,” he moaned. “Please, fuck me.”

Maedhros was more than happy to oblige his cousin, and began thrusting upwards while keeping a tight hold on Finno’s hip. It felt so amazing to fuck again, though through the gathering fog in his mind, he lamented the lack of skin-to-skin contact.

Finno loved the feeling, loved being connected like this again. It had been too long and he didn’t realize how much he has needed this. Lifting his head, he kissed Mae again softly. “Feels so good.. I missed you so much..”

“Missed you more,” Nelyo murmured, unwilling to abandon his competitive banter with Fingon; even during sex.

"Missed you most," he managed, gasping out the last word on a particularly rough thrust. Fingon was already feeling close to his end, but he desperately wanted to be within Mae if his cousin would allow it. "I wanna fuck you, Mae, please, can I fuck you?"

“By Eru, please do..” Maedhros desperately wanted Finno buried inside him, but he had to wait for the other to move first.

With perhaps less grace than he might have had in the past, Fingon slid forward and off the other's length, groaning at the feel of Mae's cock and the emptiness he felt. He quickly grabbed for the lube again, coating his fingers in a practised motion as he got between the other's thighs. "You're gonna need to get those pants off a bit more for this.."

Nelyo cursed mentally at the fact as he knew his cousin was right. The scarring on his legs wasn’t as bad as his upper body, but he was still self-conscious about it. Reluctantly, he shimmied his jeans and briefs down as far as he thought Finno would need them to be then pulled his hand away to give the other room to work.

Gently kissing the other's thigh, Finno gave him a reassuring smile before lifting Mae's knees so he had space. His fingers were careful as they traced between the cleft of his cousin's arse, circling his entrance. "Ready?"

“More than ready,” he assured, trembling slightly with anticipation. “Please don’t keep me waiting too long..”

Without any fanfare, his finger pressed inside, his heart pounding in his chest. It had been so long... but here they were, working through it. He thrust the finger in and out, slowly working the other open. "Just relax for me.. You're doing great, babe."

Despite what Fingon said, it was difficult for him to relax. It wasn’t that Mae was nervous; not at all. He was just excited, and his rapidly clenching and unclenching hole reflected it.

The second finger pressed in after another few seconds, scissoring them and fucking into him a bit quicker as Mae adjusted. Finno had no trouble getting a third in after, his own cock hard and arching to bury into that tight heat.

“No need to be delicate with me,” Nelyo said, noticing that his cousin seemed as eager as he was. “Besides, Mags is supposed to be here soon. Don’t need him walking in on this..”

A flicker of concern met his eyes but he put on a quick smile and bent down to kiss the other’s thigh. Withdrawing his fingers, he added a bit more lube to his length before getting up onto his knees. Finno felt his heart pounding, though if by excitement or nervousness, well, he couldn’t tell. In just a moment, he pressed into Mae for the first time since before the whole accident, and Eru, it was so good.

“Fuuuck,” Nelyo groaned as he adjusted to his cousin’s cock. It’d been so long since he’d had anything inside him, so the sudden stretch gave him an almost euphoric feeling. “Feels _so good_ , Finno,” he keened before pulling the other in for a kiss.

Fingon had hoped that Mae would be receptive, but to know that he felt good was better than he could have asked for. He kissed his boyfriend eagerly in response, sinking in the rest of the way and allowing Mae a moment to adjust. Stars above, it was better than good. It was absolutely brilliant.

By the Valar, the fullness inside him felt incredible. Mae was unable to even put it into words, unable to tell Fingon the effect he was having on him. Blessedly he was at least able to communicate one thing: “Fuck me..”

“Yes,” he groaned, and did as he was told. Each thrust had started slow, rocking in and out of the other until he was certain that Mae wasn’t going to suddenly push him away. So tight, so hot. The warmth seemed to wash over him as he picked up his pace, fucking into the other with love.

“Oh Eru,” came the wanton reply. Maedhros hadn’t felt so good _ages_ , and it did wonders for not only his body, but his mind as well. Ever since his accident he’d had doubts, anxieties that would worm their way into his thoughts, but no longer; Finno _still_ wanted him. He was a damaged, scarred, mess of a person, but Finno— _his_ Finno—loved him all the same. Tears welled up in his eyes at the intense flood of emotions, though at the same time he couldn’t help but grin like an idiot.

Gaze focused on Mae’s face, Finno was about to slow when he saw the tears, but that smile! That brilliant, beautiful, perfect smile! It filled his heart, made him feel whole again. To see the one he loved filled with joy! He bent down to kiss his boyfriend again, and again, and again. “I love you so much..”

“I love you too,” Mae half sighed, half laughed. He could’ve died right then but by Mandos he would’ve died happy. “You’re amazing, Finno.. So fucking amazing..” He captured his boyfriend’s lips again as he pushed down on his cock, completely uninhibited in his pursuit of pleasure.

Now that they were joined, and oh so perfectly were they joined, Finno picked up the pace of his thrusts. Quicker now, he plowed into Mae, moaning against his lips.

Nelyo’s orgasm came nearly without warning, but when it did, it came strong. He cried out in ecstasy as come spattered his and Finno’s chests, his high lasting longer than it had in ages.

When Maedhros clenched around him in his release, Fingon gasped. The tightness was enough to draw him over as well, spilling into the other as he milked his own orgasm with syncopated thrusts.

“ _Oh by Eru_ , Finno,” Mae keened, relishing in the warmth that his boyfriend’s seed filled him with.

Finno panted for his breath, grinning from ear to ear. “That was amazing, babe,” he praised with ease. “Varda’s Stars, that was good.”

“Better than good,” Maedhros replied with a lopsided grin. “I think you should top all the time from now on..”

“I mean, if you’re down for being the bottom,” he teased. “I’m always more than willing to top you. You’re so hot like this.”

“Only because you made me this way,” Mae teased back. “An after that I’d bottom for you any time. I’d do anything for you just to feel this way again..”

Finno was about to say something when he heard the front door creak open, his head snapping up. “Mags is back?”

Mae’s head mirrored his cousin’s, eyes wide in panic. “Fuck, seriously?”

“Shh,” he frowned, not quite pulling out. “It doesn’t sound like he’s coming this way?”

\-----

In the other room, Maglor had only returned because he forgot his phone, rummaging through the living room. He wondered if the other two were even still here, or if they went out. Either way, he didn’t want to see either of them right now. Well, no, it wasn’t that he didn’t want to see them but more that he wanted to be alone.

\-----

“Should we try to clean up?” Nelyo whispered. While he knew he technically shouldn’t feel guilty for having sex with Findekáno, it was still a bit early in his romantic relationship with Maglor for him to stumble upon them like this. Eru knows how Fingon had reacted...

Though he tried not to let his face fall, he couldn’t help but feel kind of hurt at the thought that he couldn’t even hook up with his own boyfriend without something making them feel guilty. With a sigh, he pulled out of Nelyo, leaning in just briefly to kiss him. 

\-----

No luck. The phone wasn’t out here. It had to be in the bedroom. Kano ran his hand through his hair and at least tried to not be quiet, just in case the other two were in. It’s not that stumbling into the room while they were... whatever they might be doing, was high on his agenda today.

\-----

With Finno no longer inside him, the emptiness that Maedhros felt was blatant, though he had little time to mourn the loss. The kiss was appreciated, however, and he savored the brief contact as he wiped cum off his cock and surrounding area with the hem of his shirt. It would need to be changed, but with his cousin right there Mae wasn’t sure he’d be able to manage it.

“Blanket?” Finno asked, grabbing for the quilt that was at the bottom of the bed to pull it over them. At the very least, this would be less incriminating? Maybe.

Knocking on the door first, Kano chewed at his lip. “You guys home?”

Nelyo hastily arranged the quilt to cover up the worst of the evidence when Maglor spoke, nearly causing him to jump out of his skin. “Oh, hey Mags,” he replied as casually as he could muster. “Yeah, we’re in here. Just hanging out..”

Kano peeked his head in, doing a quick glance of them. It was unbearably obvious what they had done, making him turn red, but he didn’t dare comment. “I think I left my phone in here..”

Usually, Fingon would be the first up to help, but in his state of undress that wasn’t an option. He swallowed thickly and pawed around where he could reach before spotting it under one of the discarded pieces of clothes from earlier. “I uh.. is that it?”

Face burning, he came in the room and crouched down to grab it. “You guys don’t.. need to hide things from me,” he said, quiet. “If you want to do stuff, I’m not stopping you..”

“Sorry,” Nelyo mumbled, feeling a different sort of guilt build inside him. “We just.. didn’t want to upset you, that’s all..” Gods knew how insecure his brother was. He really didn’t want Maglor to beat himself up for not being comfortable with sex and start comparing himself to Finno.

He didn’t even attempt to look at either or them, a mixture of emotions making his stomach flip. Of course.. they didn’t want to upset him.. Because he was clearly fragile, he reasoned. Getting his phone, he stood back and turned to head back out of the room. “Have fun,” he managed, tone even but a bit flat. 

Fingon sighed softly, leaning his head back against the headboard. This wasn’t how he had planned the afterglow of his first time being physically back with Nelyo.

“Mags, wait, hold up,” Mae called out, sliding off the bed and haphazardly pulling his pants and underwear back up from around his ankles. “Please don’t go.”

Pausing with his hand on the doorknob, he tried not to felt a pang of guilt for ruining whatever it was they were doing. “I don’t want to interrupt..”

Though he had half a mind to say ’ _then don’t_ ’, Finno bit his tongue. That wouldn’t help the situation at all.

Looking ruffled but generally decent, Mae moved around the bed to approach his brother. “We were pretty much done, promise,” he assured. “I just don’t want you leaving here feeling weird or anything..”

Kano shifted his weight and glanced back to the other, eyes flicking to Fingon briefly. There was no doubt that he was intruding on a moment, and their cousin’s face said it all. He put on a half smile for Nelyo, tilting his head. “I’ll be fine.. You guys haven’t had a lot of time lately because of me..”

“It’s only been a few days,” Nelyo argued, “and Finno’s still been pretty busy with classes. You’re not at fault.” He brushed his hand along Kano’s upper arm in an attempt to soothe. “Please stay.”

He could see Fingon reaching for his clothes as well behind Nelyo, and it made him feel even more guilty. But his brother’s hand was so warm and comforting and he wanted so badly to curl up against him. “You’re sure you don’t mind..?”

Mae relaxed a little: his brother wasn’t putting up as much of a fight as he’d thought he would. “‘Course I don’t,” he smiled. “Last time I checked you were my boyfriend too.”

Gods, that made his stomach fill with butterflies. Kano almost felt ridiculous for enjoying being called Nelyo’s boyfriend as much as he did. He brought his hand up and placed it over his brother’s, glancing against to Fingon who was now at least wearing pants and searching for a clean shirt. “Only if you’re sure..”

Even if Nelyo didn’t mind, he was convinced Fingon did.

“One thousand percent,” he affirmed with a nod. “I’ve even got some left over buttercream saved for you.”

Finno finally had clothes on and came up behind Mae. “He wouldn’t let me clean the dish because he knows you’ve got that sweet tooth,” he offered, slinging an arm over his boyfriend’s shoulder and trying not to act like it was possessive. 

“Ah, thanks,” Maglor mumbled, pushing his hands awkwardly into his pockets. “You make the best buttercream, Nelyo.”

In lieu of thanks, Maedhros pressed a kiss to Kano’s forehead. “Just let me and Finno shower and we’ll be right with you. Enjoy your buttercream in the meantime.”

Giving a small nod, Kano shuffled awkwardly before heading back toward the kitchen and leaving them alone. 

“So.. does that mean I get to shower with you, or would you rather I didn’t?”

“I...” Nelyo hadn’t thought about the possibility, though he wasn’t sure it actually was a possibility. Eru did he want to shower with his beautiful Finno, but he didn’t know if he was mentally ready yet. “Can we try together first?” he asked, finally making up his mind. “I’m honestly not feeling too optimistic about it, but I’d at least like to make an attempt.”

Trying not to light up too much, not wanting to add pressure, Finno smiled a little and kissed Nelyo’s shoulder. “Sure. And if it doesn’t work out this time, that’s fine. We can always try again when you’re ready.”

Fingon’s confidence helped him a little, though the uncertainty hadn’t entirely been dispelled. “Okay,” he murmured. “Let’s go for it.”

“Hey,” he paused, moving around so he was facing Nelyo, well, if he looked up. “No matter what, I love you.”

“I know. It’s kinda stupid, but that really only just hit me when you were fucking me...” Nelyo admitted sheepishly. “Not that you haven’t been expressing your love in every other way possible, but the fact that you still want me physically like that after everything...” There was more he wanted to say, but he wasn’t sure there were enough words in the world to describe how wonderful his Finno had been to him.

Fingon pulled the other down a bit, already pushing up onto his toes so he could kiss his lips. “Of course I still want you physically, babe. I’m head over heels for you.”

“I know,” Mae repeated. “It’s hard to reconcile reality with the shit my mind keeps telling me, but I know better now. And considering I haven’t scared you off yet I really don’t think you’re gonna go anywhere.”

“Come on, let’s shower,” he smiled gently, kissing him once more before pulling away and dragging him out toward the bathroom.

Despite their talk, Nelyo couldn’t help the flood of anxiety he felt when they entered the bathroom. And of course with the anxiety came shame for feeling anxious at all. Remembering a tip from his therapist, he tried to acknowledge the feelings then let them go; a bit easier said than done but his determination to be good for Finno helped in his exercise a little. “I think I’m gonna take off my shirt myself,” he finally managed. “I’ll probably go faster than you or Mags have been, so can you talk me through after it’s off?”

Fingon’s expression was soft as he nodded, standing back and giving the other space. “No matter what,” he reminded, “I love you. Whenever you’re ready.”

“Okay..” Mae crisscrossed his arms and grabbed the hem of his shirt with his hand, hooking the stump of his right arm into the fabric. The intent was to peel off the shirt in one swift motion, but it suddenly felt as if his body had turned to lead. He managed to fight the feeling, and though the going was a little slower than he would’ve liked, Mae was soon dropping his shirt to the floor.

Seeing his cousin’s chest was... heartbreaking. The scarring that striped across his skin would never cease to take his breath away. Fingon kept himself carefully composed, hand pausing in the air as if asking permission to touch him. “Can I..?”

Nelyo’s throat tightened as his anxiety shot alarms off in his mind. His body had frozen completely, though in his opinion it was an improvement from his previous reactions. He struggled to speak, but after a moment he managed a strangled, “Go ahead...”

His fingers were light at he touched Nelyo’s chest, eyes flicking to the other’s face. “You’re doing so well, babe.. I love you so much.”

As their eyes met, Nelyo felt another bolt of anxiety and quickly averted his gaze. Looking at Finno was just too much, though he certainly felt poorly about it. “I love you too,” he whispered, hoping his cousin wouldn’t misunderstand his reaction.

“I know,” he reassured. “I’m going to turn the water on, okay? You’re doing great.” 

As hard as it was to pull away, he did, going to switch the shower on to warm up. Now that he wasn’t facing Nelyo, his even expression broke, heart aching.

With Finno’s eyes off him, Maedhros felt a bit more at ease. In small moment of confidence, he removed his pants — which hadn’t been on very well anyway — and his underwear. It was the first time he’d been fully bare in front of his boyfriend in months, which was an equally terrifying and exhilarating feeling.

Fingon straightened up and glanced back to Mae, getting stuck the moment he saw him. His breath caught, biting his lip in thought. “I.. didn’t think I would get to see you like this again,” he admitted. “It’s different, but.. I’m glad.”

“Yeah,” Nelyo replied noncommittally, the terror flaring up now that Fingon was looking at him again. “Would you mind getting naked too now? I’m kinda freaking out here...”

“Oh.”

Immediately, Finno pulled his shirt off and shucked his jeans until his clothes were heaped on the floor in an unceremonious pile. “Better?”

“Thanks,” he sighed appreciatively. “Looking at how pretty you are is an excellent distraction.” Mae smiled to play it as a joke, though his statement wasn’t entirely untrue.

“Lucky for you that I’m, like, really pretty,” he teased, reaching a hand out. “Come here and kiss me?”

Closing the gap between them felt like it took ages, but the reward of leaning over to press a kiss to Finno’s lips was well worth it. “You’re amazing, you know?”

“I know,” he smirked, kissing him back. So badly did Finno want to wrap his arms around Nelyo’s waist, to press their chests together, but fear of pushing his cousin too fast stopped him.

“Not that I couldn’t kiss you all day, but we should probably shower.” Mae nuzzled his boyfriend’s hair affectionately, taking in his light post-coital musk. Oh how he’d missed that scent.

Reluctantly, he took a step away and turned to get into the shower, the heat of the water warming him in an instant. “Oh stars, this is nice.”

“Has it been a while since your last shower?” Nelyo teased lightly, trying to keep the mood up and his thoughts away from the anxiety trying to claw its way back to the forefront of his mind.

“It’s been eleven years,” he rolled his eyes dramatically, smirking. “But there really is nothing quite as enjoyable as a shower after great sex.”

“Except more sex,” Mae countered as he stepped into the slightly cramped stall, being sure to avoid direct skin-to-skin contact. “Not..that I’m suggesting we go another round,” he hastily added. “Mags is waiting, after all.”

“Dang,” he snapped his fingers in mock disappointment before leaning back against the wall. Despite himself, his eyes wandered down the other’s body. Even now, Maedhros was too thin, his limbs more gangly than they had ever been before everything had happened. 

“It’s a shame he’s waiting..”

The way Finno’s eyes scanned him made Nelyo want to bolt from the shower and hide for the rest of eternity, however he forced himself to stay put and focus on what his cousin had said instead. “And what exactly are you suggesting, Findekáno?”

Finno bit his lip, raising a brow before meeting his eyes again. “Well.. it would be a test of athletics in this tiny little shower, but I think we could manage.”

“Okay,” Nelyo readily agreed. Anything for the possibility of having Finno’s dick buried in his ass again, not to mention it would be an excellent deterrent for intrusive thoughts. “But quick, yeah?”

Lighting up, he flashed a smile and brought his hands up to cup Nelyo’s cheeks. Finno pulled him into another quick kiss before speaking against his lips. “Turn around?”

Mae promptly did as asked, arousal overtaking fear as he braced his hand against the tiled wall. Remembering his height, he crouched slightly, leaving him in an uncomfortable quasi-squatting position. But comfort didn’t matter. It would be over soon anyways.

“Damn you for being so tall,” Finno laughed, kissing Nelyo’s shoulder as he stroked his half hard length. “Not to say I don’t love it, though.” His other hand braced his boyfriend’s hip, guiding the tip of his cock past the ring of muscle.

Though it’d only been a few minutes since Finno had last been inside him, Nelyo still felt a pleasant pressure when his cousin pushed in again. He leaned back somewhat to get more of that wonderful cock inside him — and to urge Finno to move quickly.

He groaned softly, feeling the way the other sank down onto him. One of his hands pushed Nelyo’s chest against the wall of the shower stall, just enough to get an angle to could sustain before thrusting into him.

Finno’s hand on his torso nearly jolted him out of the moment, had the touch not been immediately followed by a dick up his ass. Nelyo groaned contentedly, panic mostly forgotten.

“Stars, you’re so good,” he praised, “so perfect for me babe.” It wasn’t too difficult to find a rhythm, guiding the other down on his cock.

“Only for you,” Mae replied out of habit. He recognized after the fact that, with Maglor now in the picture, he shouldn’t have said it. But with just Finno around, he didn’t verbally correct himself.

It shouldn’t have turned him on like it did, but those three words did it. Fingon wasn’t a possessive person, not really, but hearing that there was still part of Mae that was only for him felt nice. He kissed the other’s shoulder and tentatively wrapped an arm around his lithe waist. In this position, he could get deeper, even if it wasn’t as quick.

Nelyo shivered in fear — though he hoped it would be mistaken for pleasure — when his cousin’s arm snaked around him. However, Fingon was now thrusting directly into a sweet spot, and he cried out in pure ecstasy.

More than anything, Finno wanted to make Nelyo feel _good_. He wanted to show the other that sex could be good, even with his injuries. That he was still so very loved, so beautiful. Just as always. Kissing his boyfriend’s back, he thrust into him in even movements, steady despite the slickness from the water.

After having sex again so soon, and for what had been the first time in months, Nelyo met his release quickly, spilling his cum out onto the tiled wall of the shower with a grunt.

The moment that Nelyo came, muscles tightening around him, Fingon followed with his own release.

“Fuck,” he muttered, all but slumping against the wall in front of him. Nelyo’s legs were ready to give out, the discomfort of his position finally catching back up with his brain. “You’re so wonderful, Finno,” he said in spite of the ache in his lower body, not wanting to rush his cousin.

He was careful to pull out, keeping the other close. “I love you so much,” he murmured, finally feeling the exhaustion of going two rounds hitting him.

Maedhros fully righted himself and turned, wrapping his arms around Finno though not pulling him into his chest. “Love you too, babe,” he replied with a kiss to the other’s forehead.

Tucking his head against the other’s shoulder, mindful not to get too close, he managed a smile. “You doing okay?”

“Mostly, yeah.. Well...not exactly mostly,” Nelyo admitted. “But I mean, I’m only mentally freaking out which is technically better than mentally and physically freaking out, right?”

Pulling back, Fingon couldn’t help the look of concern that flashed across his features. His heart sank at the thought that he had done something to make Maedhros panic. “What did..? Did I..? I’m so sorry..”

“No! No...” He hadn’t meant for Finno to take it like that. “I’m sorry, it’s not you I swear. You were great. I just... I’m generally freaking out. About being naked. In front of you.” Nelyo brushed some wet hair off his cousin’s forehead as a soothing gesture. “I mean...sometimes when you touched me I was pretty uncomfortable, but if I was that upset about it I would’ve said something.”

Still frowning, he leaned his face into the touch. “Promise?”

“Promise,” Mae affirmed. “I wouldn’t lie to you about that.”

“I just want you to enjoy sex again,” he sighed, pressing up onto his toes to kiss Mae. “Because I really like it and I love you.”

“I know you saw me crying like a baby before,” Nelyo replied, smiling. “I’ve literally never been happier. I mean, going back to way we used to be would be ideal, I know, but even me just being able to stand here naked with you makes me feel good.”

Fingon smiled a little at that, knowing it was true. “We’ll get back there, or at least close,” he promised, hands cupping the other’s face. “I’m so proud of how far you’ve come.”

Maedhros leaned in to kiss him with a contented sigh, resting their foreheads together after to keep close. “You’re so good to me...”

He let the easy, content silence wash over them, just the sound of their breath and the water from the shower against their skin. “We should wash up, babe,” he murmured after a few moments. “Maglor is waiting.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” Nelyo replied, though he pulled away reluctantly. “Don’t need him getting himself worked up.”

Finno didn’t take much to wash, his dark, coarse hair the worst of it. Still, he cleaned up after all that as best he could without taking too much time.

With his cousin blocking most of the water, Nelyo couldn’t do much more than wipe off the cum that had hardened on his chest, though he didn’t mind much. That was all he really needed.

Once he was done, he pulled Mae under the water a bit more and went up to kiss him. “One day, when you’re comfortable being touched again, I want to take a long shower with you and just.. touch you,” he murmured. “I miss touching you..”

“And I miss being touched,” Nelyo freely admitted. Not that there was anything wanted to do about it right then: the current circumstances were overwhelming enough.

“We’ll get there,” he reminded, patient and kind. After one more kiss, he turned off the water and reached for the towels outside the stall.

\-----

Back in the kitchen, Maglor had finished the buttercream and was left with only his thoughts. Overall? Never a good idea to leave him too much time to think. He had half a mind to just... leave. Fingon clearly didn’t want him here, even if he was acting nice. Nelyo was placating him because he had a habit of breaking down. It was only a matter of time before this whole arrangement ended and he was alone again, he told himself.

\-----

Drying went quickly. Dressing did too, though he’d had to return to his bedroom after forgetting to bring clean clothes with him before the shower. Nelyo felt much calmer and more confident being fully clothed again, so he was in a good state of mind when he approached Kano in the kitchen. “Hey, honey,” he greeted cheerfully, closing the space between them for a chaste kiss. “Sorry to keep you waiting.”

Actually seeing Nelyo helped significantly, the kiss easing his nerves just enough to take the worst of the edge off. “It’s fine,” he shrugged as his brother pulled away. “I was the one who interrupted so waiting makes sense..”

Fingon took a bit longer to get dressed, still fussing with his hair as he came out into the kitchen.

Maedhros dismissed Kano’s words with a wave of his hand. “I already told you, we were pretty much done. Did you enjoy your frosting, at least?”

Holding up the empty bowl, an almost shy smile touched his lips. “What do you think?”

“I think maybe I should make you some more,” Nelyo grinned, absently curling his fingers into his brother’s hair. “Though I’d feel better fleshing you out with good calories instead of just sugar.”

Kano couldn’t help but react to the touch, all but melting at the feeling of Nelyo’s long fingers in his hair. His eyes fluttered closed. “Sugar tastes better than regular food.”

Mae barked a laugh. “I suppose I can’t argue with that. You can have your sugar, but you’ve got to let me feed you other things too. Is that fair?”

“I’ll.. try,” he sighed, pressing his head back against the fingers again. “For you, I’ll try.”

“Thanks, honey,” Nelyo smiled gratefully. “Promise I won’t give you anything _too_ unpleasant.”

“Don’t let him lie to you,” Finno chimed in. “He makes you eat vegetables.”

That at least made Kano laugh, covering his mouth as he did. “Oh no! Not vegetables!”

Maedhros scoffed and rolled his eyes at his boyfriends’ dramatics, though he smiled nonetheless. “Come on, there’s nothing wrong with vegetables if they’re cooked right.”

Finno made a face, nose scrunched as he went for the fridge, pulling out a juice box like a proper adult. 

“Some are okay,” Kano gave in, taking Nelyo’s hand and pressing it to his cheek, wanting some kind of physical contact, even if he was embarrassed about needing it.

Nelyo found Maglor’s relocation of his hand adorable, though—not wanting to embarrass his brother— he didn’t comment on it. “I know an excellent recipe for caramelized butternut squash,” he continued instead. “Maybe we could have that with dinner tonight?”

“Caramelized means sweet usually, right? I could be up for trying that,” he nodded. “But you could just make cupcakes and call it a day.”

“No cupcakes for dinner,” Nelyo chided, lightly pinching Maglor’s cheek. “You can have some for dessert _after_ you’ve had a reasonable, balanced meal.”

Sticking out his tongue, he huffed but didn’t complain too much, just like he had when they were younger. “Fine, fine. You win.”

A triumphant smile cracked Nelyo's face, but that was as much gloating as he opted for. “Love you.”

Though it wasn’t the first time, those two stupid words made him blush. Kano dropped his gaze and smiled a little, pressing his face into the palm of Nelyo’s hand. “Love you too..”

“ _Manwë’s tits_ , Kano you’re just too cute,” Mae blurted, unable to help himself; not with his brother putting on such an endearing display in front of him.

If the words of endearment had made him blush, it was nothing compared to how red he was now. Both of his hands now covered his face, embarrassed entirely. 

“You two are as bad as we usually are,” Fingon snorted, and it was clear that Maglor had forgotten he was there for a second.

“Yeah but it’s usually me getting all shy and blushy, we both know you don’t tend to do that,” Mae replied. He ogled his brother a while longer, resting the stump of his wrist against Kano’s cheek to reverently squish his face. “It’s totally different looking at it from the outside.”

“Why do you think I make you blush all the time? It’s adorable,” he teased, sipping the juicebox as he watched. Maybe a little bit he could see why Nelyo loved his brother as much as he did. Mags was pretty cute when flustered. 

Kano bit his lip, not able to look at either of them. This was.. a lot of attention. More than he usually got before he got swept up in this whole thing. “I’m not adorable..”

“So. Fucking. Adorable.” Nelyo punctuated each word with another squish to the face before placing a kiss on Maglor’s head. “Eru how’d I get so lucky? I’ve got a hot boyfriend _and_ an adorable boyfriend..”

“One thing Eru didn’t fuck up,” Kano suggested. 

Finno hopped up to sit on the countertop, swinging his legs as he watched the pair of them. Even though the jealousy was still there, he also felt.. strangely content. “Wait, I’m the hot one right?”

“Of course you’re the hot one,” Nelyo replied, gaze still fixated on his precious little brother. “Not that you can’t be hot, Mags, but you’re definitely on the adorable end more often than not.”

“I’m not adorable,” Kano pouted, which of course was adorable in itself. He chanced a glance up to Nelyo’s face. Noticing he was still being looked at, the flush deepened. Completely unfair. His brother was looking at him with such a fondness that he could practically feel it.

Nelyo rubbed Kano’s cheeks a little while longer before wrapping him up in a crushing hug. “Even when you say you’re not adorable you’re adorable,” he sighed dramatically.

Even though he had verbally protested, Kano had no trouble with Nelyo hugging him. He leaned into the other’s chest and was glad to be near him even if it was to be brief. “You’re lucky I love you because if anyone else called me adorable I’d throw stuff at them..”

“Ah, so cruel, Kanafinwë...” Nelyo pulled back and tilted his brother’s face upwards to kiss him again, though his lips lingered a little longer than before. “You’re sexy too, I promise.”

Finno bit his lip, head tilted as he watched their exchange. Maybe this was getting easier after all.. he didn’t feel the pang of jealousy nearly as strong as he had in the past. A part of him started wondering if it would make Mae happier if him and Mags got on better..

“I’m not, but thank you for trying,” Kano replied dismissively, if a bit breathless from being kissed.

“One day I’ll convince you,” Nelyo said confidently with a tap to the tip of Kano’s nose.

Scrunching his nose in response, Kano couldn’t sustain it very long before he smiled. This was really nice, he realized, and he was enjoying himself having Nelyo’s attention. “Did you guys have any other plans today?”

By the Valar his brother made the cutest expressions... Nelyo stared a little while longer, mesmerized, before he finally processed that Kano had asked him a question. “Oh, uh, no, no plans. We were just kind of hanging out.”

“I’ve.. been working on some songs, if you wanted to hear them.. they’re not quite finished, but I’m thinking I’ll be done by the end of the week,” he rambled, anxiousness filling each word. “Already booked the recording studio, which is kind of ambitious, but...”

“That’s amazing, Mags,” Nelyo interrupted, taking his brother’s hand and squeezing it in an attempt to ground him. “I’m so happy for you, really. We’d love to hear your songs.”

Gaze flicking over to Fingon, who nodded as well, Maglor managed to take a deep breath. “Like I said though, they aren’t finished, but.. I think you’d like them.”

“Finished or not I’m sure they’re amazing,” he encouraged, remembering the last time his brother had sung for them.

He still held Nelyo’s hand, needing it more than he realized initially. “I hope so.. because I’m sending it to uncle Arvo when I’m done with the album and he said he would pass it along..”

“Don’t even worry about it. You’re a fantastic musician, Mags.” Nelyo kissed his head in a reassuring gesture, knowing with absolute certainty that his words were true.

“Do you wanna show us now or wait until later?” Finno asked, tossing the now empty juicebox across the kitchen and right into the waste bin. 

Kano felt his face flush again already, but he nodded anyway. “Sure, if you guys want..”

“Yeah, definitely,” Mae nodded enthusiastically, pulling away from Kano a bit to give him some space though not releasing his hand.

Getting up from the chair, he tugged lightly on Nelyo’s hand to lead him into the other room where he had left his notes and instruments. Finno had trailed behind them as well, quieter than usual. He couldn’t help but feel bad, even though both of them insisted he hadn’t interrupted, but he tried not to dwell on it.

“I see you brought the whole band with you. As usual,” Nelyo teased, trying to keep the mood light. His boyfriends’ quiet demeanors weren’t overly concerning — well, maybe Finno’s was a little — but just in case, he didn’t want any potential discomfort to linger.

“ _Listen_ ,” he laughed, unable to help himself. “I need these things. I have a lot of the background feed already recorded but live music is just.. better.”

Fingon flopped onto the couch and leaned an arm over the back. “It still amazes me you can play all these.”

“It’s really impressive,” Nelyo agreed as he let go of Kano’s hand to sit beside their cousin. “So, what are you going to play of us?”

Taking the chance to snuggle up to Mae, Finno did as he watched Mags get his things together. 

“You’ll have to just experience it. I can’t possibly explain,” he tried, waving his hand and grabbing for the ukulele. “But I wrote this one about you so...”

Nelyo felt his face grow warm; he definitely hadn’t been expecting a song about _him_. “Oh,” he said, quiet. “That’s... really nice of you, Mags..”

“I uh.. hope it’s okay.. I was just feeling inspired is all,” he muttered, looking down at his feet. His own face was now burning hot as well. 

Finno ran his fingers through his boyfriend’s hair, smirking at the blush. He glanced back to Maglor as his cousin began to play.

Unsurprisingly it was a beautiful song. Nelyo leaned into Fingon’s touch as he listened to the words, feeling the meaning and love behind them. Having a song written about him was probably the most touching thing anyone had ever done, and he felt a swell of emotion in his chest as his brother continued to sing.

Once he finished, his fingers paused over the strings and he looked a little more at peace with himself. Music always helped. Glancing up to the pair of them, he managed a small smile. “What do you think?” 

“Just.. wow. Mags that was.. wow.”

“You’re fucking incredible,” Mae added, unable to fully describe the extent of his feelings. “I really couldn’t ask for a better song.”

“Really?” Surprise coloured Kano’s face, though it was one of the few areas of his life he took pride. “Do you think it needs anything?”

Finno couldn’t imagine how anything could possibly be added. He shook his head before looking to Mae.

“I don’t know music as well as you do, but I think it’s perfect the way it is.” Maglor was extremely musically gifted, despite how he would always compare himself to _Daeron_ that Eru-damned asshole. Nelyo didn’t want to work himself up thinking about the other musician, so instead he asked his brother, “Are you going public with that one?”

Shrugging, he strummed absently on the ukulele. “Haven’t decided yet. It’s probably the best thing I’ve written in a while, so it would be a shame not to, but.. it’s really personal, y’know?”

“Yeah,” Nelyo agreed, crossing his legs and resting his head on Fingon’s. “I know you weren’t sure about telling people about us yet, so...”

“Does that.. bother you? I know you both are open about things,” Kano frowned slightly.

“I mean...” Maedhros chewed his lip, hesitant about what he wanted to say. “I would like to be open about it, yeah,” he admitted, “but I’m also not going to push you on it. If you’re not ready, you’re not ready. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable.”

“Even though people will talk..? Because we’re brothers, and they’ll talk,” he reminded, pointedly looking away as he said it. 

Finno frowned at that. “They talked when we started dating too,” he chimed in. “But eventually they stopped. Or at least, stopped openly talking about it.”

“Like I said the other day, I’m not going to let everyone and their opinions bully me into keeping us a secret,” Nelyo firmly insisted. “The only opinions that matter are our own.”

Kano felt bad for worrying about the opinions of others when neither Nelyo or Fingon seemed to care. “Sorry.. I’ll think about it..”

Mae’s expression softened. “Hey, you’ve got nothing to be sorry for. We’ll be open about it when you’re ready.”

Fingers pausing on the strings, he chewed at his lip until he pulled off a chunk of the skin and tasted blood. Damn it. 

Though they didn’t always have the best relationship, Fingon felt for Maglor then. “Listen.. it’s scary. Take your time. Mae.. and I,” he emphasized, “are here and that’s not going to change.”

Grateful for Finno’s supportiveness, Nelyo squeezed his hand and pressed a kiss to his cheek in a silent expression of gratitude. He looked back to Kano, who still seemed horribly anxious. “Hey,” he said, reaching out towards his brother, “you come here for a kiss too.”

Looking up with a hint of confusion, he took a few seconds to respond. Kano set the ukulele down and carefully crawled over to his brother. “I feel bad.”

“Don’t,” Nelyo replied, curling an arm around Kano as he kissed his temple. “Telling or not telling people isn’t the be-all-end-all, I promise.”

“It isn’t?” He leaned into the touch, eyes closing. “I just don’t want you to think I’m ashamed of being with you..”

Nelyo rested his head on his brother’s, giving Finno’s shoulder a reassuring squeeze. “I know you’re not, honey, it’s just about what other people think, isn’t it?”

He nodded as his brow furrowed, tilting his head so that he could look at Nelyo better. “I’m not as strong as you guys..”

“You don’t have to be,” he assured. “We’re plenty strong for the three of us. Well... Finno alone is probably strong enough for the three of us. He’s got some solid biceps.”

At that, Fingon held up his arm and flexed to prove the point. “Honestly Mags, I could probably bench press you.”

That made him laugh, which was nicer than the ache in his heart at not wanting others to talk about them. “Point taken.”

Nelyo pretended to swoon, head falling down at an awkward angle onto their cousin’s shoulder as he sighed dreamily. “Ah, my big buff hero...”

Fingon roughed a hand through his cousin’s hair with a smile. “Got you, babe.”

Kano watched, content for just the moment to be in the outside of their moment.

He snickered and lifted his head to give Fingon a sloppy kiss. “So brave.. We’ve got nothing to worry about with Finno around, Mags.”

“I’m.. glad to have him, too,” Kano admitted, tucking a strand of his dark hair behind his ear. 

Fingon looked up, surprised. His eyes flicked to Mae’s next, then back to Maglor. “I’m.. thank you.”

It made Nelyo almost unreasonably happy to hear Kano say those words. His brother and cousin had been getting along well that afternoon, considering how it’d started, and hearing more verbal confirmation of the fact made him hopeful for the future of their relationship. “You guys are the best, you know that?” he sighed fondly.

Curling up against his brother’s side, Kano couldn’t help but nuzzle against him. “Anything for you.”

“Anything for you,” Fingon agreed, cuddling up to Maedhros’s other side.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maedhros and Maglor have an intimate celebration.

Nearly two months had passed, and now more often than not both Maglor and Fingon were at Maedhros’s place whenever they had the time. Beyond that, the pair were working harder at developing some sort of relationship, if only for Nelyo’s sake. Both wanted him happy, and were realizing they had a lot more in common than originally suspected. 

Kano paced the kitchen, waiting for his brother to get home. He hadn’t the faintest idea where Fingon was, though it was easier if their cousin wasn’t here for it. Less pressure at least.

Nelyo walked into his apartment after a long day at the bakery. Business had finally picked up again, so more often than not he was staying late to stay on top of the bigger orders. He was tired and just wanted to spend the rest of the evening curled up with his boyfriends, but only Maglor’s shoes sat by the door. Toeing his own shoes off he made his way to the kitchen, thinking his brother might be in there helping himself to some cookies.

The second he heard the telltale footfall of his brother, he turned to say the entryway. “I want to come open about our relationship,” he announced before he had a chance to chicken out. “I want people to know.”

Kano started talking out of nowhere which made Nelyo nearly jump out of his skin. “Fuck, Mags, don’t do that,” he reprimanded, placing his hand on his chest to take a moment to collect himself. His brother’s words took a moment more to register. “Wait, hold up. You what?”

“I want to tell people that we’re together,” he repeated, his face starting to warm now. It was too late to take it back now. He bit his lip, tugging at the skin with his teeth as he shifted awkwardly.

“Mags...” He stared at his boyfriend in surprise for a few seconds before closing the space between them with a hug. “I know I’ve said it’s not a big deal but this really means a lot to me...”

It was nice to lean into Nelyo’s chest, his arms wrapping around the other’s waist. “It’s.. scary but I love you and I want everyone to know it..”

“Eru I might just have to buy out a billboard for this,” Nelyo muttered mostly to himself. “Maybe a bus ad too... Bake a ‘hey guys, we’re dating’ cake for the family...”

“You’re ridiculous,” Kano snorted, burying his face in his brother’s shoulder. “Absolutely ridiculous.”

“I know, I’m just so happy,” he laughed, squeezing Kano tight and lifting him for a brief twirl. “I want to tell everyone in the universe about our love!”

Clinging to Nelyo, he couldn’t help the surprised laughter. “The whole universe? Let’s try our family first.”

“Alright alright, I can do that,” Nelyo assented, still grinning like an idiot. “Am I allowed to bake a ‘surprise we’re dating’ cake a least?”

“Do you think it would help?”

“Might soften the blow?” Nelyo offered with a shrug.

“I can already picture what Turco’s going to say, and it’s going to be nothing compared to Curvo..” He couldn’t help frown. “Even though I’m pretty sure they’re fucking.”

“Well if they are then it’ll be very hypocritical of them to judge us. Not that I really care what either of them think,” Nelyo added. “Anyways, if I’m going to bake a cake I need to know when to do it. When do you think you’d like to tell everyone?”

He didn’t let go, hugging Nelyo tighter at the question. “I don’t know.. honestly I’ve only decided it this morning. I’m.. feeling really dumb about it, but I’m scared of how everyone will react..”

“Hey, it’s not dumb at all. Finno and I were pretty nervous at first too,” Mae assured, petting his brother’s hair affectionately. “It’s a pretty scary thing to do.”

“I just want to be able to hold your hand and kiss you sometimes in public, you know?”

Nelyo pulled back a little to give Kano’s forehead a peck.“You can and you will. I promise.”

Kano smiled slightly, tilting his head up to catch the other’s lips. His arms came up to wind around the other’s shoulders, keeping them close. “So.. family first, then maybe some friends.. I’m thinking, go through our brothers, then maybe uncle Arvo’s family since they’re, well, the way they are. Uncle Nolo.. how did he take it when you and Fingon started..?”

“I mean...” Nelyo grimaced and looked away, remembering a point in his life that he’d been trying his damndest to forget. “He wasn’t too thrilled... He already knew Finno had a crush on me when we were kids, but he thought it was something he’d just grow out of. Definitely got pissed at me for ‘encouraging that behavior’ — his words, not mine. After about a year or so of us dating he switched to grudging acceptance and hasn’t really moved on from that point since.”

“Ah,” his face fell at the explanation, unable to help it. “Maybe.. we just.. don’t tell him. It’s not like he matters, right?”

“I’m sure he won’t have the same reaction,” Mae assured, idly twirling the ends of Kano’s hair around his fingers. “We’re not his sons, so it’s different. I mean, Finno is involved, but you two aren’t really together, so...”

“That’s.. a good point,” Kano reasoned, though it was obvious he was still uneasy. “I’m just glad we aren’t his kids.”

“Everything’ll be fine, Mags, don’t even worry about it,” he soothed, gently rocking the pair back and forth. “We love each other, and that’s what matters.”

Kano nodded, nuzzling into his brother’s neck. “You’re right. That’s.. all that matters.”

Nelyo rested his head against Kano’s, still rocking. “Well thank you for letting me know you want to start telling people about us; that was really brave of you. Just let me know when you’re ready to get our brothers together.”

“This weekend, maybe?” He asked, eyes closed. “I know if I don’t put a deadline on it, I won’t actually do it..”

“This weekend works. I can start calling everyone today,” Mae replied confidently, though he made no move to pull away just yet.

Kano nodded, taking a few moments to be close. “So,” he paused, considering his options. “I was wondering.. since this is a cause for celebration and we haven’t really.. uh...” His face went red then, biting his lip. “Y’know.. we haven’t done much and do you want to.. uh..”

Nelyo pulled away then to give his brother a quizzical but amused look. “Do I want to what, Kanafinwë?” he teased, having an idea of what the other was asking but still wanting to hear him say it outright.

“You _know_ ,” he whined, averting his eyes and pouting. “You know what I mean, Nelyo.. don’t make me say it..”

“ _Do_ I know?” Mae pressed as a self-satisfied smile spread across his face. “Why don’t you tell me so we can be sure.”

Groaning in his embarrassment, Kano covered his face with both hands. “You’re the worst and I hate you, but also I love you and damn it I just ahhhh,” he complained, muffled under his hands. “Ikindasortamaybewannadosexstuff.”

“Ohhh, _sex stuff_ ,” Nelyo exclaimed, as if he hadn’t already known. “ _Of course_ we can do ‘sex stuff.’”

“You’re making fun of me,” Kano pointed out, the blush keeping him a nice shade of scarlet.

“I’m sorry, you’re just so cute,” he replied, stifling a laugh. “We can do sex stuff, it’s fine. You _do_ have to be more specific though. ‘Sex stuff’ is super vague.”

Cute, he had snorted at the word immediately. Kano lowered his hands so that he could cross his arms, rocking back on his heels. “Anything.. I just.. I really want to do things and I.. yeah..”

“Well how far do you want to go?” Mae ventured, trying to make sure he and his brother were on the same page.

“I’m.. not sure if I’m ready for going all the way, and I don’t want to push you into it either..”

“No, yeah, that’s cool.” Nelyo _did_ kinda — okay, maybe definitely — want to have sex with Maglor, but as the other had just said he wasn’t ready, he wouldn’t push it. “Would you maybe be willing to try some S&M again...?” he asked cautiously.

Maybe Kano nodded a bit too eagerly, biting his lip. “I’d.. like that a lot.. and maybe if it goes okay.. and things start to get.. y’know.. we could.. see if maybe we’re both up for more..”

“Sounds great,” he replied a little breathlessly. Kano was so good at being hot, even if he didn’t realize it. “You wanna..go now? Right now?”

Kano’s breath caught, shifting again on his feet awkwardly. “Please.. if you want to..” He didn’t want to ask outright, no matter how badly he wanted it, but he couldn’t stop himself. “I want you..”

Without warning, Nelyo scooped up his boyfriend and carried him to the bedroom, not attempting to hide his eagerness. “Fuck you’re so sexy like this...”

Yelping as he was hoisted up, Kano had not anticipated that or the words that followed. “You think I’m sexy?” He asked, clinging to his brother and trying not to squirm too much.

“In your own awkward way, yeah,” he replied, gently depositing Maglor back on the floor. “I mean, you’re still super cute, but when you’re being cute and saying stuff like ‘I want you,’ it’s real fucking hot..”

“Is.. this hot too?” Kano asked, sinking down to his knees and looking up at Nelyo through his dark lashes.

Looking down to meet his brother’s gaze, Nelyo groaned a small sound of approval. “Fuck yeah it is...”

Kano's breath went uneven, sitting back on his heels and biting his lip. “Tell me what to do..?”

“Get naked,” he ordered. “I’ll do the same.” 

Nelyo still hadn’t mastered the ability to strip comfortably in front of his boyfriends, but things had improved decently. The anxiety was still there, of course, but he no longer got full-on panic attacks, which was more than he’d been expecting two months ago.

This was always the scariest part of things, for both of them, and Kano knew it. His hands came up to start to take off his shirt, the buttons at the top needing to be opened before he could get it over his head. Getting his jeans off, however, was harder. Pulling off his boots, he shifted onto his ass so he could get the rest off, not daring to look at his brother until he got the jeans past his hips. He paused part way, looking up at Nelyo, unable to stop from smiling. “I.. love you.”

Pants, underwear, and socks off without incident, Nelyo was just about to tackle his sweater when Kano spoke. He looked down at his brother’s smiling face, and couldn’t help but smile back. “I love you too,” he replied, the affirmation reassuring him as he peeled off his top.

It would have been embarrassing if he wasn’t so turned on, his cock already getting hard between his thighs as he looked up at his brother. Nelyo was 80% leg and, despite the scarring, absolutely beautiful. His skin flushed immediately.

Heart hammering nervously in his chest at being fully exposed, Mae took a moment to reign in his anxiety with some simple breathing exercises. _Mags still wants you_ , he mentally assured himself. _He still loves you_. “Okay,” he sighed aloud, feeling more confident and in control of himself. “You ready?”

“Yes,” he responded immediately, clearly eager as he leaned forward, lips parted slightly. “Tell me what you want.. anything,” he managed, “please Sir..”

“Open your mouth,” Nelyo commanded after a few seconds of consideration. “I want to fuck you there. So deep down your throat that you can’t breathe..”

Varda’s Stars, that order went straight down to his cock. Kano was already breathless, panting softly as he opened his mouth obediently. He wanted this so badly, more than anything.

Nelyo thrust slowly into his brother’s waiting mouth, wanting to tease the other by dragging things out. “Snap twice if you need a minute,” he reminded as he hit the back of Kano’s throat.

There was very little Kano enjoyed more than feeling the weight of his brother’s cock on his tongue, the head touching the back of his throat and making it spasm. He closed his lips around the length, eyes fluttering closed as he moaned. He wanted Nelyo to use his mouth, fuck his throat.. he wanted to be useful.

Slowly, Nelyo pulled back until only the tip of his cock remained inside, tangling his fingers into the hair atop Kano’s head and tugging lightly as he crooned, “Such a good boy.. You take me so well..” Carefully thrusting in and out a few more times, he pulled out completely before forcefully ramming his cock back in and picking up a more aggressive pace.

It was so easy for him to give in, to let the other take control. Kano’s jaw went slack, tears springing up in his eyes as Nelyo’s cock repeatedly hit the back of his throat. His hair twisted in the other’s fingers painfully, dizzyingly perfect.

Afraid of meeting his release too soon, Nelyo gave one last good thrust before pulling out again, enjoying the totally blissed out look on his brother’s face despite the tears. “So good for me,” he murmured, tightening his grip on Kano’s hair.

His vision was unfocused as he looked up at Nelyo, breathing hard but trying to give him a smile. The tightened fist in his hair made him wince, making a soft sound that was almost definitely a moan. Kano loved every second of this and it was obvious on his face.

“I see you enjoyed yourself. Maybe too much,” Nelyo commented. “I could just leave you here looking like that. Tie your hands up so you can’t touch yourself... That’d teach a whore like you.”

“Please,” Kano exhaled, biting his lip and shaking his head. His face went red again, trying to get the words out. “I won’t touch.. I’ll be good. Please, sir..”

“Then beg,” Nelyo replied, as authoritative as he could manage. “Beg for what you want me to do to you, tell me how good you’ll be for me, and maybe I’ll change my mind.”

Kano shivered, shifting slightly on his knees. What did he even want? Everything. He wanted everything. “I.. want you.. please, I want you to.. hit me.. to use me.. let me be a good.. slut for you,” he begged, his skin burning as he looked up. “Please.. please, I’ll be so good.. I’ll give you anything..”

His brother’s last few words took Mae back to the place he only saw now in his nightmares. Panic flared up in him, but he did his best to fight it back. _It’s different. It’s Kano. You’re home. You’re safe_. He knew he was taking an awfully long time to respond, but Mae figured it was better to try and work through his issues so they could continue than completely bail on his brother. Again.

Noticing the sudden change, Kano instantly responded by reaching up and taking Nelyo’s hand, pressing it over his own heart and he pulled up on his knees. “Hey.. it’s okay,” he murmured. “You’re right here with me, right?”

“I’m sorry,” Mae whispered, voice cracking with emotion. “I shouldn’t’ve...” Eru _why_ did he have to be like this?

As quick as he could, Kano got to his feet, taking his brother’s face in his hands. “Look at me.. I’m here, I’m not going anywhere. I love you.”

“I’m sorry,” Nelyo repeated forlornly, placing his hand over Kano’s.

“No, no, no,” Kano urged, tilting his face up to steal a kiss. “Don’t apologize. I.. we don’t need to do this if it’s triggering for you.”

“No, it’s okay, it’s _been_ okay,” Nelyo insisted. “It’s just the begging... I thought I could handle it... I’m sorry, can we keep going? I’ll be okay just...let’s not do that again..”

Kano nodded in understanding, but was still cautious. “No begging, got it,” he agreed. “Just.. anything you want, or don’t want, I’ll be fine.”

“Okay, thanks hon,” Nelyo replied, giving Kano a quick kiss before pulling his hand away. “You can still say what you want me to do to you though. That was really hot..”

He couldn’t help but blush, looking down. Kano hadn’t been sure it was hot at all, even though it had lead to his brother almost having a panic attack. “I.. yeah.. I can try.”

“You’re amazing, you know?” Mae sighed happily, pulling the other in for a brief hug. “So patient..”

“Well yeah,” Kano shuffled on his feet, leaning into Nelyo’s embrace. “Of course I’m patient. We have a shit ton of little brothers.”

Nelyo gave a shaky laugh in reply. “Yeah, that’s true.”

Looking up at Nelyo, he brought a hand up and cupped the other’s cheek. “Wanna.. keep doing things, then? I’m, uh.. I still really want you..”

“Totally,” he nodded. “I want you too, Mags.”

“What are you comfortable doing..?” Kano asked, his face flushing again. “I don’t want to push for anything..”

“Uh...” Nelyo stared off into space as he tried to remember the things his brother liked. “Definitely biting,” he said at last, looking back to his brother. “I kinda really wanna mark you up now that you’re cool with being open about us. I’m still not sure about hitting, though the spanking we did that one time was really hot. I know you haven’t mentioned orgasm denial but that’s definitely safe...”

Kano's breath caught in his throat, the blush spreading and deepening across his face and making his ears burn. “Anything,” he managed, looking down and biting his lip. “Everything.. I want everyone to know I’m yours..”

Kano’s words sent fire burning across his face and arousal straight to his flagging erection. “Fuck,” he murmured, eyes flicking to his brother’s neck before he pressed his teeth into the tender flesh there.

Making a small sound, almost a yelp combined with a moan, his hands coming up to grip his brother’s sides. “Nelyo-” he gasped, head tilted to the side. “Please, please, please.. I’m yours.. make me yours..”

Maedhros bit down harder as he sucked at the skin, pulling back after a few moments when he felt it was sufficiently bruised. Nelyo inspected his handiwork before pressing his thumb into the darkened spot, kneading the sensitive skin there. “You’re all mine...”

Shuddering, Kano buckled at the touch, his head spinning perfectly already. He nodded, lip between his teeth. One mark wasn’t enough, though. He wanted more. “ _Please_ ,” he begged in a hoarse whisper. “Another.. Nelyo, I _need_ it..”

“What a needy slut,” Nelyo murmured, though he moved his hand from his brother’s throat to his cheek, tilting his head in the other direction and granting him better access to sink his teeth into the unmarked skin.

Kano couldn’t help whimpering, his eyes fluttering closed. It was amazing how much just this little bit turned him on, his arousal hard between his thighs. “ _Your_ slut.”

Nelyo bit down maybe a touch harder than he should’ve, but _Eru_ Kano’s voice was just so filthy. As saliva began to spill from his mouth, Nelyo unlatched from his brother’s neck, wiping the drool from his lips and onto Kano’s. “Lay down on the bed for me,” he ordered.

Kano could feel the deep bruising from his brother’s mouth already, each little movement of his shoulders or neck making it smart with pain. Still, he did as he was told going to get on the bed, quickly and obediently. That’s when he paused. “On my front or back?”

“Back,” Nelyo replied, following him over to the bed. “I’ll tell you when I want you to switch.”

Nodding, he turned onto his back and looked up at his brother, biting his lip in wait. Kano was so easy, already flushed and hard and wanting. Nelyo could ask him anything and he’d do it.

With his brother spread out so beautifully in front of him, Nelyo wasted no time straddling those thin hips, bracing himself on his right forearm as he leaned over to capture a hardened nipple between his teeth. His hand traveled up and down Kano’s side for a few strokes before settling on his other nipple, pinching and pulling at the sensitive bud.

Kano’s chest was extremely sensitive, the attention to his nipples making him writhe and moan. He struggled to keep his hands down, fingers clutching at the sheets of the bed. “Nelyo,” he gasped, biting his lip.

His movements soon felt monotonous, so Nelyo removed his hand to slide it under his brother and play with his—admittedly somewhat flat—ass. Trying to keep it pleasurable he raked his nails along the smooth skin, hard enough to leave marks but hopefully not enough to draw blood.

His toes curled at the feel of nails, his hips pressing upward without thought. Kano had always been so sensitive to touch, that much was obvious. It wasn’t enough though, and he couldn’t stop himself from whining. “Please.. please more..!”

Unlatching from his boyfriend’s chest, Mae looked up at him with a slight glare. “More of what, whore? What do you want? Speak up.”

“Fuck,” Kano exhaled, the name getting to him. It took him a second to get words together, his brain short circuiting with how hot it was in here. Or maybe it was just him. He swallowed thickly, meeting his brother’s eyes as best he could. “I.. I want you.. to fuck me, sir..”

“Oh do you?” Mae asked, a teasing look gracing his features. “Well I suppose I could take care of that... But maybe I’d like to make you wait a while longer.” His fingers inched further under Kano’s backside until they reached his puckered hole. Slowly, Mae swirled his index finger around the entrance, keeping his touch as light as possible.

Inhaling sharply at the touch, the blush spreading from his very red face all the way down his chest. His eyes fluttered closed, chest rising and falling as his heart raced. Kano nodded, pulling his the skin of his lip with his teeth. “Yes sir..”

“So obedient,” Nelyo hummed. “I guess I can give you what you want, then. Buuut...” He pulled away from Kano to rummage around in the drawer of the nightstand. Finding what he was looking for, he moved back to sit next to his brother. “You have to wear this,” he finished, holding up a small black cock ring.

Blinking up at him, it took Kano a second to realize what it was Nelyo was holding. When he did, however, he couldn’t help but groan, his head falling back against the bed. “I.. yeah.. yes,” he managed, his cock twitching against his stomach. “Gods yes.”

Nelyo let out a short, breathy laugh. “Such an eager slut... Maybe I should just leave you like this instead: all horny and needy for my dick...”

Kano whined at that, giving Nelyo the biggest damn pout he could manage. Even if the thought of it made him even more aroused, as if that were possible.

“Alright, alright,” Mae relented with a smile. “I won’t torture you like that, honey.” Placing the ring on the bed, he returned to rifle around the nightstand before procuring the bottle of lube kept there and handing it to his brother. “You can either lube yourself or squeeze some into my hand, but I can’t do it myself, sorry.”

“I uh.. I can.. hold on,” Kano shifted, taking the bottle and popping the top open. He couldn’t look at Nelyo as he coated his own fingers, knowing that if he did it it would be quicker and he wouldn’t come embarrassingly early. 

Kano's hand slipped between his legs, turning his face away. He pressed his finger in before he could change his mind, gasping at the sensation. “Fuck..”

Nelyo watched intensely as his brother prepped himself, hand coming up to casually stroke his own erection. “Fuck, you’re so gorgeous like this,” he murmured.

Kano worked himself open, knowing that Nelyo was watching, knowing what would be the result of this. Gods, his fingers were too thin and this wouldn’t be enough, but he didn’t care. All he wanted was to feel his brother claim him. Two fingers, three, his breath heavy, until he finally withdrew them and looked to the other. 

“Please.. please fuck me..”

“Ring on first,” Nelyo reminded, repositioning himself so he straddled his brother once again. “You’re not allowed to cum until I’m done with you.”

It took him a second to get it on, groaning at how tight it was around him. He was so hard already and the thought of not being able to come made him ache. Kano nodded in understanding, his back of his clean hand coming to cover his mouth.

As soon as the ring was fully in place, Maedhros aligned himself with Kano’s slicked hole and gently pressed the tip of his cock inside. Despite his brother’s preparation he was still so deliciously tight, and Mae experimentally gave some shallow thrusts.

His breath came shorter then, biting his knuckle to keep from being too loud. Kano realized it had been a while since anyone had actually been inside him, and nothing was more obvious in that moment because Varda’s stars Nelyo felt so overwhelmingly huge.

“You feel amazing, hon,” Nelyo mumbled, utterly lost in the sensation until he noticed his brother had a hand in his mouth. “No, none of that,” he chided, reaching up to move the offending appendage. “I want to hear all the filthy sounds you’ll make for me. Don’t hold back.”

Moving his hand, he gripped the bedsheets again, his knuckles white as he tried to relax. He couldn’t stop himself from moaning weakly. “Fuck.. Nelyo,” he managed, his legs parting more as he tried rocking his hips down.

Though the sight in front of him was breathtaking, there was something he needed to establish first, and he stilled his movements. “Hey, uh,” Nelyo mumbled in a brief break of character, “did you want me to ease you into it or did you just wanna go for it?” He had nearly forgotten that it had been a while since his brother had had sex, and he wanted the experience to be the best it could possibly be.

“I don’t.. I don’t know,” Kano admitted, turning his face away as it burned, hot and red. “I trust you.. so just.. do what you think I can take.. if it’s too much, I’ll stop you, I promise..”

“Okay, if you’re sure... Safeword’s ‘buttercream’ if you need it,” Nelyo said, smiling at his own reference. Slowly he pushed further into Maglor — only halfway — and began thrusting in and out, keeping a gentle and purposeful pace. Despite his brother’s kink, he didn’t want to hurt him too terribly.

He’d be lying if he said it didn’t hurt at all, because it definitely did, but Kano didn’t mind too much. His brother was fucking him, finally really fucking him. The thing he had fantasized about since they were teens. 

Little sounds of pleasure left him, small moans and breathless gasps as he finally turned his face to look up at Nelyo. He gave a little nod, smiling. “I’m okay,” he promised between breaths. “Please, fuck me.. I need you to fuck me, Nelyo..”

Maedhros relented without protest, fully situating himself inside his brother with a guttural, “Fuck...” _By the Valar_ Kano was so wonderfully tight; those warm, slick walls pressed down on his cock _so well_ , he nearly felt that he would be spent right then. Fighting the urge to fuck Kano through the mattress, he kept a light pace, though he allowed himself to be a bit more forceful than before.

It had been so long since he had slept with anyone, but as the pain began to give way to pleasure. He moaned, back arching as the other began to actually thrust into him. “F-fuck—“ he gasped, his legs wrapping around his brother’s waist.

As Kano’s legs encircled him, Mae felt his control slip further until he abandoned it almost entirely, fucking his brother at a near brutal pace as a means to chase his own pleasure.

Maglor couldn’t keep from crying out, bursts of pleasure rushing up his spine. If he didn’t have the ring, he might have come right then and there. Instead, his muscles contracted around Nelyo, so close to the edge and unable to push over it.

Nelyo’s senses were overwhelmed, and he hardly lasted a few more thrusts before he came, his brother’s name reverently spilling from his lips as he filled him with his seed. “ _Fuck_ , Kanafinwë,” he growled, carefully driving himself into Kano a few more times before pulling out entirely.

So close, so maddeningly close! Kano’s toes curled, whining desperately as Nelyo left him completely empty. “No, no, no, no,” he frowned, brow furrowed deeply. “Please, I need.. I haven’t.. I was almost..”

“Don’t worry, I’ve got you,” Mae soothed, moving his brother’s legs off him to lay down between them, staying propped up on his elbows. Gingerly he removed the cock ring and set it aside, freeing his fingers to explore the other’s sensitive hole as he took Mags’ dick into his mouth.

It was truly embarrassing how his body reacted, his muscles contracting as he shuddered. Nelyo’s mouth was so hot and his fingers positively sinful. His fingers tightened in the bedsheets, writhing under his brother’s attentions. Before he realized it, his back was arching, eyes rolling back in his head as his orgasm crashed over him.

Nelyo dutifully swallowed every last drop of semen, even taking extra care to lick his brother’s cock clean of any excess. He hummed satisfactorily before pulling his mouth away, though his fingers were slower to depart. “How’re you feeling?” he asked, genuinely interested in Kano’s well-being but also curious as to what his brother thought of their first time together.

Breathing hard, he took a moment to respond, blinking his eyes open slowly. His vision was fuzzy still, the euphoric glow still filling him. “I.. oh wow,” he smiled slightly, eyes closing again. “Nelyo.. It’s been so long.. and that was.. amazing.”

“Glad you enjoyed yourself,” Nelyo replied, a wide smile splitting his face. “I know I definitely had an excellent time. Guess that means I did a good job?”

“More than,” he nodded, reaching blindly for his brother, wanting him close. “Come here? Need to close..”

Nelyo readily complied, awkwardly crawling his way up the bed until his face was level with Kano’s. “Better?” he inquired, pressing a brief kiss to his brother’s lips as he made to hold him in a tender embrace.

Kano kissed back, arms wrapping around his brother as well. “I love you so much,” he mumbled. “Thank you.. thank you so much.”

“Oh? What for?” he asked as his fingers idly raked through Kano’s hair.

“For having me, for making me yours.. I.. am yours, right?” Kano’s eyes opened then, a hint of concern there as he met Nelyo’s eyes.

Though his initial reaction was to tease his brother, Maedhros saw the genuine worry on his face. “I hope you’d know me better than to think I’d date you for two months, fuck you, and then dump you. I promise I’m not going anywhere Mags. Not now or ever.”

He visibly relaxed, relief washing over him. Those words were enough. Kano brought his hands up to his brother’s face, leaning in to kiss him hesitantly. “I mean it though.. Thank you.”

“Of course,” Mae replied, conveying as much feeling as he could into those two words. “I love you and nothing’s gonna change that.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting the family together.

Morning came before he even realized he had slept, wrapped in Nelyo’s arms. He struggled a bit to detangle himself, trying not to wake his brother. They hadn’t properly cleaned up last night and he was.. gross. 

Pausing, Maglor brushed his fingers across his brother’s cheek, smiling softly. He hasn’t felt this good in so long. The negative thoughts were at bay for a change. It felt nice.

Being the light sleeper that he was, Nelyo woke to his brother’s shuffling although he opted to remain still; he wasn’t ready to be awake and functioning just yet. Kano’s fingers skirting across his face made him smile though, and he cracked his eyes open to look at his gorgeous boyfriend. “Hey,” he greeted. “Sleep okay?”

“Fuck.. did I wake you?”

His brow furrowed slightly, even though the smile didn’t fade. Nelyo was always so attractive when he woke up, it wasn’t fair. Not like him, with his hair a disaster and leftover saliva and ejaculate dried on his skin.

“Nah, you’re good,” Nelyo dismissed with a kiss. “You know I’ve never been a heavy sleeper. Not with all those younger brothers running around.”

Kano smiled at that, his fingers running through the other’s vibrant red hair. “I need a shower.. I’ll be back when I’m done?”

“Sure,” Nelyo replied, giving the clock on the bedside table a quick glance. “I’ll call our brothers in the meantime; most of them should be awake by now.”

His heart rate quickened at that, but he nodded, getting up and heading off toward the washroom. Telling their brothers would be hard, and as much as he wanted it, he was still terrified of the reactions they would get. Starting he shower, he waited a few moments for the water to warm before getting in.

Sitting up and grabbing his phone from where it’d been abandoned in the pocket of his jeans last night, Nelyo scrolled through his contacts. _May as well just do it alphabetically_ , he thought, though as the twins were still in high school he’d have to call their mother—if she had her phone on her. After the twins came Moryo. Nelyo’s finger hovered nervously over the screen before he pressed down on the number and put the phone to his ear.

* * *

When he was out of the shower, he had wrapped himself in a towel and came back out to go sit on the bed by his brother. “So.. any chance everyone’s dead or out of town..?”

“Ah, no, sorry,” Maedhros replied, genuinely apologetic. “So far Moryo, Turco, and Curvo’ve confirmed, and I’ve still got to call ammë about the twins.”

“Do you think Ammë will ask? We.. can’t tell her,” he frowned slightly. “I don’t think she would ever accept us..”

Nelyo shrugged noncommittally. “If _we_ don’t tell her Ambarussa might. I wouldn’t really trust them to keep such a big secret. Better for her to hear it firsthand at least, even if it does upset her.”

Kano chewed his lip, his fingers trying to comb through his messy dark hair, the strands dripping down his hand and arm. “You’re right.. Is it bad that I’m.. I don’t know,” he sighed, looking down at his knees. “That I’m.. scared?”

“That’s probably the most normal response you could be having right now,” Nelyo gently replied with a kiss to his brother’s temple. “I may not seem it but I’m kinda fucking terrified about all this too. Of course I want to be open about us, but we’re about to go to our immediate family and tell them that we—despite _also_ being immediate family—are in a romantic and sexual relationship. It was scary enough with me and Finno as cousins...”

Even though it made sense, he hadn’t expected Nelyo to be scared too. It helped a lot to know he wasn’t alone in the feeling. Reaching out, he took his brother’s hand and laced their fingers together. “I mean.. what’s the worst that could happen? They disown us..? I don’t think Ammë would let them do anything more, even if she’s upset..”

“I think getting disowned might be the worst _and_ best case scenario,” Nelyo laughed dryly. “Though honestly I’m more afraid of what they’ll say than what they might do.”

“Curvo will have some sort of sharp comment, I’m sure,” Kano frowned, a bit of skin coming off his lip as his teeth tugged a bit too hard. “I can’t imagine Turco will care much.. Moryo is harder to pinpoint, but no doubt he’ll shout about it..”

“Maybe I _should_ bake a cake. At least they’ll be too busy eating to say anything,” Nelyo joked, though that plan certainly wasn’t entirely out of the question.

Kano snorted a small laugh at that. “I support this decision. Cake makes everything better.” He shifted on the bed, his towel loosening about his hips as he pulled Nelyo into a hug. “I love you..”

“Love you too,” he replied, enthusiastically returning his brother’s embrace. “And no matter what happens, we’re gonna get through this.”

* * *

The two of them had tried to keep the rest of the morning light, Kano helping his brother with the baking of a few things. Ice breakers and whatnot. He, of course, got distracted by Nelyo’s frosting, sitting cross legged on the floor as his brother did all the actual hard work. 

When at last it was time to meet up with everyone, Maglor was starting to feel anxious. It was too late to back out, wasn’t it? To his horror, Ammë and the twins were the first to arrive, greeting him and Nelyo with love and hugs all around. Caranthir was next, and then, fashionably late Curufin and Celegorm. Soon enough, they were all gathered together in the sitting room and Kano couldn’t stop chewing at his lip.

“Soooo,” Turco began, always the first to break the ice, “what’s the big news? Why’re we all here?”

Nelyo hummed nervously from his spot against the wall, looking to Kano for confirmation to proceed.

“Well.. ah..” Kano stammered, his face flushing as he looked to his brother, unsure about how to go about this. 

Curvo put his feet up on the coffee table, leaning back as he looked around the room, almost bored expression on his face. Whatever this was, he knew it was going to be something overdramatic. “Get on with it,” he agreed, nudging Turco with his elbow. 

At that Kano looked to Nelyo, almost pleadingly. It was obvious he wanted to escape this whole thing and go back into the hole he had been hiding in.

“Would anyone like some cake?” Nelyo offered desperately, as eager to be out of the situation as Kano likely was.

“As much as it saddens me to turn down cake, that’s obviously not why you asked us all here,” Turco replied. “Now out with it.”

Nelyo shifted uncomfortably against the wall as he suppressed the urge to vomit. “Mags ‘n I....” His face contorted into a pained expression, as though the very act of confessing was causing him physical harm. “We’re dating.”

Nerdanel’s head snapped up from where she had been picking a bit of clay from her shoe, confusion and a hint of disbelief in her eyes. “You’re what now?”

“He said we’re dating;” Kano blurted out, not wanting to make his brother say it again. He looked down at his hands, nails biting into his palms. “We’re dating.. and we just wanted you guys to know..”

Hearing Curvo laugh wasn’t what he was expecting, but it drew his attention up. “Finally got rid of that nitwit half cousin, did you? About time you upgraded!”

Moryo smacked Curvo’s arm, glaring at him. “This is serious you asshole.”

Standing up straighter in his place, Nelyo all but growled at Curvo. “He’s not a nitwit, Curufinwë. And I haven’t gotten rid of him; we’re still together.”

Pityo frowned at that, confusion apparent on his face. “So you’re dating Fingon _and_ Kano?”

“Yeah,” the eldest Fëanorian confirmed, gentler for his little brother.

“I guess there are worse things,” Turco shrugged. “I mean you’re not asking us to murder anyone or whatever.”

“I vote that murdering someone is way more fun,” Curvo chimed in again, smirking. 

It took Nerdanel a moment to process what she was hearing, frowning slightly. “Are you two sure this is the best idea..?”

At last, Moryo finally spoke up at that, his face turning red. “Hooking up with our cousin was bad enough. Why can’t anyone in this stupid family be normal?”

Turco rolled his eyes at his younger brother. “Oh piss off, Moryo. If they wanna fuck each other I say go ahead. They’re not hurting anyone by it.”

“It’s definitely strange,” Telvo chimed in, “but you two were always close. I guess it doesn’t really make things a whole lot different.”

Visible relief washed over Kano. Their family was okay. I mean Moryo was a bit of a dick about it, but that’s just who he was. His eyes went to Ammë, chewing at his lip. She didn’t seem like she was against it, but he could tell she didn’t fully support it either. 

Nerdanel met her second son’s eyes then, reaching out to take his hands. She had always been closer to Maglor than Fëanor had been, and despite everything, that bond was still unshakable. 

“If this is what you two want, you have my blessing,” she promised. “Just.. be careful who you tell. The world isn’t so accepting.”

“We know, ammë,” Nelyo replied quietly in place of his brother, feeling generally relieved. “I have plenty of experience with Finno. We’re just going to speak with uncle Arvo and uncle Ñolo, our cousins, and some friends.”

Leaning down to kiss his mother’s forehead, he managed a small smile. “We’ll be careful, Ammë. You don’t need to worry.”

Nodding, Nerdanel pulled her sons into a hug, holding them tightly for a moment before releasing them. That was all she could really do now. 

“So.. we were promised cake?” Curvo interrupted, brow raised skeptically. “Or was that some sort of cheap con to get us together for your boring news?”

Nelyo scoffed at that, crossing the small space to playfully smack his brother on the head. “Fuck off, Curvo, there’s cake,” he said before departing for the kitchen.

“Yeah, fuck off, Curvo,” Turco teased with a jab to the other’s side.

Curvo raised his hands as if in mock surrender, but his expression was anything but. “What? I was just saying what we were all thinking.”

Snorting, Kano shook his head and flashed a quick smile at their mother before going to go ‘help’ Nelyo in the kitchen.

As soon as he was out of earshot from the rest, he grinned and pulled Nelyo down into a kiss. “They didn’t disown us!”

Nelyo enthusiastically returned his brother’s smile, glad to see Kano so happy. “They didn’t,” he repeated. “Definitely went better than I thought. Even Moryo was more reserved with his words than I was expecting.”

“I’m.. amazed,” he admitted, “that it went so smoothly. I was expecting the worst, really.”

Kano bit his lip and shifted on his feet as he looked down, still smiling. “I love you,” he reminded, but the sound of the door slamming in the background made his head snap up, brow furrowed. 

Appearing on the doorway, Nerdanel looked apologetic. “Moryo.. will get over this in time,” she frowned. “But he decided it was best he didn’t stay for cake.”

“Ah.”

He probably should’ve seen it coming, but Nelyo still felt hurt anyway. “I see. Thank you, ammë.”

He couldn’t quite hide the hurt, swallowing thickly and nodding in response. What could he say? Kano had known the risk.. knew that it was likely that at least one of their brothers would have an issue with it, but it didn’t stop the sting. 

Pulling away from Nelyo, he went to the counter to grab one of the serving dishes, but also so that he could close his eyes and take a few steadying breaths.

Nelyo returned to his brother’s side, wrapping a comforting arm around his shoulder. “It’s alright, honey,” he murmured. “Four out of five isn’t bad at all..”

“Sorry.. I know. Sorry,” he frowned, biting the chapped skin off his lip, looking up and trying not to seem too disappointed. 

“I knew it could happen, I was just.. he didn’t seem that upset..”

“Yeah, no kidding,” he agreed, a small frown manifesting itself on his face as he tried to dissect their brother’s behavior. “But it’s fine. We’ll be okay.” He pressed a quick kiss to the top of Kano’s head, adding, “And don’t apologize for feeling upset; that’s a perfectly normal way to be feeling right now. Just don’t dwell on it too much, alright?”

Kano leaned against Nelyo for a moment, savouring the comforting touch. After a few seconds, he pulled away to pick up one of the cake trays. “Shouldn’t leave them waiting, right..?”

“Right.” Nelyo flashed a small smile, hoping to reassure his brother and himself before returning to face the remaining members of their family. Grabbing the stack of pre-counted plates and forks, he walked with Kano back out to the living room.

Setting the cake down, Kano felt even more uncomfortable not knowing what Moryo might have said before he left. If it swayed any of their other brothers. To his relief, Curvo and Turco looked completely unaffected. As for Ambarussa, well, he could never tell with them. 

“As promised.. cake.”

“Ah, _finally_!” Turco exclaimed, abruptly sitting up from his reclined position. “Sucks to be Moryo right now: missing out on Nelyafinwë’s delicious baking.”

“Yes, I’m sure he’ll regret this moment for the rest of his life,” Nelyo joked dryly as he deposited the plates next to the cake on the coffee table.

“He fucking better, that dick,” Curvo rolled his eyes, already reaching for the knife to cut himself a piece of cake. “Ruining a perfectly good family gathering because he can’t stomach a little incest.”

Kano choked on his own spit at that, covering his mouth as his eyes widened. His brother did always have a strong lack for decorum. Glancing to his mother, he noticed the long suffering she used to give Atar. Apple didn’t fall far from the tree apparently.

Nelyo sputtered, back of his hand coming up against his lips to poorly stifle a laugh. After all the seriousness it felt good to let loose, and Curvo’s to-the-point style was always helpful—when you weren’t on the receiving end, that was.

“If it means getting more cake, I’ll enthusiastically endorse incest,” Turco added, shoving a forkful of the dessert into his mouth. “I’ll be the fucking poster child for incest.”

“I think Nelyo has you beat for that position,” Telvo quipped.

Curvo snorted, pointing his fork at Turco. “I don’t know, Telvo. For cake, I could be game if he is. Maybe Nelyo is on to something.”

“You guys are the worst,” Kano managed to laugh, shaking his head. At the very least, this was okay. It didn’t feel like he was drowning anymore, which helped.

“Says the one who’s dating me to get free desserts,” Nelyo teased, swatting playfully at Kano’s hair. It felt good to joke around with his brothers. Moryo excluded, it felt like nothing had really changed between them.

“You’re not wrong,” Kano smiled fondly, shifting closer so that their shoulders bumped together. “Maybe if you weren’t so good at making frosting you wouldn’t have lured me under your spell.”

 

“But which among us is the seductive tempter?”

An exaggerated gag from Turco cut into the moment.

“For the love of Manwë’s dick please _never_ flirt in front of me again,” he said. “I don’t care about the whole incest thing, but your flirting is _so_ sappy and _sooo_ fucking gross.”

Kano’s face went red at that, free hand coming up to cover his face as best as he could. Leave it to Turco to make a scene about them being cute. 

And leave it to Curvo to laugh the hardest at it. Nerdanel shot her boys a look of long suffering before reaching out to take Kano’s hand, giving it a small, reassuring squeeze.

Nelyo flipped Turco off with a smile before dramatically dropping his head on Kano’s shoulder. “Oh, my sweet _sweet_ Kanafinwë,” he crooned. “Nothing could ever compare to you with your beautiful visage, your godly voice, and your innocent, demure mannerisms. I could go on _forever_ about—“

“ _Nelyooo_ ,” Turco groaned, interrupting his brother’s speech. “I’m going to have to sic Huan on you if you don’t fucking stop.”

“A decision fully backed by Ambarussa,” Pityo said.

Nelyo merely cackled in reply.

“I also vote Huan wrecking you both,” Curvo offered, shrugging as he took another bite of his cake. 

Still blushing terribly, Kano pushed his eldest brother away before immediately pulling him back and burying his face into Nelyo’s shoulder. “I hate you all.. not you Ammë, but everyone else,” he said just loud enough for the others to hear.

“Aw, _babe_ , I love you too,” Nelyo grinned, bringing his hand up to thread his fingers into Kano’s hair.

Turco snorted, but made no further comment.

**Author's Note:**

> * Title taken from a Coldplay song of the same name
> 
> As mentioned in the tags, this is a roleplay adaption from Discord, so apologies for the odd format.  
> Comments always appreciated!
> 
> Find us on Tumblr at finwaytootired and quinngreyy


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